• crybabylu said on Mar 17, 2008....

   

   motherofchicken said 6 days ago....

  crybabylu, i am possibly even the wrong person to comment, but to me it is impossible to think 'bad' of anyone having depression or a bi-polar disorder and 'acting out' in any way (with inappropriate comments, or feeling 'high' etc) because for me depression is a fact of life, that I deal with everyday. I dunno for you, but it really helps me to read other people's thoughts and experiences and know that they feel similar things too, that they too feel alone or lonely and sad, just like I do quite often. It makes me feel like I'm normal here, since there are others like me.
  
  I'm sorry that some of your friends have withdrawn, I know how hard and disappointing that could be. And I can't begin to imagine your struggles with work, functioning 'normally' and with medications (sounds like you're on some heavy duty ones - they might be messing with your chemistry too!) In any case,
  
  (((hugs)))
  
  for all it's worth.

• crybabylu said on Mar 17, 2008....

   

   Fallyn said 6 days ago.... 

   *HUGE HUGE HUGEST HUGS*
  
  i know first hand what it is to be diagnosed with a mental illness.
  and i know about bi polar...though it isn't the specific one i've been diagnosed with in the past.
  it is so hard.
  you ever know how people are going to react......
  and people are SOOOO very uninformed and not understanding about people with mental illnesses.....it is so hard.
  
  dee......i'm here for you ANY time you need to talk about it.
  and i know about denial.
  and depression.
  and all of it.....ALL of it.
  it is SO SO SO damn hard to live with.
  
  you always have my support.
  manic
  depressive.
  whatever.
  *HUGS*

• crybabylu said on Mar 17, 2008....

   

   hinana said 6 days ago....

  well i shant hold it against you. its what makes you you.
  you are who you are and i accept that. this s just one of your problems you dealwith,and ill help you deal in any way i can, just like any other problem.
  *hugs*

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

•  

• wombat said 12 days ago....

  I can't even write about the things that make me identify with this, but you should know you are not alone.  I would raise a few eyebrows if I was honest about things that made me write even this much.  Maybe a few PM's are in order, but not till I feel I could do it.  You just hang in there and know that we are all here for each other, and for different reasons, at different times.
   
  (adding a P.S. that I have not followed through with any medication/diagnosies of any doctor--just lived it full out on my own--and pretty much am on the other side for what it's worth---  That's been a wild ride.)

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

•  evil_twin said 12 days ago....

  I think it's good you decided to share this. But it's hard to do isn't it? I know the ins and outs of this illness all too well myself. I've been dealing with it my whole life. But I don't usually talk about it because I prefer that people didn't know. But I'm not sure why. You were brave to post it and maybe someday soon I'll be able to do the same thing....
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

  botoni said 12 days ago....

  Dee!  It seems in our present world we fear mental illnesses.  We re far less afraid, as a society, about communicable illnesses.  Duh.  You are who you are.  Period.  You come with our own set of idiocyncracies just as we all do.  I would hope that SC is a safe place for those of us who have or have had mental illnesses.  I am indeed fortunate to have recovered from one but I am always watchfull for its return.  Be at peace my friend.  You ll find no judgement or discomfort from me.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  motherofchicken:  Thank you for the hug, it is most appreciated.  I am sorry that you to suffer from depression but I hope you are not having problems with it at the present.  Thank you again for responding.

  Fallyn:  Thank your understanding and your expression of caring and concern. And thank you for the hugs too!

  hinana:  I really do appreciate that. Thank you.

  wombie:  you are a real sweetheart, as always. Thanks.

  Evil_Twin:  Thanks so much, I really appreciate you!  It helps that someone else understands all of this.

  botoni:   I fear mental illness in people too! There are so many things happening in our world, and some of it is because of mental illness.  I just think we have a long ways to go before we can truly understand it and find ways that treat it effectively.  I'm glad to know you you no longer suffer from any form of it.

  I told a friend once who was also treated for manic depression, that my doctor had told me that any form of depression is considered a mental illness.  It can be short-term or long-term, but clinical depression, and bi-polor disorder, is considered life long mental illness,, and to this day she has never spoken to me again.  I think that was the hardest thing to face, that depression is a mental illness.  How could it not be, it is in the brain.  An illness of the brain is a mental illness, still she has never spoken to me since, and that has been about 12 yrs. ago, and she knew at the time we suffered from the same thing, so why would I be putting her down for the same thing I suffer from?  Yet, using that term to her was, I guess, unforgiveable.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  moonriver said 12 days ago....  babylu -- first off: i'm not a medical professional. my thoughts on this are the result of long practical experience in handling behavioral problems, in a different social milieu (third-world, impoverished communities, under repressive regimes, war conditions).
  
  note that i used the term "behavioral problem," not mental illness.  it's less judgmental, even if i agree that many outward behavioral or emotional problems may be associated with certain patterns of brain behavior.
  
  thus, what i have to say may or may not apply to you. it may even seem incomprehensible to you.
  
  i look at the bipolar pattern of thought and behavior as like being on a swing hanging from a limb of a tree. medication is like asking someone to hold that swing steady so it doesn't move. but that's the tricky part, because even just the slightest movement (by you, by the "person" who holds the swing for you, or even by the limb of the tree) will start the swinging again. and what if the "person" has quirks we still don't know about? it may worsen the mood swings.
  
  there's a simple solution to all these: get off the swing.
  
  of course it's just an analogy, and so easy to say but so hard to do.
  
  another analogy has to do with riding on a boat and becoming sea-sick.
  
  i'm glad you shared this condition. i'm very familiar with it too -- not as my own, but of someone i've lived with for so many years.
  
  keep sharing. it will help all of us understand this specific behavioral pattern. (notice again: i avoided the term "mental illness"
  

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   Fallyn said 12 days ago....  oh sweetheart. the demons of the past that haunt us.
  your poor poor father, and what the war did to your family.
  the cruelty of the people untouched by such tragedy.
  why is it so hard for people to know what it's like to be in someone else's shoes.
  why is it still so hard for people to see the pain and trauma behind such behaviour?
  
  i feel like you've opened another level of yourself.
  i know this is hard right now......but this is growth.
  this is how we heal from the past.
  healing doesn't happen in secret. it doesn't happen behind forever locked doors.
  it happens when caring and understanding people are there to hear our stories.
  cry with us.
  love us though we're scarred and scared.
  
  you have told me time and time and time again how strong i am.
  i see that strength in you.
  the way you care for people....people you don't know.
  the way you scan the world around you for injustice and try to bring it to the attention of the people around you.
  you are by far one of the most caring and concerned and special people that i know.
  i know how hard this must be for you. it is such a huge step.
  pain from the past.
  especially childhood pain........
  the pain of a child comes through in so many ways.
  i believe in you. and i believe in your strength.
  don't give up on yourself.
  you have never given up on me....nor on the many many other people you have helped through rough times.
  i won't give up on you, and i believe you are strong enough to not give up on yourself.
  
  never never forget there are so many people that care about you.
  and your biggest support is right there by your side
  

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   theduke said 12 days ago....

  I know that this was a subject in our family that was taboo to talk about, but I am glad you are finally talking about it.  We were very lucky that out of all our family members only you and Aunt Charlotte have been diagnosed with this problem.  It is okay to talk about it. I think by talking about it, you may finally start the healing process.

  You have been in "denial" about this for sometime, Auntie, and it really will help for you to start the discussion going.  It isn't like it is your fault. I know you sometimes feel guilty over mistakes you made while you were suffering from this depression, but it isn't your fault.  It is just the way your brain functions sometimes.

  I am proud of you for finally opening up and talking about it.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

  theduke said 12 days ago....

  I also wanted to tell you that we all love you!

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

•  

• GrapeKoolaid said 12 days ago....

  Wow....  It took an incredible amount of courage to reveal this about yourself.  While I may not have solutions for you, I do have a shoulder, or a sympathetic ear.  You're never alone.  You have a support system around you.  Your family, your friends, your blog...  

 

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  MissMimi said 12 days ago....

• Dee, alot of us deal with depression on an ongoing basis.  No one with an ounce of sense and compassion will judge you about this.  Treat yourself kindly and lean on your support system until you feel a little stronger.  {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} 

 

 

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

•  

• rupert7 said 12 days ago....

• Cry.... I will keep my reply very short,because I have no answers! I just want to say that any sort of illness is not the fault of the ill person,and that applies to you as well, I am sure this is not pleasant. I am sure all your friends here understand and want to help in any way they can! (((hugs)))

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  papajack said 12 days ago....

• I agree this took a lot of courage, and I hope now the healing can begin. We all love you very much...me especially!....JR

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

•  crybabylu said 12 days ago.... delete

  I didn't really think ther was courage involved, it just came pouring out of me...thanks rupe, JR, Grape, Mimi, Fallyn., etc.........I appreciate all your comments..

 

 

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  bluegum said 12 days ago....

• i want you to know my friendship with you wont change and what  papajack said about courage and healing i say aye ,aye.

 

 

 

 

 

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

• crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  thank you, bluegum That really means a lot to me for you to say that, because of course, I expected after telling this, I might loose some friends because I think it is hard for people to understand it and also to undestand why I felt the need to share it...glad to know that you are going to hang in there with me...

 

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

• sheltercrow said 12 days ago....

DA Yahweh Clone Ranger: a nutter with Bi-Polar II with Anxiety. How sad.

 

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  shelter, who else are you referring to, you say a nutter, but do you really mean another?

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  theduke said 12 days ago....

  Hi Auntie Dee!  It's me again.  Just wanted you to know I just got off the phone talking to mom, and she told me to tell you just to hang in there and that she thinks you are doing the right thing by talking about this.  We love you!....Duke

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  Thank you Duke.  You are so sweet and thoughtful!  I love you too!

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   sheltercrow said 12 days ago....

  
  This ought to cheer you up.
  
  A new website called the JewTube
  
  About JewTube
  
  JewTube is a dynamic new community on the web established to serve the interests of people brought together by an interest in Jewish culture. JewTube was founded in 2007 when Jeremy Kossen became frustrated with the absence of a compelling Jewish-oriented video sharing community.
  
  Video Sharing Communities are still in their embryonic stage. Most communities attempt to serve the content needs of everyone, while the natural progression of the space will be towards more targeted content. Why visit a site with a billion videos when all you really want to do is find hip, funny Jewish content?
  
  Is there Jewish content on the Web? Of course! But, is it easy to find cool, relevant content? No. That’s where JewTube comes in. If you want to find all things Jewish-related, then come to JewTube.
  
  Contact JewTube!
  

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   sheltercrow said 12 days ago....
  Bi-Polar II with Anxiety. A rather common nutter disorder.
   
   
   
   
  
   

•  

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

• sheltercrow said 12 days ago....

  
  Nutter's of a feather fly together.
  
  This ought to cheer you up too.
  
  The Fleecing of America: U.S. Aid to Israel

 

 

 

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   sheltercrow said 12 days ago....

  Levon wears his war wound like a crown
  He calls his child Jesus
  `Cause he likes the name
  And he sends him to the finest school in town
  
  Levon, Levon likes his money
  He makes a lot they say
  Spend his days counting
  In a garage by the motorway
  
  He was born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day
  When the New York Times said God is dead
  And the war's begun
  Alvin Tostig has a son today
  
  And he shall be Levon
  And he shall be a good man
  And he shall be Levon
  In tradition with the family plan
  And he shall be Levon
  And he shall be a good man
  He shall be Levon
  
  Levon sells cartoon balloons in town
  His family business thrives
  Jesus blows up balloons all day
  Sits on the porch swing watching them fly
  
  And Jesus, he wants to go to Venus
  Leaving Levon far behind
  Take a balloon and go sailing
  While Levon, Levon slowly dies

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

  sheltercrow said 12 days ago....

  He had posted some kind of youtube here...If I can find it on the web, I will add it later...

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

  sheltercrow said 12 days ago....

  Another youtube was posted here, but wouldn't copy and paste, so likewise, I will post it later if I can find it...

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   nytquill17 said 12 days ago.... 

   Crybaby - Hey there.  This kind of thing is so tough to talk about.  You never know how people will take it.  I, too, have mental health issues.  Depression, mainly.  Most of the time I'm fine, but then I will go into a mild depression for a week or two.  It used to be worse - for a while I thought I might have been borderline - and I have gone some tough rounds with depression in the past.
  
  In high school, I dated a guy for two years or so who turned out to be bipolar.  It isn't always easy to face up close, but it isn't as scary as some people think it is, either.  Anybody with a mental illness is still a person.  They're a person with a disease, is all.  I have diabetes, which is also a "chemical imbalance" in a way.  And people aren't afraid of that.  I guess we fear these things that affect the brain because they can alter our perceptions, our behavior, and we fear not knowing who we are or becoming someone we don't recognize.  We wonder, diseases and drugs that affect the brain, don't they change what makes me me?  It's hard for people to accept the brain as a physical organ as well as a spiritual one.  It's still so mysterious.
  
  My granddad was WWII and it really screwed him up, and his kids were pretty screwed up because of it, and even a lot of the grandkids aren't quite "alright" because of their parents.  It just goes on and on.  Granddad didn't need (or didn't get, anyway) psychiatric treatment, but my grandmom says that the man who came back was not the man she married.  I have an uncle who barely talks, and when he does you can hardly hear him and he never says a word about himself, even if you ask him directly "How are you doing," he'll answer by saying what all his kids are up to.  He was the oldest son, and I wonder what he went through.  My dad, the youngest, has told me his own horror stories.  Bursting into tears at school because he lost his pencil and was terrified what the teacher might say or do.  What I went through with my dad was rough, but what he went through with HIS dad was so much worse.  So I can only imagine what it must have been like for you :(
  
  But good for you for talking about it at last!  There are some people who can't handle the truth (being diabetic and female, all my emotions get blamed either on my blood sugar or PMS! so I know how that feels, too).  But for the rest of us, now we can understand you better, be better friends to you, because we know what you're dealing with now.  We know a little more about your life, about your needs, and what might be going on with you when you don't seem well.  I'm glad you've gotten such a warm response, and I just wanted to add my support and understanding to the list.  I hope you're well today :)
  

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  Nytquill:   Thank you so much for taking the time to share all that you have with me  above.  It was so thoughtful of you to go in such detail about everything.  It lets me know that you really care and that you can relate to what I am talking about.

  I so appreciate the fact that you are willing to hang in there with me and offer me any support that you can.  You are a real dear and sweetheart!....love, dee.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  sheltercrow:   You too have posted a lot of information on my blog here, and I really appreciate what you are trying to do, and yes it is cheering me up.  I am so glad we are friends, and you know what I am going through.  Thank you!

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   quietone said 12 days ago.... 

   cry ~ you are still you.  I am glad you got this out in the open.  I think no less of you. 

  pickersplock said 12 days ago.... Neither do I. Rock on Dee! 

   

   lfbno7 said 12 days ago....

  Did you ever try lithium? My son was bipolar and lithium helped him.

   

  sheltercrow said 12 days ago.... delete block user

• What the Bipolar said to the other Bipolar: I shall love you no less nor hate you any more than I already do.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   RollingC said 12 days ago.... 

   I accept you as you are Cry....you are no more and no less of a human being because of your
  ..... " condition "......  ♥ Rc

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  RollingC:  What a sweetheart you are!  That was such a nice thing to say to me, and very welcomed.  I sometimes do feel so much less of a human being because of my mental conditions...Thank you for your reasurrance, and for the heart!

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   travelr712 said 12 days ago.... 

   cry, there are many people on this site with depression, including myself. i've never been diagnosed as bipolar, but i have been diagnosed with clinical depression. although it's not something people like you and i bring up in conversation often, as in 'hi, i'm travelr and i'm clinically depressed', it is something that we talk about from time to time here on sc. this is a safe place to discuss this issue, if you hadn't already figured that out from the responses here.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  vacantmind said 12 days ago.... 

   Well, I don't think any less of you. We all have our quirks I think. Just some of us get a label when they fit a certain criteria. I think the label seperates us more than the symptoms itself.

   

  CayenneMan said 12 days ago....

•  Crybabylu, when I first started reading this  blog I thought you were talking about a gay bear and I must have  missed out on part 1 but after researching the topic I find that everybody suffers from  this ailment sometime or another. After reading what you have described and what others have commented on I believe I live in a community full of people afflicted with this so-called disorder. I guess I should pack up and move away to an another area that will be full of the same type folks who have similiar probablems . . . but I won't. Keep on keeping on little lady and remember there is plenty of help out there just seek and you will find.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  The only reason I am just now responding again to the comments is because I just woke up.  I'm not taking any of these comments negatively, especially not Sheltercrow.

  Sheltercrow is my "main" man here at Soul Cast, he keeps me smiling.  Forgive me if it is my "mental" disorder talking here, but I enjoyed every post he has made here.

  If anything, I hear him say:  "Don't worry!..be happy!  You are not alone!".

  The only thing I truly "feared" in writing about this was because of my "Christian" believes.

  I have had some rather "unkind" remarks in my life from non-Christians and "Atheists" who say something like this:...."Yeah, no wonder you are a Christian, most Christians I know are bi-polar!"...

  So, when I woke up and read these comments, I looked for that and was relieved not to find that posted here...

  I do want to take time to thank you individually for all of these comments and I will, but let me get my head on straight first, and I will comment..

   

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  The hardest thing, of course, to talk about was my Dad.   To repeat anything negative about him at all, to me, has always seemed to be "disloyal".

  But, for me, it was part of my healing....Jackie was up and I was reading to him my post, and he walked over to me and just held me awhile, and we both cried, because we are both living with this.

  He knew my Dad.  My Dad owned a very successful Paint and Body Shop here in town.  It was called "Mal's Pain & Body". and when Jackie was a young man, he went into my Daddy's shop, and asked if he could be his "apprentice", so my Dad taught him the basics of the job and he worked there for several months, just learning the trade with no pay, just helping out while he learned.

  I didn't know Jackie then, so never knew about his connection to my dad, but he said that off and on thru the years, he would run into my dad,  and they would sit and have coffee.

  Which has always been a blessing to me, because like I said, I never ever got to know the man he truly was, and Jackie has lots of stories of conversations between the two that give me another perspective.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  Chinalang said 12 days ago....

  My mother suffers from this, but they call it manic depression.  She is ok, and you are ok. We all have something.  I care about you.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  chinalang:  That is so sweet of you!  Thank you!

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   crybabylu said 12 days ago.... delete

  I think it was a blessing for my Dad to have become a paint and body man because it was truly a place where he could function as normally as possible.

  Most people who knew my Dad, tell me they never knew he had a "mental" disorder....They thought he probably just "drank too much".  I asked them what did they mean by that and they said, whenever he would go into a "rant", they would just talk him out of it, because to them they just thought he was "drunk" and they were used to being around people who drank too much from time to time.

  It never seemed to chase any customers away, his shop was always busy.  It was like one of the main hangouts for guys who just wandered in and sat around and "chewed" the fat, and laughed and talked, etc...

  It must've been like "heaven" for my Dad, because after having served 8 yrs. in the navy (he wanted to make it a career), he missed the commaradarie of hanging out on the ship with his "buddies."

  To this day, you can drive down on South Main and see the building where he had his business, and it still says "Mal's Paint And Body".....and would you know it, that building still is a "body shop", and is owned by someone else.  The grandson of my Dad's Number one "sidekick" there in his business, and he bought the place from my Dad and he passed it down to his son, and they have always kept the same name, because 1) my dad's business was well known here in town, 2) sentimental about my Dad.

  Sometime soon, I will go down and take a picture of it and post it here, so you can see it, because every time, I drive by that place, my eyes tear up a bit, but not with sadness....but with PRIDE....

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  sheltercrow:   Thank you, my dear friend, you cheered me up, yet again!

  quietone:    I still remember you being the first one to sign up on my blog and pm me, and the chats we have from time to time, mean the world to me.  Thank you.

  pickers:   Thank you, you are such a dear!  Your constant encouragement to me is priceless!

  lfbno7:   I don't know why they have never given me Lithium., exactly.   I was on Depakote while up in Alaska, and if I remember correctly, since I have had a couple of seizures in my lifetime.....no seizure disorder that we know of, just had one on the delivery table having just given birth to my first daughter, and another one ten years ago, that seemed to be a negative reaction to some medication I was on, still they said, that ever having even one, that Depakote was much better than the Lithium.

  My sister Charlotte who I have mentioned from time to time, has been diagnosed with Bi-polar II for over 20 yrs. now, and she has always taken Lithium and it keeps hers in check pretty good.

  Nothing I know of, does the job 100%, but some do better than others, and she has only had a few episodes since she has been diagnosed and treated.

  It is very dangerous for her to get depressed, because when she was younger, and just being diagnosed, she tried suicide so many times, that even she doesn't know the number.

  She always took overdoses of pills.  But, thank God, we were always able to intervene, even though at the time, she was mad at us for doing so.

  There are seven of us, two boys are the oldest, one now deceased, I have posted about him, and five of us girls.  I am the middle girl.  Only two of us have ever shown signs of depression of any kind, and subsequently have been diagnosed as Bi-polar II.

  My brother, Mike, who is very successful, put himself through extensive testing when he was a young man and in college, because he didn't want any surprises.  He had big plans for his life, and didn't want an illness such as this one to show it's head at some stressful time, and kick him in the behind!

  He has never shown any signs of it, and like I said, none of the others but me and Charlotte, she is the oldest girl, and it was thru her friendship with Kim (kumarilata), that she and I became such good friends.

  Needless to say, I am closer to Charlotte than to any other sister, we are like twins and even dress alike a lot of the time, when we go out, we are always going out to lunch together, and going shopping....that is when I felt like it, and I usually screen my calls here at home, because a lot of the time, I just don't feel like talking, this since I have gotten so sick, otherwise I am very outgoing.

  But, when I hear her voice on the phone, I immediately pick up, she and I are each others Main Support Team....

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  Carefully said 12 days ago....

  We have this in our family too. Someday, I will share some with you about how it affected us too.  Take care of yourself, cry.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  Thank you, carefully.  I look forward to you sharing!

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  nytquill:   Hey you!  Thanks for dropping in and commenting.  I really appreciated everything you had to say here....Take Care and God Bless... I already thanked you above, but wanted to mention it again here.

  Rolling C:   Thank you so much and I appreciate that. I know I already thanked you, but I wanted to again.

  travelr:   I think you have been the most instrumental tool to my recovery here at SC, because you wouldn't give up on me, and kept pm me to see if I was okay. Your conversation and encouragement have kept me going this past week.  I would n't have wanted to have gone thru this week without you!  Thanks, Bud!

  vacant:  Thank you, you are sweet!

  Cayenne:  We have a very good vacility here that one can get treatment on an out-patient basis, but I am still waiting for the first year on my insurance to pass, so they will pay for it...it is quite expensive.

  I do see a therapist from time to time, and my brother, Mike pays for it. for me.  Thank you.

  Thank you all so much, it is really helping me a lot!  The hardest thing for me, has been sometimes, to be "misunderstood". 

  There always this underlying fear, I think, of "what if they find out?"..."What if I begin to start behaving badly?"   A lot of what ifs you just now answered..

  Thank you all so very much!

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  sheltercrow said 12 days ago....

   

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  dailyachesandpains said 12 days ago....

  Cry:  The reason why I came here is the same reason you intended on coming here for.  My very first post was about an anxiety attack (I deleted ALL my posts at one time, so it's no longer).  Then, I would just write about anything.  Almost everyone here knew that I had "Therapy Friday's" and my troubles finding a new doctor when mine retired.  I found that everyone was (and still is) very compassionate and understanding. 

  During my search for a new doctor, one diagnosed me with:

  Bi-Polar II disorder, Adult ADD, Severe Anxiety and Panic disorder, depression, insomnia, Eating Disorder NOS,Agoraphobia (don't have a clue how to spell it.  It's fear of going outside) and manic depressive.  I'm sure there are more that I am forgetting because I was stunned and shocked.  After he diagnosed me and took my payment he said he couldn't take me as a patient because he is looking to turn his focus on teens!  I was LIVID!  He knew my age.  I just thought I was such a mess for him to take on. 

  I feel your pain, I know your pain and I think you should feel free to post anything you need to post about what you go through.  One day, I'll write about the good things and the next day (or even the same day) it could be a panic attack.  I just write.  I think you should feel free to do the same. 

  Bye the way, if you look around, a lot of us here have anxiety problems.  Just know, you are NOT alone and there are so many people here that know how real it is and want to help each other through it.  Even the people here that have never felt a panic attack, are generally sincere in supporting one through it. 

  Feel free to talk to me about it anytime. 

  {{{HUGS}}}

  Daily

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  dailyachesandpains:  You very first post you talked about your anxiety, that was really something! You just humped right in.  Good for you!  I was way too scared to do that. But, sometimes I do go into denial about it.  Especially when I am functioning well.  I think I am ok.

  I appreciate you sharing all that you did, and I will talk to you personally about this.  It is good to know that there are others who truly understand. Thank you.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  pusscat said 12 days ago....

  I don't think I've ever posted a comment on your posts crybabylu (SHAME on me!) though I read many.  I have what is termed as mild bi-polar and depression.  2007 saw me lose 6 months of the year off work, though that was an unusual year for me.  I am lucky enough to work as a secretary for a mental health team within our NHS and I received pay whilst off.  It's known as a Recovery Team.  We help people with long-term and enduring mental illness (yep! That's us mate).  England is now reknowned for having the best mental health services in the world and I feel proud of being part of that but, getting us to a point where more people understand and accept mental illness took such a long time.  Our Job centres work with us too as far as funding is concerned to ensure people on disability benefits for mental illness get all the help they need to get back into the community and seek work.  It's awful what you had to go through finance and employment wise.  It took me so long to read all the comments above - I think that says a lot about you ! :-)  I don't believe I suffer as bad as you, but one thing, because the medication I'm on was causing bad mood swings (Fluoxetine which is equivalent to Prozac) i was put on Depakote and it really helped me - still is.  I was put on 500mg a day but found that made me lethargic.  250mg wasn't enough (they only come in those 2 doses here) so the consultant and I decided I take one 250mg tablet one day and 2 the next, one the next day and 2 the  day after and so on.  Perfect!  One thing a psychiatric nurse friend of mine said to me that really helped is, I must remember that sometimes when I'm a bit hyper, it's not necessarily my illness but my happy, bubbly personality and when I'm a bit low and quiet, it's just me having a low and quiet day, other people have them why not me?  It's stopped me analising myself too much. 
   
  One thing I do remember about you is, when I'd not been at SC very long, I read a post you did for 'newbies'.  You were advising how we can get new readers or get people to subscribe to us.  You said a big hello to all newbies.  How neat is that?!  i will always remember that about you crybabylu.  I'm very lucky as i have many friends that have mental health issues so we understand each other.  The friends you mentioned that dropped you like a hot potatoe. . . I'm glad they cleared off now.  They'd be no good in life threatening crisis would they - they'd just buckle under the pressure.  It's they that are weak crybaby not you. Also,  I can't be doing with all the political correctness that surrounds mental illness.  I was in hysterics at Sheltercrow's posts.  My friend Dave and I often send txt saying "this nutter wants to know how the other nutter is", and "hey - basket case - what you up to?".  For you to post this was a gigantic leap of faith for you and, judging by the comments, it paid off a hundred fold.
   
  Love and hugs from a crazy cousin across the waters xxx ((((((hugs))))))

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   No_Laughing_Matter said 11 days ago.... 

   Lu, my darling. It takes strength for you to share something so personal with this community. I want you to know, you're not alone. I, myself, have been diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Post-traumatic stress disorder, Agoraphobia, Borderline personality disorder, among many other things. I want you to know that no matter how hard it may seem now, things do get much better. It's tough to cope with, especially at first, but things do get better, I promise. If you ever need someone to talk to, or confide in...please don't hesitate to contact me. PM me and I will even give you my email address if you need it. Know that you are not alone, and I will support you no matter what :-) We have to stick together.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  pusscat:  How kind of you to mention my "newbies" post.  I wasn't sure how successful that was.  I didn't think I got all that many responses, and some of the ones I did kind of stayed all in the same group and didnt venture out too far around the community, and that wasn't my intention.

  I was hoping that different members would stop in and see who they were and get acquainted, but I don't think much of that happened.  Ah well, I did have good intentions.

  Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate everything you said, and thank you for re-introducing yourself again.

   

  No Laughing Matter:  I agree with everything you said.  I have all you mentioned except for the Agoraphobia.  Only right now, I do find myself hiding more at my house, because I tend to not want to see people when  I am depressed.

  Thank you for your support.  Yes, we all need to stick together here that suffer from this, because if any of us know what it is like, it is each other.  Thank you!

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  purposeful said 12 days ago....

  Although I don't know firsthand what you are going through, I am glad you were able to share how you feel.  I hope you get to feeling better soon. 

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

  crybabylu said 12 days ago....

  purposeful:  I do appreciate you stopping in and commenting.  Thank you for your well wishes also.  I am already starting to feel better.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 11 days ago....

   No....Thank you, I really appreciate that!

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 11 days ago....

  No_laughing_matter:   I decided to repost this because, when I read it again, it sounded like I was saying no, thank you.........Thank you, I really appreciate that!

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   papajack said 11 days ago.... 

   everyone has things in their lives they deal with from day to day, this is just part of ours. it is more a problem for my wife than it is for me. She is still the best thing that every come into my life.  She is definitely a "keeper!"

  I do want to say to everybody posting comments here how much your love and support has already helped her,  I see her face as she reads each one, and it is like her face is getting brighter with every comment.  So thank you all.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   Lucytorial said 11 days ago.... 

   Dee, don't be a silly chook!
  
  papa's right, everyone has their challenges, being open and honest helps though because you see just how many people are willing to help and support you.  I haven't read everyones comments on purpose and wanted to let you know that.
  
  xo
  TL

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 11 days ago....

  Lucy:  What is a silly chook?

  You are so sweet as always, and thank you so much to take the time to read and comment.  There are lots of comments here  for everyone to wade through I'm afraid, but for all of you who did, I really appreciate you for it.  Lucy,  I truly appreciate your friendship...Love, dee.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  sheltercrow said 11 days ago....

  

  A human a day keeps the... yummy

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  soleme said 11 days ago....

  I admire your courage. If this was a perfect world, then we would all be perfect, but what makes us all special is that we are different.

  Anyone who cannot accept you for being you, is not a friend.

  Sending ya a big warm HUG!!!!!!!!!

   

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 11 days ago....

  sheltercrow:   Hehehehhhhhhhheeeeeeee....You always make me laugh!  You are just so sweet to me.  I don't deserve such kindness, but thank you for it anyway!

   

  soleme:  Thank you for the sweet words, friend!  Thank you also for your hug , and here is one back to you.......((( hugs ))))

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 11 days ago....

  lfbno7:    I do hear your concern.  Right now, I haven't been back yet to see my therapist who prescribes medication.  The one who changed my medication was my primary care physician.  I go in April to the other one, and do plan on talking in great length about my medication.  Thank you.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  skald said 11 days ago....

  r Cry I am  doing well. Wish you were feeling better. 

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   crybabylu said 11 days ago....

  skald:  I really am doing much better!  I'm breathing better than I was and not coughing as much, and my mind has been more restful than it has been in weeks.  Thank you so much for stopping in and reading and commenting.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  shelliewebb said 11 days ago....

  I understand your problem.  I have a daughter-in-law that's Bi-polar, and I urge her to go and get started on medication. I also have a son who is HDDH very hypher-active, and I had problems with him ever since he was 5yrs.old.  He was first diagnosed through MHMR(Mental Health Mental Retardation). They put him on all kinds of medications,at first they didn't work. He got in some trouble, he was sent to TYC (Texas Youth Commission), and from there they got him a check started.  I am still having problems with my son, he's now in the TDC(Texas Department of Corrections). He hates taking his meds,because it slows him down. I do what I can for him as a mother and I love my son very much. He knows I'm all for right, but when you're wrong you pay for your actions, and he realizes his mistakes in prison. He's says he'll be a better son when he comes out.  I surely hopes so for my sake. I'm not getting any younger, and I'm not in the best of health either. Who's the say I'll be living when he does get out in 2011.

  My daughter-in-law is no longer with my son. She has one child and one on the way, and she acts like she have some sense now. I guess she took my advice afterall and went got her medications. I once applied for Disability for my condition, they denied me because I didn't have an attorney, I think I'll try it again because I saw on TV. most clients win with an attorney present.

  I hope my response helped you and keep your head up. When feelin,depressed,do what I do, Put on  the Carpentars song Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down,or any of their songs.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   crybabylu said 11 days ago....

  I do so enjoy the Carpenters, I think I will look that one up on youtube.  Thanks for sharing your story and for your comments.

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   crybabylu said 11 days ago....

   

  
  

   

  Like I said, I always enjoyed the Carpenters, and I am so glad that shellie mentioned this song in her comments because It was good listening to her again, and I am going to post another one after this one.  I hope you all enjoy!

   

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

   

  crybabylu said 11 days ago....

   

  
  

  We've Only Just Begun....by the Carpenters

  This one gave me goosebumps as I listened to it...

   

   

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 11 days ago....

   About This Video

  Talking to myself and feeling old
  
  Sometimes I'd ...
  Added: March 09, 2008
  Talking to myself and feeling old
  Sometimes I'd like to quit
  Nothing ever seems to fit
  Hangin'around, nothing to do but frown
  Rainy days and Mondays always get me down
  
  
  What I've got they used to call the blues
  Nothing is really wrong
  Feeling like I don't belong
  Walking around some kind of lonely clown
  Rainy days and Mondays always get me down
  
  
  Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you
  Its nice to know somebody loves me
  Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do
  To run and find the one who loves me
  
  
  (*) what I feel is come and gone before
  No need to talk it out
  We know what its all about
  Hanging around, nothing to do but frown
  Rainy days and Mondays always get me down
  
  
  Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do
  Run and find the one who loves me
  
  Repeat (*)
  
  Hanginaround, nothing do to but frown
  Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  sweetbabe said 11 days ago....

  WHAT PEOPLE MAY THINK

  by piet hein
  
  Some people cower
     and wince and shrink,
  owing to fear of
  what people may think.
  There is one answer
     to worries like these:
  people may think
     what the devil they please. :-)

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 11 days ago....

  sweetbabe:  Thank you for posting that neato poem above.  That was very thoughtful of you! :-)

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  pusscat said 9 days ago....

  Hi folks - some of you know me, some don't, no matter, that's irrelevant. Yes - I've dared to wander from the 'Adult Section' ha ha!  I don't have a particular bias for mobil in any direction, I do like reading his posts as they're very thought provoking but, I could only read his original post about bi-polar one way.  The way he meant it - that it really has surprised him how many bi-polar folk are here on SC.  'Coming out the woodwork' as my dear old dad (RIP) would say.  i think if we were to raise anything here though, due to the anon. nature of this place, tons of people would be able to say, "yeah - I've got that too", i.e. diabetes, relative with cancer, alcoholic, ex-smoker etc. etc. etc.  Like you said crybaby, you felt the need to reiterate why your behaviour may have caused some here concern.  I know how much better it has made you feel too so I'm glad you did it.
   
  CayenneMan - I'm not gonna slaughter you, bless you.  You have as much right as anyone else here to put your view across.  If people here are going to say they are open minded and we're all equal here then nobody should be afraid to voice their opinion.  Unfortunately bi-polar is real - shitty, scary, marriage wrecking, friend scaring, soul destroyingly real.  Diabetes is an imbalance of chemicals in certain parts of the body causing chain reactions, well, the brain has chemicals working in it too and they get out of balance in certain people too.  Whereas a lot of people don't like being labelled bi-polar, for me it was a bloody relief to finally know I wasn't an obnoxious, out of control woman with anger issues!  Ever been to a doctors numerous times and they find nothing wrong and you're actually happier when they DO tell you something is wrong as it finally gives you something to read up on, face, and then get on with dealing with it?  That's how I felt with my diagnosis.  AT LAST - I can't get a cure but by god I'll have a good go with the meds to see if they can make me feel like me again.  It's not 'feeling down' or 'a bit sad'.  thoughts often rage through you so fast you just want your brain to shut the fuck up and give you a rest.  The paranoia can make you physically ill.  The insomnia sets your nerves on edge so badly, you look like someone with the DTs.  During a manic episode you think you're invinsible and often go on out of character spending sprees that you can no way afford.  This illness is a little like crime today.  It's not that it's suddenly happening more and to more people, it's that people are becoming less afraid to report it or talk about it.  We've always been here (lurking, waiting to strike ha ha! Only kidding, us nutters do that you know!)
   
  Sorry for rambling but there were a few points i wanted to comment on. 
   
  Come by real soon now. . .

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  crybabylu said 11 days ago....

  pusscat:  Thanks for commenting again.  I think if they had a simple blood test that could show us if we were bi-polar or not, there would be more of us diagnosed.  I think that would be a good thing, because people need to know if  they have it.

  Instead of running around being down and up and down and up, then at least they would know what the problem was.  Even if they decided not to seek treatment.  It might explain things to onesel.  Not knowing, was worse for me...

• crybabylu said on Mar 24, 2008....

   

  Well, y'all thanks for hanging in there with me!  It took me 3 1/2 days to restore this, and still there are 3 or 4 missing, because like I said, one commenter wanted his comments erased, and it wouldn't delete.  Some how when it got posted there was a glitch, and every time I would try, another one would get deleted.

  So, if you don't see yours here, it got deleted by accident, and I would love it if you would re-post it!

  And even if you would like to make a new post, that would be nice too!  It has been many many days since it was first posted, so I would enjoy reading more....

  Thank you all again for all your warm and thoughtful comments.  I love you all...Dee

• crybabylu said on Apr 08, 2008....

  This piece brought me so much healing.  It didn't solve my problem of course, because it is an on-going problem.  But, all of you made me feel so much acceptance despite the problem.

  Not once did anyone make me feel like I was horrible or hopeless, but rather made me feel like even though I suffer with this, that I am okay, and that I still am a human being.

  Believe me just to have that assurrance from you does a lot for my self - esteem.  It does give me hope that I can manage this problem.

  Thank you all so much.  I truly needed ever word that you wrote.

• crybabylu said on Apr 11, 2008....

  Of all my blog posts, this was the most difficult for me to do, but brought the most healing. I don't know where my journey will take me tomorrow, but I think I have more hope than I did yesterday.  All of you helped give me the courage to try....

• iamshay said on Apr 21, 2008....

  crybabylu~ i know how it feels to have depression, i don't have it myself, my mom used to suffer from this dilemma when i was still young. our world began to tear apart,but with the help of family and friends, she's very well now. it must be really hard for you, you will be in my prayers.
   
  [[[[[hugs]]]]]

• crybabylu said on Apr 21, 2008....

  iamshay, Ieft comments on some of my other posts that you have already been to explaining to you how my mental and emotional issues interfere with who I truly would like to be, because of these ups and downs.

  I would really appreciate your prayers. Thank you.

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