The house we lived in was very complicated. No one paid the bills because nobody was working. It was a house filled with young adults, most of us still teenagers. Sure some of us had a home to go to. Parents that loved us and would take us in. We had our own family unit now. The four of us would stick through everything together. We moved on and lived in seperate homes but we still spent every day together.
Gaming was a huge part of the X's life and it still is. I use to get so angry that it would take up so much of his time. I now know this has a genetic link. I swear it does. The kids use to dream about monsters when they were little and be able to name them out of the monster's compendium. They love RPGs. Its in their blood.
I had never really been exposed to it before him though. I tried to get involved but it was really hard to focus on a fantasy world when reality was slapping me in the face all the time. My house was filled with gamers or we were at T&C's house gaming. Every waking hour was spent on this.
The X and I never went out to eat at a sit down restaurant, just the two of us. We never went to a movie alone. We never went on an official date. We went from a one night stand to a long term relationship barely knowing one another. But, it was the right thing to do, right?
The only time I felt connected to him was during sex. It was the only time that was about us. I got to be the center of attention for a little while. So, I was eager to please him. Sex at that point in my life wasn't about pleasure of the body but pleasure of the mind. I was content to lie beneath him and stare into his eyes. I didn't need anything more.
Of course, with sex comes children and even though I took birth control or depo shots we still managed to conceive three more children. Another beautiful girl and two little boys. I had the children I imagined in my dreams. My mother had two boys and two girls. I had always thought that to be just perfect.
The X use to make comments that he didn't want a red-haired son. He thought most red-headed boys were unattractive. So, guess what? The last child was a red-haird, fair skinned, freckled little boy. He came prematurely and fought for his life and he is the cutest red-head I have ever seen.
Right after I had him, the X's mother came in and wanted to see him. He had been wisked away to the NICU and no one was allowed in for the first 24 hours. She screamed that "if he dies, I will never forgive you." I was so angry that he could stand there and not stand up for me. Besides, did she really think that if I had to bury my son, I would be asking her for forgiveness.
During the years of conceiving and giving birth, we made little strides. I completed my high school diploma. He got his GED and went on to Tech school. Neither of us could hold a job for long. Home life was to demanding and we just couldn't figure out how to make it work. But, one of us had to. I found the job first and it was cheaper for him to stay at home. So, I worked. This is when the end became inevitable.
