I have this friend who has been married longer than I have, I think somewhere in the range of 15 years and while on the phone yesterday she askes "How do you know if you are bi?" I told her that it was a very complicated question. She has been with a woman in the past so honestly I was a bit shocked she even asked. That should give you a clue to your sexuality.
So for me, this is how I know. If my husband would have stood in front of me in the nude and I had no prior knowledge of him, I wouldn't be attracted sexually. I don't find naked men a turn on. Now, I am attracted to him. I find him sexy because of his caring nature. He protects me and loves me. Fully clothed I think he is adorable and sexy.
Now, if you were to put a woman in front of me naked and I had no prior knowledge. I would be sexually charged. When I look at a woman's body, I think about sex. It just turns me on.
If porn was in the equation, which it rarely is because most porn doesn't fit my criteria. I'm not turned on by the in and out of sex. I am turned on by the woman's face and she seems to be enjoying it. I don't get turned on by seeing all there is to see of a woman. I get turned on by her enjoyment. I could care less about the man.
When I fantasize, I think of being with another woman. Watching her back arch, hearing her moans, feeling her body stiffen.
But, here is the thing. I love penetration and some strap on just doesn't do it for me. Because I like the control I have over the other person during sex. I like to look into those eyes when he can't hold it back any longer. It makes me feel powerful. Which is where men have entered my life. With a woman I can get penetration but I am less powerful. I can't tighten those muscles when I want to be finished because it won't have the same effect on her. Sex with a woman is more intense for me. Men have trouble reading the signs of an orgasm in women. Other women usually don't have that issue. They know how to draw it out, making it last longer than you feel like you can stand. They know how to keep you on the cusp for longer.
This is why I am bi. It is more complicated than this but it really is a difficult thing to explain. My friend left the conversation realizing she was one of those woman that would go gay for a specific person. Like some celebrity. And I lean towards life as a lesbian except for the fact that I am married to a man. I truly believe that if something were to happen to my marriage I would never be with another man. But, I thought that when I left my ex. I don't choose who I fall in love with, it just happens.
