• moonriver said on Mar 12, 2008....

  truth to tell, i had two bloggers in mind with a style or tone very similar to yours when i first read your writings. i wasn't sure whether you were either of them, and there was no reason for me to delve further. i read most of your blogs, but didn't comment any further after that brief "i think i know you" flash bulb that popped inside my head.
  
  but now that i read this blog of yours, the pieces of the puzzle fell into their proper places. the two images now blend. in my mind, you've become more real, a man in the round, a person who hurts, who bleeds, who is dragged down by self-doubt. if at all, you've become more credible, more acceptable.
  
  who was the other blogger i had in mind? doglips... hahaha. :-)
  
  hey, dude, welcome again to soulcast. :-)
  
  

• Me-Myself&I said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Hi hon! *smile* you are sooooo cool! get on down! (hug) if no one gets it yet.... helloooo are they home?

  One or the other username ....they both are great writers and a very good person!

  Glad to know my friendS *smile*   take care ~see ya

• motherofchicken said on Mar 12, 2008....

  blackthorn - i am too new here to get this (though a small suspicion is lurking) but just wanted to say congratulations on getting married, even if it comes late? Very very happy for you!

• blackthorn28 said on Mar 12, 2008....

  moonriver, thanks for the support. I know once you joked with me that my other blogs were too sweet and made you get a sugar rush or something. Or at least I think you were joking. Maybe you were serious?! Anyway, hopefully this does show you that I am a real person, with a lot of huge struggles in my life. And I hope to maybe bring both of these sides of me together, because it's hard to keep them entirely separate. But doglips huh? I think he gave up writing, but I confess I figured if he could do it, so could I.
  
  Me-Myself, hello! Thank you so much for everything you said. And yes, if anyone knows me by my other name, I think the hints I left here are pretty self explanatory aren't they? :-)
  
  motherofchicken, I know you haven't been around too much to even know about my other screen name. But a hint is that you just subscribed me to last night, I think. And I subscribed to you this morning, with the other name. And thank you for the congratulations! I got married in January :-)
  

• quietone said on Mar 12, 2008....

  I had no idea at all, and it really makes no difference now that I do.  You are a super cool person.  This took a lot of guts blackthorn!  {{{hugs}}} to both you's! 

• Mr_Box said on Mar 12, 2008....

  I'm a little surprised you decided to post this. But I think it's good. There is no reason to hide this from people. 
  
  
  I know you wanted to at first, but there's something to be said for your honesty. And that's always been your strongest suit. 
  
  
  There is no shame in this blog. Or in the fact that you kept it a secret from people.
  
  
  Obviously I figured you out a long time ago. But you already knew that. And now I just have to say thanks for coming clean because it's really hard to comment to someone and pretend you don't know who they are!
  
  
  This was brave and I'm glad you chose to write it. You've always had my support right from the start. And I hope you'll keep writing about this stuff because I know it helps you sort things out.
  
  
  Love ya, bro.

• blackthorn28 said on Mar 12, 2008....

  quietone, thank you :-) I really appreciate the support you've offered me and I'm glad this doesn't change anything.
  
  Jack, I debated whether or not to post this for awhile. But lately, I just figured it was time. Why keep hiding it? It was getting hard to do anyway. I do plan to keep writing. I'll probably just continue to do it the way I've been doing it. Using both blogs. But the difference will be that those who read this, will know who I am now. Thanks for all your support. You've been a big help to me, as always. Love ya too, bro.
  

• fearing said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Gasp!  I had no idea!  How am I always the last to know?  Actually I get your reasons.  Once you really become a part of this place, even anonymous has an identity at some point.   I'm glad you shared this and have an outlet for the thoughts you have. 

• the_infernal_optimist said on Mar 12, 2008....

  You did it! Good for you. :) It was getting to the point, I think, where it was costing you too much to try to split yourself here. You are you, and that person, taken as a whole, not just the sunny parts, is an incredible guy I'm proud to know, and one of my dearest friends in this world. :) It took courage to post this, but it hurt to hide. I think you did the right thing, and executed it wisely, too.
  
  ~Infernal
  

• GrapeKoolaid said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Sorry...  I just haven't been paying attention as of late...  So...  What do you want me to call you(as if that's the most pressing matter)? 
  
  Dude...  Having these ups and downs is what makes us human.  If we all consistently behaved in a certain way, we wouldn't be people.  We'd be cogs, robots, or some such.  In fact, your candid style of writing, regardless of whether you're speaking of something awful or whimsical, is what drew me to your posts in the first place. 
  
  This secret identity thing's kinda interesting, though.  I'm sure any well-informed citizenry of Gotham has figured out the Batman/Wayne connection by now.  I think it's just tacitly agreed that you don't talk about it.  :) 
  

• crybabylu said on Mar 12, 2008....

  I sure didn't know!  I didn't read you much because it was too difficult for me, but I hope now that you have told this, that you still keep blogging on this blog too, because now, you definitely got my attention.

• GracefullyGrowing said on Mar 12, 2008....

  I'm just smiling.  =)
   
  Nice work.
   
  ~Grace~

• blackthorn28 said on Mar 12, 2008....

  fearing, I don't think you're the last to know. I'm sure lots of people didn't figure it out or never bothered to wonder. But you do lose a certain sense of anonymity after you've been awhile. And I guess for awhile, I really just wanted to start fresh. I wanted to be less visible and free to speak my mind comfortably. I'm glad you understand.
  
  Infernal, thank you for what you said. And thank you for encouraging me to just come clean and get it over with! It was hard to fragment myself into two parts the way I was doing. At first, it was nice. But eventually it became more difficult to separate everything, because all of this who I am, and why hide it? Thank you again for being my friend and helping me through so many of my hard moments and for keeping my secret until I was ready to share it.
  
  Grape, you can call me by name. Might as well right? I guess you're right that we're all human and have our ups and downs. But as any superhero wannabe can tell you, I didn't want anyone else to really realize just how flawed I was. I never pretended to be perfect, but I hid a lot too. Mostly out of fear of acceptance. But I don't feel the need to hide anymore. And I assumed that several smart people around these parts probably already figured this stuff out and were just keeping quiet. I didn't know for sure, but I'm paranoid, so I might as well just come clean. Thanks for your support.
  
  crybaby, I will keep blogging here as I need to. Because it's been a big help to me to talk about all this stuff, and I know it helped other people too. I know you can relate, so I hope you'll maybe stop by and keep reading in the future.
  
  Grace, thank you :-) You were one of my earliest supporters and I appreciate all the help you've given me!
  

• dailyachesandpains said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Are you still going to keep your identity private?
  You know I totally support you either way!
   
  Daily

• blackthorn28 said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Daily, I think the cat is mostly out of the bag now. Everyone who has commented so far knows who I am. No more secrets! :-) Why bother right? But thank you for supporting me and keeping my secret for me until I was ready to tell. I appreciated it!

• pickersplock said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Now how did I miss this?

• MissMimi said on Mar 12, 2008....

  I'm asking myself the same question, pickers.  I'm sorry I missed it until now.

  I already PMed you, black.  :)

• Mamie said on Mar 12, 2008....

  congrats on being human,  My FRIEND, I am one of the people you have helped. I hope you will continue to platform/post/write/feel this way because it is one of your divinely ordained blessings....you speak with credentials, ya know? .Imagine how you will help people now...wowwwwwwwww. xo, Mamie.

• blackthorn28 said on Mar 12, 2008....

  pickers, don't worry. I think a lot of people missed it. I was hiding!
  
  Mimi, I got your message and thank you. And don't worry about missing anything. I was intentionally hiding away....
  
  Mamie, I did it! I came clean. Thanks for being so supportive of me throughout the entire thing. You helped me a lot and I'm glad you feel like this blog had such a purpose. I hope it does. And I hope to keep writing here for as long as I need to, and to keep helping others as much as I can.
  

• Fallen_from_Grace said on Mar 12, 2008....

  I hear you, and your reasons for starting it are close to my own. I will have to go and catch up on your struggles - see if I can find some thread or path to learn from...thanks for "leaving the lights on" to help others find their way around this maze that is "LIFE"

• travelr712 said on Mar 12, 2008....

  well, i for one am glad you've gone public with this. i don't like keeping secrets myself, and it's much more difficult to keep someone else's secret. it shows an important step that you are willing to show this side of yourself, even if this is an anonymous blog.

• polarheart said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Blackthorn, I just want to say that I understand completely.  I think you and your original user name is a really lovely person and its good to know that you know you're not all "dark".  I shared with you recently my own struggles and amidst all of them I believe that there is essential goodness in me and that there is a lighter side to my life as well.  I think knowing this is a saving grace and I take my hat off to you.

  Blessings! Polar

   

• moonriver said on Mar 12, 2008....

  i was half-joking, half-serious. i basically said, "you and she are so sweet, reading your blogs will give me diabetes." of course i browsed through your blogs anyway... :-) but i knew that behind every nice cool-guy blog, the real person will always be much more complex and knotted than one can ever imagine. with your blackthorn blogs, i see you now as more real, more sympathetic, and more interesting.
  
  

• blackthorn28 said on Mar 12, 2008....

  fallen, you're welcome. I think sometimes we all do things the best way we can in order to be comfortable. And this secretiveness was helping me a lot, but it was time for it to end now.
  
  Trav, it felt like an important step to me too. I don't know why I was hiding it, but at the time I started it, I really felt I had to. I've come a long way from just a few months ago.
  
  Polar, thank you :-) I guess I was being a little over cautious in being afraid to share these things about myself openly. But I just wasn't ready to do it, even if I needed to talk about it. This was a good solution for me. But I'm glad now that it's out in the open. None of us is totally dark or light. I think we all have a bit of both inside us. Balance is the key. I'm striving towards that!
  
  moonriver, yes, that's what you said! You said I was going to give you diabetes. I knew it was something about sugar ;-) But all my life I've used humor and lightheartedness to try and mask what was going on inside me. It's worked well a lot of the time, but it's not a cure all for everything. I'm definitely much more complex than that. And I'm glad you've now seen a little bit more of me and that you like that person. Thank you.
  

• gingersoul said on Mar 12, 2008....

  For me you are simply more dear {{{{hugs}}}}}}}.

  And, once more, i tell you she is lucky and you are lucky. You will make it thru anything.

  I commented to your Blackthorn post immediately. I felt pulled to talk to you. The fact that you can be so deep and dark just makes your lighter side more shining and lovable.

  The song of Blue October sealed for me your identity.....

   

   

• Jenna said on Mar 12, 2008....

  BT.....I understand what you mean by after you have been here for awhile you kind of lose your anonyminty....(or however you spell that word)  After you have presented yourself in a certain way, people come to expect you to behave, act, comment a certain way. 

  I applaud your honesty.....your courage. 

  Just makes me love you more....respect you even more. 

  I am sure this post made a lot of people exhale and think...wow....I can be completely open here.  Look at how many peole have opened their arms/hearts and said....hey....we love you no matter what.

  Keep sharing the best way it helps you....and BT....most of all take care of you!

  Thanks for sharing!   xo

   

   

• travelr712 said on Mar 12, 2008....

  yeah, i know you felt like that. we had more than one conversation about it all those months ago. but i think now you can see that nobody holds it against you or anything, which is a good thing, right?

• CreativeWoman said on Mar 12, 2008....

  I've missed seeing this blog before now.  It sounds like it was something you needed to do for you from what I'm understanding.  There's no shame in that.
  
  CW
  

• papajack said on Mar 12, 2008....

  I remember reading these blogs, but I didn't know it was you.  You and my wife made some bold confessions, I hope yours is as therapudic as hers has turned out to be. It islike a load lifted from her.  I can always tell somewhat how she is feeling by looking at her eyes, and her eyes tell me that all is well right now! Thanks for all your help that came our way too.

• Zayda said on Mar 12, 2008....

  bt28: I had been reading your blogs here quietly, not really commenting, but just quietly reading and respecting your decision to separate this part of your life from the other. It was easy to tell who you were. There's something unmistakable about your voice that comes through in your writing.
  
  
  As CW said, it sounds like you needed to do this for you. And really, that is all that matters.

• nursecutie said on Mar 12, 2008....

  I've already told you everything I wanted to tell you....all I can say now is that I love you :) And I'm glad that you decided to let people know this was you. You kept telling me that you were so sure everyone knew and just did not say......

  Probably not everyone, but this did sound like you. I knew it the minute I read the first paragraph of the first blog I found! So yes, I think it was good for you to just say. No reason to hide anymore.....do you feel better now? I hope so :)

  Love,

  your angel.....

• RollingC said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Well, I didn't know but then I got other things on my mind and I don't spend the time that I'd like reading the people here.   I respect your decision to do this and keep a secret...although it's not much of a secret anymore. 
  Rc

• blackthorn28 said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Ginger, thank you. I appreciate everything you said. And you know, I stressed out after I talked to you about Blue October music and I said, "she's gonna know!" But then I figured it was okay if you did. It was pretty obvious huh? I used all the songs we already talked about! But they're good songs....thank you again.
  
  Jenna, thank you so much. It is hard to get used to presenting yourself one way, and then suddenly things just take a different turn. And I was too embarrassed and uncomfortable just change directions and be this open and honest at my other blog. But after seeing the responses here, I'm not sure why I was worried. I think I just needed some time to get my head together first.
  
  Trav, I really don't know what I was worried about before. But I think I did this the best way for me. I needed time to work through everything before I could admit all this openly. I'm glad I did though.
  
  CW, thank you. I did need to do this for me. I wasn't even sure if anyone else would read it, and at first, I was happy about that. I just wanted to get it out. But eventually, it seemed like a good idea to say who I really was.
  
  papajack, I'd been contemplating revealing my identity here for awhile. But after Cry admitted her own struggles, I said right at her post that I struggled with this too. It wasn't a secret anymore. So I figured now was a good time to just say it here since I figured certain people would likely put two and two together anyway. Thanks for the support.
  
  zayda, I knew that you knew. I suspected it. You always said that you were awesome at discerning a person's written 'voice' and there was no way this blog would escape your attention. I knew that. I tried to change my style a little, but it's no use. It's me. And it was obvious right from the start I'm sure. But thank you for letting me do this in my own time. I appreciate that.
  
  Natalie, I told you last night I was gonna do this. You told me to sleep on it and see what I thought in the morning. I still felt the same, so I just did it. I do feel better. And thank you for being so supportive of me through all of this. I need you so much....and I'm glad you found this blog before, because there were a lot of things I had a hard time telling you face to face. It was a relief when you could just read it instead. I love you...my angel....
  
  RollingC, no, it's not a secret anymore. I was done trying to hide it. There doesn't seem to be a point in doing that anymore, but at first, it felt better for me. But thanks for understanding.
  

• minniemouse said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Hi Black....I'm clueless....nice to meet you....  Minnie

• Actorguy said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Well I missed this completely, but I haven't read blackthorne's blog. I read your other blog faithfully.....who doesn't?.....but hadn't seen this one.

  Truth be told I had thought of doing this myself (and still might), just because a lot of people I know IRL read my blog and I stay away from personal stuff because of that.

  I think this is a terrifically healthy thing you've done and I applaud your courage in coming forth.

• Lucytorial said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Silly you.
  
  You have someone who loves you for ALL that you are, as do your friends, no one is perfect, no one is in a perfect place, all of the thoughts and desires and hurt and confusion are a part of life.
  
  Usually I'm happy and bubbly but sometimes I'm not and its about as dark as you can get, just be you, the you of you the parts that we or don't know, you are who you are because of ALL of your parts not just the fun and happy bits.
  
  xo
  TL
  

• husbandhater said on Mar 12, 2008....

  Evil we all have a dark side. Some of us very much like yours. If Nat loves you through all of this I think your a lucky guy.

• lfbno7 said on Mar 13, 2008....

  hmmm, let's see, putting on my sherlock holmes hat, mr. box calls you bro, nurse cutie loves you ..... ummm ..... i need someone to play the jeopardy music, i need a lil more time. well whoever you are, you spell darn good.

• sheltercrow said on Mar 13, 2008....

• sheltercrow said on Mar 13, 2008....

• blackthorn28 said on Mar 13, 2008....

  Minnie, I don't think you're clueless anymore, right?
  
  Actorguy, thank you. I'm glad you understand why I did this. It's hard sometimes to share things when you actually know people who are reading it. The feeling of more anonymity is liberating at first. But eventually I figured it was time to just tell everyone.
  
  Lucy, thank you. I know I could have just eliminated this whole blog and said everything at my other one right from the start. But I was too worried how it would be received. Not just by everyone here who I consider my friends, but by the two people who actually know me. In the beginning, no one knew about this blog except me. It was nice that way for awhile. But I'm glad it's okay for me to be all of those things, because I sure am.
  
  HH, I am a lucky guy. She still does love me. I just wonder why sometimes...
  
  lfbno, I know, I know, this is hard huh? All those clues and it's still a mystery. But at least I can spell so that's something.
  
  sheltercrow, thanks for the videos. I like that Pink Floyd song actually.
  

• wombat said on Mar 13, 2008....

  We all have our "sides" to our personalities, and I am just thinking how good it is that you (we) all have a place to express whatever we are feeling at any given time in any given way here at SC. 

• tbs230 said on Mar 13, 2008....

  hi!!!

• hinana said on Mar 13, 2008....

  I read your posts, but I guess I didnt notice cause I only ever skimmed...I have a tendancy of being liek a chameleon. I take on emotions of whatever im doing, reading etc.

  so I never really let myself read these blogs too extensively? i cant think of teh right word. But now that I go back and read properly, you do sound exactly alike. Just different moods.

  you know, your blogs are the reason  Im here at SC. i was boreed in class one day and found your other blogs, and started reading. So thank you for that because SC has helped me quite a bit.

  It wouldnt be the same without you. =)

• evil_twin said on Mar 13, 2008....

  I'm too lazy to switch to the other name, but it doesn't really matter right?
  
  Thanks wombat and hi tbs!
  
  Hinana, thank you too. My blogs are the reason you're here at SC? That's really flattering :-) Wow. I'm really touched by your words and I'm glad you enjoy my writing so much. But if you absorb moods by reading stuff, you probably don't want to read this particular blog too much because it's not happy inducing. But I'm like you with taking on emotions, so I totally get it.
  

• dyingman said on Mar 15, 2008....

  Nasty problem.
  You hide this part because you're embarrassed by it. Concerned folks will find it disturbing and unpleasant.
  These are valid concerns.
  Seriously depressed people are a drag. Some folks have a higher tolerance for downers than others and it's tough to tell what level each person is capable of.
  So much safer here where you can make your sad confused self vanish if you want to.
  Still if the sad Blackthorn gets 45 people interested.... A blackthorn who shows a sunnier side once in a while seems unlikely to get fewer to me. Perhaps your alter-ego gets hundreds of readers, but mightn't 45 who like YOU be a more valuable measure than the 45 + hundreds that like two halves?
  There might be a freedom in your union, even if a relative handful are the only ones who appreciate it.

• evil_twin said on Mar 15, 2008....

  Dyingman, your take on this interesting. But it never really was about making friends. Not with this blog. This blog was about me getting my thoughts out and I didn't really expect anyone to read it. Because you're right, depressed people are a drag. So I was trying to spare everyone I knew, this side of me. But I'm not really concerned about numbers. I might have 200 readers at evil_twin, and 45 here, but I don't think those numbers reflect the friendships I've made here. But I do see the point you're trying to make. Less people are interested in reading depressing gunk than happy, and those are the ones who seem interested in the real me. But I was actually looking at it as, these are the people who can probably relate to this side of me. And I'm glad the number isn't bigger if that's the case. You know?

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