You know there are a lot of things in the world that we can't take the blame for. How a person's life turns out is there own fault. They made their own decisions and they can't rightly blame anybody else.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I guess it's about time I opened up a bit, afterall I"m completely anonymous here, not like anybody could go back, read my journal, figure out exactly who I am and probably hunt me down and slit my throat. But hey completely anonymous. :-P
I've never been really the social one, part of it is that I don't really like people that much. They are usually overly concerned about what other people think and they never say what they mean forcing me to spend an entire day trying to cess out what the definition of "is" is. I mean really if you want me to do something for you just ask I'll either say yes or no. However ladies the fact that your boyfriend/fiancee/lover/fuck friend spends most of his time practicing with his band is not the same thing as asking me to take you to the movies. It simply isn't and I'm fucking tired of people getting upset that I didn't understand that was an invitation to take you out. I mean hell I'm gonna be the one paying the least you can do is just say what it is you want.
Anyway I'm rambling here. Back on subject. I've always found that internet folk like me more than real people, which strikes me as odd since if anything I"m more brutal over the net than I am in person. Twelve years ago I met, and fell in love with Sarah, first love, first internet S/O so on and so forth. Eventually I met my Kitten and I very harshly dumped my at that point penpal lover. She went on over the next few years to date, and have children. We met for the first time (face to face) about a week ago in what turned out to be an utter disaster. Long story short she told me in a roundabout polite, don't hurt his feelings sort of way that it's my fault she's a young mother. If I'd treated her better she would have saved herself for me. She's not upset with me about it but still it's highly implied that it's my fault.
She then goes on to tell me that while I've been having problems with my Kitten, problems that have lead to her dating another man right now that she's moving in with and is talking marriage after only 3 months. Wow holy run on sentence Batman. That me respecting her space isn't the right thing to do. That she loves me and I love her and she's really only doing this to see how far I'll let her go before I "man up" and put an end to this. Apparently as a man I'm supposed to be in charge and women are submissive by nature and that it's twice as frustrating when it comes to me not manning up because I'm one of the most chauvanistic and anti-chivarlous guys you're likely to meet. I guess it's because I expect my equals to conduct themselves as you know, equals. And I treat them as equals.
Bottom line is that if she moves in with this guy and marries him it's gonna be my fault because I could have sat her down and stopped all of it from happening. Worse as she points out and I can't argue with her about is the fact that once everything is said and done I'm gonna be the first one she runs to fix the problem and because I love her I'm going to tear myself down fixing what I didn't break. I might as well do damage control and prevent all of this from happening.
Normally I'm able to look at bullshit and say, well that's bullshit. Thing is I live in a world where I love two women almost equally and they both know each other, they understand the situation they get along as well as two crazy females are capable of getting along with. Point being that standard Earth logic obviously doesn't apply to my life, least not as far as my Kitten and my Minx. Perhaps I'm simply to close to the situation. All I know for sure is that it sure feels like it's my fault that my Minx doesn't have a better life and as I watch my Kitten I'm forced to wonder on that old proverb about those who fail to history.
