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Shut Up and Eat Your Fish Stick Soup- A One Act Play

pickersplock posted on Mar 06, 2008 | views: 782 | Tags: having fun, play, my house, Audition, hilarious, skillful, insanitudity, fish sticks, recipes
The scene takes place in a typical middle class American kitchen.
The curtains are a sunny yellow and a farm house style table runs through the middle.
 
Characters
 
Mom- A sweet face and a snarky disposition.  Early forties.
 
Dad- semi bald, slight paunch in the mid-section, thinks he's the boss.
 
Johnny- A twelve year old know-it-all. 
 
Billy- typical ten year old class clown.
 
Fido-dog
 
As our scene opens, Mom is just finishing dinner, the table has been set.
 
Dad enters.
 
Dad- What's for dinner?  I'm starving!  I could eat an truck-full of pork rinds and go back for seconds.
 
Mom- Well, Dear, don't expect too much.  After all you did only give me fifty dollars for the grocery store this week.
 
Dad- Listen, it cost me $106.93 to fill up the car with gas this week.  We need to cut back!
 
Mom- Couldn't we cut back on beer?
 
Dad- (Snorts) Not likely! 
 
Mom- Please call the boys, everything is ready.
 
Dad- (Yells loudly) Get out here, food's ready!
 
The two boys come running to the kitchen, while wrestling, trying to trip one another, and demonstrating kung fu type movements.  Everyone sits.
 
Johnny- Billy got in trouble on the bus for calling the bus driver a pervert!  He doesn't even know what it means!
 
Billy- Do too!
 
Johnny- Do not!
 
Mom (is bringing small bowls to the table, she rolls her eyes) - Great, I'll get another phone call from school tomorrow.  (She smiles) Well, I thought we'd start with a nice salad.
 
Dad- What the heck is this? 
 
Mom- It's your salad, what does it look like, darling?
 
Dad- It looks like a slice of cucumber and a cube of tomato..............
 
Mom- (Breaks in) On a bed of garbanzo beans.
 
Dad- You call that a bed?  It looks more like a tuft.  And what's the teaspoon for?
 
Mom- That's for the salad dressing dear.  One teaspoon per person. (She begins to pour the salad dressing onto the teaspoon and pour it over each salad)
 
Johnny- Mom, Billy's feeding his garbage zoo beans to the dog. 
 
Dad- Eat your beans Billy, or you'll get more.
 
Mom- You'll have to give him yours, sweetheart.  We don't have anymore for tonight.
I'm saving the rest for a casserole on Thursday.
 
Billy- (Yelling) Mom, Johnny's kicking me under the table!
 
Mom- Stop kicking Billy, Johnny!
 
Dad- (finishes "salad" in one bite) Okay, bring on the main entree. What is it anyway?
I can't smell anything.
 
Mom- I made soup!  You'll be so proud of me!  This soup only cost .75 cents per person!
(She serves it into bowls)
 
Dad- (stirs his soup)  Hmph, what's in it anyway?
 
Mom- (Jumping up) Oh, I almost forgot.  They had a sale on  generic cheese!  (She opens up the oven and takes out a baking pan) I made Ritz cracker cheese melts!
 
(Everyone tastes the soup)
 
Mom- Well, what do you think?
 
Billy- What kind of soup is this?  It tastes like fish sticks!
 
Mom- Exactly!  How clever are you?  Fish sticks, a boullion cube, and a bag of mixed vegetables!
 
Johnny- Can I have cereal instead?
 
Billy- No, Mom said you can't eat cereal in front of me, 'cause it makes me rowlf!
Mom, tell him he can't have cereal!!!
 
Mom- Just eat your soup, sweetie.
 
Dad- (looking sadly at his soup) What've we got to drink, anyway?
 
Mom- How silly of me to forget.  Water or beer?
 
Billy- I'll have beer!
 
Johnny- Me too!
 
Dad- Shut up and eat your fish stick soup!  Three waters.
 
(Mom goes to the sink and fills four glasses with water)
 
Mom- There, water for me too!  Eat up.
 
(Everyone silently finishes their soup.  Mom is smiling, Dad is scowling, and the two boys are sneaking their spoonfulls of soup to the dog)
 
Mom- (Sings) I've got dessert!  ( She goes to the cabinet, takes out a can of peaches and puts a few peaches in each bowl. Then she puts a bowl in front of each person, everyone picks up their forks)  Wait, not yet!  I forgot the crunchy topping!  (She goes back to the cabinet and brings out a small bowl and sprinkles something onto each bowl of peaches)
 
Dad- (Staring at his bowl) This looks like pez!
 
Mom- Bingo!
 
Billy- Do we get pez with peaches tomorrow too?
 
Dad- (Takes out his wallet and hands Mom some money) Go ahead, say it!
 
Mom- Say what, Dear?
 
Dad- Forget it, just forget it!  ( He picks up his spoon and we hear the crunch crunch of the pez as he eats his peaches.


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Comments

  • MissMimi said on Mar 06, 2008....

    [applauding enthusiastically]  Brava!  Bravissima! 

    I see a Tony award in your future, pickledrocks.

    When people say there are no creative, well-written blogs here, I'll point them to this one.

     

  • pickersplock said on Mar 06, 2008....
    MissMimi, I don't know if I'd call it that creative! 
     I just took some stuff that happened when I was growing up, and some stuff that happens in the Plock house on a daily basis, and then I smooshed it all together! LOL
  • GrapeKoolaid said on Mar 06, 2008....
    Oh it was a great play.  Something akin to "Waiting for Godot" by Samuel Beckett.  A tragicomedy, if you will.  Wonderfully writ, but I expect no less from you now, pickers. 

    You've raised the bar considerably in the last few days.  Perhaps you've been producing consistently works of such high quality and I've only recently begun to notice.  I'm a bit slow on the uptake sometimes, you know... 

    Well, you've been put on notice, sister.  I will be expecting such quality work from you from now on.  :)
  • pickersplock said on Mar 06, 2008....
    Does that mean I have to write more of this insanitudity?
  • GrapeKoolaid said on Mar 06, 2008....
    That's right, lady.  More of this, more of your poetry, more of your comedy...

    More, more more!!! 

    Your audience is hungry.  :)
  • mobil said on Mar 06, 2008....
    Pickers this sounds like our kitchen table of years ago and I can still hear and see the sounds and sites of those evenings together. We, seven of us crowed around the kitchen table.
     
    You put this together in such a way as to make your crew the All American Family haha. Great job, great description.
     
    PS: When I used to come home I'd tell the wife; I'm so hungry I could eat the ass out of a barnyard hog. That's pretty hungry haha.
  • pickersplock said on Mar 06, 2008....
    Okay, Grape Ape, but I think I need to rest my brain for a while.  I think I sprained something when I wrote this!
     
    Mobil, your culinary description is going to have me cackling like a pea hen for hours!  hahahahaha!
  • travelr712 said on Mar 06, 2008....
    are we working on a sprinkles fixation, pickers m'dear?
     
    ya know i loves ya writin, write? :-)
  • D6fer said on Mar 06, 2008....
    We want act II !  I was on the edge of my seat the whole time!

    lets have a group discussion about act I....I'll start

    I think that the fishsticks in the soup represent the main characters soul.....floating in a bullion of life
  • travelr712 said on Mar 06, 2008....
    well, that's true d6. i think the main theme is 'the shortest way to a man's wallet is through his stomach' :-)
  • pickersplock said on Mar 06, 2008....
    Trav, I think today I had a pez fixation! LOL
    D6fer, but what would you say the dog represents?
  • travelr712 said on Mar 06, 2008....
    the dog represents the angst of all the middle eastern investors that bought the bogus subprime mortgage loans from citibank that aren't getting any press. (notice the dog has no lines :-)
  • pickersplock said on Mar 06, 2008....
    Yes, how astute of you!
  • D6fer said on Mar 06, 2008....
    yes yes! subprime mortgage! I completely missed that! And the pez represent chaos!
  • Mr.Stupid said on Mar 06, 2008....
    I like fish sticks. But I don't think I would like fish stick soup. That might make me throw up. One time when I was a little boy I wanted Vienna sausages. There was a can in the cupboard. My brother was babysitting me. I asked if I could have some, he said "yeah, but you have to eat the whole can, including the gelatin" I'll never do that again. That was stupid.
  • Fallyn said on Mar 07, 2008....
    *giggling* that was awesome. *grin*
    i think my mom tried this once.

    it backfired, dad thought it was wonderful......and cheap!

    (it was nasty.....and none of the rest of us would eat it)
  • FutureGoddess said on Mar 07, 2008....

    Hmmm... I would like to audition for the part of the Mom when the play is produced, Pickers.   However, I need to have more motivation about my character.  Do I love this man?  What do I do besides being a mom?  Did I have a life before I married this man?  Do I love the dog?  Have I had culinary training at the Cordon Bleu to allow me to be as creative with the menu as I am? 

    This is going to get us both the Tony!  You as playwrite, me as lead actress in a moving commentary on the 21st C. family.  Too bad Al  Hirschfeld is no longer alive.  I always wanted my caractiture/portrait done to be hung at Sardi's.  I would be curious where he would hide the "Nina."   

    (The obscure reference to Al Hirschfeld who spent his entire career doing caracitures of famous actors/actresses/rockers/musicians. In each of the paintings/portraits he hid his daughters name: Nina, at least once - see:  www.alhirschfeld.com . ) 

  • pickersplock said on Mar 07, 2008....
    D6, actually the pez represents cheap candy! :)
     
    Mr. Stupid, my parents used to keep Vienna sausages around, and spam, bleck!
     
    Fallyn, well I ca't think of aything worse tha  peaches with pez, and fish stick
    soup!   What did she try? 
     
    Future, ah, Mom is a very complex character!  She is struggling with a monumental internal triangle.  She loves her husband, and yet she loathes him , while still having a secret crush on Harrison Ford.  That's why she has all of his movies.  She's torn between the excitement and adventure of the Indiana Jones boxed set, and the drama and pathos of Blade Runner!  The dog just eats leftovers, and she loves him for it!
  • Mamie said on Mar 07, 2008....
    ROFL!! Have I mentioned that sometimes, I just have to read your headline to start my laughing???
     This was FUNTASTIC!! You have given a new twist on Lent and Friday nights at the Mamie's. Thanks Pickersknickers!!
  • wombat said on Mar 07, 2008....
    I'm glad the title drew me in to read and I didn't miss this!  That was clever and fun!  (and oh my, I hadn't thought of the fat, cheap hot dogs cut up in spaghetti that my mom made in years......)
  • truthsayer said on Mar 07, 2008....

    Oh pickersplock!  If you had any idea of all the things I was supposed to be doing...but instead I stumbled upon a work of art!!!  A hilarious, skillful example of picker's insanitudity!!!

    You go girl!  You had my kids rotfl until they cried.

    Ok...I gotta get back to work now...but

    I am so lovin' this!

    truthsayer

  • quietone said on Mar 07, 2008....
    this was super pickers, I loved it.  Felt like I was right there with the family!! haha!  :)
  • kruuyai said on Mar 07, 2008....
    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!  Pickers!  Too funny!  I was just about to log off and go to bed when this title caught my eye.  Honestly, where do you come up with these ideas?   Please tell me you didn't really eat peaches with pez?
  • Twylarants said on Mar 07, 2008....
    PhishSticks~ You are too funny!
  • pickersplock said on Mar 07, 2008....
    I apologize, I must go out!
    I'll be back to answer your comments in two shakes of a lamb's hiney!

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Who am I

sg138 posted on Nov 03, 2009 | views: 85 | Tags: adulit, play, identity, relationships, TAG-O-MATIC, BDMS
I am trying to figure out who I am. I am 48 years old white male 6' tall 240 lbs.... read entire post 5 comments