• D6fer said on Mar 02, 2008....

  I hope your friend finds her way back.....sounds like you were the friend she needed!

• mobil said on Mar 02, 2008....

  Alcohol has ruined far more lives than drugs, it's not pretty when abused. I quit drinking many moons ago. All my best to your friend Polar

• destinydiva said on Mar 02, 2008....

  polar sorry you have to deal with this again, it must be painful dragging up your past...  but I am a huge believer in everything happens for a reason..that our paths cross with individuals at the right moment...  if this is the friend you were sooo happy to meet a few days ago..then I am even more convinced...  this girl needs you...your experiences...your forgiveness... your guidance.....your help...  your understanding... 
  
  she is sooo lucky to have ran in to you... your a true gem polar..  your heart reaches out ..dont see this as a bad thing..but as a challenge...because god knows you can help in this situation..  its hard on you, and I admire that you can shake off what she said so easily...  I would struggle... but you do it almost naturally..
  
  am I waffling?? I cant get my thoughts out properly...  I guess what I am trying to say, is that you are wonderful :-) xx
  
  
  

• fearing said on Mar 02, 2008....

  Polar, I had a chance to read this.  I know you won't give up but fight hard to keep this friendship.  You will be an awesome force for this new friend of yours. 

  I miss you! 

• skald said on Mar 02, 2008....

  I have seen the darkness of alcohol and it has been like a shadow in my life, not that i  have misused it, Mobil said it was worse than drugs, I don't agree, sorry Mobil. the unhappiness narcotics cause are much worse but they are all from the same root.One who is a junkie must not touch alcohol or narcotic.
  
  I am sorry to hear about your new friend. It is not her fault. she is not well.
  

• stoney said on Mar 02, 2008....

  Mr Al cohol is always cruel
  Mr Al cohol does not abide by any rules
  lies deceit, guilt and blame
  are just a few components of his game

  let go, let God
  one day at a time
  do the steps
  this life is trying

  keep it simple
  have no expectations
  because when Mr Al cohol comes around
  he leaves intoxication

  pray, read about the disease and have a strong support group of friends

  good luck , God be with you

   

  stoney

• pickersplock said on Mar 02, 2008....

  I hope your friend is able to conquer her demon.
  I'm glad she has a friend like you.

• mobil said on Mar 02, 2008....

  Skald, i didn't say alcohol was worse than drugs, but that it has ruined more lives. That because of it's wide spread use and that it is legal in most places.

• Mamie said on Mar 02, 2008....

  oh no!! I am sorry that this happened, but I do agree that you have been called into a time of discipleship...be strong and know that God is working through you, what a blessing that is! mamie

• Twylarants said on Mar 02, 2008....

  Oh Polar, this is sad to hear after reading how happy you were to meet these new friends. Do you think it could have been a one time thing? Just a mistake, I mean. Maybe she'd gotten bad news or something?
  Then it must be fate that you two met when you did, because you strike me as the type of friend who will fight for her friendship, and not abandon it.
  I feel very sorry for your friend. I hope she finds a way to recover from this addiction.
  

• SikariChepiNashota said on Mar 02, 2008....

  i'm proud of you polar..{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
  for being strong in the Lord....
  

• GracefullyGrowing said on Mar 02, 2008....

  So, perhaps you dont understand anything of what I've said here and that's ok.
   
  *I* totally understand what you went through, Polar, and the total Shalom (peace, of every kind, and in every level) that came to you as well. 
   
  May HaShem (G-d) bless you with continued Shalom, and your friend with healing.
   
  ~Grace~

• polarheart said on Mar 03, 2008....

  D6, thank you, I am believing for a complete recovery for her.  Thanks, D6.
   
  Mobil, I am glad to hear you quit drinking long ago, it would have been great if my dad had done the same.  Thanks, Mobil.
   
  (((((Destiny)))))), your words are so kind and so loving and I thank you.  I agree, that my relationship with C was meant to be. . .I know that God wants to use me in her life. The wonderful thing is that this time around I can see it for what it is.  Thank you, dear Destiny.
   
  Fearing-angel, I am glad you got a chance to get updated.  I would have loved to be able to talk to you about this, but I know this gives you an idea of what I am facing.  When you get a mo between unpacking box please will you send up some prayers for C and her family.  Thanks angel!  I miss you millions!
   
  Skaldikins, I am sorry to hear that alcohol has been a shadow in your life too.  I agree wholeheartedly that alcoholism and drug addiction are from the same root.  I really know that C's only fault is that she said "yes". . .I wish instead that she would have rather called me.  But I will continue to encourage her.  Thank you, my friend.
   
  Stoney, thank you for stopping in at my blog and for sharing that poem. . .it is VERY true!  I believe that the Almighty Elohim can save her from the claws of this demon.  Blessings to you too, Stoney.
   
  Pickers, thank you my friend.  I just need to keep strong (((hugs)))
   
  Mamie, I really appreciate you also seeing this as a blessing.  I really believe that my friendship with C and the things I need to face and help her with is in the Will of the Father.  Thank you, Mames!
   
  Twyla, I think part of the reason she gave in on Saturday is because she was missing her family, who are all in South Africa, aparently this is the first time in 3 months that she gave in.  Unfortunately there is a lot of things from her past that I think just come up and depress her at times.  I have no doubt that this is part of the reason we had to meet.  Thanks, Twyla!
   
  Sikari, thank you my dear, its hard to see this happening to her, but I know the Father will give me the strength I need.
   
  Grace, I really appreciate that you understand.  I thought perhaps people would really find me totally odd!  It is wonderful to experience the Shalom of Yahuweh. . .it really is as the Scripture says - it passes all understanding.  Thanks so much for your support!
   
  Love to you all!
  Polar xox

• kruuyai said on Mar 03, 2008....

  Polar:  It's hard to see a friend harming themselves whether it's through alcoholism or another addiction or self destructive behavior.  I think that love is the first step in helping anyone who is suffering.  Some people advocated taking a harsh or punitive stance, and while I see the value of allowing people to feel the consequences of their actions and decisions (sometimes the most powerful and necessary step on the way to recovery), I don't think it helps to add to the person's misery with a hate-filled reaction, so I think it's wonderful that you were able to separate the person from her actions and see that the cause of her actions came from elsewhere.  Still, there's not actually a demon (literally) inside of her that is making her reach for the bottle.  There may very well be figurative demons that are causing her a lot of pain in her life, and rather than face that pain, she numbs it with alcohol.  That's not any great insight.  Everybody seems to know that that's why alcoholics drink.... except for the alcoholics themselves... until they start getting into recovery and working through those issues.  I think it's important, eventually, for alcoholics and other addicts to be confronted with the knowledge of the pain that their behavior causes for other people, and even more to the point, how their own behavior is perpetuating pain in their own lives... by destroying friendships, relationships, jobs, finances, etc.  That connection has to be made on more than an intellectual level, and I'm not quite sure just how one goes about it, although, sometimes, just simple and direct honesty from a friend can bring about miraculous changes, because people are used to not confronting these issues, and so an addict can usually continue his or her behavior with a minimum of discomfort until it gets really bad, and then the consequences tend to be disastrous.  The reaction to an honest communication of this sort isn't always pleasant, and I think that's why most people avoid doing it.  But I believe that it plants a seed that may germinate at a later date. 
  
  Two things are very important when and if planning to confront someone about their addictive behavior.  The first is that the conversation must take place while the person is sober.  They cannot hear you or empathize with your pain while they are numbed by drugs or alcohol, and will only get defensive or violent.  (They may react that way anyway, but your chances of being heard are much better if they are sober).  And the second is that simply stopping the use of the addictive substance is not enough.  The reasons for the addiction have to be addressed.  And that means therapy and/or support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous where there are people who can help them through the process without judging them. 
  
  I faced a similar situation a few months ago and posted about it.  Perhaps my Letter to an Alcoholic can help you in some way with your friend.  I wish you and her all the best.
  

• quietone said on Mar 03, 2008....

  polar ~ I think God found a way to bring the 2 of you together for more than just a good friendship.  He is an awesome God!  The peace you felt and the forgivness you were able to shed on c,hopefully will open her eyes to a new level of being. I do understand as alcohol has been an evil presence in my life and relationships in the past also.  Bless you, you are such a treasured friend. 

• queenparanoia said on Mar 03, 2008....

  i think youre friend is very lucky to have you! i hope she'll overcome this demon polar. with your help i think she can.

• angel_of_the_sickroom said on Mar 03, 2008....

  The problem about alcoholism is when people are physiologically dependent on it. Alcoholics are always in denial about their problem. They would never acknowledge the fact that they are addicted to it. To solve the problem, one must accept and realize the effects of alcohol in his/her health and also the problem it is causing to one's social life. Your friend needs help. Be there to support your friend. I suggest an alcohol anonymous class or something...

• uniquely-ironic said on Mar 03, 2008....

  I'm sorry this incident brought up painful memories for you.  Your friend is lucky to have someone who loves and forgives them.  Maybe this will help them in their struggle with alcohol.

• CreativeWoman said on Mar 03, 2008....

  Maybe you are just what your friend needs, Polar. 
  
  CW
  

• agony_and_rapture said on Mar 03, 2008....

  I fought that demon in my room, many years ago, it was a fierce battle, it was the scariest thing I have ever experienced...~ you have inspired me to share ...I think I shall blog about it~

• PooponDrScience said on Mar 03, 2008....

  Dear Polarheart, I just sang The Remover of Difficulties prayer for you and your friend and for all of us. In 1980 I had been an alcohol abuser since 1971. I decided to quit drinking cold turkey because I wanted to have healthy kids in a few years. Ironically, both my kids were born with birth defects in 1984 and 1987. Who knows what caused their medical issues? I was fortunate to quit all by myself. I have gone to a few AA meetings over the years, to keep myself humble. My older brother was a Fri.night drunk for 22 years. He died instantly of a heart attack when he was 44. He also smoked like a chimney. I still miss him and love him. He was sooo fricking funny. While my Mom critized me my whole childhood, my brother treated me like a princess. He took me on fun outings and I spent time with his drama friends in college. I even went to a Seder with him. In 1984 I became a member of a religion that forbids alcohol. So that was not a problem. (I'm not Mormon.) This is from a song based on the Writings from my Faith: "Free thyself from the fetters of this world. Loose thy soul from the prison of self. Seize thy chance. Oh Oh Oh My servant." (This is a verse about deattachment, not harming yourself.) Jesus is wonderful, however the above words came directly from God too. I am sadly and badly married, but here is a {{{{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}}}anyway.

• PooponDrScience said on Mar 03, 2008....

  
  

• vacantmind said on Mar 03, 2008....

  What a demon it is! I am glad that you are supportive of your friend. Have resources ready when she is ready to reach for help, such as a list of local AA meetings and times.

• polarheart said on Mar 04, 2008....

  Kruu, thank you for your very indepth comment, I really appreciate it.  I do understand that she does not have an actual demon inside her, but I do believe that once she was intoxicate she was under demonic control.  I know you may differ from me and my belief about this, but I totally agree with you about the other things that you stated.  The wonderful thing is that she honestly does not want to go there again and that she really wants to overcome. . .I think that is a huge step in the right direction.  Again thank you for your input and I did read your letter to your friend. . .thanks for supporting me ;-)

• polarheart said on Mar 04, 2008....

  Quiet, thank you so very much my friend ((((hugs))))  I know that alcohol has affected your life too and that you identify with me in this.  I just really know that God wants to do a wonderful work in C and me too and therefore I wont give up.  You are a treasured friend too. . .we just bragged about you again today to our friend visiting from SA - saying how kind you were to Tigger :-))

  Queenie, thanks hunny, I so appreciate your support.  I hope I can make a difference in my friend's life (((hugs)))

  Angel of the Sickroom, firstly welcome to my blog.  Thank you for your comment.  Yes, C really has a lot in her past that tends to drive her, but now I sincerely believe that through our relationship and fellowship that she will start to heal in her heart. 

  U-I, thanks hunny, I really pray that God will use me in her life. . .she is such a lovely person with so much to give ;-)

  CW, I agree and I think she is just what I need to :-)

  Agony and Rapture, thanks for your comment. . .I read your experience and found it amazing. . .thanks for sharing that!

  PooponDrScience, you have a very interesting username :-) and I will go and check out your blog soon.  I am sorry to hear about the conditions of your children. . .are they ok?  I also appreciate your "prayer". . .may I ask which religion you belong to?  I have a feeling I know, but I am not sure.  If you have an issue telling me, please dont feel obligated.  I am really glad to hear that you are living testimony of overcoming alcoholism. . .that is such good news.

  Vacantmind, thanks so much for your comment.  Yes, I am ready and willing to help my friend as much as possible.  It really has been a good thing for me and I feel spiritually invigorated by it :-)

• PooponDrScience said on Mar 04, 2008....

  Dear PolarHeart,
  I am a Baha'i, or still trying to be one. Thank you for your kindness. I have not received much kindness from my hubby, DrPooponScience. In the past I did a lot of screaming at him....NO MORE. Even though economics force me back home, I will not let him get on my nerves anymore. My daughter (23) needs gastric lap banding for obesity. My son (20) needs a large cyst removed from his left ear. My son had a cleft lip and palate. He's had over 20 surgeries. He is in excellent shape otherwise. He works out at a Rec Center.
  Thanks!!!

• CayenneMan said on Mar 04, 2008....

    Been there,done that time heals . . .praise the Lord.

• silverwhisper said on Mar 07, 2008....

  polar, i cannot imagine your shock or dismay upon seeing an old enemy in a new place, a place you never expected to encounter him.
  
  is this the new friend, the couple you met at church the other week? is her husband also an alcoholic or is he sober? don't they have a daughter?
  
  i know you will do your best to help your friend, polar, that you would even if it weren't for your own experiences with alcoholism. i just hope that she puts as much into it as you do.
  
  [hug]
  
  ed

• polarheart said on Mar 08, 2008....

  Poopon, so sorry to hear about your trials and esp. about the health of your children.  Keep strong (((hugs)))

  Cayenne, glad to hear that you too are an overcomer.

  Ed, yes it is my new friend C of whom I was writing.  C told me right in the beginning of her problems with alcohol, but that she had been sobre since Nov 07. . .she was getting stronger and better as time passed.  Her husband is not an alcoholic and he was very dismayed when this happened on Sat.  He had been out working and returned in the pm when I was there. . .I felt so sorry for him.  All this said, in my heart I believe C wants to, can and will overcome.  Thanks for your encouragement to me and for the {hug} :-) Blessings!

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