• killingme4u said on Mar 01, 2008....

  i relate to this.but,are you ok??

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Mar 01, 2008....

  
  no :(
  
  thanks killing, for reading and asking
  
  your blogs helps me in late nights
  

• quietone said on Mar 01, 2008....

  paper ~ we are here for you - just keep reaching we will grab on and hold you tight.

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Mar 01, 2008....

  
  thanks quiet :_ )
  
  
  

• mobil said on Mar 01, 2008....

  C'mon Paper, try to pull it together. You have taken a big bite here with your marrage and with your young ones.
   
  This is all very hard on the mental state Paper. Try to find some blance, do not hurt yourself. This is a mood at present and this too shall pass. You know that right Paper? Right?

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Mar 01, 2008....

  
  thanks mobil. . .i have been trying my best. . .
  
  it helps a whole lot to have a place to scream silently. . .
  
  i don´t want to leave my girls behind...but sometimes these waves of depression make me want to give up...
  
  i was good for almost a year. . .nothing major. . .i told myself, the last time...if it comes again, i would rather be dead than live through it...
  
  ....i am still here
  
  
  

• mobil said on Mar 01, 2008....

  Paper, are you doing anything besides taking medicine to help this depression? I don't know so I am asking, it's almost like you have to come off the depression, you understand that depression is nothing more than brain and body chemicals that have become out of whack for lack of a better term?

   

  There is much you can do to keep yourself in a balanced place Paper. Get a hold of me if you like and I'll fill you in.....take good care of you Paper.

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Mar 01, 2008....

  
  
  i have stopped medication before i got pregnant - i am off meds for 18 months. . .
  
  . . . i am no longer manic, but this is my worst bout of depression
  
  . . .so far, i have followed my psychiatrists advice. . .as you said, in keeping balance . . .
  
  . . .i´ll pm you tomorrow dearest mobil, i´ll be grateful for your help
  
  
  

• blackthorn28 said on Mar 01, 2008....

  Hang on with me, Paper. That's all I can say. You know I understand it all too well, but we're both still standing. And we have to prove to ourselves that we can do it. 

• Never_Mind_The_Quality said on Mar 01, 2008....

  My Morning and Evening Paper,
  
  Be strong for yourself and then for others.
  You can't be strong for the whole world.
  Think of yourself and  think of your sweet girls.
  
  Yours, ~Quality
  
  
  
  
  

• pickersplock said on Mar 01, 2008....

  Let's keep talking, Paper!
  We're in this together, right?
  Too bad we weren't neighbors, we could share a cup of something hot and steamy, and vent ourselves into semi-sanity!

• Mamie said on Mar 01, 2008....

  let it out, sweet paper. It is better to keep on releasing it out of your mind, body and spirit...things will turn the corner and you will feel better again. I promise. Depression feels like it lasts forever...but remember the good times and bide your time. God has you enveloped in his arms...rest there. mamie

• killingme4u said on Mar 01, 2008....

  just stoppin by again see how ya doing.i can relate to you alot.the mental stuff really sucks.i don't know you well but i do know i like ya.theres something really neat about you.and you write really well.  i'm jealous  :) nah but take care of yourself,ok?  ttyl?

• PooponDrScience said on Mar 01, 2008....

  Dearest Paperbk,
  We could be sisters, except you write much better than me. When i'm down in my own self-made hell, (  I chose to stay married  - we almost live apart) listening to music really helps me. Prayers are also a big plus in my life. I am a member of the second most wide-spread religion in the world. I also sing and play saxaphone in a community band. I was feeling quite gloomy 3 weeks ago when my job prospects fell to a negative 3. I said a long 10 minute prayer every day for about 9 days and
  wowser, I am no longer depressed about the fact I'm moving back into the house from Hell. (Actually, only the upstairs has hellish memories, so I will live mainly downstairs.)
  I will put you on my list of people to pray for and/or think about.
  
  

• travelr712 said on Mar 01, 2008....

  i will take a chance and quote from the movie 'full metal jacket', it's a quote that's helped me through some very difficult times...
   
  'the dead know only one thing, it is better to be alive'.

• rupert7 said on Mar 01, 2008....

  paper, I don't know what it is like to be where you are! I am not going to say "pull yourself together," because I know that is a stupid piece of advice. I mean,if someone accidently  cut their arm open,how stupid would it be to say "stop bleeding!"? I do know it is  not that simple, and so I do feel for you. I am on anti depressants and they help me a lot, but you and I are totally different cases. So I am unable to say this or that works, it might for me but you are not me! I am not going to pretend I have any answers at all,but what I do have is a pile of concern. I don't actually know you but please believe I do care about your welfare! I want you to get through this! Life is worh living despite its bad periods. Suicide is permanent, and the devistation it causes lasts the lifetime of those loved ones left behind. Yesterday I was at the funeral of a friend that commited suicide. It was horrible,you should have seen his widow.
  

• queenparanoia said on Mar 02, 2008....

  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

• GrapeKoolaid said on Mar 02, 2008....

  My dear Soulsis...
  
  I read your words and I see your desperate desire to live, take flight.  I know that sometimes you want to so bad that it physically hurts.  It won't be long before you'll feel like a candy wrapper caught in an updraft, gracefully floating through the air.  The brighter the light, the darker the shadow, you know?  Just take one step forward and turn around.  Then, you would have taken a step back, and see what I see.  :) 
  
  You may want to put on your sunglasses before you do, though. 
  
  Because I am already blinded my your light. 
  
  Grape. 
  

• MissMimi said on Mar 02, 2008....

  {{{{{{{{{{{{Paperdoll}}}}}}}}}}}}}} 

  don't give up!  Hang on to us, and we'll carry you til you can walk on your own.

• GrapeKoolaid said on Mar 02, 2008....

  D'oh!  Spelling error! 
  
  *by your light. 
  
  (sorry, didn't catch this till much later). 
  

• Me-Myself&I said on Mar 02, 2008....

  i've been really busy this week, just came here to see how you was...  :~(  Paper.... God bless you and keep you!! (hug) please know that i'm thinking of you! wishing all the best too! take care, i wish i knew what to do for you ....

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Mar 02, 2008....

  
  Dearest Friends,
  
  here I am again, unable to address each and everyone of you individually.  But, as I have promised in my other blogs, I will come back when strength is there and a clearer mind to do so.
  
  You read me now, and could think, she could write, can´t she?  But it is an effort. . .I feel all I say is stupid dribble. . .the more I stare in this comment box, the more my mind tries to convince me, I am stupid.  And it is agonizing to do.
  
  I am sorry, I don´t want to make you all worried.  I hope you all understand.
  
  I am trying my very best.
  
  Tomorrow, I will go to my psychiatrist, who has been in vacation for a period of time.  I did not have the courage to see another person.
  
  I will share my triumph over it soon...and you are not pressuring me to get better, I just appreciate it that you all made an effort to comfort me.
  
  THANK YOU
  
  
  
  
  killing
  quiet
  mobil
  blackthorn
  Quality
  pickers
  Mamie
  PooponDrScience
  travelr
  rupert
  queenie
  Grape
  MissMimi
  MeMy
  
  
  
  
  
  
  <3 joanna
  
  
  

• gingersoul said on Mar 02, 2008....

  Joanna.....i am always reading you, always hoping to find you smiling and in a better mood.

  I think you might be in the middle of a horrible post partum depression. I know i suffered from it for but on you this particular moment migth exacerbate your usual  condition.

  Like Mimi said.....use us {{{{{hugs}}}}}.  

• killingme4u said on Mar 02, 2008....

  hey.take care of yourself......hunt me down anytime. :)

• MissMimi said on Mar 02, 2008....

  I tend to agree with Ginger on this.  Post partum depression is an ugly monster.  I'm so glad you're seeing your psychiatrist tomorrow.  Please Paper, keep the appointment.

• secretary said on Mar 03, 2008....

  
  Hello paper,

  
  i don't usually write on popular blogs
  like yours but this time, i'll make an exception
  for you.

  
  i know you can delete my posting, so
  if you feel like it, go ahead and do it.

  
  and if you mind my posting, let me know.
  it won't happen again.

  
  looks like you enjoy the depression.
  you have many friends in soulcast.
  what they are doing to you is,
  to help eternalize your depression,
  by encouraging your 'depression poetry.'

  
  they read it everytime you write it,
  and they praise it.

  
  in response, you voluntarily fall into depression
  in order to produce the poems
  that would garner you with praises from
  these, so called 'friends.'

  
  are they?

   

  --secretary
  

• Never_Mind_The_Quality said on Mar 03, 2008....

  I'm sorry "secretary" are you a psychyatrist? or just a secratary.
  Do you know Paper?   Because I do.
  She is a briliant writer in my eyes. And I know how productive she can
  be when she isn't in this state.
  Have you any idea what she's going through?
  I think, no, I know for sure you don't.
  
  When she is well again, she can help alot of people here because
  she's been there. And she will because she is such a kind soul.
  And her writing will be even better.
  
  She won't ask you to stop this posting, and she is too damn honest
  to delete it.
  As her friend, I'm asking you to please stop it.
  
  Kind regards,
  
  Never Mind the Quality
  

• secretary said on Mar 03, 2008....

   

  shut the fuck up,
  never mind you piece of shit.

  
  paper, these herd of idiots here
  who call themselves your friends
  are wolves disguised as sheep.

  
  do you really think they're here
  to help you?

  
  NO! they're here to DEVOUR YOU!

  
  they're feeding on your low self esteem,
  in order to re-affirm their "superior" state!

  
  while you're crying out in desperation,
  they're sitting back,
  grabbing popcorn and soda,
  and enjoy the roller coaster ride,
  a heck of an emotion-ridden drama!

  
  paper. do you really want to
  get back on the right track of your life
  or do you wanna keep whining and complaining
  about it?

   

  ...

   

  
  ...

   

  
  ...

   

  
  ...

   

  
  ...

   

   

  
  if the answer is "yes, i want my life back,"
  here is the solution:

  
  GET RID OF YOUR PAPERBACKWRITER ACCOUNT.

  
  Remember the wife of Lot
  who turned back at Sodom and Gomorrah?

  
  Be strong, Be tough, Be resolute.
  Do not ever come back to your
  paperbackwriter blog to see what others wrote
  or to write something of your own.

   

  I pray that you make a right decision.

   

   

  --the secretary of Truth

• PooponDrScience said on Mar 03, 2008....

  Secretary, Who died and made you God? None of us know all the answers. I am not trying to feed off of anyone's low self-esteem. I have enough trouble NOT trying to feed off of my own low self-esteem. We are just all trying to help each other. Maybe in our own small way we can help Paper find some answers. Your rant is not helpful. Negativity feeds on itself. If you cannot change your ways, I will read no more of you but keep you in my prayers nevertheless.

• PooponDrScience said on Mar 03, 2008....

  
  

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Mar 03, 2008....

  
  please secretary. . .don´t comment on my blogs if you are going to insult my friends...
  
  
  thank you
  
  paper
  
  
  welcome to my blog PooponDrScience, and thank you for being there again. . .and offering words of warmth and understanding (for me. . .and for secretary too)
  
  
  
  

• secretary said on Mar 03, 2008....

   
   
  "The Gift of God
   is Eternal Life
   in Jesus Christ"
  (Romans 6:23)
   
  i understand not all of you
  are children of snakes.
  
  some of you have good intentions.
  However, that does not invalidate
  the point that all of you are BLIND!
  
  you want to help paperbackwriter?
  THEN STOP RESPONDING TO HER WHINING!
  
  The very reason she keeps falling back
  is that she has a resot, YOU!
  All of you!
  
  Pbw, you have to get back on your feet
  with your own feet!
  
  None of these people, including me,
  will or can save you!
  
  You, and only you,
  in the deepest core of your heart,
  know what your life problem is.
  
  You know it. Not only the problem,
  but also the solution!
  
  it's just that you don't dare.
  BE COURAGEOUS,
  BE OUTRAGEOUS, PBW!
   
  
  --the secretary of Truth
  
  ps: Dr. poop, i'm not one of those
  egomaniac pantheists who believe
  themselves as gods.
  
  secretary only speaks of Truth,
  never of himself.
   

• secretary said on Mar 03, 2008....

   
  Paperbackwriter,
  
  you got it. you will never hear from me again.
   
  --secretary
  

• Madd-Shame said on Mar 07, 2008....

  Hi pbw,

  Medically I do not know much about depression. Actually I do not know much about a lot of things but there is one thing I know for sure, if you want something to happen badly enough, it usually does. Religious people call it faith, motivation gurus call it determination, I call it plain sense. No psychiatrist or medication in this world is going to make you better, unless deep within yourself you really want that wellness.

  I know Secretary can be blunt, but if you read between the lines he does have a point. It starts with you. And I believe it is true that to change yourself, you have to start writing, thinking and dwelling on the next plane of existence you want to go to, not where you are. No one escapes poverty by dwelling on it. They do so by thinking about being rich.

  Just think about it.

  Madd Shame

• queenparanoia said on Apr 27, 2008....

  i'm still hugging {{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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