I went to church at a new church on Monday night. We were there 2 and a half hours. There was no sermon. It was prophets night.  They spend time prophesizing over predetermined people.  It was boring as hell.  My back and rear were killing me. God did not point to me for healing or anything. We just sat back and watched. It was the night of the snowstorm which we drove home in while the rain turned to sleet and then snow.  My husband and I bantered about if it was believable etc.. I sad it was straight from God, at least in my eyes, and that was that. Now he said in his eyes it was just a regular person encouraging another to do gods bidding.  Well we ended the night peacably, drove home, and slept.

Now Wednesday night came. As far as I was concerned and from what the pastor had said, this night would not be of interest to me either. I wanted to stay home. My husband did not see it that way. He feels the way for me to be healed is to read and pray all day and all night until my Schizophrenia and Fibromyalgia goes away for good.  I have been doing the best that I can in that realm but my illnesses make it difficult for me to concentrate for more than 5 minutes most times.  My best luck is to go to sermons on sunday morning.

So.. My husband went to the wednesday service and I stayed home. He grilled me why I should stay home. He says we should worship any day we can. I told him we have worship music on night and day in his office, in our cars, and in the dining room.  I did not think I'd be dissing god by missing one night where there would not even be a sermon. Besides, I thought, God would have spoken to me monday if it was in Gods timing to do so.

Well now I am going to predict some distance from him for a while. The good news is that we have the kids all weekend and they will fill my time and I will not miss daddy at all while I have his kids to play and interact with.

By the time the kids go, daddy will be over his tantrum and our love will be back on track.

The bad news is, my husband is always saying how he will stop pestering me about reading the bible and coming to the lord and agrees I need to make my own path in regards to that, but then he keeps doing it.  I must give him credit though as he stops pushing me for a week here or there, but then he is back at it.  He can't stand not pushing me.. It eats him up inside.

The bible says the Man is the leader of the household and is to teach the household the ways of the lord.  It's not like I'm a rebel or anything, I just need to come to him in my own time.  Anything else, and I will rebel, or not. I might keep that in check. But it is no fun having somone telling you something to do all the time.

Help -- Any ideas?