• silverwhisper said on Aug 07, 2006....

  maybe you just need a break, an opportunity to be on your own for a spell? obviously, there's something missing from your life. you clearly need an opportunity to find out what that is. ed

• Marie-Jane said on Aug 07, 2006....

  I know the feeling! I feel like sometimes I'm missing out on something, I even get jealous of people! Sometimes I wonder what like would be like without the hubby and the kids I'm ok for an hour and then I think about how I'm going to miss them. On top of having a rocky relasionship, my youngest is a tazmanian devil, sometimes I just wish I could lock myself in my room and do nothing for a day....yeah righ! I think silverwhisper is right on the money

• FriendsForever said on Aug 08, 2006....

  Silverwhisper you are right, there is something missing I just can't identify what. I have tried even joining religious charismatic groups but to no avail, I don't stay long with them. Marie-Jane if my situation is the same as yours I can justify my feelings but mine isn't. I'm unhappy in the middle of happy people. Sometimes, I want to throw up tantrums but I am not a kid, it's a shame. :) Ang I will be guilty ruining others mood, it would be unfair to them. I never kept this feelings from my husband and he is actually concerned. I don't want to be his problem. He actually suggested if I really wanted I could try checking-in in a hotel and try to be far from them for even a night but it's expensive, the cost can cover more important matter. I don't want them sacrificing for me.

• silverwhisper said on Aug 08, 2006....

  maybe a tiny little bit of selfishness is a good idea. your husband sounds like a pretty insightful sort. you seem to think it would help but can't rationalize the cost. if he's offering it though, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. ed

• Marie-Jane said on Aug 08, 2006....

  There are times where sacrifices are necessary, you're lucky to have such a husband! Your family needs you and if you keep this to yourself you might not always have it. I DEMAND at least two weeks away from the kids per year. A friend of mine takes a two week vacation in the south in the winter and in the summer two weeks vacation at home and she INSISTS on having no children with her. I agree with that, I work a full-time job and "work" full time at home, I do admit that I have a marijuana "addiction" (if you want to call it that), so I seem stressed out all the time, I'm always tired but with reason since when I finish work at 5 I have to go pick up the kids at school and daycare, I get home at 6-6:30 make supper, do homework with kids, give them a bath, 30 mins of tv and it's 9pm and I didn't even have supper yet! I have a busy lifestyle so I like to relax and take it easy with a joint. I'm not saying that it's the answer but it does help me relax, otherwise I wouldn't have any ME time at all! And by the way there is nothing wrong with going on a getaway! You work hard! You deserve it! I know some couple who take 2-3 vacations per year! And no I'm not rich! I do throw tantrums honestly, cuz i'm stressed out allot, my baby is a real monster, I know it's not cool and I'm working on it very hard! You seem to have more self-control than I do! I find musique is great to relax and get away. I play three instruments, the fiddle being my main instrument, the piano and the flute. I just love it! Slashing the bow over my fiddle just melts my worries away.

• FriendsForever said on Aug 08, 2006....

  Silverwhisper and Marie-Jane, I think I got it! You two are really dear. I ha ve no identity, no ME. I am always thinking of others not caring for myself and maybe getting tired of it. It is really nice talking about it, I haven't told this problem to other people except my husband (and on this blog because it's ananymous). I can't tell this to friends because I am afraid they might call me insane. (They usually think of me as the person they can cry on, depend on) We are the the same Marie-Jane (may I call you MJ), I am also working full time, we have no househelp but I was able to delegate some to my kids and my husband also helps. Maybe you just have to wait a few more years and you wont be doing all the house works. It's good for you that you are at home by 6-6:30. Here in the Philippines, my husband me leave for work by 6AM and I arrive by 9-10pm, (my husband arrives earlier around 8pm). Our problem here is traffic. We chose to live in the countryside where it is more relaxing than in the city (we're not very far actually, only 19kilometers away). All of us leave house by 6am so usually I am up by 3am, cooking for the kids for the whole day meals. Sometimes, I do lot cooking on weekends to save time during working days. I have to make sure they are eating right when they are by themselves at home. Unlike you MJ, my kids are all by their own, my youngest is already 13 and in first year high. I have four kids, my eldest is a college sophomore. Maybe I will try a vacation alone for three (3) days, I won't make it long because I might end up calling them every other hour of the day. I might do it this November. I just decided this while answering your comments. Thanks :)

• Marie-Jane said on Aug 08, 2006....

  You just made me smile!

• yankee328 said on Aug 10, 2006....

  everyone needs some solitude at some point in time. after all, there's the old buddhist saying that says that in solitude there is wisdom. maybe you just need some you time every now and then where your husband looks after the kids and the house for a day every now and then to recharge your batteries?

• FriendsForever said on Aug 10, 2006....

  thanks yankee :) with all the positive replies I got I'm feeling less guilty. Do you know that I'm married for 20 years and been working hard since 16 and I never had a rest except when hospitalized. :D I do need the break I guess.

• silverwhisper said on Aug 10, 2006....

  yes, yes you [i]do[/i]! i don't know how you've stayed sane! ed

• FriendsForever said on Aug 11, 2006....

  ohh silver, many filipinos are like that. if you've been very very very poor, you'll not ask :D but thanks

• yankee328 said on Aug 11, 2006....

  just ask your man for some alone time every now and then, a special day for you to just do you. 20 years together huh? how old were you when you got married?

• FriendsForever said on Aug 11, 2006....

  yankee really! you're actually asking my age! :D but if you're 19 or 20 I can be your mother. My eldest son is of that age. At least I am not yet half century. hahahaha

• Mamie said on Aug 16, 2006....

  dear Friends Forever: I hope you have followed up on your own behalf and taken some time....steal some!! My daughter is the age of your kids so there is definitley a way for you to carve out some time and snatch it up!! I also wanted to share that I kind of felt that way a few years ago...and friends who heard me complain thought that I should have had it so easy with just one child...blah, blah. I realized that I was actually depressed...too much time in typical roles and way too much trying to get my self to feel good as a painted the family picture that I "thought" I should paint. I could not "serve" the family and steal my time so I started by taking a short walk. I went back to work full time and guess what? All th eother things eventually still get done and we are all fine! In addition...I feel great and typically walk 5 or 6 days a week...it's beautiful!! And I do it alone!!

• FriendsForever said on Aug 17, 2006....

  thanks for the concern mamie, i think i can have my solitude this weekend, had to bring my laptop though. aug 21 will be a non working day here and my sister-in-law is offering their house in batangas since she and her husband will stay here in manila for awhile to assist their daughter. i'm leaving this evening for batangas and am so excited, their house is located near taal lake. wish me good luck :)

• lifeslikethat said on Aug 20, 2006....

  Dear FriendsForever, hope you have enjoyed your weekend. Write about it when you are back....
  

• ayinkurie said on Sep 06, 2006....

  FF, hope you enjoyed your vacation :)
  Great to know you manage to get your time off.
  
  We need a beak sometimes. Even if we are just a housewife. Just to pull ourselves together and be you again.
  

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