I wanna know, who was it that associated the concept of love with the concept of happiness? Personally, I blame Mother Goose! She (he)'s the one who, in all those fairy tales, ended the character's plight with a full fledged romance, and the words 'and they lived happily ever after'.
Somewhere down the line, the word 'happiness' became a definition of the word 'love'. Not that it's in the dictionary, it's much deeper than that, it's in the American psyche. How many people, including myself, have been without a romantic partner, and thought 'if I just had someone to love, someone who loves me, I'd be happy'?
But if you're over 21, most likely you've been in love at least once. How happy were you because of that love? How miserable were you because of that love? And when it was over, did you go right out and try to find someone else to love, thinking once again, 'if i could just find someone to love, who loves me, i'll be happy'?
Well, in my opinion, love does not make a person happy. Sure, there is happiness to be found with love, but one does not equil the other. At best, what love does is alleviates lonliness. But it doesn't always do that either, does it?
We humans are constructed with an inate desire to be a part of a 'couple', and that sentiment is supported day in and day out by the entire world society. So we 'feel' deep down inside like we're not 'whole', not 'complete', somehow less than other people, if we're single. And we're bombarded with that ideal daily by commercials, by friends who say 'are you dating anyone?', by mothers who say 'I want grandchildren'. How can one stand up against such pressure?
But here's the danger of this phylosophy. It causes us to look for our happiness in that other person. And when they don't provide that happiness for us, we experience disappointment, lonliness, dispair. And then we can start to blame that other person for those feelings because 'if they would just treat me like they love me, i wouldn't feel like that, so it's their fault!'. Now come on, you know that thought has run through your head, and more than once! Ane when we are angry or disappointed with that significant other, do we ever remember or even think about the times they made us happy? NOT!
So I am no longer looking for happiness in love. Companionship? Yes. Comfort? Sure. Support? Of course! Not to mention sex. But happiness? No. No longer will I attach my expectations of happiness to another person, because it is just not their responsibility to provide it for me. And it's not my responsibility to provide it for them. Besides, I know from first hand experience, that it doesn't matter what I say or don't say, what I do or don't do, I cannot make another person happy. It is their choice whether they are happy about what I do or not.
So no, my life isn't controlled by Mother Goose. Love and romance isn't like the fairy tales. Love, for me, is more about learning to accept the other person for who and what they are, how and what they do, and then deciding if that's the type of influence I want in my life.
I'm removing the word 'happiness' from my personal dictionary's definition of the word 'love'.
