I have a few friends in the 'adult entertainment' business. I get the feeling that a lot of deviants, especially the 'Morally Ambiguous' ones like myself, end up with them somewhere along the line.
One of these friends was recounting an experience had at the hands of a inexperienced Dom, who would talk himself up to be something he obviously wasn't. She had tried to do as much backgrounding on him as she could, and he seemed pretty well what he said he was.
She had a setup in her house with one of those lovely webcams with a microphone embedded, and as a safe setup, had me watching and listening, and recording. This gave her the added naughtiness of knowing someone was watching her, as well as a safety net if anything went wrong.
Things were starting quite well, he seemed to be commanding her, nervously, but that is to be expected on a younger persons first time with a new someone, especially when the said someone is as stunningly attractive as this girl was *I put her on par with Dita Von Teese, and I wish I was joking* Everything seemed to be going fine when all of a sudden, in a whiny spoilt brat like voice he announces 'Call me Master!'...she had been calling him Sir all night.
When we spoke about it after, my mind began to muse. I have in my numerous wanderings of the ocean that is the internet, wandered across similar topics. Why do some people think they can command someone to respect them, and expect them to actually do it? Now if I growled at a woman, grabbed her throat, dug my claws in and growled 'Call me Master, fuckpig' whilst grinding my knee forcefully against her cunt, I imagine I'd get a breathless 'Yes Master' unless they had a very good reason for not calling me it in the first place.
Does my agression give me the respect that I seem to get now? My confidence? My Arrogance (Yes, I am arrogant, but within reason)? I no longer remember what it was to be bumbling around at the beginning of my ventures into B&D... But is that what it was like for me? Or is it that I have a noticable superiority? I do remember what it was like to be nervous, but since I came to the point where I could be called 'Master' and actually have it mean more than a basic title, I have noticed a change in demeanor by most women I'm around, even those I meet breifly on the street.
Does Dominance exude a pheremone? Physically, I am not the most attractive man around - In fact, my long hair usually puts me in a pretty 'niche' market to begin with. But I can't help thinking I get a lot more double-takes, and shy stares across the room than I used to. I don't know, maybe my posture when I sit is different.
Anyway, here does my musing for today, As I have gotten railroaded off my initial topic, and good luck for me getting back on it. But if you are a aspiring dominant reading this? Please for the love of god/gods/deific icons - do not ever demand respect you haven't already earnt. And don't assume that just because a girl has gotten naked for you, that means they respect you.
Sickman posted on Feb 22, 2008
| views: 223
Comments
-
whoreslave said on Feb 27, 2008....
You've commented in several of my entries, and I certainly owe you no less- *smiles* You've EARNED at least that respect from me!
Titles of respect, and namecalling, (subsets I imagine of the same verbal fetish, which gets surprisingly little webplay despite it's obvious popularity,) are tricky things. WHICH title of respect is used can totally make or break a dynamic for some, while others feel nothing from it, and either maintain it just as a matter of form, (god knows we freaks love our little rituals, eh?) or for the sake of their partner.
In my earlier years of formal involvement with BDsM, (I distinguish from my early fetish years- as I was so young then as to barely have a grasp on my first language,) I heard and saw around me slaves/subs calling their Tops "Master", and often had to stifle a giggle as my mind filled with hunchbacked Igors, slurring things like, Yes, MAssssssssssster! zee monster is REAAAAADy...!" (I hope I haven't ruined the word for others by pointing this out. *lol*) Likewise, the fuss in some text-oriented settings, like web-chats, where people made an enormous fuss over Caps vs no-caps, and the 2nd or third-person mode of speech demanded by many Masters, Gorean in particular. I mean, it's a handy convention when there MIGHT be any chance of confusion, and I will sometimes refer to my Master as Him rather than him, but it's not a law of form I am commanded to obey. I DO regularly capitalize the M in Master, mostly out of respect for the social form, and for those who DO cheese to take such details very personally.
I would LOVE to have a Daddy, but I know there are many who have issues with that, as there's some stigma attached, even when all participants are well above the age of consent- when I *wasn't* above the age of consent, ironically, I found no appeal in that title at all, and would have likely shunned anyone who expected me to use it.
Sir and my Lord (Ma'am, and my Lady, I suppose,) are elegantly respectful, without seeming so grovelly as Master, and are also often used as terms of respect for Tops who are not one's own. I know for a fact that I can NEVER go wrong addressing a male top, and even some Dommes, as Sir. Yes, Sir. Please, Sir, Thank you, Sir. I know also, that this generally pleases them, as it shows I have respect for their station, even before they've had a chance to prove themselves. Obviously, if one such proceeded to fail and flounder miserably, I'd be less inclined to continue to show that respect.
But our roles, for all that we feel them, are ultimately chosen ones. I am a sub. I know HOW to Top, but it doesn't turn me on to do it. I have *chosen* to fill the role of sub, and by doing so demonstrate an acceptance of all those who CHOOSE to be in the role of Top. And part of the trappings of BEING a Top, part of the expectation of that role, is to be given a certain respect by submissives, entirely aside from any earned respect.
Does this make any sense to you? -
Sickman said on Mar 04, 2008....
I feel that some people perhaps take wordplay like that a little too seriously, but perhaps for good reason. After all, As you yourself stated, it's quite perhaps a subset of the same fetish, and therefore, as important to some as not having their intellect degraded in humiliation play, the word Master might be just as important.
*chuckles* That is one warped way of working things out, I kept thinking of Star Wars refrences, but perhaps there I am showing my true age?
Caps was never something I was involved in too much. Sure I used to play on IRC years ago, as both Top and bottom, but the way I learnt to type was to captilise titles of address by default, so it just became second nature to me.
*chuckles* I can understand why some have some issues with Daddy roleplay. I personally find it very attractive. Especially because you can start quite soft, other forms of roleplay generally don't allow that. Some of the stories I have written *Not to be confused with the Diaries of Sickman, which I do not write* have often been on a similar topic.
Sir is a wonderfully diverse term. I've only ever met one person who didn't like the terminology, and even then they took no offence from it. I think it's something that should be used, much like a play collar. As a Top I have offered play collars, and it's only been refused once, but only because the bottom was unaware of the differences *She thought I was trying to make her my slave*
Going back to roles - I am a Dom, I know HOW to bottom, and sometimes it can turn me on, but I don't hit 'subspace' and never will. I used to be a very good sub before I discovered myself, But, having said I was a very good sub, I was also a very poor sub *My reasons for subbing were the sort of reasons that most would not find ideal*
Ultimately though I eventually chose to be a Top - Because being a Top was very natural, it felt 'right' and everything I did as it, sort of hummed with my body. Yes I believe there is a certain small level of respect I am given by submissives, It's the sort of respect that has them address me differently to the way I would be adressed by a Dom/me I didn't know.
But I'm not going to chuck a hissy fit if that doesn't happen either, although I've seen enough people who have.
It makes complete sense to me, even if I have kind of railroaded slightly again *laughs*
-
filial_girl said on Mar 11, 2008....
It's much more fun thinking of ways to show respect for someone without opening your mouth. :) Well maybe use that orifice, but not mutter any words. Talk is quite cheap these days.