quietone's tags:

]We have a new boss at work, temporary position to see if she will “make the cut” This person has let the job go to her head and is out to “change the world” and in a not so good way. She was just a co-worker like the rest of us.

Where I work, it is pretty laid back and people tend to “goof off” a lot at any given time…its been going on for years. Like any mfg. business you have your good workers and your slackers. Well, this new boss is out to hunt you down and show her “authority.”

She was told that in her position she must “demand” respect from her employees. Now I know that you must respect the authority of your boss, and they have the “say”…right or wrong. But isn’t it also fair to say that a person has a right to stand up for themselves if they are being wronged?

Isn’t also safe to say that you don’t demand respect?…you can, but it has to be earned?

What is you take on this? Do you have a good employee/boss relationship? Is your boss demanding respect or has he/she earned it?

I think the more a boss pushes their employee and demands….the less he or she is going to get from any employee. There is a fine line there I think anyway. I also think she will learn this the hard way.

She is coming off as a hard nose boss and into peoples faces. To me this is now way to gain the respect of the people you wish to do a good job for you. It will come back to bite her…. Especially if she has to go back on to the floor when she doesn’t make “the cut”. She will have burned a lot of bridges.

Why do people let a job title go to their head like this. I would think it is also the boss’s job to make sure you have what you need to do the job well. She seems to care less about the job and more about what you “aren’t” doing.

Oh, I smell t r o u b l e !! That is why I am so glad I work the off shift!!

So, my question is do you demand respect or is it something you earn?



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Comments

  • beyondtheveil said on Feb 21, 2008....
    quiet- Your new boss will probably have to go after the slackers or not keep the new position. That may be the reason she was placed there.

    But you are right. You either command respect as a natural inner force or you earn it.
  • quietone said on Feb 21, 2008....
    beyond ~ I do agree about the slacker thing for sure!  I am not so sure about the trampling of the rest of us though ~ oh, well , this too shall pass!  thanks beyond.
  • mobil said on Feb 21, 2008....
    Ok this is your lucky day Quiet, I am sure you were unaware when asking this question that right here in SC is the walking, talking epidimity of a fantastic bossman.
     
    Now, let me first say, often women don't make the best bosses, not always, but it seems that many (ok most) women when placed in a position of authority go bonkers, yup bonkers. Like this woman you're talking about.
     
    Of course respect is earned, you can demand it all day long and it's not going to happen. We are after all the Humanbeast and we don't like folks demanding things and we respect only those who exemplify what's best in us.
     
    Did you know, that to be a Chief in a Plains Indian tribe, you earned the position and kept it only as long as the tribe was WILLING to follow you? Yeah and if you became Chief Butthead, they looked for the next guy who had his shit in a row.
     
    This woman is in a tough spot though, coming off the floor and being in charge of those she used to work with. Many companies don't allow that. They promote within, but move the promotee to another place or section. She's probably trying with all she has, but in the wrong way and what sort of schooling or training did she get from the company before moving into management?
     
    Anyway, yes earned not demanded.
  • Battycat said on Feb 21, 2008....
    Respect must be earned, I agree quiet, being too heavy handed makes people resentful.
  • quietone said on Feb 21, 2008....

    mobil ~ I am glad you said what you said as I do agree.  The job was posted and she bid on it. Sad to say our company does not have the best laid plans for training.  she has no mgt. background and they gave her..what maybe a week or 2 training. I sadly agree that women don't make the best boss for that same reason you said...they get a big head over it.  But we have "our ways" and the employees can either help make her or break her...I am inclined to think it to be the latter.  Thanks mobil.

     

  • quietone said on Feb 21, 2008....
    battycat ~ exactly...and the resentment is showing already. I was really wondering if maybe it was just us...the "lowly" floor people not liking the change in leadership, but no, its her. thanks
  • secretlife said on Feb 21, 2008....
    i've worked for people like her when i started my career-
    (men and women mobil!)
     
    when you promote someone who used to be your peer, that's one really tough spot, and i've seen the gambit in terms of what these new 'bosses' will do--- mostly i think they experiment to find their way- often making a ton of mistakes and yes, sometimes these mistakes end up costing people, or at the least making lots of people angry. 
     
    my advice is to stay clear.  do your job and give this new boss nothing to complain about.
     
    and of course you can never 'demand' respect.
    it always has to be earned.
  • Twylarants said on Feb 21, 2008....
    I don't think anyone can demand or command respect.  Well, maybe in boot camp they can.
    Respect must be earned, it's not automatically bestowed on you simply because you are put into a position of authority.
    I don't respect my department head, although I respect the position she holds. Why don't I respect her?  She refers to her co-workers as f**k**g morons, she's a malicious gossip, she's devious and punitive, anal retentive, and lazy. She hates her job and everyone she works with except other managers.   Now, she's nice to me, but that doesn't elicit respect from me. She hasn't earned it. Unfortunately, this type seems to rise in our company.

  • Lucytorial said on Feb 21, 2008....
    Regardless of position respect is earned.  I've worked as a manager and regardless of being a task master which I was to get results I did it in a positive and fun way, I involved myself, had reviews (performance) I asked my staff - dah the ones doing the work - how it could be managed better, done quicker with the results management were looking for.
    You involve yourself on a level of trust and respect with your workers they will show it back to you.  I had an open door policy as well, not to induce bickering or bitching about others but to resolve issues and find solutions to things that weren't working...

    I would say your company bosses have their heads up their proverbial's and unfortunately this is the case with multi level management.  I feel for you because bosses like this make for a very un happy work environment.
  • hotaka said on Feb 22, 2008....
    Titles often imply that the title holder should be respected from the start. However, I do believe that the title holder needs to conduct his or her manner in a way that works out best for the company and the employees, and of course, the customers. Someone who treats everyone fairly, is forgiving, keeps company policy but knows when to make exceptions, friendly, and a general all around decent person gets much more respect than someone who demands everyone to bow down and kiss toes, fingers or butts.

    As a teacher I expect the kids to listen to what I say and do as I ask. I have a plan for each class where everyone can learn what they have to and hopefully have some fun too. When kids are unruly or just plain rude it spoils the mood and nothing is fun when I have to get angry. Most of my students are good, but at one kindergarten where I teach once a week there are two or three boys who have no manners at all and show no respect for the teachers. Sometimes I want to show those kids who's boss but it's not my responsibility to do so. Their parents need to teach them better.
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    secret ~ I agree men and women, but I found its mostly women that let a position go to their heads.  I do believe it is a huge learning curve for this person as she has never been a boss - she will learn, but unfortunately she is burning bridges with the very people who can either make her or break her. 
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    Twyla ~ ha maybe we work for the same company!! LOL No, because even the boss's fight among themselves..its just awful.  I am glad I go to work, come home and they pay me.....what ever happens in the middle, isn't my concern.... OR headache~  but she gets no respect from me.
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    Lucy ~ I agree mostly with your way of dealing with people.  work with them not against them, and then if that don't work you may have to get a bit tougher, but it still can be done with some respect and curtesy
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    hotaka ~ I do have respect for the "position" of a boss, but not necessarily for the person IN the position who throws their weight around because the can.  That leaves a bad taste in everyones mouth.  Oh, and man, dealing with little ones!! wow, now that would take all my patience and then some...the little rug rats!! (but then there are some adults that act like that at work too) good to see ya~
  • lfbno7 said on Feb 22, 2008....
    My wife worked in a child care center that had a great work atmosphere until the boss left and was replaced by someone who felt she had to crack down on people. She gave the workers no respect or appreciation, just a hard time. Workers started to quit. My wife quit. Other former workers began writing complaint letters to the people in charge of the organization. That new boss was fired. Now my wife has a different job and loves it. She feels appreciated there and says it is the best job she ever had.

    My relationship with the owner of my company is not good. We don't clash at work, but I don't like him. Several people have quit in the last month because he doesn't replace those who leave, just keeps adding their work on to the workload of those who remain, and they were sick of having to give free overtime on evenings and weekends to the degree they did. The boss is an extremely selfish man hell bent on squeezing blood out of a stone. When one of my co-workers told him that she had breast cancer, his only comment to her was "How will that affect your work here?". That sizes him up perfectly. Utterly self centered. Every year he pays to get his name listed in a Who's Who book. The Who's Who people misspell his name.

    But the "boss" under him, the one who is involved in day to day matters and interacts with us a lot, is very approachable and one hell of a nice guy. That actually describes most of the employees where I work. That's one of the best things about the place. The owner is one of the few drawbacks to the company.
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    Lbno ~ you know I can hear this woman saying the same thing to an employee about cancer or anything : how long are you going to be out?  cold cold.  I am glad you have a boss closer to you that is human.  It makes work a bit easier, but I imagine a tough place for him to be.
  • silverwhisper said on Feb 22, 2008....
    frankly, i've always felt that only an arrogant ass demands respect, and only a particularly stupid arrogant ass feels that this behavior is required, myself.

    [shrugs]

    ed
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    ed ~ well I must say that about sums it up! I agree.
  • skald said on Feb 22, 2008....
    Yes, you earn respect and can not demand it. This person is inadequate to be a boss in my opinion because she has not learned how to communicate. Stuck up nose when she get a little authority. I think she is stupid or at least inexperienced in living the life.   
  • skald said on Feb 22, 2008....
    Yes, you earn respect and can not demand it. This person is inadequate to be a boss in my opinion because she has not learned how to communicate. Stuck up nose when she get a little authority. I think she is stupid or at least inexperienced in living the life.   
  • wombat said on Feb 22, 2008....
    This all sounds very familiar to me, as I worked for quite a while in a place similiar to where you work.  Management was constantly changing--from floor managers on up to the top brass.  Sometimes "one of us" would bid on a job and move up.  We would wish them well, but often they were no longer our friend---they took on the role of authority and that was it.  A few came back down from the "Ivory Tower" begging to be let back into the fold!  But I don't think you have to "demand" authority to get it.  Yes, you have to earn the respect that comes with the title by how you treat everyone you deal with from the bottom up.  Some just never got the hang of it.
  • Shameus_O'Patrick said on Feb 22, 2008....
    Quietone,    My boss was demoted from her previous position to being my wife.   She didn't realize it when it happened, or if she did, she didn't say anything about it or let me know she did.  For that I  respected her. 

    Over the years she's given me some grief  I didn't  think I  could put up with but...   When time had passed and I had thought things out, I realized she had done the right thing.  She didn't throw it in my face when I admitted to her she had been right and I had shouldn't have acted like had. 

    She's always been there to give me whatever I need to do my job to the best of my ability.   When I don't, she gives me directions in such a way I'm eager to make the changes.  

    She lets me think I'm the boss most of the time, and never says differently to anyone to anyone.  Yet I know shes the boss.   The best boss I could have.  

    She earned  respect from me, even though being my wife demanded I respect her... 

    Our divorce will be final ....   JUST KIDDING...   We're still married but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to say that.      Sometimes I slay myself with my humor...  LOL 

    Shamus  O.   
  • Me-Myself&I said on Feb 22, 2008....

    i'm sorry for the extra stress at work. there is one in every place. she is full of herself, maybe after the newness wears off she'll chill. i hope so. that is why i hang on to cleaning homes for a living, i'm on my own.

    take care and think pink! *smile* ~see ya

  • queenparanoia said on Feb 22, 2008....
    i think you need to earn respect... yeah  think it would be difficult if she does not get the job. many people will probably hate her.
  • minniemouse said on Feb 22, 2008....

    People often think that "respect" and "doing whatever the hell I say and don't quesiton me" are the same thing.....

    Minnie

  • polarheart said on Feb 22, 2008....
    Quiet, I am glad to hear you dont have to be around this chick much, but it does tend to bother one.  In my experience, people who try to demand respect by throwing their weight around rarely achieve respect.  People might be "weary" of them and try to do everything perfectly to try and appease them, but they DO NOT respect them.
     
    Respect is a positive thing, respect cannot be obtained through negative behaviour.  If only people could realise that they are actually their own worst enemy!
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....

    skald ~you are right about being inexperienced for sure.  She is for sure full of herself.

    wombie ~ yes sounds about the same to me too.  She won't last as most people are already plotting to give her a hard time... because we can make or break her! and we will break her!!

     

  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    Shameus ~ That is just too cool.....your boss your wife...and able to admit it and survive the whole thing! what a man!  :)
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    MeMy ~ I wish she would, but she is the type that will just get worse!  We will fix her! ha
     
    queenie ~ there are a lot of people already who dislike her a lot!
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    minnie ~ geez I am dense sometimes...I had to read your comment a few times before I fially got what you meant!  You are right!
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    polar ~ no one is going out of their way to make her happy, they are doing exactly the opposite!  She will learn the hard way unfortunately. And I am very glad I don't have to deal with her for only about an hour a day. 
  • uniquely-ironic said on Feb 22, 2008....

    I've been through this syndrome.  A little power is a bad thing.  I have consistantly turned down jobs that might put me in authority over people of my own skills set.  I would rather be part of a team than a hapless misguided leader.

    My current bosses and I have a good relationship.  My big boss demands respect, but has earned it as well.  He earned it by being fair and demonstrating the same work ethic as he demands.

  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    uniquely ~ You said it there, I would rather be part of a team than a misguided leader!  And I also agree...you respect the authority of your boss, but they have to earn the general respect of charecter.
  • fearing said on Feb 22, 2008....

    Respect is earned in my opinion. 

    At the preschool job I have - I'm the director and a teacher so I don't really have a boss there because its me. ;-)    In the afternoon I work at a school and the principal there is great.  He naturally commands respect.  He knows how it works.  We respect him because he shows respect and treats everyone fairly.  It is also a common site to see this man with shirt sleeves rolled up and wearing a necktie, taking trash out for teachers in the afternoon, mopping the lunchroom or any other task he would expect employees to help take care of. 

  • stoney said on Feb 22, 2008....

    So, my question is do you demand respect or is it something you earn?

     

    respect must be a two-way street and come from the top down.

    remember if you expect it to be earned then you must earn it as well.

  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....

    fearing ~ the principal does sound like a nice man.. I can see why he is respected, because he is not "above" the rest.. he is a part of the team, but still a leader.  So although his "position" commnds respect...he also earns it.  It must be nice to have a boss like that.....oh I forgot you are his boss!  Well, still, I can tell by what I see here that you are a good boss also....one that respects others as well.  :) thanks fearing.

  • Mamie said on Feb 22, 2008....
    i guess I am voting with the majority here. Also I wanted to add that sometimes "respect" gets confusing to people and they think it is love.. respect is a judgment. So if you follow that thought through then you will respect all as you respect yourself. Sorry, I am stuck in tha power of now book...love all , serve all! :))
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    stoney ~ you are right also...if one wants respect he/she should act in a respectful manner. 
  • husbandhater said on Feb 22, 2008....

    Respect is something you earn. You only demand it in instances that you are not getting it. Someone should pull her to the side and tell  her to ease up or the entire group should approach a higher up about her behavior and they could get her to back off.

    My boss is still an enigma but I know she recently was checking into my over time. Why I don't know. I come to work ontime and I do my job. The reason I do the overtime is to support my family. I could see if I was calling out or it was effecting the time I came into work but tired or not I go and do what is required of me so the problem I see not. I'm tired on days I haven't worked . 

    Anyway thats my thoughts on the subject. Either you guys straighten Tyranical Rexette out or your going to have more hell to pay later. 

     

  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    Mamie ~ you must have been commenting the same time as me.  Yes, if you can respect yourself then you'd think one could pass it along.....unfortunately, this new boss doesn't get that part!  Oh, well, she will in time I hope.  And definate difference between respect and love...but I do think you have to have respect for someone in order to love them.
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....
    husbandhater ~ we cant go to her higher up boss becasue get this HE is the one that told her to "demand" respect!! so there ya go...the type of boss's we have!  you must work a lot.  I know how hard that can be..I also have put in some long..very long weeks.
  • fearing said on Feb 22, 2008....
    Ooops, sorry Quiet.  I didn't explain it well.  The principal is my boss.  I have 2 different part-time jobs.  The one in the morning is at a preschool and the afternoon job is at a Christian school.  ;-)  
  • quietone said on Feb 22, 2008....

    fearing ~ Oh, don't worry I won't tell him!  LOL!! He will still respect you in the morning! How many children do you have total between the 2 classes?

  • fearing said on Feb 22, 2008....
    That was funny Quiet!  lol! 
    In the morning, I have 10 children between the ages of 3 1/2 to 5 years old.  I leave that job around 12'ish to go to the school until 2:30 (except on Fridays - I work at the school all day and no preschool).  At the school, I'm the part-time librarian so I ultimately get the whole school of a little over 400 kids - grades K3 (3 year old kindergarten) all the way up to 12th grade.  I don't see the high school kids much.  They are 2 buildings away and don't like to read any more.  The bulk of my day is spent with the elementary grades.  It is a whirlwind day!  ;-) 
  • lfbno7 said on Feb 23, 2008....
    I think that I give everyone respect at first, and that you have to earn disrespect.
  • quietone said on Feb 23, 2008....
    fearing ~ Oh, thats right...were you the one that made the kid cry in the library that wanted to take that book but couldn't? maybe that was someone else!  I would like to work with little kids they are so funny at times..and they believe everything, and most are so eager to learn.
  • quietone said on Feb 23, 2008....
    Lbno ~ now why would I think that you wold be opposite from everyone else!! ha! but that is a good point.....it shows no judgement on your part until the person shows theirs.  did that make sense?
  • lfbno7 said on Feb 23, 2008....
    no
  • quietone said on Feb 23, 2008....

    hahaha....I didn't think so! 

  • timesojourner said on Feb 27, 2008....

    I think respect is both earned and demanded.

    Earned, in terms of the way you treat others, the way you show respect to others whether they're your superiors or not or they're in authority or not. In other words, we reap what we sow. Demanded, in terms of simply their position speaking silently. I mean, inherently their position in the job, whether they're pleasant or unpleasant in our judgment, demands respect.

    I think respecting superiors, even if they're ill-mannered, works wonders in most circumstances. :)

  • quietone said on Feb 27, 2008....
    times ~ oh, you don't know how I do not want to agree with you.....but yes a "boss" can in that position demand respect...the thing is, if they do that, they probably won't get much!  and your last sentence....oh I grit my teeth, cause you are probably right there too.  thanks and welcome.

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