After my prolonged sabbatical from SoulCast, I decided to log on and re-read everything that I've written in here.  Based on my posts, I seemed unhappy and discontented with how my life was going at that time.  Now, almost a year and half later, I think I feel worse.  Although I am not hurting anymore,  I still feel that something is missing.  I don't know if I am naturally insatiable, or I just haven't really found what I've been looking for. 

Of course there are things that make me happy.  My daughter, who's turning five in a few months, is such a jewel.  She shines like no other.  I am very happy that she is growing up to be a good child.  She is a well-mannered and smart kid.  She went to nursery in June and stepped up to kindergarten in November.  She reads very well now.  My friends, who are always there for me, are also a source of happiness.  I get to talk to them a lot, which makes life easier.  But then, I still don't feel complete.  Why?  I don't know.

In the one and a half years that I've been away, a lot of things has happened.  I am still with my partner (I really shouldn't be calling him my husband because we aren't married afterall).  But I think the flames died down.  He has hurt me once, and things were never the same since then.  It also didn't help that my first boyfriend, who then lived in Spain with his wife and his son, resurfaced.  We talked like we never talked before.  But no, no more romantic stuff.  I'm happy just being friends with him.  But then, other people don't understand.  Actually, sometimes, I don't understand what's going on myself. 

I wrote about my fight with my sister before.  Just an update, we are still not talking.  I started referring to her as my estranged sister.  Reconciliation is nowhere near.

As for my career (or the lack thereof), I am still connected with the same company.  I've been here for almost 5 years, with no clear path where it will take me.  I have finished a short course in an entirely different field and I'm planning on shifting to that industry.  However, I still have to undergo training, which might require me to leave my current job.  Isn't it just too complicated? 

So, here I am now, trying to find my luck and myself.  Happiness has been so elusive.  I never really  believed that it is wanting what you have.  God created people to dream.  He made us able, in different ways, to achieve those dreams.  And when we do achieve them, in my opinion, that is happiness.  I hope I can muster enough courage to leave my comfort zone.  Because maybe, it is only then that I may be able to spread my wings, fly, and finally catch happiness.