Today is my grandmother's 90th birthday, but she'll argue with you that it's only her 89th. My mother rolls her eyes, but I say if she wants to be 89 again we'll let her. It kind of foils the birthday celebration when she is so adamant about it though.
In her later years, my grandmother has become difficult for lack of a better word. I think she is filled with regrets and has become bitter. She'll tell you that she didn't marry for love, but always held the flame for another. I've always found that to be terribly sad. My grandfather loved her a lot.
She is left wondering with that "what might have been" feeling.
The thing that I have learned from her is that I don't want my life to wrap up like that. I don't want to be bitter. Somehow I've got to find the courage and means to take my steps toward happiness. She never did that. Even after my grandfather passed, she was too stuck on the "what might have been" to find happiness in the present.
Don't get me wrong. I love her dearly. I miss the fun side of her before she became bitter and manipulative. She is good at playing both sides against the middle and most of the time I am the middle.
She's in a nursing home now. Her being difficult has drawn some battle lines in the sand between certain family members. It has created a walking on egg shells situation. There is a fine line between showing her the respect a woman of her years deserves vs admonishing the tantrums of a child. I might add that she is in the nursing home by her own choosing knowing that her home and possessions are still as she left them. My father is in charge of all that and will do nothing with it until after her passing out of respect for her.
So, the big 90th birthday party was kind of a bust since she still insists she's 89. At least she is still with us to celebrate.
Maybe I should have told her that 90 is the new 80. I don't think she would have bought that either though.
CW
Have some Healthy Cup Tea.
CreativeWoman posted on Feb 18, 2008
| views: 101
Comments
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Mamie said on Feb 18, 2008....
happy 89th to Grandmaw, hehehe...and ya know CW, that is one thing I do not do...dwell on the what ifs, I am a risk taker and often make my move and then figure it out later on. It is not the most intelligent way but I am very happy!!. I am trying more and more to live in the NOW and it is working. I hope you all have it in you to put on the biggest party next year for her "90th"! best, mamie -
CreativeWoman said on Feb 18, 2008....
Mamie,
I'm not much of a big risk taker, but I think I'm getting better. Grandma will tell you we can celebrate 90 next year "if I live that long". She's been saying that since about her 70th.
I find your way of doing things very inspiring.
CW
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Mamie said on Feb 19, 2008....
hi CW: thank you and I too, find your way of living very inspiring. There is so much to be learned and I admire how you have set out to learn it. Blessings on your day! mamie -
silverwhisper said on Feb 20, 2008....
CW, that's a difficult thing. as you know, i'm having trouble with my own grandmother, so i can relate, at least in part.
ed -
silverwhisper said on Feb 20, 2008....
darn it, hit submit too soon!
regrets, i'm coming to find, are a kind of poison, and the longer one has them without addressing them in some measure, the worse off they make you.
mamie: i can tell that's true of you and honestly, i admire that in you.
ed -
CreativeWoman said on Feb 20, 2008....
Mamie,
Thank you. Blessings to you too.
Ed,
I agree about regrets being a form of poison. I know how they affect me and I definitely see it in my grandmother. I'm going to be sure I don't end up that way.
I hope things improve with you and your grandmother.
CW
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silverwhisper said on Feb 20, 2008....
thank you, CW. it's more about me than it is anything else.
ed -
CreativeWoman said on Feb 20, 2008....
Ed,
I think I could say the same thing about my situation. I've had to choose sides and that has made difficult situation sad.
CW
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queenparanoia said on Feb 22, 2008....
well we just celebrated my grandpa 90th and it was a big bash!!!
and dont worry cw. youre different. you'll achieve your hapiness... =)
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CreativeWoman said on Feb 22, 2008....
queen,
I'm glad you had a good time with your grandpa. :-)
CW
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kellysun08 said on Feb 25, 2008....
OMG!
it should be a glad day! i will get marry with my husband from interracialmatch.com. hope we can happy!
Comment on "What might have been..."
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