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Why is it that whenever I have to take someone's life into my hands, I do a damned good job on fixing that person's life? How come when I try to take personal matters into my hands, I end up screwing up?

[Yes, Teddi, I screw up. Yes, me - the Weight-bearer.]

I should have my own card in the Tarot deck: The Weight-bearer: You are the infinite capsule the people lean on for help and protection. People see you as their Savior and Hope, but for you, life will be... [?] You are... [?] (insert apt word here).

Atlas forever held the world on his shoulders, and he never complained to anyone. He bore the burden of supporting the world without being thanked or appreciated for his deed.

Religious martyrs and saints, revolutionaries, inventors, philosophers, good people, and everybody who has sacrificed one thing they love is an Atlas - a Weight-bearer.

Now, I question: if you've got the World's worlds on your shoulders, should you start telling Management that there must be something wrong in His plans? That you're not strong enough to carry all that WEIGHT... all those thoughts, those worlds you don't even know about, those emotions that you yourself hide from... do you tell God you can't take it anymore?

And even if you do come to terms with God, what will you say? Will you tell Him that He gave you too much? Or was it too little because you didn't see the point in carrying that burden for so long?

Right now, I carry worlds on my back and three hearts in my hands - none of which are mine.

I have a hundred thoughts in my head, all scattered and incoherent, trying, and confusing, that needs to be straightened out.

I have emotions, oh, so much emotions, that I am left vulnerable, unaware, spaced out, and even scatter-brained, because of being too lost in thought - which most are, not necessarily my own.

So, now that you know all these about me... God, would you still make me carry them?


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Comments

  • Zayda said on Aug 06, 2006....
    Anarchist--I walk in your shoes. I am the person who everyone turns to; I am the person who carries so many others' burdens. A friend of mine finally helped me see that carrying everyone's burdens was literally making me sick, miserable, and unhappy. I was bearing too much, not caring for myself, not meeting my own needs. And by sacrificing my own happiness, I wasn't really helping anyone else either.
  • Expendable said on Aug 07, 2006....
    It's easier to fix someone else's problems than your own.
  • madstorm said on Aug 07, 2006....
    They say you can help someone out of a problem or you can help them stay in it. For compassionate people it is one of the hardest lessons in life that we CANNOT change other people. Wisdom is to know the difference between those who genuinely want help to get out of a problem and those who are wallowing in self-pity. Many people choose to help others in order to make themselves feel better while others dump their problems on other people because they can't face their own inadequacies. Compassion is to love yourself and others equally. Then there is no burden.
  • JavaMama said on Aug 07, 2006....
    It is so much easier to fix what is going wrong with someone else than to fix what is going wrong with yourself because for them it is only advice but for you it requires that you act upon your own advice. You see all to often people just want pitty because they are wallowing in their greif. I have and always will be the person who gives the advice.I am much better at rectifying anothers life than my own and all to often I am very good at it. I am working on taking my own advice and forgetting the trauma in my past and that is where I have found a balance. I need do only one thing for myself at a time. Each step forward gets me closer to the goal and still lets me be free to help another. Remember too....God will only give you what you are capable of handling! It may seem as though you cannot but persevere often it is a test and at times he really piles it on but if it is given you ....you can handle it.
  • anarchist said on Aug 09, 2006....
    Z, did knowing that bearing other people's problems stop you from helping them? (if you nodded, stop reading! HAHA) Well, that's my case. Even if I know I should start caring for me, I can't help but drop "me" and help them. It's always been that way. Just like how the moon changes. It changes just the same.
  • anarchist said on Aug 09, 2006....
    Expendable, it's always been that way. For another's conflict, you get to be the "outside person." Being that outside person helps you think better and see the ramifications of decisions and options. When you're the person with a problem, you don't get to see what the outside person usually sees.
  • anarchist said on Aug 09, 2006....
    JM, I think everyone is sort of the "weight-bearer." It's the weird ones - like me, if I can say that myself - that have this[i]innate capactiy of a [b]perpetual sponge[/b][/i]. Read as: you absorb people's problems. You bear weight. You never tire.
  • Zayda said on Aug 09, 2006....
    anarchist, no, i suppose it didn't stop me from helping them entirely, when i could. but, i am less likely to drop "me" and help everyone immediately (unless the need is dire).
  • EvilTwin said on Aug 11, 2006....
    That you care enough for others, even strangers like myself that you offer kind words to, or try to help others shows great strength of character. But I hope you know that it doesn't excuse others that you carry their burdens. You are helping them bear it, not taking it over. They have to be responsible for their own lives, just as you are for your own. As we all are for our own. Just try to remember to look after yourself while you are doing all this and you should be okay.
  • anarchist said on Aug 14, 2006....
    I have this version of a "messianic complex" that I am compelled to help people, be there for other people, offer even the simplest of words, and just... bear what weight I can from them. Most of the time, I can bear more weight than most.

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