Some of you know my beautiful Golden Retriever, Dakota, died last September from the post I wrote about her. She was not only loved by the family, she was loved by Cheyenne.
Cheyenne came to us nine and one half years ago and was immediately taken in by Dakota like a daughter. They played together, ate together, slept together, and were never apart for more than a couple of hours at a time.
A few days after Dakota died, Cheyenne became ill. She had obvious physical symptoms and I took her to the vet. The vet checked her out closely including blood work and told me her problem was losing her life long friend. She gave me prescriptions and come to find out, the vet was right. She slowly began eating again and over time the physical symptoms disappeared.
But our Cheyenne has never been the same again. She still will not lay in the area of the front yard Dakota lay in.
She will not eat at the side of the kitchen where Dakota ate.
She will not go under the dining room table where the two of them slept together so many times.
She will not play with the toys in the basket they played with.
In fact, she does not play much at all.
She is very good with our new golden, Molly, but her heart isn't in it.
Her heart is still broken after five months. I can see it in her eyes, the eyes that were so full of life and playful. And I don't know what to do about it.
Some people don't think animals can grieve.
Cheyenne is grieving for Dakota just like we are, only we are now grieving over two.
She gets all the love and attention she always got, but it isn't helping.
How do you cure a dog with a broken heart?
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beyondtheveil posted on Feb 16, 2008
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Comments
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wakingharmony said on Feb 16, 2008....
with super love but there will always be a scar... It is so sad when an animal loses a love but i think one thing is for sure they still feel their presence the essence of the one they loved is there forever. that is why you sometimes see that shine in their eyes like they just saw an angel... they did.{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Cheyenne}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} -
quietone said on Feb 17, 2008....
Oh I for one believe animals sense the loss and grieve just like we do. I had a cat that lost his brother...all he did was cry and yall constantly looking for his brother. Poor cheyenne :( I hope she will find a playmate in Molly in time. -
MissMimi said on Feb 17, 2008....
This breaks my heart, beyond. I think you're doing all you can, giving her lots of love. I hope in time, Molly will make her own place in Cheyenne's heart. I hope one day in the near future, you will look out the window and see her in Dakota's place in the yard, being warmed by the sun. In the meantime, I hope the two of you bring each other solace.
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skald said on Feb 17, 2008....
I wish I knew how to cure a dog with a broken heart but I know dogs can grief. I am so sorry. -
secretlife said on Feb 17, 2008....
i can only guess that they're like us that way beyond. and in people, i've seen it go two ways-either time heals and life takes hold of Cheyenne....in people, this type of experience changes them forever, so you might notice some changes in her.remember too, that with us, grief is different for everyone. there's no set "time frame" where we wake up one day and we're over it.the other alternative is that time can't heal her.in which case, she will not get better.I know it's possible for people and animals to die from a broken heart. -
beyondtheveil said on Feb 17, 2008....
waking- The scar is what is bothering me also. I would just like to bring her back to where she at least looks happy. The change is so drastic.
quiet- They definitely grieve. Cheyenne looked for her lost one too. It was so sad.
mimi- She accepted Molly from the beginning, but not with her heart. If she has a toy (we had to get new ones) and Molly takes it playing with her, she just lies there. We keep Molly away from her when she eats, but if Molly walks over to her food bowl, she will walk away and not eat. I think when Molly becomes a "dog" and not a puppy, things may get better.
skald- I guess there is no cure, anymore than with people. But I'm beginning to wonder how much time it will take before she starts to come out of it.
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beyondtheveil said on Feb 17, 2008....
secret- You hit one the thing that worries me most, that she will never really come out of it. I can only imagine how she feels after having a dear friend from seven weeks old to nine years old and then one day her friend never comes home. These two dogs were always together. -
Me-Myself&I said on Feb 17, 2008....
my 9yrs old dog, Jessie was out with his brother Jude, they ran away....running down deer. they ran upon to a highway and Jude died. When i found them, Jessie was sitting by Jude....my dear friend Jessie has never been the same. but we are a happy pair so someday i hope your Cheyenne will come around. i'm sorry for the grief, i love my dog as a child. *smile* take care ~see ya -
circusdoll said on Feb 17, 2008....
I actually have a good bit of experience with this. =^___^=; Weird thing to do, but, laa~! Animals, more than anything else, are great at picking up on feelings. Cheyenne might be in mourning, but she DEFINITELY picks up on the fact that you are and that you're aware of her state. Which makes for even more sadness and reminding. Like with people who've undergone traumatic events, it's best to reclaim the lost areas (kitchen, yard, toys, etc.). So, if the question weren't a rhetorical one, here are a few things you could try. We've had success with them, so, it might be worth a shot. X3;
1.) Put a towel where Cheyenne sleeps for a couple of days. During this time, move her food bowl slowly closer to the part of the kitchen where she used to eat. After a few days have passed, move the towel (now Cheyenne-scented) into the kitchen (in the disliked part), and sit down next to her. If she likes brushing, brush her. If not, just sit next to her. No noises or fussing, just sit. Be happy and she'll pick up on it and follow in suit. Do this first with just Cheyenne, then bring the puppy in as well. If Cheyenne's being difficult about sitting in the kitchen-spot, take her on a run and then do it.
2.) Wash the toys, wash the basket, and keep them in your room for a bit. Then, toss in something that smells like YOU and return the basket to its original place: the whole thing is now yours. Its not hers, its not Dakota's, its not her and Dakota's, it's YOURS. Let her play with them as a treat, but otherwise, its paws off~! This should get rid of any attached memories. Slowly allow her more time with the toys until they're all hers again. Both dogs need to do this at the same time.
3.) Several things work for yards. If the dogs had been digging there, you might have to plant some things, but if not it could be as simple as running Cheyenne silly, then rolling all over the grass and bringing her over to sit. Sit up and have her lay down, maybe scratch her belly, then just ignore her and be happy and chill. Bring Molly along for the runs, too. If it becomes a routine, it'll get normal again. Also, you're the boss, so, if you say 'come sit with me on the lawn' (erm, in body-language), she'll go: "oh, okay boss... heart's not in it, but for you, I'll sit."
It also sounds like Molly's dominant (from the food-bowl-thing), which shouldn't be the case as she's the new (and younger) dog. If you get Molly on her back (lying down for a start) and have someone bring Cheyenne on over, keep her standing, and always feed Cheyenne first while Molly has to sit and watch, then things should sort. Another thing to do is to have Cheyenne in front of Molly during walks. Like... you leave the door FIRST, then Cheyenne, then Molly. Pretty clear message in that one, no? =^____^=;;; Who knows~! Being dominant might be a good boost for Cheyenne's self-esteem, too~! *grins*
If you've tried any of these things or weren't actually asking, then-- SORRY~! It wasn't meant as an intrusion, the dog just sounds really sad. =._____.=; Since we've done a good bit of work with it before (rawk on the strange programs volunteering gets you into... Doggy therapy, anyone), we've seen it and were all: Oh, no! ANYTHING but that~! So sorry for your loss, too... hits hard to lose a pet... Hope things get better around there and that the both of you feel better soon.
All the Best. -
gingersoul said on Feb 17, 2008....
BeyBey...i do believe animals have memories and feelings. Many times we read stories of amazing actions animals do for us human beings: walking miles to come back to their homes, recognizing old owners after years.
I do believe they also have these ability toward their own similar. Why not?
Your Cheyenne is missing Dakota and because she is still in the same house they were together she cant detach herself from the actions and the repetitive behaviors and rituals she learned to associate with Dakota.
They used to eat in the same spot , sleeping in the same places, playing the same games. She is gentle with Molly because she has nothing bad associated with her but nothing deep either.
She does the same actions now but she repetitevely remembers Dakota while doing them.
Maybe she will never snap out of this sadness because she will continue to live in the same place Dakota was living with her.
You are doing a great job with her but its something that maybe got broke internally, deep in her dog instinct, in her dog's pattern.
I feel for you and for her {{hugs}}
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mobil said on Feb 17, 2008....
If you google "Old Shep", you will find a story about a grieving sheep dog from the 1930's, whose master died. This dog's master was an old sheep herder. The story captured the imagination of the world at the time it happened. Newspapers carried the story and Old Shep and his grief were made known to the nation and the world.There is a bond, a bond between dogs who become buddies and dog and humans. Dogs do grieve, their masters grieve, it's sad, very sad that their lives are so short. They are truly man's best friend (woman's too).Great Story Beyond, it's my opinion that lots of love and attention are about the only things that will pull Cheyenne from her funk if anything will. -
beyondtheveil said on Feb 17, 2008....
memyself- Yours is a very sad story. Although Jessie is not the same, its good to hear you are happy together. We love ours like kids too.
circusdoll- Your comment certainly wasn't taken as an intrusion. I want to thank you for the suggestions. I believe I'll start by washing the toys and the basket and working it the way you said. It seems as though Molly is dominant because Cheyenne just doesn't care. And that is another bothersome point.
ginsoul- You are right, the sameness of everything is still there. And there is no doubt the memories are there also. I thought for a while Molly being new would make a difference, but it sure didn't work out that way. I'll give the hugs to Cheyenne from you.
mobil- I have a distant memory about 'Old Shep', but I will google it for the story. And there is no doubt that Cheyenne will continue to get the love and attention. Thanks, buddy.
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kruuyai said on Feb 17, 2008....
beyond: I'm sorry Cheyenne is taking it so hard. Like with people, I don't think there's really any way to get her over it. She'll do it in her own time. Just keep doing what you're doing, make sure she feels loved, and don't worry too much about getting her to frequent those old spots again. Maybe she never will, but why is that important? Life has changed for her. There's no getting around it. She'll be happy again one day, but she just needs to do it in her own time and her own way. -
skald said on Feb 17, 2008....
Beyond. I do hope he will come out of it soon. Who said animals don't have souls. They do. And I know you love him. -
rupert7 said on Feb 17, 2008....
Jenny and I have had our cat "Ruby" for 11 years,and while she is still OK,we can see her aging. She is like one of the family and we love her very much,we are dreading her passing away,hope its not for a few years yet. Pets always pass all too soon and it is a sad thing. I am sorry....really, I am sorry! -
crybabylu said on Feb 17, 2008....
I'm hoping he will get better. My heart broke as I read your account of ti....LOL -
Mamie said on Feb 17, 2008....
oh this is so sad! It breaks my heart too...please keep us posted about this. blessings, mamie -
Eilan said on Feb 17, 2008....
Poor Cheyenne.
I have two dogs. They're littermates, 2 1/2 years old, and they've never been separated--except for when they were spayed, and they were traumatized by such a brief separation. We figure that if we're ever in a position where we'll need to find another home for them that they'll have to go together or not at all.
I have no idea what will happen when one of them dies.
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beyondtheveil said on Feb 17, 2008....
kruu- Yea, its going to have to be her own way and her own time, but its so difficult to watch, you know? (I'm still waiting for a post from you about a new kitty).
skald- You can feel their souls. Yes, they have souls.
rupert- Cheyenne is aging too. She has that "snowy" face. This breed has a lifespan of 12-14 years. It gets tough toward the end just thinking about it.
crybaby- Thank you, we are hoping also.
mamie- Thanks. If she gets better, I'll certainly post about it.
eilan- If the dogs get along well as ours did and yours do, it is so good for the dogs to have that friend they love. But just like people, a separation will truly hurt. I hope yours will always be able to stay together.
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SikariChepiNashota said on Feb 18, 2008....
i've seen things like this happen....and its normal to feel that way...most of us treat our pets as members of the family....talk to her beyond....she's listening even if you think she's not... -
circusdoll said on Feb 18, 2008....
Laa, I'm so glad to hear that~! *was worried* Never know when advice is unwanted, ya' know? =^___^=;;;
Erm, and just a brief (eh, well, it got not-so-brief...) explanation for those that mentioned space-reclaiming as being unimportant//a weird little doggy blurb:
Dogs have associative memories. If you're a wolf and you're running around the woods, you know where your territory is and where your territory isn't. You also know which places are 'bad' and might cause you harm. If a dog loses someone important to them, the places in which they once enjoyed their partner's company are often labelled as 'bad'. This means that every time the dog sees//goes to the space, they recall what upset them about it in the first place. This continual sort of 'reminding' can be really hard on anyone, dog OR person. Dogs can't just sit down and go: "okay, I'm sad because my best pal died. Such is life and I'll (if I'm a religious doggy) see her/him in heaven." We need to remember sometimes that even though dogs are part of our families and very close to us, even though they have emotions and all the rest, they aren't human and don't think like humans do. They're critters and have amazing instincts and ways of learning, adapting, etc., which are very much like their wolf-e cousins. Dogs don't have concepts of time like we do-- from the best researchers can tell, they go by the moon. They can't work through problems on their own, either. Normally, when a member of the pack dies, wolves run around mourning TOGETHER. Until the pack's period of mourning has ended, none of the members will stop. The Alpha decides when it's time to move on. So, so long as their family mourns, the dog will mourn along with them.
That's why it's SO important to reclaim lost 'territory' and re-establish the older dogs as the more dominant. It's also why the humans need to stop being so outwardly aware of the mourning, because, until they've started things up again and totally 'moved on', the dog'll head right on mourning with them-- their family isn't done yet, so, neither are they. Places lost and never reclaimed are like triggers to remind dogs of this. No Alpha'd ever give up its territory because it were a sad place-- they'd MAKE their pack hunt their again. In the same way, people need to call off the mourning time and bring the 'pack' back to the old 'hunting' grounds. It's a signal that things are okay and that they can get on again.
And, yeah, dog's aren't wolves, and the instincts HAVE faded. The motivations, however, haven't. Hamsters still need small, dark spaces, right? You've gotta give them hutches and tubes. Pet rats like to dig, so, you give them things to nest with. Street rats and pet rats are about as genetically related as Poodles are to Wolves (actual fact, that). Judging from that, the behaviours aren't going to be changing any time soon.
Again, sorry if we've caused offence or overstepped our grounds, but, laa. It's important to know, we think. Sorry, sorry.
All the Best. -
beyondtheveil said on Feb 18, 2008....
sikari- You know, she really looks like she listens when I talk to her. Although I know she doesn't understand, she seems to enjoy it. She will place her chin on my knee and listen as long as I'll talk.
circus- Very interesting read. About the territory- regardless of how large a house and yard are, its still a relatively small living area especially for dogs that like to wander and run like goldens do. I don't want her to avoid several areas in a limited locale to begin with. Also, before this happened, she loved that area of the yard, under the dining room table, the toy basket, and the area of the kitchen she avoids is a main crossing place to all parts of the house. I'm going to work on these areas anyway. Thanks for the comment.
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circusdoll said on Feb 18, 2008....
Hmm? Oh, laa, Beyondtheveil, the explanation wasn't directed at you. =^____^=;;; But, DARN that must be annoying~! Not going into a main junction point? Must be hard to get her around... It's lucky that she has an owner who loves her. And such. And now I'm just making an idiot of myself, so, whoo... but rawk on with it and keep us all posted on how Cheyenne and Molly (and you) get on~!
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