My sexuality is very tied to the physical aspect of my life... so what's gonna happen when the physical... gives out? I'm 50. And apparently, perimenopausal.



Damn.


So, the fact that I'm dreaming about a woman again... intrigues me. I'm
in the middle of a bad winter and my un-medicated depression has been
raping me, very seriously.WHY on earth would I start thinking about the
alluring pleasures of seducing a woman???

I even went so far as to mentally design a piece of exercise equipment
I can actually make and use... and therefore, not have to leave my home.

I don't have agoraphobia these days, but there is a WHOLE lot of chaos
out there that I am choosing to stay out of because I just don't want
to be there. And I don't have to be. I could handle it, if need be, but
I'm not gonna go looking for it--know whut I mean?

Actually, I don't think you do...

I spent all my adult life dealing with stress and it almost got the
better of me. My kids are good people and I'm grateful that I didn't
damage them too much.

But this journey has been... weird.

Somewhere along the way, I lost my sense of me, and I'm dealing with my
own end-of-life issues, which is something I did not anticipate. So,
it's like, "I haven't even figured out  when I get to be a real
adult... now, I gotta deal with the fact that I'm running out of
time???"   Fuuuuuucccck.