I've never posted anything on here for help like this before. My husband and I have been together for 4 years and married for almost 2. We have always fought in our relationship over different things. I was not allowed to have male friends but he still stayed in contact with his exs.... one in particular that he always compares me to. She moved on with her life and has a family and four kids.. but he hasn't truely let her go I don't think. kinda like I'm a second choice ya know. I resent it very much being compared to her. If this is not enough, his mother didn't care for me in the beginning... especially when I took on the responsibility of raising my nephew from an infant. I did give him the option to leave the relationship. We fought constantly over the child. He wasn't ready for it. We moved on slow pace and painfully in our relationship.. we both had fears about having the child but he was more expressive than I was about how it made him feel and the future to come. We finally settled down into the relationship and he wanted to adopt the boy with me. We got married and started the adoption. I quit my job of over 7 years when we got married to go to college. We were living way above our means.. I just was not in the loop about it. You see... he confides in and lets his mother run his finances. example: she files his taxes, his automobiles are in her name because of his past credit history and his job requires him to be gone a long time through the year. Everything when we got married was discussed and he was to start his life with me now.. but it never happened that way for long. About six months into our marriage he was still unhappy and was voicing that it was too expensive for me not to work. I couldn't just go back to the job I quit. I was devistated. Within a matter of a week after he left to go back to work, he stopped contacting me. Then, his allotment into our joint checking when to hardly enough to pay anything within 2 weeks. During all this he remained silent and wouldn't return my calls or emails. I tried talking to his mom and she was cold hearted about everything. I explained to her the situation I was in financially on my end and that I had quit college and was trying to find a job... but she seemed unconcerned about the child and I. Before I knew it, I was served papers from his lawyer his mom and him hired. Threatening to stop any allotment if I didn't respond within 1 week of the paper. They didn't know that I had gotten a lawyer just in case this was comming. The allotments did stop and I didn't have a job yet. I couldn't find one that would financially support the bills, car, house.. etc that had been put all in my name. He never once replied to my crys for help or anything. The lingo btwn the lawyers kept on for months because I would not yield on my position and still he helped none.... because divorce had not been filed yet. I started to painfully move on with my life.... talking to some men but not really very interested. I did start dating someone for a short period but it didn't last because I was a mess. It took me almost 5 months before I dated and only a couple weeks for that to stop. Out of nowhere I came home one day and found an email from him. It only said "I'm sorry".. I had a real melt down. Not just a typical anxiety attack but a real melt down. I called one of my friends and a couple of my family. I didn't know what to do... or even how to reply. Everyone told me not to respond and just file for divorce. I decided to find closure before I could end the marriage. I responded simply " Thank you for saying that... it means a lot to me" The message came the day before our one year anniversary. Maybe that is why I fell apart. He responded late late in the night when he was at work... the emails started back and forth where he was sorry and it was his fault and he loved me and the boy. He had been a fool and still wanted to be with us no matter what. Over the next couple of weeks we had conversations that lasted 10-18 hrs long. All the things that my son and I had suffered during this. He began to tell me he was coming home at the end of the month and wanted to see us. I was scared and had a lot of anxiety.... I feared maybe he was doing this because he didn't want to pay up in the divorce. He sent an email to his attorney and copied me on it to end the divorce and advised me that I could do whatever I wanted. He said we could get marriage counseling... etc. I told him that was my condition of us being together and he agreed to it... and we would do it when he came back. I didn't know at the time that it was a LIE, but he told me that he became really depressed and tried to commit suicide and was found at a hotel by a maid where he cut his wrists... was put into a hospital temp for it during thanksgiving and christmas. He went on to tell me when he did come back home that he had a tumor in his armpit and they suspected it was cancer and it had to be operated on. I did get honest with him and tell him that I was seeing someone else why we were seperated. He LIED at the time and said that he never got involved with anyone else. We never went to marriage counseling when he came back home even though I wanted to. He said he was not going to talk to a counselor about me being with someone else.... he wasn't going to talk about that. The relationship started to nose dive again because all our problems were never resolved nothing really changed for long. He hurt his back and was taking narcotics again.... later found out he has been an adict for Years! He didn't return to work last year in June when he was suppose to and around that time he went to stay with his mom and didn't want to be around me. During the time he was home with us we went to the lawyer about the adoption and proceeded with it. I hesitated about it... he even explained to the lawyer what an ass he had been to me "kinda." We even had one court date that was post poned for July for the bio mother to show up. Money wasn't coming in again by him at all since one paycheck in June.. Things btwn us rapidly were going bad. All kinds of problems started happening. I found out that he was hanging out with another woman in his home town that was friends of him and his family.. She is single with two kids. I started snooping around in his email and noticed a hallmark password. I logged on to his account and found that he had sent this woman an ecard that was a very affectionate ecard just days before he sent me an email saying "I'm sorry" I was furious!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to hurt the both of them. He called her his babygirl and that is what he called me. He said that they had been friends since they were kids and I was over reacting. He began again to get distant and not returning my phone calls and my family was reporting to me that they were seeing the two of them together all the time. I came across his ex that he always compared me to and added her on myspace. He was pissed and told me I drove the final nail into the coffin when  I did that.. she was not my friend and only his and for me to stay away from her. He hung up on me and went to his lawyers office... then called me back saying something about my cousin was snooping around his car while he was in her office. I didn't know what he was talking about. He said that he only got a consultation and he didn't want to talk to me anymore right then and hung up. We later talked a couple days later and he said that he didn't file anything.. but for me to leave him alone and give him space. "Months later I found out that he did too... He even paid to retain her that day for a divorce" If all of this wasn't bad enough at his convenience he would get back with me for a short period of time and then flee back to his mom... all the while he wasn't helping with the bills and using my credit card and buying things promising that when he got paid he would help... and then there was that since he was now out on disability from his work he was waiting to get paid. (I heard this for a long time!!!!!!!!!) We were still together and he called me up at work to come over to his mom's to get him to go to court the next day. This was in July and I went there but he was no where to be found. He called my cell and told me that something had come up and he had to take care of something and would meet me back home later that night. I tried to call him back and talk to him about this but he was lying about what he was doing and I knew it. I went over to where the woman lived because her neighboor was my husband's mother's best friend. I pulled down the road and seen his car there and pulled up at his mom's friend's house. Her daughter came down the drive way smirking at me oddly. I rolled down my window and she asked me if she could help me with something. I simply replied you know me... I amXXXX wife.. I was just hoping to leave him a msg to tell him that I wasn't going to wait on him to get done and I was going to my uncle's house and possibly home. She was hateful and so I left. I went over to my uncle's house and visited for 15 min and then dropped by his mom's house and apologized to his mother by telling her that I hope that I have never caused her any grief with the strained relationship btwn her son and I. I was actually really sincere when I told her this. I was so down-hearted about my suspicions that they were both covering up him cheating on me with this other woman. I went home and the next day for court he never called, showed up or anything. I did call his mom's house and leave her a msg but there was no response. I waited another day and went back to his mom's house to bring them the final copy of the adoption. She lied to me and told me she didn't know where he was or when he would be back. I simply told her that I am sure he won't be gone long and I could wait awhile.. we needed to talk. She sneeked into her bedroom and called him at the other lady's house. I was in the kitchen talking to her husband at the time. It was ironic because I picked up the phone to call him and heard their conversation. She said something like I don't want that bit** here and when I told her I didn't know where you were she sat her fat A$$ on my chair and said she would wait. I heard my husband say I'll come over and get her to leave. I was in such shock at all I heard on that phone especially about the adoption. It put a clear perspective of them in my mind and heart. I wish I could say things got better or stayed the same but they didn't they got worse. A lot of drama started over this adoption. He came back home with us that night and stayed for the weekend but left again to go back to his mom's house. He tried to lie and say he didn't know that the adoption was being finalized. The next thing I knew I got a petition from his lawyer saying that he was blaming me for it finalizing and that I had cohersed him into adopting the child that he didn't want. It said other things too. He called and came over that day and I didn't even tell him I had received the letter. He was not in any hurry to stay for more than overnight to get back to his moms. Before he left I had a melt down and cried and cried and confronted him about the letter. He denied it to my face saying that she had only put those things in there because he was upset and he wasn't sure if he wanted the adoption and besides that is what lawyers do for their clients. He said he would stop it and make it right and apologized for it. He left anyway and went back to his moms to stay again.

 

This story will go on... let me pause to catch my thoughts.

 

It is really hard for me to recall of this it is like reliving a nightmare over and over with him.

 

Things began to get worse. He was doctor shopping for narcotics and sniffing them too. I tried to warn his mother that there was a problem but she didn't believe me or even care what I was saying. She believed her son and i was the bad guy. It finally got to the point that he took his check card to our joint account and gave it to a family member to buy whatever she wanted in exchange for narcs. He took my last bit of money when he did that. I was already broke but it cost me the daycare. I by this time was already without a car because I had a wreck at the beginning of august that put me on short term disability. Money was extremely scarce.. and I was losing my mind going back and forth with him. The day I found out that he had done this with the check card I drove to the town where his mom lived and filed a police report against them. The family mbr he gave the card to confessed it and I got it on tape. I then went to the woman's house (his so called friend only) He was there with her and her kids watching a movie. I walked up to the door and rang the bell. He jumped off the couch where he was sitting beside her and began to yell for her to call the police on me. She went into the kitchen and picked up the phone while he hid in the hallway. She then came to the door and asked if she could help me with something and why was I there. I told her that it was extremely important for me to talk to him that there was a police matter that I needed to discuss with him. She closed the door and went back to the hallway and he was yelling and saying get her to leave. She doesn't have the right to be here. I walked away from the closed door and walked back to the borrowed car I had. He came outside cussing and screaming at me. I kept my cool and talked very low and calm. I tried to say to him why I was there and he just kept screaming and cussing at me. She came outside to see what was going on... and he got in his car and left. I stood outside in the driveway with her and talked for a few minutes explaining to her what was going on.... then the police came and she advised them that everything was okay. It happened to be the same cop that I gave the report to. LOL! They left and we talked for a few more minutes and I told her more things that he had been doing and then I decided I was going to leave. I apologized to her for all of it and hoped that she was okay.. and I didn't intentionally try to bring drama to her. It is just that I needed to talk to him urgently about it. Before I could leave he showed up in his mom's car with her in it. Yelling at me and cussing and telling me to f'n leave her house. I told him that I was already leaving and that he needed to quit trying to make a scene. He then tried to even get his mom to tell me to leave. I kinda put her in her place and said simply that she was going to get burned if she kept believing all his lies.... the proof was already out there. He got in my face and started screaming at me to stop talking to his mom.. that I was crazy and I didn't know what I was talking about. He ordered his mom and the other woman to go back into the house. He screamed at me F U and we are getting divorced and he was going to make me pay for this. I simply replied in your dreams. I was filing tomorrow and wait and see what happens with what I have on him doing to us. He was walking in the door and turned around and said what do you mean? What did I have that was so important that couldn't wait? I turned to him as I was getting in the car and said simply you know what you did that is why you ran to your mom's house while the cops were here. I told him wait and see what tomorrow brings! I got in the car and left and went back over to his family member's house that gave the statement about the narcs/checkcard. I wasn't there long when they showed up at her house. He drug me outside to try and talk to me anxiously about what was going on.... while his mother pumped the family member for information about what had happened. He wanted to walk around and talk about how he had been and that he was being irrational when he talked to me earlier and having her call the cops. He apologized and tried to say he was scared that I was going to start something with his lady friend. He ended up wanting to come back home with me. He stayed for several days and we talked about what he had done. He even admitted to it. He said that he was afraid it was going to cost him his job. He even told me that he wasn't going to talk to his lady friend anymore because she didn't want anything else to do with him.... LOL that was a lie. She was still calling him and so was her kids. She even sent him a txt msg asking him "What about us?" she wasn't referring to my husband and I. He told me about it and laughed saying he didn't know why she was being like that. I told him I knew why because there was something going on btwn them. Things didn't really get any better from there... but he did in November check himself into rehab. The next day after he checked himself into rehab I got a phone call from my lawyer from last year telling me she received response from his lawyer that he was getting a divorce. I told her I didn't know what to think about it because he just went into rehab and I would notify his mother to call his lawyer and let her know. He changed it seemed dramatically while he was in rehab for the two weeks inpatient. While he was in rehab I had a three hour conversation with his mother telling her about all the things he had told me and how we got back together. She confirmed he had lied about the suicide and the tumor. She vowed with me to talk in private about him but not to tell him anything. She also didn't want him back at her house when he was to get out without her being there. This pack btwn us didn't last long though...

 

 He came out and stayed with us up until close to christmas. Things for a week went pretty good then it started going down hill again. He claimed that I was snooping in his Narcotic Anonymous papers... I wasn't but he blamed me for it because I accidentally read a letter I found on the floor that he wrote during one of his meeting. It was shocking to say the least what it said.... it kinda praised himself for his well dressed clothes and that he deserved a break since he spends most of his time trying to financially take care of everyone else but himself. Then, he noted that he doesn't do it for me all that much just to piss me off about the finances. He became very consumed with himself during his iop and narc meetings. Going almost every night to a meeting and still disconcerning himself with the financial problems that we had and any type of apology for what he had done to our family. Said that he was in a 12 step and hadn't reached that part of the program yet. He started to get distant from me again and actually went again to stay his mom's house. Kept saying I was running him off because I was giving him reasons to use the narcs again. Christmas he spent at his moms and we came for a couple days. Christmas was horrible!!!! He kept picking fights with me about the child now 3 years old. He believes because the child is speech delayed he is going to be retarded. I told him I would leave if he wanted me to and that I wasn't going to let him ruin my christmas. He left his mom's house and I cried and cried in the back bedroom for almost an hour.. trying to pull myself together before I could get the courage up to walk out of the room. He finally came back in the room and layed our son down in the bed and grabbed my hand and took me into the other bedroom to lay down. I did lay down and didn't say a word. He began rubbing up on me and wanted to have sex. He buttered me up and talked me into it and apologized. Things smoothed out for a little while... I didn't say much to anyone after that and kept quiet.

 

Things did go easy btwn us for a little bit but not much. He finally left after new years to return to work so he could start helping with the bills. He has been gone for about a month and half now.. He is getting paid but hasn't sent a dime home to us. I am in such financial debt right now I can lose everything and they both know it. Through January he told me when he gets his back pay he would help pay to get my car up to par and on some of the credit card bills... but it would happen when he got paid. Finally around Jan 30 we were talking on the phone and I brought it up that I needed help with the bills (the car and our son's daycare) he was silent and didn't say a word. He paused for a long time and I asked him if he heard me and he said yes you need help with the car and daycare. He then just started talking about something else about his lack of sleep and that he had been up for 20 hours without sleep and that his mom was having emergency back surgery. Nothing else was said about the bills and then, I was telling him about a bill that came in and he started shouting at me and that he hasn't slept and didn't want to hear it. He hung up on me and wouldn't answer the phone when i called back. I called his mom's house over the next 4 days and left her a couple msgs asking if she was okay and if her or husband could call me back and tell me how she was.... and if she was in the hospital. I never heard back from her. I continued to try and call my husband every once in awhile during those 4 days but he wouldn't answer the phone or reply to any of my emails I sent him. I even sent him an email apologizing for taking things out on him about the finances and blaming him... basically my poor attitude needed to be adjusted towards him because if we were to be together I didn't need to resent him. Still no response from him. I finally called his mother on Superbowl night and spoke to her for maybe 10 min. Asked her if everything was okay with her surgery and etc. I then turned my attention towards my husband and she was withdrawn to say anything at all about him.... kinda seemed like she was covering up for him again and acting like nothing was going on or about to happen. Well, this leads us up to the present week..... I called him last monday because collection ppl were calling the house and he didn't answer the phone. I called his mom's house and left her a msg telling her that there was some ppl calling here for him and if she talked to him to tell him I needed to ask him what he wanted me to do. I hung up and 15 min later he called me and cussed me out and yelling at me saying I was harrassing his mom and to leave her alone because she had just had back surgery. He didn't let me get a word in edge wise really.. he just kept going off and telling me that his mother had paid his bill while he was in rehab. This was a lie because I knew it was not paid because they called the house telling me so. She had only paid 100 on it but I didn't get to tell him that because while he was going off on me I simply said that this was bullshit. He then said that I was a liar and that his mom didn't have any reason to lie against me.. and that it seems that I am always harrassing ppl and that everybody else is the liar. And I said that is bullshit that I wasn't harrassing her and he hung up on me. I tried to call him back but he didn't answer the phone. I've sent him emails and called and left msgs on his cell but not a word no reply. I called him from work on 2/8 to find that his cell number has been disconnected, changed, or is no longer in service. I called his mother scared out of my mind. I told her that I was scared to call her about it because of how twisted he had been acting lately. She said she didn't know anything about his number changing and that she hasn't talked to him. She lied right there.. because when he called me last he said he talked to her. She did change her story in the conversation and said she talked to him a few days ago. She said he was stressed out and working everyday. I called her back on Saturday to ask her a question and just left her a msg but she hasn't called me back....... I truely do love my husband and I know it is not up to me to change him or make him a better person.... but now this is where our family is right now. I am financially going to lose everything and I'm not calling or sending him anymore emails hoping that if I give him his space he'll call or send some money to help. I am so scared of all this.... and  my soul is torn apart in every direction with all this. I just need some prayers to be answered soon.