Greetings and a big warm hug to all my Soulcast friends! I've been out of circulation for some time but had to go back home to bury my Grandma. Whenever time permits, I'll try to stay in touch with all of you whom I've missed for a year. Thanks Mamie for checking on me, you know that you're always in my faithful heart.
Today, we buried my grandma of 98 years next to my grandpa. Actually grandpa died 32 years ago ahead of her. My uncle mentioned it to me this morning, that she died almost exactly the same time as him. What a strange coincidence?
Anyway, Grandma was kinda old. She has been sickly for the past 2 years with a span of two months going in and out of the hospital. Even if she recuperated, it was more like she was having a difficult time just trying to survive the end of the day.
So she checked in on the last week of January and the doctors were giving her the prognosis of kidney failure. They hooked her up to basic life support systems to just keep her alive as long as they can. And then the doctors asked the most difficult and delicate question? How long do you want to keep her alive?
Mom was faced with the most difficult question in her life. With a mixed rush of emotions, she decided to continue letting her stay for as long as she can. She then called up my Aunt in California so she can make the trip back home just to see Grandma in case she really has to go this time.
As fate would have it, after praying the Rosary Grandma peacefully made her exit Thursday 11:20 AM or just barely 30 minutes way ahead of my Aunt's arrival. She never got to see her daughter and my Aunt never got the chance to talk to her.
At the wake, Mom was telling me how furious she was when the doctors were insinuating a gentler form of mercy killing (by pulling her out of all the life support systems). She assured me and her conscience that she made the right decision by not agreeing to the doctor's suggestion as she really wanted to exhaust all possible means of sustaining her at least up to the very point in time when my Aunt could just arrive in time to talk to her.
So now it got me to thinking, would you pull the plug on someone you love? Or would you hold on at all costs just to keep them alive even when you know that the quality of life for that person is unbearable for them to sustain? How do you deal with a dying sick loved one?
FaithfulDisciple posted on Feb 10, 2008
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Comments
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secretlife said on Feb 10, 2008....
my condolences on the passing of your grandmother.this is a very difficult question FD.my mother had a sister who had a heart attack while on vacation, lost oxygen to her brain, and was basically brain-dead when they resusitated her.the family made the decision to attempt to resusitate.my aunt lived 2 more years in a vegetative state in a nursing home before she sucumbed to an infection.before this, my mother was of the opinion that no matter what, she wanted to be kept alive --- in case there was some miracle.the experience with her sister changed her opinion.she realized that there is a time when death is better than life.how though, can we make this type of decision for someone else?it's impossible unless we make our wishes known in advance. and even then, it's a crapshoot of circumstances...hope you've been well. -
silverwhisper said on Feb 11, 2008....
FD, i've really missed you. i'm so sorry for your loss, and that this is what led you back here.
i'm exceedingly conflicted on the matter. while one the one hand, i can understand the quality of life issues that would lead one to decide life is not worth living, on the other is the fact that it would be my decision to end the life of [loved one].
if that truly is my loved one's wish, i'd like to believe that i could be that strong but w/out a clearly-expressed such desire, i don't believe anything could move me to such a thing.
ed -
FaithfulDisciple said on Feb 11, 2008....
FD SL I have missed everyone here at Soulcast all of you. I had to take some time off to sort things out on my own and events do happen that lead you back into the mainstream. In a way, I realized that Soulcast is extended family and missing that made me realize a certain form of loss.
It's definitely against my principles to decide on the course of life other than my own, I wouldn't meddle with the natural course of events. Certain events do happen for a specific reason, there must be a better and higher reason why human instinct will dictate the natural reaction to defend life to the fullest. It is only when human emotions come into the picture that tend to impair that instinctive reaction.
I would've done the same as Mom did. As fate had it, Grandma went by the way of the natural course of events and that made it easy on everyone to accept things as they are.
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circusdoll said on Feb 11, 2008....
I'd say 'I'm sorry' for your loss, but I guess that's what this posts's about, huh? I'm sorry that you had to deal with all of those difficult decisions. I don't know anything about your Gran, or you, really, but the post just caught my eye. Its never been my way to think about the act of dying, but more a weird-sort of retrospective appreciation of that of living. So, here's to her life, however she lived it~ *applause for her*
In terms of the decision I'd make in a comparable situation, and assuming the person in question were aged and had little chance of recovery and no statements regarding their desire to remain on life support, I'd stop the treatment. At that point, I feel like the only life remaining would be that which my own memories and those of the people around us created.
That being said, in my own living will, we've requested to keep the body alive even at point of death. Which might seem strange, but, really, the above is only the default decision. There are so many factors...
Oh, and welcome back to SoulCast~!
All the Best. -
the_infernal_optimist said on Feb 11, 2008....
I'm sorry that you returned under these circumstances, FD, but I'm glad that you did return.
I don't know what I would do in that situation. On the one hand, if I knew the person wanted artificial life support withheld in that sort of circumstance, I'd feel pulled to honor their wishes. On the other hand, I don't think I could ever actually do it. I mean, how on earth do you do anything that takes that loved one away from you forever, that ends their life? I'm not sure I'd ever trust my own understanding of the situation enough to feel that I could rightfully do such a thing, and even if I was certain, I'm not sure my heart would let me go through with it.
I hope never to know. I don't belong in a position in which someone else's life is in my hands.
~Infernal
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Lioness said on Feb 11, 2008....
Hi FD, my sympathies for your loss..
I wish I'll never have an opportunity where I would have to decide whether to hold on or let go of a sick loved one. Nevertheless, I always believe that God knows best, and so I leave everything up to HIM.
Welcome back!
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Mamie said on Feb 13, 2008....
oh FD, I am sorry to hear of your grandmothers passing ONLY in that you and the fam will miss her so much. BUT I am certain and therefore happy that she finished her life as she did. I am sure it was an act of mercy to have her go before her other daughter arrived. God doesn't make mistakes so it was the right time.
Welcome back Friend! I look forward to sharing with you again...all the best, mamie
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FaithfulDisciple said on Feb 15, 2008....
I would be in a predicament myself, if I was charged with making that crucial decision. Be that as it may, we thank God that Grandma made a timely exit right after praying the Rosary with my Aunt. As it was a clear sign that the Blessed Mother Mary was there to personally fetch and escort her to the final destination; the Eternal Kingdom. -
Mamie said on Feb 15, 2008....
hi, just wanted to share this with you...my uncle just passed yesterday afternoon.
As divinely ordered, the family was all there together at the hospital, the priest had annointed him as he had fallen into a coma. They all joined hands and decided to sing Amazing Grace. He opened his eyes as they sang and on the last word, he went to be with our Lord, his and our Saviour.How beautiful is that? -
FaithfulDisciple said on Feb 15, 2008....
Oh what a Divine Coincidence! Our God is a loving God for He doesn't forsake those who call upon Him. Surely he too was escorted into the Eternal Kingdom. My prayers and condolences are with him. -
anonymous said on Aug 10, 2009....
My old aunt left the US and returned to Ireland. I supported her from the US with money each month. She had her plane ticket to come to US and spend two months with us as she did each year - good woman who drove us all insane - she was a bit doddy. She felt on Irish street, nuns put her in 4 bed ward where they took care of the old. One night, as she kept asking them when she was leaving for the US, they were all saying the rosary. My aunt dropped her beads and as she bent over for them she had died instantly - before she hit the floor. As I flew over to Ireland the next morning, I kept thinking of how she drove everyone crazy and yet had such a fast and good death - praying and being care for by the nuns. Irony there.
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