I've always been attracted to a certain kind of man... men with an artistic streak, whether they be musicians, poets, writers, artists, jugglers or whatever. Creative people living just outside of societal conventions. Either that, or they're politically active in a very alternative sort of way... naturalists, environmentalists, animal rights activists, vegetarians, advocates for the underdog. Their attitudes toward love and relationships fall outside the norm as well. They are free spirits, roaming the earth in search of truth, adventure, and life itself. They want to experience every moment to the fullest, and that includes experiencing the people that they meet along the way... and then moving on.
There's a certain look that often goes along with those creative personality types (with some exceptions). You know the type.... they're usually thin with long hair, sometimes in dreadlocks. They almost always have facial hair, and they've got a certain style of dressing... soft, flowing clothes... bright colors with African or South American patterns... natural materials... stand-up collars or open necks. If they wear jewelry, it's not flashy. It may be made of wood or pewter or some other close-to-the-earth material. Pendants often hang from their necks from strands of dark leather.
I can spot guys like this in a crowd from a mile away, and I just gravitate toward them. So, I've been asking myself lately, why it is, that pretty much none of my boyfriends have ever fit my "type." In fact, if I walk down the street past a guy like this, he's extremely unlikely to even notice me.
I think it's because I don't project the same type of image that they do. They'd be amazed to learn how much we have in common. Most never get the chance because we never speak to each other. Guys see me walking by, and they automatically peg me for a librarian, schoolteacher or nurse. I know that for a fact, because when I was in my late teens and early twenties, and guys were still trying to pick me up on a regular basis, they always asked me if I was a nurse. Oh, and they guessed "secretary" a lot, too.
Those kind of assumptions always infuriated me, because I had gone to great lengths to explore careers that were anything but run-of-the-mill.... at least for my time and place and gender... from graphic artist to geologist to proprietor of a language school, to finally just bailing out and living in Mexico. I shouldn't say finally, because much to my chagrin, I am now actually working as a teacher, but that's just what I do and not who I am.
But my image hasn't changed at all over the years, even though I've become less and less conventional in both my views and my lifestyle with each passing year. And those artists and activists still don't notice me. Nope... most of the guys I've been involved with have included blue collar workers (there's a group of guys that are strangely attracted to "smart-looking chicks"), technical workers, scientists, engineers (god forgive me... but I used to work at an engineering college), and even a chiropractor. Most of them have had extremely conventional views on life, and look the part. Needless to say, most of these relationships never had a prayer in hell of working out.
Amazingly, I never really noticed this disparity between the type of guy that I'm attracted to and the type of guy that I tend to attract until one day last summer. I was hosting a friend from the Hospitality Club... a Sri Lankan guy, and we were walking home from the restaurant at about one in the morning. There was a group of guys walking several meters ahead of us, and my friend said to me,
"Hey, did you catch that guy checking you out?"
I looked at the group of guys, and they were all big guys with their heads shaved... neo-Nazi fashion. Cripes! Just what I needed. I was not happy to be getting attention from that type. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm generalizing, but what the hell... I have a right to generalize when it comes to personal taste, don't I?
Anyway, that got me to thinking about my history with guys, and you already know the conclusion I came to. So, I was lamenting this fact with my friend, Lolita, while she was visiting me from Spain last month. I wondered out loud if I should change my image somehow, and whether that would make any difference.
Lolita confirmed my assessment of the situation. She said that, when she had "rastas," (the Spanish word for dreads), she attracted a whole different type of person. Guys with similar hair came up to her all the time, whether it was on public transportation, walking down the street, at the beach, at a pub... because she fit in with their image. They were looking for someone like them.
Intrigued, I asked her how to go about making rastas. She explained to me that you have to separate your hair into strands and knot them together and then rat it all. Sounds kind of permanent. I don't know that it would go well with my new job, but my personal life is more important to me than that.
So, I'm thinking about it. I just wonder... once you make the rastas... if you change your mind, can you get them out without shaving your head? I'd really like to try it just for the summer. But then, in the fall, I have to go back to teaching. Hmmm, maybe by then, I'll have established my teaching credentials so much that my hair won't matter. Or maybe I'll think of something else to do for a living. (I hope). Does anyone know how to get dreads out?
Or maybe I should just go for cornrows. I had that done just before I left Mexico, and it looked pretty good. In fact, the U.S. Immigration official at the airport greeted me as Ms. Derek. When I looked at him questioningly, he said,
"You know.... Bo Derek.. 10?" Okay, I didn't really look that good, but it was definitely an ego booster (but then again, that was an immigration officer... not an artist... not an activist). Sometimes, if you're going to make a statement, you have to go all the way, or your intention gets lost in all the vanilla.
So, while I was pondering all this over the last few weeks, my new flatmate, Fanny Farmer, and I went out for a walk one Sunday night in search of a cafe. We found a cute, little country store with all kinds of teas for sale, whimsical books and knick-knacks, and a couple of ice cream parlor tables where they served vegetarian dishes and a very nice selection of wines.
There were a couple of guys seated at one of the two tables, so Fanny and I sat at the other without taking much notice of the guys. We proceeded to have a wonderful conversation about almost everything. At one point, I was telling her about some experiences that I've had while reading Paulo Coehlo. She thought his philosophy was a bit simplistic and that he spoon fed it to the reader. Said that she preferred to read philosophers who make you work your mind a bit to get the point.
Meanwhile, a dog wandered over our way, and I called it to me, but it went over to Fanny. She scratched its ears and I commented on how dogs always seemed to ignore me, even though I was the one calling it. After Fanny was finished scratching the dog's ears, he wandered over to the next table, to the guys who had been watching our interaction with the critter. I made some kind of a comment to one of the guys, sort of to the same effect as what I had said to Fanny about the dog. He laughed, and I took a good look at him for the first time. He was a short, thin man with long, dark rastas and a goatee. Very cute. My type. And he had kind eyes. Mmmm.
Fanny and I went back to our conversation, and by coincidence, we were ready to leave at the same time that the two guys were leaving. The Rasta Man asked me if I was from the States. It turned out that he was also American... from Seattle, and we chatted about that for a while. He asked me if he had overheard me talking about Paulo Coehlo, and we started talking about The Alchemist and the history of that story. His eyes sparkled with interest. I felt a definite connection.
He told us that he was a poet and a musician, and showed us the book of poems that he had just published. I took a quick look through the book, and although I'm not a big fan of poetry in general, these seemed to be the kind of poems that I can understand... the same kind that I sometimes write.
We talked about Prague and the creative community here. He asked about my creative endeavors, since I had mentioned that that was what was keeping me in Prague. I had to admit that I'm all over the board as far as creativity. I've done a little bit of a lot of things, and not too much of any one thing. I've dabbled in watercolor painting, interior design, furniture decorating, a photography project, music (violin), dance (tango), but mostly, if I had to say where my strongest creative talent lie, I'd have to say that I was a writer. But, I admitted, I've spent way too much time blogging, and not enough time with creative writing.
"Ah, yes," he agreed, "I've heard that blogging is bane to a writer."
I agreed. It's addictive... mostly because of the instant feedback (are you listening, guys? I'm doing this for the feedback.... don't go away without commenting! :)
Before we left, he told us that he and his band were performing on Tuesday night and invited us to come. We asked what kind of music it was, and he said folk rock. We were intrigued. I suggested to Fanny that Ms. L might like to join us, and she agreed. I explained to Rasta Man that Ms. L is also a musician, and that she was performing on Friday night. His eyebrows went up.
"Ms. L? Where's she from?"
"Ireland."
"I think I know her. What's her last name?"
I told him, and it turned out that he did know her through one of the guys in his band. I know a lot of Ms. L's friends, so I asked what his name was, and he mentioned a name that I definitely link with Ms. L. This guy was at that Irish Night party that Ms. L sponsored and sang Danny Boy so beautifully that we were all practically in tears.
We told him we'd probably come on Tuesday night. He shook our hands (with his left hand), gave my arm and my eyes a warm squeeze and then, we were off. I reflected, gratefully,, that for once, my "type" of guy was flirting with me....and I hadn't even had to get rastas. Prauge, I thought, is indeed, a magical place where anything can happen.
Tuesday night found us in a cozy, little concert hall. Rasta Man was beautifully dressed in an embroidered reddish, flowy shirt... just the kind of clothes I like on a man. He noticed us in the small crowd and greeted us warmly, just as he was warmly greeting everyone else in the place. Just before leaving home, I'd done a google search on his unusual name and found over 62,000 links. We settled into our seats in the second row, not sure of what to expect.
We were not disappointed.. Rasta Man's voice was powerful, and the lyrics grabbed me. I don't often take to songs that I haven't heard a million times before, but sometimes there's something new that comes along and speaks to me, and this was doing it... and not just because I was jonesing for the guy.
He caught us briefly on the way out after the concert to thank us for coming and say goodbye. With another squeeze on the arm, he handed me an invitation to a poetry reading that he's sponsoring on Valentines Day. I told him I might pop by, and resisted the urge to flirt.
On Friday night, after a long, hard week at work and trying to get settled into my new flat, I was tempted to skip Ms. L's performance, but Fanny talked me into going. We got there a bit on the late side, and had a hard time finding a seat. We ended up sitting in some high chairs off to the side of the crowded pub/restaurant, behind a table of noisy Australian tourists who were talking loudly enough to drown out Ms. L's sultry voice. I noticed Cabin Boy and Beowulf sitting at a table nearer the front and was tempted to crash their party, but for the moment, we stayed where we were.
Not long after our arrival, who should walk in but Rasta Man... with a friend in tow, a young Czech girl who had sung one song (that she'd written) at his concert just a few nights before. He spotted us immediately and came right over to say hello and introduce us to.... his girlfriend. Oh well. So much for that. At least I took comfort in knowing that the possibilities weren't necessarily stacked against me with my "type." Rasta Man's girlfriend is even more bookish looking than me...and oh, so shy. So, you don't have to be a tough, Patty Smythe - like woman to attract a guy like that. There is hope after all!
Rasta Man and his girlfriend found a couple of chairs at an occupied table, and Fanny and I eventually joined Cabin Boy and Beowulf. Later, we saw the Rasta Man and company heading out the door waving goodbye to Ms. L as she tried to subdue the noisy Aussies by serenading one of the men.
So, after this grand Rasta Man experience, I am left with the question... should I get dreads, or shouldn't I? If I don't, how else can I start to be proactive about drawing "my type" of guy into my life and keeping the engineers at bay? Any suggestions will be truly appreciated. :)
kruuyai posted on Feb 08, 2008
| views: 991
Comments
-
dailyachesandpains said on Feb 08, 2008....
Kruu: I'm thinking...uhhh, you might regret getting them. Would you cut your hair down to 2" when you don't want them anymore? I had a teacher that had dreads and just tied them back all together, while I was in school. Do you think they would allow you to do that? Check this site out, it has a LOT of information on how to grow them (different methods) and facts and rumors.I don't know why, but I've always attracted a certain "type" like you have and I never knew why. ALWAYS hockey players and ALWAYS seemed to be stock brokers, or involved with trading in some way. Then there were the actors, models and musicians. I don't think I ever really had a type, but those listed above are the last "type" on earth I would ever picture myself dating. If I could picture my "type" it would be someone totally laid back, but ambitious. Maybe a business owner of a sporting good company, or even a baseball player, lol! I'm okay with what I got though. Can't say I have (m)any regrets, lol!Also, I don't know if I would ever change myself to attrack a certain type. Maybe go hang out where they hang out. I think that's less of a hassle than growing dreads!{{{HUGS}}}Daily -
kruuyai said on Feb 08, 2008....
Hey, daily, thanks for the link! I think I'll skip the dreads, but I might go for the cornrows again in the summer. I don't think of it so much as changing myself as trying a new style that better expresses myself. And I like the way my hair looks for a couple of days after I take the cornrows out (before I wash it). I just couldn't deal with cutting my hair short. My long hair is my identity...lol. I'm not surprised that you've attracted hockey players. You're into hockey, aren't you? -
silverwhisper said on Feb 08, 2008....
kruu, while changing your hair might have the effect of getting attention from the kinds of men you find attractive, i can't help wondering if there isn't something else that might achieve the same effect--i'll be honest, i think dreads look terrible, but then again, i'm highly conventional WRT appearances.
hm...do you do piercings?
ed -
destinydiva said on Feb 08, 2008....
kruu we have the same taste in men!! :-)
now I am thinking back to a post by mamie, and I would say that you dont need dreadlocks..... all you need to do to attract these kinda men towards you is think it!! like you did!! ok he had a girlfriend...but it worked!! without dreadlocks!!
I wouldnt do dreadlocks.... but the other one you mentioned, is that like loadsa little plaits?? I'd opt for that!! :-) xx
-
kruuyai said on Feb 08, 2008....
ed: No way... I don't even have holes in my earlobes! :)
destiny: Yeah, cornrows are lots of little braids that start out close to your scalp (like tiny French braids) and you can do all kinds of designs and even decorate them with beads and seashells. I think you're right about "thinking it." I really need to start being more pro-active in this area of my life. Typically, I've just waited for men to choose me instead of choosing who I want to be with. It's high time to turn the tables, don't you think?
-
destinydiva said on Feb 08, 2008....
absolutley kruu!! :-) glad you made it over to mamies post :-) (I just saw your comment come up in my conversations) ps.... I think the cornrows would be a cool idea for the summer! not even so much to attract tthose kinda men, but just well... cus its cool!! lol :-) xx -
kruuyai said on Feb 08, 2008....
destiny: Yeah, I did it for fun when I was leaving Mexico, and I really liked it. Mostly because it was so maintenance free. -
Twylarants said on Feb 08, 2008....
I like the cornrows idea, more so than dreads, Kru.
I really enjoyed this post, but I was hoping for a happy, romantic ending...*sigh*.
Can't you get the girlfriend out of the picture?
-
dailyachesandpains said on Feb 08, 2008....
Kruu: I didn't think you'd like the idea of cutting your hair off if you didn't like them! EEK! I couldn't ever cut my hair that short!
The only hockey I'm into is the college team that my Cousin plays for. I HATE going to NHL games, league games or any other games on ice, lol. I'm not into basketball so much either. Pretty much baseball as my number 1 and football is my number 2. and a few for third place, lol!
Daily
-
pickersplock said on Feb 08, 2008....
I'm book marking! -
uniquely-ironic said on Feb 08, 2008....
I'd opt for something other than rastas. They're cool in a general way, but once you're wearing them, it's like they wear you. Your options will be limited. -
secretlife said on Feb 08, 2008....
i think you just need a new "do" kru.....something wild!of course for me, wild isn't dreadlocks or cornrows - it's some layers and bleach.loli enjoyed your story... -
the_infernal_optimist said on Feb 09, 2008....
Cornrows over dreads, I think (and not just because I second the previously expressed opinion that dreads look yucky). Cornrows aren't that big a deal but would still drastically change your appearance. I'd definitely keep thinking.
Too bad Rasta Man has a girlfriend! Grrr. :-p I definitely know what it's like to attract not-your-type guys with appearance vs. personality.
~Infernal
-
kruuyai said on Feb 09, 2008....
Twyla: Yeah, I was hoping for a happy, romantic ending, too. But I'm careful about wishing anyone away these days. When I was in college, I was so in love with a guy in my department, who had a girlfriend, that part of my motivation for leaving my marriage was to be available just in case he ever became available. Years later, I read an article about her in People Magazine that talked about her struggle with terminal cancer and included a footnote that she had died before the article was published. So, I try not to think about "getting rid" of anyone. There are plenty of other medusas in the sea...lol. -
kruuyai said on Feb 09, 2008....
daily: I don't know why I thought I remembered you doing all kinds of posts about sports. Didn't you just go to a hockey game or something recently? I'm so confused.
pickers: Thanks for stopping by. Can I get you a cup of green tea? How about some of my special, no-nonsense hot chocolate while you hang out? We can spice it up with cinnamon, chili powder, or home made Slovakian cherry liquer. What's your preference? :)
-
kruuyai said on Feb 09, 2008....
uniquely: Sounds like you're speaking from personal experience?
secret: I don't know about the bleach... lol. I'm such a nature girl. Ms. L keeps trying to talk me into dying my hair blonde to cover up the gray (it's actually more white than gray, but she's the first to ever mention even noticing that I was going white.. most people think it blends into the blonde). She keeps telling me that it's not for anyone else, but just to make me feel better about myself. Frankly, I think it's for her, because I feel perfectly happy with my white hair...lol. I would consider layers, but I've spent a lot of years growing the layers out to get it all one length. I suppose I could start doing what I used to do in my early thirties... braid it wet in lots of little braids and a little mousse or hairspray or gel, and then let it out in the morning to have some way out kinky hair. I like that idea.
infernal: I don't think dreads look yucky... I think they look cool. I've always wanted to have a boyfriend with dreads. But cornrows would defo be more reversible. Maybe Rasta Man has some friends....
-
moonriver said on Feb 09, 2008....
kruu -- read this rasta blog from start to finish. i'm not sure which item i'd like to react to. my first reaction was to say, just be yourself, but every day, do something weird or wear something bizarre.
your first paragraph captures an aspect of my personality, but just one of my many aspects. your 2nd paragraph doesnt apply to me at all... :-) so i find it difficult to put myself in the shoes of rasta man. maybe if you shave your head and wear a marine bandana and sidearm holster i'd be automatically drawn to you... on some days when i'm in the mood.
in short: i think the magic or nexus of attraction between two strangers, man and woman drawn together, is not necessarily in style of hair or dress or accessory, but in the overall rightness of appearance, movement, voice... although certain quaint gestures or articles of dress do have their role to play.
in short, lady, i don't know what i'm talking about! LOL
-
kruuyai said on Feb 09, 2008....
muun: Looks like I'm guilty as charged... I also make assumptions based on looks. I guess we all do that, at least until we have something more solid to go on... but that's just the problem, because it is often a physical attraction or something about their energy that gets two strangers to talk to each other in the first place. I don't think that my physical appearance projects who I really am, but neither does my "first impression persona" because I'm pretty reserved... meaning that I "reserve" all the good stuff until I get to know a person. Then, little by little (or sometimes all of a sudden, if I'm feeling impulsive and comfortable with you) I let the "real me" out into the sunshine. My problem is that the type of guy that is usually attracted to me is eventually either turned off by the real me, or tries to change it to fit his mold.... and the kind of guy whose attitudes and lifestyle are more in tune with my own, usually sees me as part of the passing scenery. I think this is going to start to change though... regardless of what I do with my hair. I just feel it. -
skald said on Feb 09, 2008....
My son had dreads and had had for years. One day he went somewhere to the country with his long blond hair and came back like that. I think he would have to shave his hair off if he wanted to change style.
I do think you are a free spirit yourself and it is not strange that you are attracted to such men.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 09, 2008....
skald: Is your son single and available? lol... Seriously, I started learning the value of showing some of my real personality early on back when I was looking for a flat in Prague. I really had to separate myself from the crowd and show people that I had an interesting side and wasn't just this boring schoolmarm, or I wasn't going to get anywhere. Not that I really got anywhere anyway... haha. -
Mr_Box said on Feb 09, 2008....
I wear my hair long. I have for years. I have no plans to cut it any time soon either. I've never had dreadlocks, but I did wear my hair in braids for awhile.
It's the same sort of look without the hassle of needing to shave your head when you're done with the look. That wouldn't be an option with me.
I think you should just be yourself. But if you're looking to change your image in order to attract men that you're interested in, maybe you should change your clothing style first? It's a lot easier than destroying your hair with dreadlocks.
I think this is the first time I've read your blog, Kruuyai. You live in Prague? I bet it's amazing there. You write very well too. I felt almost as if I was there with you.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 09, 2008....
Mr_Box: Hi! Welcome to the cold kruu world. :) You sound cute. Are you shacking up with anyone? ;-)
Believe me, I wear my share of tie-dye, batik, and embroidered Indian dresses. In the summer, I'm most comfortable in long, flowing cotton skirts with bare legs and sandals. So, fashion-wise, I guess I look like who I am inside... except when I'm at work... but that's part of who I am, too. Maybe that's the problem... there are just so many versions of me that I can't dress them all up on the same day.
Prague is, indeed, amazing. I've been wandering around the world for the last 6 years not sure if I was looking for something in particular, or if I just wanted to keep on the move. But after 7 months here, I find myself growing roots. I even bought some... gasp... furniture! Okay, it's just a small table, two chairs, and a big Box, but it's stuff, you know? And all of my stuff won't fit into my backpack anymore. Does this mean that I'm growing up?
-
gingersoul said on Feb 09, 2008....
Kruu........dont even try to flirt with Mr Box, first of all...do we have to share yet another man, you and I....LOL....
And Skald's son has been in my gift list from Iceland by day one .....lol.....
Second...no, definetely no, absolutely no....and not only because i dont like Rasta men look and i want to be able to pass my hands thru my man hair.....:-)
Cut your hair, if you want, change your clothes, but ...this is not what will find you the man you like....
Its all in your attitude...in your interests...you just can't keep you inner self hidden.....and who will be attracted by the real you will be able to see these aspects of your personality even thru your librarian look..
That, btw, many men find extremely sexy...*wink*
I do notice the same thing for me......i am attracted by the same kind of men (is this a surprise for you? i dont think so....lol..) and yet my look is not like theirs ...Recently i wrote about this long hair ponytail man i spotted in my office...you commented he is your kind of man....well, he seems having spotted me as well..and yet i am not dressed in this unconventional way at all.......
What i want to say is...like Moon say...chemistry and attraction are played thru so so may unconscious levels......its the sparkle in our eyes, its the topic we tralk about, its the way we look around, its our walk, its our vibrating energy we might trasmit...
Clothes just help us to make these statements more visible..so i would suggest......no dreadlocks (i dont like them at all...they look so dirty to me and untouchable) but maybe you can assert your inner self better with a different wardrobe.....why not?
More flowing red flowered skirts, less severe colors, a new hair cut......come on, girl...do i have to fly to Prague to you?
Suggestion:: why dont you post again your picture and we vote what look will be better for you? -
kruuyai said on Feb 09, 2008....
Mr. Box: BTW, "I think this is the first time I've read your blog, Kruuyai." Do ya' see what I'm getting at, here? -
kruuyai said on Feb 09, 2008....
ginger: Yes! Yes! You do have to fly to Prague to me! Of course, you're right... once contact is made, it's the inner person that attracts. But don't you think that looking the part would help more first contacts to me made? Honestly, I've started paying attention to who looks and who doesn't. I am invisible to these men... unless and until, of course, I can actually have a conversation with them. Then, it always has the potential to take another turn. But a hair cut? No way... I'm like Sampson in that respect. I once had my hair accidentally cut to shoulder length. It was such a traumatic event for me. I hope I'll never have to live through that again. :) -
Mr_Box said on Feb 09, 2008....
Kruuyai I'm married, or else maybe I'd be on a plane to Prague? You sound like my kind of person for sure.
I've always been attracted to free spirits because it does match my own personality. But judging by the clothes you described wearing, I'd notice you.
Your hair doesn't have to be different. I was under the impression you wore suits or something completely opposite to your personality.
Being mistaken for a nurse isn't so bad though. My brother's wife is a nurse and she's a lot like you are. Stereotypes don't always fit. Maybe they think you're a free spirited nurse/secretary/teacher?
-
gingersoul said on Feb 09, 2008....
Kruu..... i did the flowing flowers pattern skirts and i have been mercilessly courted by a banker...lol......I did the long hair no make up sandals-tunic and i have been flirted by politician of any side..i did the professionals work look and i ended up in bed with a long hair guitarist...
I usually dont care about the looks as long as i can see that something in you...i am attracted to people like me no matter how they dress....at work i befriended with this crazy Iranian girl who dress like a rug but its the sweetest girl in town.....
I am starting to simply hate one specific look in men though: the ones who always wear a basebal hat and a t-shirt.....helloo, do they know a man can wear in pink, can wear flowing white tunic pants, sandals, patter shirts....sigh..
I wouldl fly to Prague right now if i could, you know that....and about the hair...ok, keep it that way...i dont want another Simpson around...LOL....
-
pickersplock said on Feb 09, 2008....
Haha, kru, I would love some tea!I finally had a chance to read the whole post.I enjoy your posts quite a lot.I would say, if you have to change your hair to attract a certain kind of guy, they aren't worth attracting.On a side note, I love to watch these makeover shows, where they show you how to dress and how to change your hair and makeup. I always think it's interesting to see how different someone can look, and usually it's a complete transformation.Which leads me to believe that we could pretty much look like whatever we wanted, dead head, rasta, punk, fashion diva!We just need to make sure that what we look like is really who we are! -
kruuyai said on Feb 09, 2008....
Mr. Box: Somehow, I knew you were going to say that. Maybe the problem isn't my hair or even what I wear. Maybe I just need to get out more. I attracted a lot more long haired hippy freaks when I was a nubile 18 year old, innocent and freshly out on my own. All I had to do was walk down the street. Ah, life was so much easier then. But then again, it was the seventies.... sigh. I miss those days. You never saw guys walking around in suits and ties back then. That was so nice. And no one would have even thought about shaving their head. Yuck! Do they think I'm a free spirited nurse/secretary/teacher? I have to admit... I have no idea what they think. :)
ginger: So what you're saying is... opposites attract? I know, I know. And I agree with you 100% about the baseball caps and T-shirts.. at least if you're going to wear a T-shirt, wear a V-neck! And what's with those truckers caps that square off on top... who ever told guys that that look was attractive? I know, I know... they don't care. .....Simpson? Silly girl.. that was Sampson (of Sampson and Delilah). :)
pickers: Cerny, zeleny, albo ovocny? I like to watch makeovers, too. I once did a makeover photo session. Ended up looking just like me. Maybe I have an overinflated view of what I really look like...lol. Did you ever do one of those? Actually, I'm more interested in seeing home make-overs than face or hair make-overs.
-
pickersplock said on Feb 09, 2008....
I love home make-overs too!I wish someone would make over my home! Actually, I just want to have my biggest fantasy come true!That's where Mr. Plock leaves town for the week end and I get to call 1-800-CHUCKIT! -
kruuyai said on Feb 09, 2008....
pickers: Ha ha... there's nothing more satisfying than throwing out other people's stuff, is there? The home make-overs were always my favorite part of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Did you ever watch that? There's a BBC show, too, where one of your best "friends" can recommend a wardrobe make-over to the producers of the show. They come in and film you getting dressed and undressed in your home...unbeknownst to you! Then they confront you in a parking lot or someplace and show you the video... at which point, you're so embarrassed that you agree to let them do a wardrobe make-over. But you have to agree to throw out all your own clothes. Then, they pick out a bunch of new stuff for you, and get your hair done, and train you in how to pick out flattering fashions (the idea is that you're so hopeless at it yourself), and then they give you 2000 pounds or something like that to re-do your wardrobe. I wouldn't mind getting new clothes, but I'm very attached to some of my stuff. I don't think I could do it. -
pickersplock said on Feb 09, 2008....
We have that over here! What Not to Wear!I watch that all of the time! Speaking of clothes, I'd better take a shower and get out of my play clothes (pajamas)!!I'm having a lazy day! -
secretlife said on Feb 09, 2008....
kru: i used to do the many-braided look when i was high school and college because i didnt like my poker straight hair.my girls do them once in a while...that hair can make you feel WILD! -
kruuyai said on Feb 10, 2008....
pickers: Yeah! That's the one! See? I could just never get rid of my penguin pajamas, so I guess I wouldn't be a good candidate for them.
secret: I like that look, too. I like putting seashells in the braids so they clack together when I walk. I certainly did get a lot of attention when I had them.
-
skald said on Feb 10, 2008....
Kruu . You sure got some where but you have now given me something to think. about. He seems to be available but I'm not sure even thought he lives here at my place now. lol -
kruuyai said on Feb 11, 2008....
skald: Ask him! Ask him! hee hee = ) -
Fallyn said on Feb 11, 2008....
hi. i seem to have the same problem.
my "type" isn't exactly how you describe....but the same kind of artistic guys really get to me.
however.....*frown* i've had a couple of people....one a total stranger in fact.......tell me "you look like a christian soccer mom" .....which is about as far off the mark of the INSIDE of me as possible.
i'm not exactly sure how to look the way i want to. ..........i'm getting there i suppose.
*sigh* but for now i guess,......i look the christian soccer mom. *frown*
-
kruuyai said on Feb 11, 2008....
Fallyn: Ohhh dear. Now I don't feel so bad. Sorry. Maybe we should start a new TV show called Hippy Chick Makeovers or something like that. The funny thing is... the non artistic, non hippy types always do seem to see me as a "Hippy Chick." Of course, with that stereotype, they're not seeing the real me either. -
Fallyn said on Feb 11, 2008....
i like to design my own clothes.....but often they are a little over the top and i don't feel comfortable......cause most of the people i'm around aren't like me either......
so i feel like i'm wearing a costume........
in seattle i didn't feel so out of place when i dress like "me" ....but here i feel REALLY out of place.......and i'm just not very brave.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 12, 2008....
Fallyn: That's too bad. It sucks to feel like you have to dress in a certain way just to please other people. I'm generally pretty clueless about whether or not people are staring at me for the way I dress (I don't usually realize it until the guy I'm with mentions that other women are checking out my clothes). But now, going to work for someone other than myself for the first time in 11 or 12 years, I have to fit a certain standard. Thank god, it's not a terribly high standard, but all the same, I can't completely be myself. I've had to make the adjustments in other countries as well. In Mexico, I learned not to wear short skirts or even shorts, because it attracted too much unwanted attention. In Thailand, I lived at a temple and had to keep my knees and shoulders covered. Now that I'm in Prague, where everything is much more liberal (as far as clothing), and women walk around literally half naked, I still feel uncomfortable wearing shorts and short skirts in public and don't do it very often. I've grown a preference for long, flowing skirts that I don't have to wear stockings under. -
Fallyn said on Feb 12, 2008....
i LOVE long flowing skirts. *grin* ......but that's what gets me the "looks" here.
and i wouldn't say this is a very conservative place......just...rather hillbillish. ...i'm sure that's not a word. :P
-
kruuyai said on Feb 12, 2008....
Fallyn: So, what kind of clothes do you find yourself wearing to fit in there? See? I'm so far out of the loop that I don't even know what a typical soccer mom wears! :)
-
Shameus_O'Patrick said on Feb 12, 2008....
Don't take this as me giving you a put down, please. It's not meant to be one. As you can see by style of writing, I'm not pretentious about my education or any part of me... I do think about something before I say it so please bear with me.
As I read you story I kinda got the idea you were a white woman that wanted be associated with black men. The more educated black man would be your preference but he would have to speak well and be versed in a lot of the same things your interested in.
Given that assumption and that it's correct, I'll start by telling you if your isn't curly, and mean has curl without being overly curly your wasting you time even thinking about doing rastas. And unless you don't mind washing your hair and not itching all the time, rastas are out of the question. But you can get a nice human hair wig and learn how it's supposed to be worn so it looks like it's your own hair, done in rastas. Then it will be your secret, until you've had the opportunity to try them out as a lure for the guys your after.
What I would suggest you do, along with the wig, if your determined to do the rastas, is to let yourself become more of the type of person you want to attract. By that I mean with you attitude and behavior.
You said you didn't understand why the type you were drawn to didn't notice you. It's because most of them, are like myself, they don't pay attention unless they on they are on the hunt. And when we hunt we usually can tell if a person is not our type, regardless of what type of person (you) they are drawn to.
A free spirit has that quality about them. As for a artistic, free spirit , most of us don't give a shit for much of anything other than what we believe in and are good at. By being got at, I mean we enjoy doing and feel we are learning about it and how to become better at whatever it is.
So if your honestly wanting to hookup with someone with the qualities you stated, you should - NO! you need to go places those kind of people are at. If you are meant to be like they are and to attracted them your behavior and personality will change on it's own . If not, they won't and your never going to be one of them.
What's the adage that best says it all... You have to walk the walk and talk the talk...
Just my opinion. I hope it help and didn't piss you off. Shameus O -
Fallyn said on Feb 12, 2008....
mostly jeans, and button front shirts...... sweaters. ......black slacks......practical clothes.
summer is a lot easier to dress the way i like.....cause in winter it's so wet....and cold.....it's rather limiting.
i'm not your average size.....so that's an issue too.....it is hard to find clothes i like that fit me well without making me look like a slob....so i guess that generally makes me look more conservative than i am.
though right now i'm in an old ratty sweatshirt......black.....one i used to wear when i worked at the newspaper.....it hid the ink smudges well.
but it's warm...and comfy......
presenting an image is a fine line it seems.
being true to yourself.......staying reasonably comfortable.......not alienating your fellow humans........not presenting an image that goes against who you are and what you believe.......interpreting what other people will believe about you because of your appearance......
and deciding if all of that even matters to you .....
it's a juggling act.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 13, 2008....
Shameus: Oh, my dear, you got it wrong on so many levels. But don't worry. I'm not pissed. Just kind of amused. So, let me set you straight:
First, to dispel all those myths that you spewed about dreadlocks, check out this site: dreadlocks.com. (originally contributed to this post by dailyachesandpains). It'll show you the error of your ways... lol. My good friend, Lolita, who was just visiting from Spain, used to have rastas, and her hair is as straight as a pin.
Second: You completely missed my point about what kind of man I'm attracted to. I was talking about their personality, and a general look that tends to go with that personality... not their race. I couldn't care less what race they are, although if I had to pick one, it would probably be Asian.
Third: A wig? Are you kidding? I am a nature girl from the core. No fake anything for me... even doing rastas would be a stretch. I don't dye my hair, I don't wear make-up... I yam what I yam. Toot... toot! Anyway, imagine me attracting some really hot artsy-fartsy type with my rasta wig, only to end up in bed with him and have it fall off in the middle of everything! How do you think that would go over? I can just see it now.
Fourth: Your most fatal error of all was in missing that I already am the kind of person I want to attract. That's the whole point of this post. The problem is that people assume that I'm a different kind of person than what I am, because of my outward appearance. Free spirit? Honey, you have never met a freer spirit than me. And I have no intention of changing my behavior or personality. All I'm looking for is a "look" that will get the right people to take a look inside. Once they do, I have no doubt that they'll like what they see. Kindred spirits don't always dress the part. And I'm already in the kind of place those people hang out in... I'm in Prague.. you know, the original Bohemia? Where artists and musicians come from all over the world... just to hang.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 13, 2008....
Fallyn: Comfort is always a priority for me, too. Especially when it comes to shoes. Juggling act.. hey, that gives me an idea... how about a harlequin costume with three multi-colored hackey sacks? How do you think that would go over in your town? -
Fallyn said on Feb 13, 2008....
i think i have misrepresented this place.....it's so very hard to describe.....
there are such extremes of people here.
the artists here tend to be high brow. ......
and the scruffy looking people tend to be loggers.
and that's all you get......just the extremes.
there are no less than three people that go to my parents church that are retired from teaching at juliard.
but that's the thing....... just because they are musicians does not mean they are free spirits...... and we have a lot of that here.
now i know there are more free spirited people here.....but they don't really hold my values either.......i'm beginning to think that i'm more unique than i'd like to be. i miss having people around that i really fit in with.
and looking back on the people i really fit in with....it's rather funny....because they didn't even fit with each other.....looks wise anyway.
it's just really hard to get to know people. .......i just need to get out of this little isolated town.
ahhh prague.....*sigh* .....that would be so cool.
hell, i'd settle for seattle at this point.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 13, 2008....
Fallyn: I've only ever spent 14 hours in Seattle, and that was mostly in a hotel in Seatac, but I'll have to say that that city has some of the friendliest people I've ever met. And kind. You must miss it terribly. Prague... yes, Prague is quite a place. I'd say it's almost impossible not to find people to fit in with here. There are just so many different types. I love the variety. -
Fallyn said on Feb 13, 2008....
oh seattle is AWESOME! ........ i do miss it. .....i near there most of my childhood.
the place i found my chosen family was in denver of all places......
colorado is a bit like texas......REALLY not known for it's free spiritedness.....
well, except for boulder.....
-
kruuyai said on Feb 13, 2008....
Fallyn: Oh Denver! I lived there for the last 11 years that I was in the States. That's so funny. You might even be one of my former students. Well, it's true that Denver is no haven for free thinkers or free spirits, but I always dressed however the hell I wanted there. Like I said, I'm always oblivious to how people see me unless I'm interacting with them directly. So, I may have been getting more attention than I realized, but I don't think you necessarily have to censor your wardrobe so much there, unless there's something of that with the crowd you hang with... I thought you were in some small town in Kansas or Nebraska... or Texas..lol. Why not try experimenting a bit, just on the weekends? -
Fallyn said on Feb 13, 2008....
i'm not in denver currently.
i'm in a little dinky town on the northern coast of washington.
about 3 hours northwest of seattle.
i grew up in washington.
but i was in denver for five years approximately.
that's where i found my "family" .......but also where i suffered the worst years of my life with my ex.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 14, 2008....
Fallyn: Isn't it interesting how places can hold certain memories and come to represent those memories in our minds as if the place were the memory itself? For me, it's Mexico. I lost all three of my cats there, and they were my entire family. There were other things I didn't like about Mexico as well, but there were also things I liked. However, to think of ever going back there to live... Mexico will always be the place where my cats died... and a part of me went with them. I can't think of Mexico with any joy at all. -
Fallyn said on Feb 14, 2008....
i detest denver with a passion. basically because it is a place my ex loves.
and because that's where my children were first taken from me.
i can think of things that i liked about it....namely the massive thunderstorms and warm downpours on a hot summer afternoon......
the sunsets.....
sam robert and victor. ......but other than that...i really can't think of much.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 14, 2008....
Fallyn: Wow, you really do have some terrible memories of Denver. I don't blame you at all for feeling that way about it. I do remember reading about you getting your kids back from their grandparents in Denver now. What a traumatic experience... both for you and your kids. I think you can find thunderstorms and sunsets in plenty of places. I hope you can safely put Denver behind you. {{{{{{{{{{{{{Fallyn}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} -
Fallyn said on Feb 14, 2008....
awww, *grin* thankyou...... i think i can get past it.......hopefully i'll never have to go back there.
.......there are really good things there too......things i learned, people i got to know......ways i changed that were actually good.
denver is one of those places for me that is transitional........epically meaningful.....good and bad.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 14, 2008....
Fallyn: That's good that you can find some good amongst the bad. I don't hate Denver as much as you do, but it really underwhelms me, and unfortunately, if and when I go back to the States, that's where I go (because that's where my friends are). -
Fallyn said on Feb 14, 2008....
well....friends are definitely a draw.
*grin* maybe our friends there can move somewhere else. :P
-
kruuyai said on Feb 15, 2008....
Fallyn: I have begged and pleaded with my EC to move elsewhere... anywhere else, but it looks like he's there for the duration. Too bad, too, because he's from Philadelphia, and that would be a cool place to visit... I think. -
Fallyn said on Feb 15, 2008....
i think that would be a cool place to visit....i don't know enough about it to know if i'd like to live there.......my friend sam may move to seattle.....that would be cool.
...robert...who i am the closest to is moving to canada.......eastern canada. so that sucks.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 15, 2008....
Fallyn: I hate it when my favorite people move away! (Always seems to happen, too). Well, maybe you can visit robert in eastern canada. It's gorgeous. Will he be in English or French speaking territory? Seattle's close, though. You'd have a reason to visit your old stomping grounds. My friends tend to move pretty far away, too (like Australia). Or I move away from them, but it's all the same in the end. You have to start building your social network all over again from the beginning. At my age, it gets tiring. I envy people who still hang out with people they went to kindergarten with. -
Fallyn said on Feb 15, 2008....
english i believe....i think it would be cool to be surrounded by another language....i want to learn french....again....
...he found a girl. *grin* ...that's why he's moving
....i know some people i was friends with as a little kid...but mostly just online. ........we don't see each other.
and we aren't very close.
i was such a strange child.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 15, 2008....
Fallyn: You've definitely got me beat. The oldest friend I can think of is a roommate I had during my last year in college, after I'd already left my husband. And we are barely in touch. Maybe send an email once every two years or so. -
Fallyn said on Feb 15, 2008....
oh wow...yeah....actually one of my friends from 1st grade has asked me to be her maid of honor in april......we aren't close at all but she doesn't really have anyone else.
and i still talk to my first crush from first grade online sometimes. *laughing*...i'm not crushing on him anymore....but still. :P
-
kruuyai said on Feb 15, 2008....
Fallyn: Oh, my... you really are a keeper in toucher! :) -
Fallyn said on Feb 15, 2008....
*laughing* that's actually really funny. ......if i do keep in touch with people...it's the other sides efforts. :P
cause we lost touch for YEARS.......and only got in touch through my sister who IS a keeper in toucher.....she was on my space...or face book or something like that.
-
kruuyai said on Feb 15, 2008....
Oh, the power of the internet. :) -
Fallyn said on Feb 15, 2008....
*laughing* ...oh the power of nosy sisters. -
kruuyai said on Feb 16, 2008....
:)
Comment on "Rastas"
Related Posts:
UnsmoothOperator
posted on Sep 22, 2008
| views: 18
|
Cannot sleep, thinking of my social life.... read entire post