• Eilan said on Feb 08, 2008....

  Did you have brothers and/or sisters or were you an only child and did you like it that way?  I have a brother who is 2 1/2 years younger than I am.  We're not close.  I always wanted a sister.
  
  Did you have both parents, or did you have one and like it that way?  I've blogged about it before, but my parents divorced when I was a senior in high school.  It was long overdue, as my dad had physically and mentally/emotionally abused my mom from the very beginning.  Once, when she tried to leave my dad, we cried, so she stayed; years later she blamed us for making her stay.  We were maybe 5 and 3 at the time--what did we know?  I am a huge opponent of saying together for the sake of the children.
  
  Although my dad called it "interfering," my maternal grandparents provided much-needed stability to my brother and me.
  
  Did you ever have a step parent? And did it work out for you?  I've never mentioned it here, but I was *this* close to having a stepmother.  For a variety of reasons, I would have refused to have anything to do with her if she and my dad were married.
  

• kruuyai said on Feb 08, 2008....

  Well, those are a lot of questions... Let me just generalize... I had two sisters, and I was never close to them.  They fought with each other constantly.  I was the middle child as far as birth order, but I didn't get involved much in their squabbles or in any other aspect of family life.  As you already know, I did not have a happy family life or childhood in any way.  My parents have stayed married, so I never had any half or step siblings, but I often wished that my parents would get divorced.  That's about it in a nutshell.

• quietone said on Feb 08, 2008....

  I have 2 older full brothers, one (deceased) 1/2 sister, younger, one 1/2 brother youngest.  I was smack dab in the middle.  My parents divorced when I was a baby..don't know how old.  Mother remarried the stepfather...no it was horrible...living with my mother and stepfather most of my younger years..I won't elaberate either.  I spent some time with my father when I was a teen.  I had too much freedom then.  All in all summed up no it was not a great up bringing.

• MissMimi said on Feb 08, 2008....

  I have four sisters and two brothers.  No step siblings.  My parents divorced when I was 19, and it was a relief.  I'm close to my mom, but have a very hard time even being in the same room with my dad.  He's an alcoholic and was verbally abusive to all of us during my childhood. 
   
  To this day, I have no idea what a good dad is like.  There are no examples of good ones in my extended family.

• uniquely-ironic said on Feb 08, 2008....

  I have a brother and a sister and I was actually closer to cousins than my sibs growing up.  Now I'm close to my sister and really have a hard time not hating my self involved brother. 
   
  At one point my mom remarried and I had 2 step brothers.  One was okay, though he was grown and out of there, but the other was a pain in my butt.  It was a short marriage and we were out of there in about 2 years.  My step father was abusive, but I won't go into detail.
   
  My dad has remarried 3 times to my knowledge.  No step siblings from his wife's 2 & 3 that I know of.  His current wife has kids, but we're all adults now and we have never met. 
   
  Looking back I can see what a weird mix of good and bad that I had growing up.

• silverwhisper said on Feb 08, 2008....

  siblings: older sister, younger brother.
  
  parents: had both.
  
  stepparents: sorry, none over here i'm afraid.
  
  however, i don't think that these things meaningfully correlate to a happy/unhappy childhood, to be honest.
  
  ed

• evil_twin said on Feb 08, 2008....

  I have an older brother (which most of you already know), no sisters. My parents are still married, so I never had any step-parents or step-siblings. Overall I had a really good childhood and I get along well with everyone in my immediate family. There were issues at times, but nothing that most people don't usually deal with. No family is totally Norman Rockwell or they'd be really boring. But I guess I can't complain because I was given a really good family.
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• Lucytorial said on Feb 08, 2008....

  I have one sibling a sister, my parents divorced when we were 6 & 7, we grew up with our dad and liked that... childhood was pretty brief but good, once dad bought his own house we had to grow up quick cuz he worked long hours so we did everything around the house including cooking, washing ironing, etc etc from the ages of 12 & 13 yrs....

• the_infernal_optimist said on Feb 08, 2008....

  Did you have brothers and/or sisters or were you an only child and did you like it that way?
  
  I have a brother three years younger than I am, and I love him to death - but I also always wished I had an older brother or two, somebody to look out for me. Never wanted sisters.
  
  Did you have both parents, or did you have one and like it that way?
  
  My parents split up in the summer between my seventh and eighth grade years. I have always had both and yet neither, in very real ways, and I didn't like it.
  
  Did you ever have a step parent? And did it work out for you?
  
  Both my parents remarried. It's been only after I became removed from both situations that I've been able to begin relationship-building with either of my step parents.
  
  I agree with ed that these things don't necessarily correlate to childhood happiness. My parents were always...troubled...but I wouldn't say that the early years of my childhood were unhappy. Later, certainly - but I had (and have) good grandparents, so I had a lot of good days as a kid. :)
  
  ~Infernal
  
  

• dailyachesandpains said on Feb 08, 2008....

  I agree with Ed on this.
   
  I am the youngest out of my sisters.  Great relationship with the middle sister.  Okay relationship with the oldest, but she's 7 years old than me, so we never really had much in common.  We don't fight or anything, it's just that she always runs the "show" and it drives me nuts.
   
  My Parent's have been married over 40 years now.  My Sister's and I used to beg Dad to divorce our mom.  She was very strict, and she still is.  They took us everywhere we had ever wanted to go, but I can't say I was sitting pretty all the time wearing a smile.  Even on vacation, we had to attend Catholic mass, even if it was in another language and if we had to travel 100 miles to get to the church.  I was always my Mother's "project" of sorts and she threw me into any activity if I liked it, or not.  Enrolled me into classes that I didn't care for, but I was not allowed to say a word.  She never told us she loved us, but we told her.  Even now, it's difficult to get her to say it, even if she hears it from any of us.  I still listen to her rules and she still tends to run my life until I realize it and now say something, but only if I dare. 
   
  I could keep going.  I guess my point is, I REALLY agree with Ed!
   
  Daily

• lfbno7 said on Feb 08, 2008....

  I had a wonderful childhood. My parents both loved me to pieces. I had an older sister and an older brother.

• fearing said on Feb 08, 2008....

  I have 2 brothers.  One older, one younger.  I had both my parents growing up.  Mom and Dad were married for 40-some years.  Growing up, the thought of them divorcing NEVER crossed my mind.  They would occasionally argue but divorce was not an option.  We weren't perfect.  We didn't have much money but it was very stable and a loving environment. 

• fearing said on Feb 08, 2008....

  @webaholic - are you following me?

• moonriver said on Feb 08, 2008....

  beyond, i had two brothers and a sister. and i always felt very lucky to be part of what i call my family tetrahedron. we had both parents stay together until old age took our papa away. it wasn't a perfect marriage, but it weathered many storms. no step parent.
  
  i guess each of us has had to cope with whatever cards we are dealt with. i feel very lucky to have come from such a family. the storms in my life come from another direction... :-)
  
  

• Lucytorial said on Feb 08, 2008....

  I forgot to mention my dad remarried to a WITCH!!!!! then I got kicked out because dad was weak! I never got on with the step witch, neither did my sister... My mom is a serial remarryer! she tied the knot I kid you not 5 times and is now on her 6th partner... lets hope this one lasts...

• nursecutie said on Feb 08, 2008....

  I have a sister who is 4 years older. My parents divorced when I was a senior in high school. My mom said she waited until both of her kids were grown up enough before she did it. I was really angry about it though. I was always closer to my dad than my mom, but I stayed living with her.

  Neither of my parents have remarried but they both date alot which makes things weird sometimes. At least when they bring dates to the same family function. There is alot of jealousy there because my dad still loves my mom. Complicated!!

  But I think I had a normal childhood. It was happy. Lots of arguing sometimes, but it wasn't horrible......

  xxoo natalie xxoo

• bluegum said on Feb 08, 2008....

  i had parents,
  ihad siblings.

• blastfromthepast said on Feb 08, 2008....

  Most of you know that my parents were killed when I was very young.  So, my half brother went to live with his father, and my younger sister and I went to live with our father's sister and her family.  They had four daughters, the youngest of which was the same age as me.  I didn't reconnect with my brother until I was 18, and we've remained close since.  My younger sister lives 15 minutes away from me, so we are in touch daily, and of the four stepsisters we were raised with, I only keep in touch with one.  My stepparents both died when I was in my 20's.
   
  I am grateful for the upbringing I had.  With six girls to raise, my stepparents did a damned good job, and I miss them dearly.  I wish they could have met their grandsons.

• beyondtheveil said on Feb 08, 2008....

  eilan- I always wanted a sister also but didn't get one. My mother wanted to leave my stepfather but in those days there was a stigma and she had already had one divorce. She blamed you and your brother for making you stay? Wow.
  
  kruu- I remember you talking about some of this before. And I didn't get involved with them either. In all the time growing up, only once did I go on vacation with them. I actually went twice, but the first time I was too young to stay home. And it was a horrible vacation.
  
  quiet- Mine divorced when I was two- that's when we moved to New Mexico. Sorry things were so bad you also won't elaborate. I probably understand, at least to a point.
  
  mimi- Well, we certainly thought alike on the dad part. Actually, there were two pretty good dads in my extended family, but not at my house or with friends and most of the people I knew. Its good that you are close to your mom.
  
  unique- Now that you mentioned cousins, I was as close to my two female cousins as anyone. My stepbrother was a pain in the butt also.
  
  Ed- With the information you have given about family, I had the impression your childhood was fine, especially with your dad. By "these things" not correlating to happy/unhappy childhood, do mean an intact family, or otherwise, or both? How can upsets in family have no correlation to happiness/unhappiness?
  
  ET- I had a feeling you had an ok family with usual ups and downs. Probably because of the way you and mrbox write. No complaints I had heard of.
  
  lucy- Hey, you and sis sound like great girls growing up. It makes me personally happy that you really liked your dad.
  
  infernal- I'll have to think about what you and Ed said about family not necessarily correlating with a good/bad childhood. I understand a child from a broken family with problems can do ok and not look at it as unhappy, but don't understand it not having correlation.
  
  daily- Evidently I'm misunderstanding "meaningfully correlate". What you said about your mother tells me there was a correlation. Perhaps someone can explain to me how these things aren't necessarily meaningful.
  
  7- Now, that's good to hear. Haven't heard from many of those.
  
  moon- I've read your blogs and felt sure you felt this way. Of course, there are storms occasionally in any family, but your writings express a lot about your family.
  

• beyondtheveil said on Feb 08, 2008....

  fearing- Sounds like a good home. We didn't have much money either, but that was never an issue with me.
  
  nursecutie- I really like to hear about daughters being close to their dads because of my close relationship with my daughter. That could seem kind of weird when your parents bring dates to the same function. I suppose your dad's jealousy comes in due to her initiating the divorce, right?
  
  bluegum- Hope everything turned out ok for you.
  
  blast- A very touching story. It was so good you had that family to go live with and to love them like you do. We all wish certain people could see grandkids. I especially wish my grandfather could have known my daughter.
  

• GracefullyGrowing said on Feb 08, 2008....

  Did you have brothers and/or sisters or were you an only child and did you like it that way?
  
  I'm the youngest of eight - three are deceased.  Three brothers and one sister still living.  In age, the one closest to me is eight years older - the other three are all Sr. Citizens, and BOY do I love to rub that in!  LOL
   
  I loved having sibillings.  We moved around a lot so it was nice to always have them around as friends.  It was great that we all stuck together when we'd move to a new town.
  
  Did you have both parents, or did you have one and like it that way?
  
  I had both parents.  For years I prayed they would get divorced.  My dad was a raging alcoholic, gambler, and abusive man.  I wish my mother would have felt like she had the freedom to leave him, but she stayed with him 42 years, until he died 20 years ago.  Mom has really bloomed in the last 20 years, and it does my heart good to see it.
  
  Did you ever have a step parent? And did it work out for you?
   
  Nope.  But I wish I had.  I'd like to have seen my Mom marry a man that would treat her like the beautiful Lady & Queen that she is.  She's nearly 80 now, so I'm thinking she's not going to "go there." 
   
   I AM a step parent - does that count?  hehe
   
  My childhood was both horrible, and wonderful, all at the same time.  I've asked myself many times if I had a choice, would I choose a different family.  I always conclude that I wouldn't. 
   
  ~Grace~

• merlin said on Feb 08, 2008....

  I have two brothers ,one has downsyndrom , always wanted a sister and was never close to my mum. Parents are stil hapily married

• sweet_cookie01 said on Feb 09, 2008....

  my father had 5 kids with his first family, 2 with mom and 1 with his 3rd wife...
   
  my mother had 2 kids with my father and 1 kid with my step father...
   
  at first there was some discomfort but then we were able to get along just fine..
   
  there were some favoratism i admit from our parents and stepfathers or mothers but we and my siblings half or not have learned to get along just fine.

• polarheart said on Feb 09, 2008....

  Hi Beyond! 
   
  I had a strange upbrining.  Although my dad drank a lot, he was not always inebriated and then he was a very loving man.  Both my parents showed lots of love and affection and my family was close-knit even with my dad's drinking.  I have 3 sibs, a sister 16 years older, and two brothers 14 and 12 years older than me.  Because I am the youngest I always got lots of attention.  My mother doted on us kids and we all loved her to bits.
   
  When I was older, my sibs moved out of the house to start their own lives and I think that's when things became difficult for me.  Because I had to deal first hand with my dad and how he treated my mom.  We had also moved from a very large house to a very small flat, which made it impossible to "hide".  But I reitterate that he was fine when he was sobre, but very critical when he was not!  I had a love hate relationship with him.  My parents stayed together until death parted them.  In later years when i was married my relationship with my dad improved and I think he gained some respect for me.
   
  My mom died when I was 20 and my dad when I was 28.  I am glad that I have older siblings whom I am very close to although we live in different countries.  We make effort to phone and write to each other.
   
  I had a happy childhood as a small child and a difficult one as a teenager, but I survived!

• soaringraven said on Feb 09, 2008....

  I grew up in a large , two parent family.  Ten siblings all together.  My father died when I was in my mid twenties and my mother much more recently.    She never remarried, not that it would have mattered much to me.  As a large family, there were conflicts, many of which continue to this day.  I am not close to my siblings and have no desire to attempt to become closer.  I was third from the last and took a lot of abuse from my older siblings which I still to some degree resent.

  I was, according to my family, the black sheep of the flock.  When I look I see a whole flock of black sheep.

  I hope this is what you are after.

• silverwhisper said on Feb 09, 2008....

  beyond: i mean that happiness/unhappiness isn't a function of birth order/number of siblings, the presence/absence of a second parent, or a step parent.
  
  i've known people who grew up in some pretty rotten circumstances and i know that they were happy as kids. i've also known people who grew up in privileged circumstances and they were miserable. i've known the children of divorced parents who were glad their parents split up, and saw that it was the right thing for those parents.
  
  you see, at least to me anyway: sure, sometimes life can suck, but the thing is we can choose to find the positives and embrace 'em...or not. people can choose to be trapped by their histories or not.
  
  it's all about perspective, IMHO.
  
  ed

• Eilan said on Feb 09, 2008....

  beyond: Yeah, she said that she would have taken my brother and me and left for good that night if we hadn't cried, but I think she'd have eventually gone back.  They're back together now and have been since about a year after the divorce, but it doesn't cause me as much grief since I don't have to live with them and listen to the arguing.
  

• beyondtheveil said on Feb 09, 2008....

  grace- Its so good to have a lasting relationship with siblings as you did. And to hear your mother had those twenty years to bloom sounds like my mother. My stepfather died 7 or 8 years ago and she is finally able to live in peace. I wouldn't choose a different family either, but I would choose at least a different stepfather.
  
  merlin- I always wanted a sister also. I hope your brother isn't too badly affected with downs syndrome, many can lead a good life.
  
  sweet- I'm glad you were able to get along, that's quite a make up. I find a lot of favoritism in many families. One of my best friends suffered greatly from that, I'm happy you didn't.
  
  polar- I can relate to your statement about impossible to hide. I couldn't either, but became an expert at ignoring. It didn't solve the problem, but certainly helped.
  
  soaring- I've wondered much about what it might be like in a family of that size. And I've never heard the statement "when I look I see a whole flock of black sheep". I know there are many people who could make that statement. I knew of at least three large families who could have easily said that when I was growing up.
  
  Ed- I agree completely with your second and third paragraphs. I've said that myself before and I lived it. Although happiness/unhappiness may not be a function of family make up, family make up can and does affect members greatly. Most all people rise above family histories, but many do not recover and many repeat certain unwanted aspects. I find a definite correlation in this, the only question is degree and how it's handled.
  

• beyondtheveil said on Feb 09, 2008....

  eilan- It made me feel so good to be able to leave right out of high school. To be rid of what had always gone on in that house. 

• Battycat said on Feb 09, 2008....

  I've got one younger brother, I still have both my parents. My brother went away to school, so sometimes it felt like being an only child, I'd have liked more siblings.
  I had a mixed childhood, basically it was good but I've always had a difficult relationship with my mother.

• truthsayer said on Feb 09, 2008....

  Hi friend.  Just commenting quickly b4 this front page post disappears.  : )
   
  Hmmm.  Three siblings, all older...much older.  Thus, I fit the 'family placement' slots for youngest, oldest and only.  Go figure.  Anyway, I thought I got along well with all but the middle brother; who professes to have hated me since birth and that he doesn't know why.  Hmmm.  Are you buying that (from him, I mean ; )?  I used to.  Now I don't.  I am pretty sure that he knows why he hates me after all these years ; )
   
  Oldest brother is 15 yrs older and I am told he is dying of prostate cancer.  He is a 'senior citizen' too.  Middle brother is 10 yrs older.  Older sister is 8 yrs older.
   
  I am currently estranged from all of them.  They don't like my values or my beliefs (thus, you know Who it is they really do not like).
   
  Parents were married for 30 or 33 yrs before they divorced.  Messy divorce, messy marriage.  I prefered to follow my grandparent's example and look for the best in all five of my 'parents' ; )  That way I didn't become bitter.  I could still write a paper on the best parts of each of them.  I think that was my saving Grace.  I turned to the Lord at a very young age and asked Him to parent me, because I didn't think my own parents were up to the task. 
   
  Hmmm.  I would have preferred that my parents had chosen the Lord and grown up; rather than divorce.  So I don't have the answers you might be looking for.  My dad did remarry, my mother did not.  My stepmother was really screwed up too, but I loved her as much as she would allow.  It was hard for her.  She wanted to hate me like she did everyone else...but she loved me in spite of herself.  She loved my daughter too...as much as she tried not to. 
   
  Did it work out for me?  I was always okay because of the Lord...never because of the people or circumstances of my life.  I hope this answers your questions beyond.  Not the 'pat' answers though.  Life isn't who or what happens to you...it is becoming who God made you to be and 'Living Large Your Destiny.' 
   
  Love to you mister.
   
  Truthsayer

• dailyachesandpains said on Feb 09, 2008....

  Well...my Sisters would most likely tell you the same thing.  That they hated our upbringing and that my mother paid "special" attention to me.  They would say I was spoiled, but I would say I was brain washed a little more than they were.  There really wasn't any balance because it was always one way, my Mother's way.  She ruled the house and the entire family, including my dad.  I still fear her at times even though she's a tiny bit better.
  
  I don't even know if that comes close to answering your question.  I think I may have skirted around it a little...fearing my Mother might read this lol. 
  
  Daily
  

• Carefully said on Feb 13, 2008....

  I'm an only child.

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