• Ajinia said on Aug 05, 2006....

  how far along is she? She may not want to share her news with anyone until she is over her first trimester - partly because of the possibility of miscarriage, partly to give these friends time to deal with their own loss before getting her happy news. I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, 1 week after finally telling everyone I was pregnant - we had gone through a lot to get pregnant so there was no way I was waiting any longer! It is a terrible time, but it in now way lessens the joy that your friend is facing and although it may be painful to her other friends at first, they will accept it. Under NO circumstances should she tell them via email. It is like sending them a big blinking Neon sign that says I don't care about you or your feelings enough to tell you this in person. Just my .02

• the_infernal_optimist said on Aug 05, 2006....

  I agree that email is a bad idea for that kind of news, and that perhaps waiting until the risk of miscarriage goes down would be kinder (for her and for them). I told everyone as soon as I found out I was pg the first time - imagine the chagrin and twisting-knife sadness when I had to tell everyone I lost the baby at 10.5 weeks. Waiting might just be a good idea all around at this point. With my second pg, we waited until I was showing (a happy medium probably should've been reached there, lol). ((hugs)) to her - that's a difficult situation. She should also try not to allow the grief she feels for their losses to taint or diminish her happiness over the new life within.

• hunter_boyce_chandler said on Aug 05, 2006....

  Email is a bad idea. I may be slow (I usually am in these matters) but I would think that any close friend would want to share in your joy not be brought down by jealosy. Some sadness is expected but that doesnt mean you can't share in the joy of someone you love.

• cfamommy said on Aug 05, 2006....

  Thanks, guys- that's what I thought, too, and what my friend and I discussed. She has told a select few people (obviously; I know!), but they're going to hold off on telling others for a little while.

• Expendable said on Aug 05, 2006....

  [color=#0066cc]She should tell them, in person, in a comfortable place. Yes, it's going to hurt. Life is pain.[/color]

• JadeLondon said on Aug 05, 2006....

  I sound like a broken record when I say this, but then I figure you probably want the feedback. The e-mail idea is ridiculous. I have never heard of something so impersonal. And I think she should wait until she is further on to announce the news. I know it will be hard for her to contain it. And indeed, the mothers who suffered a loss will feel just as much pain (most likely) in a few months, anyway. Of course, if she were to wait untill she was showing, the news would kind of tell itself, n'est pas?

• Zayda said on Aug 05, 2006....

  Telling her by email would be a very bad idea, as everyone else has noted. I think your friend should let some time pass before telling the other friend, but not too much. It would be better, IMHO, if the friend who miscarried, heard of the other friend's pregnancy from the expectant mother than through the grapevine.

• Elly said on Aug 06, 2006....

  The most important thing is not to avoid telling these women who have suffered so much. Perhaps it might be a good idea to write to them, telling them how difficult it is to share the story of the new pregnancy, and understanding how difficult it might be for them. If it comes in a lovely card, written with love, it may allow them to get their feelings settled before "facing" you. In any case it is often best to get through the first three months before telling anyone, but excitement gets the better of us. Do be the one to tell them - don't let them hear it from others (unless a trusted loved one). The pain will go on for them anyway. best wishes.

• silverwhisper said on Aug 07, 2006....

  personally, i think good news is best coming from the person who possesses it, not the grapevine. i don't care what kind of place my head is in: i wanna know about my friends' good news. i was downsized a few years back and one of my buddies called to tell me he got a new job. granted, this isn't exactly the same scope, but still... hm. many mixed feelings on this. ed

• ayinkurie said on Aug 11, 2006....

  Hiding the truth will be worse. It will hut their feelings deeply. Especially when the good newscaem at the their worst moment in life. You can tell them the truth. Forget to express the excitement. Then ask them to pray that you will get through the tough innitial months. The first 3-4 months of pregnancy. And that you can share bringing up your baby together. Express your worriness on getting pregnant will be appropriate way to inform that that you are actually pregnant. They will give you moral support and hopes.

• Alyss said on Aug 11, 2006....

  Your friend should tell them gently and with sensitivity but do it face to face not by email or over the phone and not in however many months it takes for her to feel comfortable about it. Better to be told directly.

Comment on "Yet Another Dilemma..."

Currently tagged	advice motherhood pregnancy miscarriage friendship friends relationships Telling truth moral support (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment
	Comment Anonymously