• GracefullyGrowing said on Feb 06, 2008....

  Your attitude is good.  But, you're a hero in my book, to go against your own grain to help yourself.  Buspar is simply an anti-anxiety med.  It just balances the brain chemicals.  Things will even out soon.
   
  Keep up the good work, Blackthorn.
   
  ~Grace~

• the_infernal_optimist said on Feb 06, 2008....

  I don't think it's a bad thing that you're taking Buspar for now. If it helps you get on an even keel and stay that way, that'll be great - and there's nothing that says you'll be on it long-term. It's not even "habit-forming" so it shouldn't be hard to stop whenever the time is right. :)
  
  I'm not the one to use the term hero (ever), but I definitely don't think you're weak or diminished in any way by realizing you could use help and accepting that help when it was offered, even though you dislike the form it has right now. You're plenty strong.
  
  ~Infernal

• Twylarants said on Feb 06, 2008....

  Buspar won't hurt you, Blackthorn. It's non-addictive, it's not like Valium, and, like Grace said, it corrects the chemical imbalance in your brain that's causing the anxiety.  I took it years ago. Don't let it worry you, really.  The anxiety will hurt you...the Buspar won't.
  

• Mr_Box said on Feb 06, 2008....

  This sounds like a workable solution. From what you've said, and what other people said, this drug doesn't sound like a bad thing.

  It won't change your personality. Maybe being calmer will help the rest of this stuff get easier for you too?

  I'm glad you were able to talk to your doctor at least since you couldn't see her. You're doing the right thing. Getting help is what you're supposed to be doing.

  Just because the help is in a little pill form, doesn't mean you weren't doing well on your own. If you have a headache, you'd take an aspirin right? That's how this is too.

  Let us know how you do with it after a few days.

• blackthorn28 said on Feb 06, 2008....

  Grace, thank you. I'm curious how I'll respond to this medicine over time. I hope it helps.
  
  Infernal, the main reason I agreed to try this is because it's not supposed to be addicting. I not only worry about the potential of abuse, but I don't want to have to wean myself off it either. That's the problem with the anti-depressants. So hopefully this goes well. And thank you for saying I'm strong. I'm trying.
  
  twylarants, I'm glad someone responded who has taken this. Did it help you quite a lot? I'd like to live a more anxiety free life and if this helps, I'm ready to try.
  
  Mr_Box, I'm okay with taking this because it won't alter me. I still want to be me, but not me crawling out of my skin. So I'm glad that this doctor suggested it. We'll see how it goes. I'll post something to let you guys know how I feel with it.
  

• Twylarants said on Feb 06, 2008....

  Blackthorn~ I took Buspar for an anxiety disorder and panic attacks. I know that "crawling out of my skin" feeling.  But the Buspar was situational for me in that it only helped for a few hours and then I took another one...I could take up to 3 a day.
  
   My disorder was too far gone at that time and eventually became agoraphobia, so the dr prescribed Prozac after a year on the Buspar.  I stayed on that for 11 years.
  I read some of your other posts earlier, and you mentioned something about losing your creativity?  I don't have a very good memory, but didn't you say something to that effect?  That did happen to me when I got better, I'm afraid.  I use to paint when I was younger, watercolor, acrylics...I was pretty good, actually, even sold some of my pieces.  I guess the anxiety I'd suffered from all my life was part of that talent, ya know..tortured artist and all that, because I lost it as I got better.
  
  But I don't care one iota about it.  I did worry that medication would change me, but it just made me the person I was supposed to be, the person I should have been all along. If I had to sacrifice something in order to lead a normal life, that was a small price to pay.
  
  I don't know if this has been helpful to you...I hope so.  I've never suffered from chemical depression or manic depression, although living a life of 24/7 panic attacks was painfully depressing, it's different from real depression.  I hope you can work with your doctor to find the best treatment for you.  Emerging from that fog after so many years was like being alive for the first time in my life.
  

• gingersoul said on Feb 06, 2008....

  Black......i am glad you feel better....i am glad you write here..i am glad you can find here people who can help you with sharing information that you might use..

  i am just glad for you...:-)

  It takes a lot of courage deciding to be the only one in charge of your life...

• blackthorn28 said on Feb 07, 2008....

  twylarants, I'm glad you came back and shared your experience with me. I'm supposed to take the Buspar twice a day. Once in the morning, and once at night. I'm just a bundle of messes because I have manic depression and anxiety problems. I suppose it's all tied in together, but I'm not sure. And I did say that I lost my creativity with the anti-depressants before. I felt so hollow when I took them. It wasn't depression, but it wasn't happiness either. It didn't feel like me at all. Plus I had a very difficult time weaning myself off of them when I wanted to stop, so if I can avoid going that route, I'd like to. But I know for some people, the medicines work wonders. I just hope this one I'm taking now makes enough of a difference for me, without the side effects I want to avoid. Thank you for sharing this.
  
  gingersoul, I'm glad that I'm writing here too. It's helped me a lot. Having a place to share everything like this without worry, was what I needed. It's also helpful to see how I'm not alone out there with these issues too. Thank you.
  

• Twylarants said on Feb 07, 2008....

  Boy, you really got the double whammy, didn't you?
  
  I don't know anything about manic depression...only knew one woman years ago, and she didn't talk about it much.  But I do know anxiety disorder intimately. It's as prevalent in my family as brown eyes.   Father, brother, sister, kid, uncles, aunts, nephew...even my husband, and he's not a blood relative..lol!
  
   Even though Prozac was developed as a treatment for depression,  I've found it not only doesn't work, it increases the symptoms in some depressed people.  As a treatment and cure for anxiety, in my opinion there is no better medication, but for someone suffering from both depression and anxiety...I just don't know.
  
  I'll tell you this, though...if you were suffering from severe anxiety disorder alone, the side effects of Prozac are minimal and very short term.  For all of us, they lasted 1 or 2 days, and consisted of dry mouth and insomnia.  Everyone in my family took 20 mils once a day for a minimum of 9 years.  And we all felt relief from our symptoms within 1 week, the younger ones (one was only 10 years old), within a day or two.
  
  At any rate, I don't know if this has been at all helpful to you, and I wish some of the SCasters who cope with bi-polar disease would come and talk with you about it.
  But I'm here if you'd like to talk.  Of course now that I said that I have to get ready for work!  Well, timing is everything, huh?  :>)
  
  
  

• blackthorn28 said on Feb 08, 2008....

  twylarants, lucky me huh? I got all the mental defects. It's interesting that Prozac helped your anxiety. I took that drug for a short time and I actually found my heart racing all the time and I was unable to calm down at all or fall asleep. It had the exact opposite effect on me. I think I have a strange body chemistry though because often medicines have the wrong effect on me. Certain drugs that make most people sleepy, wire me up to the point I'm awake for days at a time. It's very odd and it makes it difficult for me to find anything that my body can tolerate and that actually helps. I really do appreciate you commenting and telling me about your own struggles. Even if they aren't exactly the same as mine, it still helps to see that I'm not alone out there. Thank you.

• Soli said on Feb 15, 2008....

  ahh manic depression..

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