It's been one of those days where everything seems to be wrong. It feels as if people are lining up just to get a swing at me. One after the other, someone is taking out their frustrations on me. And now isn't a good time for that to happen. Not that it's ever good for this to happen, but when I'm already on the edge, it's worse.

    I think I fell over. I'm just so frustrated and angry and tired of being everyone's whipping boy. Everyone has a complaint about something I did or didn't do. Or the way I've done it. I actually had an appointment this afternoon to see my therapist again. I could use it today. But circumstances that I couldn't control, even if I tried to, led me to have to cancel. Why? Why today of all days did this happen?

    I don't think I should I cancel. I need to go. But I can't because my real life has gotten in the way of it. I have to work and I can't get out of it. Because the only way I could get out of it would be to admit to the world that I'm out of my mind and barely hanging by a thread and can't function. Since this isn't an option, I have no choice. And it makes me really mad. So mad that I just want to scream or punch something.

    It's never a good day when all you can think of is, I hope all of this is over soon. Not just the day, but everything. It feels like there is just something out there conspiring against me, and that every time I get ahead of it, it knocks me back down again. Just when I think I've escaped it, it finds me again.

    I could feel it stalking me and I was aware of it's presence right over my shoulder. But I thought if I didn't look at it, it would go away. But then all these little things went horribly wrong and it just attacked me while I was down. Now I feel like I'm lying in a heap on the ground and everyone is just standing over me, taking turns kicking me in the stomach.

    I'm just so tired. Most people who overcome struggles in their life, have a moment of peace when they finally win the battle. They destroy the demon so it can never hurt them again. It's just a distant memory in the rear view mirror of life. But with others like me, the demon can never be destroyed. Every time you think you've killed it, it just resurrects itself and tries to come after you again.

    Just like at the end of every scary movie. Just when you think it's safe and the heroes have prevailed, the bad guy's eyes spring open and he stabs you through the heart before you even have a chance to realize what happened. That's how my life is. There is no peace. And what peace there is, is always short lived before you have to start running again. If you don't, the demon will eventually find you again.

    I'm just so tired of running. I want to rest. That's all I want. Just to rest.