• the_infernal_optimist said on Feb 04, 2008....

  Sure it's possible. :) Maybe don't plant your feet *too* firmly though - as much as trees are sacred and beautiful, it probably wouldn't be an upgrade to take root and grow leaves. ;-)
  
  I know what it's like to worry almost nonstop at times and to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. That's no way to live - and the good things around you don't get the benefit of your appreciation and the light of your soul, nor do you get the full effect of the happiness and calmness they could offer when you're in that state.
  
  You can change in positive ways, Blackthorn. You already have - just look at the past! There's always reason to hope, to believe that this time will be the best time yet, and that the "up" doesn't have to crash. Your emotions are only tied to the schedules you make for them, as weird as that seems (and of course major events in your life will have impact as well).
  
  I don't know if any of that makes sense, but I hope that you figure out some way to shatter the worries that keep you from fully enjoying some of those great moments as they happen. It's a hard thing to master, but I know it can be done, and you're definitely strong enough to do it if you figure out some way that works for you. :)
  
  ~Infernal
  

• Mamie said on Feb 05, 2008....

  no dangling feet please! Hang in there, all is well. mamie

• SikariChepiNashota said on Feb 05, 2008....

  it has been said ... happiness found within is way more important than going after fleeting, temporary, things that are supposed to give you that "happy feeling"... issues should i guess be cleared....within's self....it takes a lot of courage, will and most of all...prayers black....
  
  Take care & God bless you.
  

• blackthorn28 said on Feb 05, 2008....

  Infernal, I'm trying really hard to not expect the worst this time. I suppose you're right that my emotions are on a schedule that I make. If I'm up for too long, I just assume it's going to end, and then it usually does. What I need to do is stop taking notice of how long the good times last, and just enjoy them. And maybe before I realize it, months will have passed and my cycle will have broken? I hope so. That's what I'm aiming for....
  
  Mamie, I'm hanging in. Thank you. Today I feel better.
  
  Sikari, that inner happiness is what has eluded me for so long. I'm trying so hard to find it and hold onto it. Thank you for reading. I appreciate your advice and support.
  

• SikariChepiNashota said on Feb 05, 2008....

  i think it all boils down to--having a loving, accepting atmosphere as a child...most people who didn't grow up to have one, are most likely to feel this way---empty,  unloved, thus, depressed?

• Mr_Box said on Feb 05, 2008....

  I just read your other post first. I guess things got worse for you, just like you predicted they would.

  But it's going to be okay. If you have one bad day out of 30 good ones, that's still progress isn't it?

  No one is up all the time. It's just not possible. Even the most mentally stable people out there have moments of despair. I think this is what you're forgetting, Blackthorn.

  I know that your down moments are more severe than most people. But other people still get them. And they feel crappy, then they get better. Just like you do.

  But the difference is that you're so disappointed in yourself that you make it feel worse. You act as if you're not allowed to have a bad day because then it means your entire life is a mess.

  But it's not. Allow yourself the freedom to have a bad day, without feeling like you failed at something. Being sad isn't a failure. It's just a part of being human.

  And if you accept that it's impossible for you to be happy every single day of your life, then maybe you won't fall so hard next time?

• the_infernal_optimist said on Feb 05, 2008....

  Mr. Box is very wise. ;-) We all have to come to terms with our own humanity, and sort of let ourselves know that it's ok to have the downs as well as the ups.
  
  ~Infernal
  

• blackthorn28 said on Feb 05, 2008....

  Sikari, that's probably true in a lot of cases. But for me, I actually had a very loving childhood. Yes, I had problems with my parents when I was a teenager. But I think most of it was fairly normal. I actually have a pretty good relationship with them. So I think maybe these problems are mostly just me......
  
  Mr_Box, I think Infernal is right. You are wise. And you're right about me being disappointed in myself when a day goes bad. I feel like I've let myself and everyone around me, down. But I guess no one can be happy every day of their life. I wish we could. I just hope that I can remember your words the next time things go south. I feel okay right now. Not exactly jumping for joy, but my head is quieter. Thank you for everything you said. It did help.
  
  Infernal, I'm trying to see that. I understand when other people have off days, but for some reason I can't stop holding myself up to an impossible standard, that I don't expect of anyone else. I don't know why I do that....
  

• SikariChepiNashota said on Feb 06, 2008....

  black i came across depression in my studies....it says that the genes also is a factor....do you remember if any of your relatives(blood relations) suffered from it?
  if so, then you are mostly to experience  the same thing...have you seen a doctor about it? well, to tell you the truth, i also have these dep. spells, and believe me, i know how you feel..
  writing helps....a good friend who can listen helps....i don't know about drugs--my uncle who's a doctor wouldn't advise because it can become addictive and we don't want that to happen....a hobby....a pet....a pet works for most lonely, depressed people---because taking the mind off oneself and thinking of another life gives some form of accomplishment, gratification and another day to look forward to---am i saying this correctly? forgive my writing---going back---gardening can also raise the spirits.....some form of meditation--like prayer...novenas--if you're a Christian, catholic...eating? definitely, if its non-fattening. carbs, give you a false sense of happiness--stay clear of that or else you'll be obese in no time....sports---is great! unless its contra indicated to your health/hazardous to your health---but if it makes you happy? then go ahead and do it---i had a friend once, he was an adrenaline junkie---he likes downhill biking and broke his bones all the time--but he still loved it---oh sorry...i'm not here to fix you up okay?....i just cant get my mind off you when i read your post..probably because we're in the same boat....its a vicious cycle i tell you...anyways....here's a little something my cousin sent me this morning....and i'd like to share it  with you:
  
  The Art of being happy lies in the power of finding joy in ordinary things.
  
  Life does not force us to be the best; it only asks that we try.
  
  Remember this old Italian wish:
  
  "ViVE bene, spesso l'amore, di risata molto."
  (Live well, Love much, Laugh often.)
  

• blackthorn28 said on Feb 06, 2008....

  Sikari, I think my father has the problems I do. It's not something that he's ever talked about, but I know we're very similar. I've seen him struggle with the same things at times. I do try to keep myself occupied as much as I can. I love writing. It helps me sort out my thoughts so they don't overwhelm me. I like eating, but only when I'm happy. When I'm depressed, I have no appetite. I do have pets too. But I'm not really lonely. I have a girlfriend who I live with. But sometimes a person still feels alone on the inside. But I'm working through it. And I really like the words you left me. They are definitely inspirational. Thank you. You give good advice.

• SikariChepiNashota said on Feb 07, 2008....

  But sometimes a person still feels alone on the inside.--yeah, exactly. uh! dont pull me under black...climb up with me!
  
  thanks...and welcome, anytime....
  
  that might be the culprit--your dad's predicament.
  
  but hey....keep on climbing...and don't look below!!
  

• blackthorn28 said on Feb 07, 2008....

  Sikari, I definitely don't want to pull anyone else back under. So we'll both keep hanging on. I assume my father's problems are why I'm like this too. He's never said it out loud to me, but I've sensed these things inside him too... 

• SikariChepiNashota said on Feb 09, 2008....

  don't look down black!...keep climbing....grab the rope tighter if you're slipping..

Comment on "Dangling on the edge"

Currently tagged	moods worry Thinking (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment