• Mamie said on Jan 29, 2008....

  ohhh I am not sure I understand. So today is the day? What is it that you are going to ask your mom for?

• GracefullyGrowing said on Jan 29, 2008....

  This is not your best choice, and you know it. 
   
  You have some thinking errors going on, abigale.   You are making death a romantic notion, but in the end you don't KNOW that you'll become an angel and help people.  In fact, you don't KNOW anything about the afterlife.  You're forgoing the purposes for which you were put in THIS realm.  You already realize that no one really ***KNOWS*** yet you're telling yourself that you do.  That's a thinking error.  A big one.
   
  You're smart enough to make better choices.  You're smart enough to endure what you need to endure.  If you give yourself the opportunity you'll prove it, beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Just stop, shake your head a bit, and determine that you will think without errors for at least five minutes.  Then pick up the phone and call someone you trust and tell them what's going on in your head.
   
  Come on.  You already know you can do this, you are simply looking to escape.  The escape is. . . most of the time. . . worse than the trap of thinking errors.  You know what to do, and where to get the help you need.  Just go find it.
   
  I'm counting on you to do the right thing.  And, I'm not the only one - and you know I'm right.  YOU are counting on you to do the right thing.
   
  ~Grace~

• Mamie said on Jan 29, 2008....

  Thanks Grace, for saying that so well. Many of us are thinking that.
  Abi,
  Log off, go get your mom and tell her the truth. Until you say it out loud to someone who is real, it may not be the truth as you have written it. Tell her now.
  
  And if you cannot capture what the telling will feel like, ask Sunshine Mariah. She had the guts to do the same thing. Let someone more your age, tell you in her words what happened when she told.  
   
  mamie

• anonymous said on Jan 29, 2008....

  sunshine tried to commit suicide?

• Mamie said on Jan 29, 2008....

  anonymous, don't be such a weirdo! Of course not! I bet sunshine will kick your butt after that one! read her blog, please!

• anonymous said on Jan 29, 2008....

  the way you said it, it sounds like you meant that. i did read her blog and i think she is full of shit and just looking for attention. i highly doubt any of that shit ever happened to her, and now cancer... come on! she deserves to rot and suffer for all the lies

• Mamie said on Jan 29, 2008....

  oy. now i know why you comment anon. have a great day!! and Be NICE!!

• anonymous said on Jan 29, 2008....

  so you agree with me? thought so!

• GracefullyGrowing said on Jan 29, 2008....

  Anon, if you have any compassion in you what-so-ever, please just be reasonable for a while and take your opinions somewhere that is not so volitile.  I beg you.  Please.

• anonymous said on Jan 29, 2008....

  grace now was that necesary? you agree wtith me too! sunshine is full of lies

• abigale-annabella said on Jan 29, 2008....

  oh please why are you arguing?
  i want this to bring love and care among people not anger :(
  please be happy.
   
   
  ha, my plan has failed so far
  unfortunately my mother has yet to return home, and during the last four hours all ive had is a very bad headache and felt drowsey
   
  ok mamie: paracetamol lol, its one of the easiest way to kill yourself
  You can go to sleep and just not wake up
  AND everyone will think its acidental
  so no1 will feel bad
  i still make out like im the happiest girl in the world in public, so people will be shocked that lively funny gabby would do such a thing,
  therefore theyll think it was accidental
  Mamie, thank you for your time and effort, your a good soul and maybe ill meet you in the next life!
   
  gracefullygrowing:
  First of all a very huge thank you for your time and effort also,
  there will be people out there who do want our help and will use it,
  i think your a wonderful person :)
  I did say this thing was for me, but its tunred out ridiculous
  i think im starting to bore people now, so this is my last post
  and regarding your comment
  i dunno, i just do know
  i dont no why! i just no its true
  Why would god grab me by the ankles and bring me back down again for no reason?
  surely hes not evil
  god works in misterious ways
  but for the first time in my life i think i truly understand something, i really believe this is meant to happen, i recieved my message, now i must be strong and act upon it.
  it makes sence
  i promise you!
   
  I cant endure any more of this! what kind of life is this? thinking about death every hour of every minute?
  its no life!
  But theres a reason
   
  maybe im being a bit overthetop thinking i would become an angel, but i ceetianly think god has a plan for me in heaven
  theres something he wants me to do.i no it
  and if i can give up all those i love for Him,
  he WILL reward me!
   
   
  Please be happy like me
  Ive not been happy since i belived in god fully
  now i do
  my faith has returned!
  and my life...well it is completed :)
   
  Gods love to you all
  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
   
   
  p.s im sorry i could never talk to my mum about it
  shes a devote christian
  girls my age dont think about things like this
   
   
   

• GracefullyGrowing said on Jan 29, 2008....

  Abi - You may or may not know that I work with teenagers, and that I have for much of my adult life.  Right now, I work with teens who have been in some major trouble in their lives, and have responded negatively to the things that have been done to them.   I do this by definitive choice.  I've also raised three daughters who are now in their 20's.
   
  I remember what it's like to be a teenager.  I remember how hard it was.  I hear people say all the time how it's "the best time of your life" but I think they are wrong - it's not *always* the best time of one's life.  It's really really tough.  At least it was for me, and is for many I have known and know now.  I see it's no different for you. 
   
  I whole-heartedly agree with you that God has a plan for you.  Without a doubt.  But I don't think that plan is in heaven - I think it's here.  What you're going through now is putting pressure on you . . . but what you may not realize is that pressure can turn you into a diamond.  If you want to shine and glitter in fulfilling the plans that have been made for you, you must make it through the times when you feel the weight of the pressure.
   
  I remember once when I took my older daughters to a hands-on type museum.  There was a display of hatching baby chicks.  My middle daughter felt sorry for a struggling chick that was pecking it's way out of it's shell  (much like YOU must be *right now*!!!) and reached over and began pealing some of the shell away.  The attendant immediately stopped my daughter from "helping."  My daughter thought the attendant was the cruelest person ever!  The attendant explained that if we didn't allow the chick to build muscles by pecking on the inside of the shell to get out, that it would die because it would have no strength to survive after it finally did break free of the shell that kept it from seeing the REAL world.
   
  Peck your way out of this one, Abi. 
   
  ~Grace~

• anonymous said on Jan 29, 2008....

  ha.
  attention seeker.

• anonymous said on Jan 29, 2008....

  sympathy hound exposed this has to qualify for the longest running puke post and suicide in history muhwaahahahahahahahhha

• moonriver said on Jan 29, 2008....

  abi, i sent you a private message. read it before anything else.
  
  

• dyingman said on Jan 29, 2008....

  Hey kiddo, hope you live to read this.
  I read all your entries so pardon me if my reply wanders a bit.
  
  God letting you down, bad things happening, church didn't help....
  You might have the wrong church.  Heck I attend four because no one church does everything I need to understand God.  Maybe you want to check a few different ones out. 
  
  "I stopped caring and loving everything I used to, I get no pleasure from the things that once made me happy - but i don't even bother to eat anymore unless im realllyyyy hungry. i used to love taste,love food, now i dont care about it all.
  when i say i'm failing i mean it. Obviously my own fault,"
  
  CLASSIC depression.
  Afraid of the label "mental illness"?  If you're going to cash in your chips soon anyway, why do you care what anyone thinks?  Pop some bupropion for a week or fluoxitine.  If you still feel life is manure, you've lost nothing.  Now comes the part about motivating yourself enough to get the prescription despite your depression.  Oh, and make sure you take 'em for a week before you decide they haven't worked.  The first couple days is where the part comes in about anti-depressants making teens feel just good enough so they can get around to killing themselves.  An ugly irony, isn't it?    The sense of energy and motivation comes first, THEN feelings of satisfaction / contentment; too late to stop the suicide.  A good doc would warn you about this, but here it is in case he's behind schedule and can't afford the 15 minutes your HMO allows him/her.
  
  
  "I appreciate your comments i really do but i cant go on anti-depressents.   My mother..she says it will affect my career, people wont employ me, and it'll look bad.
  again..how is that a life? how is that living
  i dont have many choices here.."
  
  She's right to a degree, but this stuff will be semi-public within 20 years due to data insecurity.  Other people will be exposed as foot fetishists and compulsive gamblers.  The few people with no hangups at all will be merely suspected of covering their tracks really well and loathed.
  You got it easy.  Half the population is on an antidepressant.  Every schmuck who's had a bad week takes 'em.  By the sounds of things, you actually might benefit.  It's the malaise, "nothing is good", blase lethargy that marks depression, not sadness.  "Depression" is a horrible name for the condition, but nobody asked me.
  
  "I can't understand why someone maybe a million miles away from you can be more understanding than your mum or best friend."
  
  It's the stigma of mental illness.  Friends and family don't want the relationship to get weird by suggesting it.  Anonymous friends can and further, you're willing to be more honest with us than them.  Tell you what, why don't you tell your mum you're seeing the doc about birth control and she isn't invited to join you. 
  THEN tell the doc you need "the pill" AND your first antidepressant (there are about four different types and each one works slightly differently so don't be afraid to try a different kind.)  If you're already on the pill, drop it in the toilet to get a "refill" early.
  
  Jodie, your "sister"....  maybe she meant you were the sister she thought she should have had.  The way she thought she SHOULD feel about her sister.  Hardly an insult.  Teen girls are WAY prone to over-analyze and find the worst possible way to interpret something and decide YUP, that's the one they meant.  Great book about this called "Queen Bees and Wannabee".  Really made me feel bad for girls.
  
  Life without friends, huh?  That may be an overstatement fed by the hopelessness thing.  Still, I had no friends when I was your age and oddly enough I made a set of 'em online a lot like you are now.  I suspect you don't NEED a new set like I did, but such things are possible and maybe even anonymous busybodies that read bummed out teenager's blogs might amuse for a while.
  
  In your next entry, wanna spill a little about what cheesed you off with the almighty?
  Color me nosy.
  
  
   

• lfbno7 said on Jan 29, 2008....

  I think suicide almost always turns out to be a huge and regrettable mistake, the only exception being a Kevorkian type death as a result of ALS or something equally horrifying physically. I think that most souls who have committed suicide know almost instantly that they messed up big time and they were supposed to wait around and check out the next chapter.

• secretary said on Jan 29, 2008....

   
  HEY ABI !!!
  
  I knew you're alive. you say you don't care about money, work, or boys?
  Wow... admirable.
  see? it is always those moral individuals who often feel trapped in this world,
  because this world if far from being moral. a suicidal thought is the evidence
  of a live conscience.
  
  now. what would god want a moral human being thrown to this evil world to do?
  suicide? then why would god created that person in the first place?
  
  first thing first. why the hell did god created this world?
  
  my dear friend abi, i have a conjecture about this question.
  i'm not saying it is the answer, but it's a thought.
  
  abi, have you seen a movie "Saw?" if you haven't, i highly recommend it.
  in there, a man plays a "game" with people he abducted.
  the abductees are trapped in a dark, dingy room full of filth and stench.
  the man talks to the abductees thru a monitor or a tape recorder.
  he tells abductees the rules of the game.
  if abductees follow the rule, they can win the game and walk out of the room,
  live and free.
  if they fail to solve the puzzles of the game or if they violate the rule, they die.
  
  you may think i'm crazy if i make this anology:
  god is that guy behind the monitor, the abductees are people in this world,
  and that dark dingy room is the world.
  
  yes. god is playing a game with us. all of us.
  
  now let me tell you what i think the rules are:
  1. seek pleasure, then you die.
  2. seek justice, then you live.
  
  heaven? hell? in my opinion, the existence of heaven and hell are provably unprovable.
  now that you know of math, let me present you a semi-formal proof of this argument:
  
  argument: the existence of afterlife is not provable.
  
  proof)
  
  Assume afterlife exists. Then a person X must die in order to observe it.
  Assume X dies and observe an afterlife.
  Since X is dead, X cannot convey that knowledge to the people who are alive.
  Hence, the existence of afterlife cannot be proven to live people even if it exists.
  
  Assume afterlife does not exist. Assume X dies.
  Since afterlife does not exist, X does not exist after death.
  Hence X cannot convey the knowledge of afterlife's nonexistence to the live people.
  Hence, the nonexistence of afterlife cannot be proven to live people even if it
  does not exist.
  
  Q.E.D.
  
  have you heard of Kurt Goedel? it is no shame if you haven't cuz you're not in college yet.
  Goedel is the guy who proved that phenomenal and historic "Incompleteness Theorem."
  the theorem basically says that:
  "there exist a true mathematical statement that cannot be proven mathematically."
  
  curious? google up! i'm sure you're smart enough to read-and-understand.
  
  see? it's fun stuffs. there are lots of fun stuffs in college, especially for intelligent
  people like you.
  
  anyhow. back to that god-abductor analogy.
  
  let us assume that, in this world, bad people get punished and good people get rewarded, always.
  Then, who would be bad and who would not be good? right?
  every single human being will seek to be good and avoid being bad!
  THAT IS NOT THE CASE AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHY EVIL THRIVES IN THIS WORLD!
  
  sorry to capitalize-yell but i just had to-- i got carried away ;>
  
  now. let us assume that god is smart enough to hide the truth, which is:
  1. a person who lived a righteous life in this world go to heaven
  2. a person who lived an evil life in this world go to hell
  
  in the movie "Saw," there are many traps. a door that seemingly lead to an exit actually
  leads to death. a door seemingly leads to an enormous pain actually leads to the key
  to the exit.
  
  got it?
  
  ps: hottips4u, thanks for the compliment if it were.  mamie, shut up.
   

• wakingharmony said on Jan 29, 2008....

  If you End it now you will never know how it was really supposed to end. There may be a special someone out there just waiting for your gentle voice to tell them that they are ok.  I really don't want to believe that you think you have the right to alter others lives..... what if someone you deeply care about ... a child heres of this and thinks you have the answers to everything . children do that you know.  Can you honestlty say it would be ok for a little one , maybe suffering with lifes upsets.... heres of your death and says "Hey I think That is the smart way to do it!    

• Mamie said on Jan 29, 2008....

  [looks around]...what'd I do now? I am just sitting here minding my own business, yes?? I did not move your podium, teleprompter or sing la-la-la-la while holding my ears... did I?
  *smile

• vacantmind said on Jan 29, 2008....

  Well abi,
  I find it very sad that your view of God is so one sided. That his only purpose for exist in heaven. You took something that happened and called it your calling. Yet, you state that this post was just for you and you didn't expect the love that you have received here. How do you know this wasn't his way of reaching out to you?
  I know that no matter what we say or do, if this is your wish/desire, then you will do it no matter what we say but don't put this on God. This is you making this choice.
  You have a group of people rallying around you, reaching out to help you, and you are  pushing them aside. I understand you don't want to talk to your mom. Don't! But, living in your head when pain is the only thing you feel isn't exactly looking for a solution. You are holding yourself hostage.
  How can you judge this life when you don't seize the opportunities given to you? You have the opportunity to talk about whatever you want here! What would be so shocking? Have you been raped? Is there incest? Are you Gay? Drugs? I could go on and on but I have to tell you, you won't shock me!
  Seize your opporunity and speak up!
  If you don't this isn't God's doing; this is your choice.

• secretary said on Jan 29, 2008....

  Hi Abi,

  Hi Mamie,

  Hi Jokey dokey. that 'ps' was a joke.
  *smile
  

• lfbno7 said on Jan 30, 2008....

  Afterlife has been proven countless times. Just watch the Lisa Williams show or the John Edward show. If that isn't proof enough for you, you're a hammerhead. It's so easy to just toss the word "phony" around, isn't it. Watch the shows, particularly Lisa. She's not phony, nor are the people she helps. Watch a few Lisa Williams shows, and then if you still think there's no proof of the afterlife, you may join the Hammerhead Society. Head thick as a brick.

• hottips4u said on Jan 30, 2008....

  Yet another screen name for you Secretary....making a list and checking it twice....lalalalalalala  lol
  
  This entire post is a joke.  ;)
  
  Jessi.
  

Comment on "because my other posts are so crappy lol"

Currently tagged	suicide depression relationships ohhhhh sympathy hound meaning of life pelicans posers multible screen names Deception (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment
	Comment Anonymously