• anonymous said on Jan 29, 2008....

  tell me you have reconsidered after today you don't know how many people will be devastated if you went through with it. please talk to your mum she knows you better than you think! do you feel that your friends are bad or is it just that you don't feel connected to them any more? you WILL get over this, God is always there for you google 'footprints in the sand' ask jodie about getting your faith back think how awful you would feel if jodie left you alone and reverse the situation. they all love you and i'm positive that you have touched many people lives - how many more lives have you yet to touch? life is a gift from god! it is precious, and someone no-one else can give you. you can't buy life, so why destroy the most precious thing you have? god loves you !!!!!!!!

• wakingharmony said on Jan 29, 2008....

  Abi  God gave you life and sometimes it is hard to keep going on with the pain ...but there are lessons to learn and to teach. I get tired a lot and at times think why isnt this eneough... but I don't have to wait long to see that there is something else i am needed here for. even just to give you a simple message to say hon....let God decide. And I Don't believe God wants you to take your own life. I think you are greatly needed here. God Bless You!

• secretary said on Jan 29, 2008....

  Hi Abi,
  
  i just read your recent postings.
  
  ok. i know. it's extremely difficult to understanding the teachings of Jesus.
  
  I'd never dare to say i understand his teaching,
  but i can say with a confidence that i am beginnig to understand his teaching.
  
  for instance, jesus said:
  "those in heavy worldly burden, come to me.
  i will give you the rest,
  for my burden is light."
  
  take a note that he didn't say there will be no burden,
  but he said his burden is "lighter" than those of the world.
  
  Jesus also said:
  "those who do not take their daily burden of mine do not deserve to be with me."
  
  that is, he is damanding to take his burden.
  
  He also said:
  "Go through narrow road,
  for the road to perdition is wide and broad."
  
  ok now, he said his burden is lighter than the worldly burden.
  but he also says 'his' way is narrow and hard to follow,
  but the 'worldly way' is wide and broad, easy to walk along.
  
  isn't this a contradiction? all i can say is that i know that i do not know.
  but i know that Jesus is right. people may call it a belief.
  but to me, it is a knowledge. why?
  
  ...
  
  let me tell you a little story of mine, abi.
  
  you said you live in britain? i live in Los Angeles, California.
  i came to this town to become a movie director.
  i haven't made one movie outside school but i'm working on one now,
  a cheap, independent movie that doesn't involve anyone but myself.
  
  since i'm self-studying filmmaking, i watch lots of movies and documentaries,
  all rented from "hollywood video store."
  
  about a couple of months ago, i rented a movie called "The Bridge."
  it's a documentary about people jumping off of the golden gate bridge
  in san francisco, california.
  
  so i watched the movie. 
  
  let me tell you one more thing about my identity.
  i'm also an amateur scholar. i read scientific literature off of internet
  and i make my own theory, and i publish them on the internet:
  
  www.geocities.com/thesecretaryoftruth
  
  yes, i named it "Humanology," or a de-armchaired psychology.
  and i have my own theory about human mentality, which is not based on
  modern psychology but on hard sciences like mathematics or physics.
  
  during watching the movie "The Bridge,"
  i came up with my own theory on the cause of sucides,
  and the solution thereof.
  
  but you know what i told myself that night?
  "ok. i have solution. but my theory isn't complete yet.
  so why don't i wait until it gets more complete, rather than
  jumping off to save people on the verge of suicides?
  
  also i'm not famous. i'm nameless.
  so why don't i finish making this movie i'm making,
  then become famous, then take advantage of my fame in order to
  publicize my homanology theory, then save people from suicide?
  
  right... if i attempt to save suicidal people now, i may save 1 or 2 people.
  if i wait until my theory is complete and i become famous,
  i will save 100 or 200 people.
  
  hence, by waiting a bit, i will end up saving more people. so i'll wait."
  
  that was the logical conclusion that i reached.
  and i fell asleep.
  
  next morning, i got up and started my car to go to work.
  but my car was making a disturbing noise.
  so i drove to a nearby repair shop. the mechanic says
  1 hour will do. so i called my boss, and decide to have a breakfast
  nearby and pick up my car to go to work.
  
  so i walked to a restaurant, but i felt inclined to a cigarette.
  sorry, i'm a smoker. so i smoked on a sidewalk, next to a bus stop.
  and i was thinking about the movie i watched the previous night.
  
  (sigh)
  
  yes. i felt pity for them.  the people in desperation jumping off of the bridge.
  but i draw a logical conclusion that i should wait to save more people later.
  i can't save them now...
  
  then. a familiar phrase came upon my head.
  "Give all your possessions to poor people and you follow me."
  
  tears just came off of my eyes just now.
  on that day, on that sidewalk, i cried, cried, and cried.
  
  guess who said the phrase above. it is Jesus.
  that phrase is in either Mark, Mathew, Luke, or in John.
  
  until that day, i was an ex-christian.  it's been 10 years.
  but when i was a christian, i read bible three times and i know very well of it.
  but 10 years ago, after years of search for the truth in bible,
  i concluded that bible is not the truth. and jesus is not the savior or son of god.
  
  i'm not saying i'm a christian now. i don't go to church. but i read bible
  and i know that jesus is something. until that day, jesus, to me, was
  just another exceptional philosopher, philanthropist, moralist, poet, and an ego-maniac.
  
  in the movie "Bridge," there was this guy who jumped off of the bridge,
  but survived. he testified in the interview that there was a seal beneath his feet
  in the sea, supporting him so that he stays afloat! then he got rescued and
  he comments:
  "you cannot say to me that, that seal was not god."
  
  i felt exactly the same way.
  "Give all your possessions to poor people and you follow me."
  nobody cannot say to me that, this is not the truth.
  i know, it is a personal experience that i cannot generalize to others or expect others
  to relate to it, but to me, that teaching of Jesus struck me as THE TRUTH
  and that is why i just cried, cried, and cried.
  
  and tears blur my eyes even now.
  
  so i decided.  i decided to save that one person in agony.
  the person i'm for sure certain that i can help.
  
  i went to work after the car was fixed, but after the day's work is over,
  i came right back home and started to search in the internet:
  "suicide blog"
  
  then came about your posting in soul cast.
  so i started typing. i did everything in my knowledge to prevent you from suicide.
  there may have been wrong things that i wrote on your blog thread.
  but everything i did, i did it to the very best of my knowledge,
  to prevent you from suicide.
  
  Abi.  now i confessed to you on my intention.
  i'm using the screen name "the secretary of truth,"
  but my real name if Huhnkie Lee.
  you can go to myspace.com/huhnkie to see how i look like.
  yep, that's me.
  
  so why the hell am i doing this, you may ask.
  Abi, i'm just following the teachings of Jesus.
  That is all i'm doing now, and will be doing forever.
  I will follow Jesus to the end of the earth.
  
  and i humbly ask you, to join me.
  
  --Huhnkie Lee
   

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