• beyondtheveil said on Jan 29, 2008....

  ninja- It sounds like you have diagnosed yourself as very self conscious and shy. And it sounds like that may be right. I think most people eventually work their way out of this, at least to a point, but it takes time.
  
  Are there any support groups for self conscious and shy? Maybe that's something to look into.
  

• brit said on Jan 29, 2008....

  i think you need to do whatever feels right. go with your gut. maybe dating is not your primary focus? maybe everything your doing is a subconcious way of dealing with reality. i think i'm making sense! maybe i need to think more and come back!

• cntlvmenuf said on Jan 29, 2008....

  The dating world is crazy coz most often than not you dont know what you getting. Its frustrating.....especially if you are pressuring yourself to be in a relationship. But once you learn to let yourself go and be and have no great expectations, it can be quiet fun.
   
  Take your time....as you said you are still young. Are you only uncomfortable on dates or with strangers in general? Join a public speaking forum.....like Toastmasters for instance if there's one in your area. Other times it helps to focus on the other person, take in details about them, what they are wearing, saying or such and that way you can lighten up a little. And yes, before a date, make up your mind that you are going to have fun. If you dont, its not the end of the world. Practice makes perfect....and you dont have to limit yourself to being free just on dates....work on being that wonderful you at all times.
   
  Something a friend of mine told me about being self consciousness is to work on expressing....(expressing love, kindness attention....so on) instead of impressing. Try it sometimes.....its what is helping me "get over myself" so to speak.  

• ninjapirate said on Jan 29, 2008....

  Beyond: I knew it was me! Well I was in a group type thing a year ago and it did seem to help, but I am having a tough time getting into one where I am at. I'm kind of anxious to find one even because I'd like to fix this, maybe I'll look community wide, instead of school wide.
  
  Brit: Hmm I'm a little confused! Do you mean maybe I'm acting this way because it's how I deal with my reality? That I'm acting that way because of the people I'm meeting?
  
  Cnt: I can definetly see where I put extra pressure on myself with my expectations with some dates, and that's when I was even more closed up. I think I am uncomfortable with both! Especially if there is a good looking guy, date or stranger. I think I remember expressing not impressing from another comment of yours, and I had already forgotten, thanks for reminding me! I really like your advice, I'm gonna try to keep it in mind! Thanks!

• brit said on Jan 30, 2008....

  hmmm...what did i mean?
  ok...lemme try it this way....
  maybe you are nervous, shy and all that because you really aren't ready to date. so your subconscious reaction is to be all closed up. maybe i also sort of meant that the guys that you are dating aren't right, or they don't feel right, you don't hit it with them, your not jiving, so you are acting the way you are acting.
  
  am i making sense yet?
  

• ninjapirate said on Jan 30, 2008....

  Brit:  I see!  I think that is very true, at least about the guy part.  I really am gonna have to think about the first part you said, about not being ready, I wonder if that's true or not, because I'm really not sure, thanks for pointing that out! 

• brit said on Jan 30, 2008....

  sures! your not sure whether your ready to date or not? hmmm....i'm confused on that part! oh well. we'll figure it out!

• travelr712 said on Feb 02, 2008....

  the dating world is so difficult that i don't venture there anymore. what you're describing is how most people feel about it. not everyone, some people just have that 'knack'. but most people don't. it's really hard to find someone you 'click' with, someone who accepts you and enjoys your company, who's company you enjoy in return. here's a little tip. instead of focusing so much on yourself, which will inevitably make you selfconscious, why don't you instead try focusing on one or two of the things that the boy says, and see if you can find something interesting to both of you in that conversation? getting your focus off yourself is the best way to stop feeling self conscious.

• ninjapirate said on Feb 05, 2008....

  Brit:  Sorry was confusing!  I meant that I thought I was ready to date people, but now maybe I'm really not and that's why it's been so much trouble.  Hope that makes sense.
   
  Trav:  You know I swore I was trying to do that trick before, but I don't think I did it enough.  I find that now when I try to do it I'm more comfortable being self conscience, but when I do try to focus on other things I have a lot more fun, definetly gonna try to catch myself now, thanks for your advice and it's good to know that a lot of people have problems like this too!

• brit said on Feb 07, 2008....

  oh ninja its ok...we get it now and we figured it out right?!   right !!!!

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