• uniquely-ironic said on Jan 28, 2008....

  I hope you make him financially responsible for the child, even if you're not in a relationship with him.  If he wants to play, he need to pay.
   
  I am disappointed that you didn't think of protecting yourself with birth control.  Now you are the one who will have to sacrifice for the child if you choose to keep it.
   
   

• secretlife said on Jan 28, 2008....

  do you have another child?  i just ask because you say the father of the one you are carrying, which makes me think you have another.
   
  you aren't so far along in the pregnancy where you don't have a choice still.  and only you can decide if you're ready to handle a child or another child.
   
  i hope you decide to get on some birth control.  and i hope you remember about safe sex too......if one kiss can lead to this, i think that you need to be more responsible.

• broken_angel said on Jan 29, 2008....

  to secretlife and uniquely-ironic:
  yah.. i wasnt really myself that time.. we didnt really practice safe sex
  then.. i got carried away with my emotions..
  im having a hard time making him feel responsible, coz he is convinced he is not the father..
  this is the first time i got pregnant, by the way, secretlife.. :)

• phoeby said on Jan 29, 2008....

  emotionally that must be really hard for you. knowing he isn't interested in being with you or your child.
  
  
  like secretlife said you do have a choice, if you've already made that choice then the best thing you can do for you and your child is try to move on from him. To try to surround yourself with positive and loving people who can support you during the pregnancy and after. It's a huge thing to be pregnant but also to bring another little person into the world who is 100% dependent on you for everything. physical things, emotional things - everything. You will need a strong support network also, so you can get through it all.
  
  
  my thoughts are with you
  
  
  love phoeby

• broken_angel said on Jan 29, 2008....

  hi phoeby..
  wow.. thanks for those supportive words.. now i am not really sorry for joining here..
  yah.. im really having a hard time coping up with everything, what with my thesis and all. and to top that, the father of this child is actually spreading so many bad things about me, and some people just cant help but judge me.. :(
  iam having a hard time already showing my face, but you're right.. i did surround myself with loving and supporting people.. even if my friends now are really not that many compared before, but at least i got to see who among them are really true to me.. :)
  i am still on the stage where i have to think things over. right now, i will just have to finish my thesis and oral defense, which will be happening this february 4 (hope i can pass), and after that, i will be giving full attention to the problem at hand.. :)
  thanks a lot for droppin by..

• SikariChepiNashota said on Jan 29, 2008....

  hello there ML....
  as unique and secret and phoeb already told you the practical things to do....
  I'd also like to share to you this...
  that baby may be an unplanned pregnancy but it already is alive...and at the first trimester..so many things are going on in there...the organs are formed..means that heart beats beating and the like..
  i know that in other countries, abortion is legal, and that means women have a choice to "kill" their unborn....that's very heavy on a woman's conscience....it's not even natural...we are instinctively pro life--
  what i'm trying to say is, it doesn't matter if the father doesn't want it. it's your baby too...so, from what you've said...i think you're just in a state of panic right now...and that wouldn't help you...
  you need to know that what you have in there is a human life.
  
  i know you can't see things very clearly yet at the moment...like all those who experienced the same thing...so i'd say not to make any rash decisions yet.
  
  unborns also have rights. it isn't their fault they are conceived, so i don't see the point of eliminating the fetus...
  
  well, there are many options though if you really decide not keep the baby..and i know a lot of organizations and the like is out there...try to research on that...or talk to the right person---that could mean anyone who will see to it that you and that baby is protected--a priest, a nun, a group that supports single parenthood, or unwanted pregnancies and so on..
  as you can see, i'm pro life. i'm also a registered midwife and a BSN graduate...still waiting for my NLE result at the moment...if you'd like to talk more about it....i'm just here..i'll respond to you as soon as possible--if i go online...God bless and keep you..
  
  

• SikariChepiNashota said on Jan 29, 2008....

  oh that's supposed to be "dear broken"....sorry for that...

• broken_angel said on Jan 30, 2008....

  right now, SikariChepiNashota, i really don't know what to do yet.. my mind's so full and i am so troubled.. to top that, i had to endure all the backbites at school, coz the guy spread some gossip bout me being so aggressive and a sex machine.. kinda like change image of me, coz people kinda see me as a nerd and overachiever..
  i am also pro life, by the way.. the guy gave me pills for abortion when he knew of the baby.. but i threw it all away.. the guy was so mad at me..

• SikariChepiNashota said on Jan 30, 2008....

  you did something right..when you threw those pills..and that's good--your being pro-life...
  you say you're diligent in studies and a very determined person at that? those are very good qualities, too.
  with that short description, i believe you're a very smart girl...and would try to do what is right---even if it means, you have to go through this phase hurting, betrayed, and as  you say humiliated in school?
  it takes a lot of courage to go on living even when we feel we're alone, lost, in the darkness, betrayed..as they put it, its not how many times we fall...but how many times we were able to rise again..
  
  babies are seen as problems by other people...but the truth is....they bring blessings....you may not see that now....wait til you give birth to it...its not so bad to be a single parent....i am not one, but i met women who are....and what gives meaning to their lives? their kid/s.
  that's a fact, for i too am a mom.
  
  
  
  

• husbandhater said on Jan 30, 2008....

  Broken Angel you are a soul sister. My ex did the same thing to me with my 1st child and then I was smart enough to go back and have another with him and watch him walk out on me the night I found out about the pregnancy.  Smart I say because my sons are the best thing that ever happen to me even though the 2nd has many problems. They are my strength and my love,my reason for living. He married his current wife within 3months of knowing her.
   
   He was liar and a cheater and he's done these things to her. So my loss is her agonizing gain.
  Good ridence to bad rubbish. I'm here to tell you it gets BETTER and although it is an agonizing pain YOU WILL GET OVER IT! It takes awhile but you do. Take him for support b/c it is for the benefit of "THE CHILD" not you. The child has the right to love and care from both parents and if one wants to leave out the love part they have no choice about the finacial!
   
  Whats his loss is your beautiful gain. Be happy and rejoice in your childs impending birth.

• broken_angel said on Jan 30, 2008....

  wow.. now i really am inspired.. :)
  thanks for saying all those words.. it really made me want to live more and stick to my decision more.. lots of my friends are already looking forward to being godparents.. hehehehehe..
  i know what you're talking about, about the baby being a blessing.. i know for now i can say that it is just a hindrance for my dreams. but i know someday, this baby is going to be my life..
  i just hope that the baby is alright.. coz i really am making myself tired these past few days.. sigh....

• SikariChepiNashota said on Jan 30, 2008....

  very true..and you're welcome. =) now, a little light is finally showing at the end of the tunnel, huh? ..
  ..acknowledging the matter at hand, is a step to being able to go to the next....its a matter now of choosing who to put first in your life...its a bit uncomfortable for first time--mums...but you'll get by--as those inner strengths will surface--for the love of a child..
  you're very right--that baby will be a big part of your existence... nothing and no one can ever level with that.
  ..just an insight...yes, babies/fetus do feel, hear, (and even see-- this is according to some experts) what the mother experiences....so it is a must that you take care of yourself more now..do pre-natal check-ups regularly-that's very important, for your baby's safety, health--including yours..
  learn relaxation techniques, and stuff...that will come in handy--in dealing with stress;
  p.s./ read as much books on the subject of pregnancy, i recommend "what to expect when you're expecting" book ---sorry i for got the author's name---my little friend borrowed my book, she's almost 9 months now..
  
  p.p.s./ expect your moods to be heightened, too...its an emotional roller-coaster ride--i just thought that tip would be of help to understanding your own self...so that means, its normal. and you gotta help yourself be in a better mood when you see yourself weeping too much ok? remember, the baby feels your feelings---
  
  and hey -- if you want to pm me, its okay, too...=)
  
  
  

• phoeby said on Jan 30, 2008....

  gorgeous, just stay with your own beliefs, your own values. Every step of your journey is your decision and you are the only one living your life not other people.
  
  
  I suppose the last thing you need right now is more negative emotion (guilt) overloading  what is going on around you (judgements from others). Re abortion: people often crusade on issues that they personally feel huge amounts of unresolved emotion about and project that onto everyone else in the world. Just stay true to you. Whether you keep your child or not is no one else's business and other people sometimes have vested interests in pushing their views onto other people in vulnerable situations. 
  
  
  Anyway, you sound like you are prioritising in a really practical way (thesis first etc) and once that is over you can take things step by step.

  
  

  Stay with your own feelings and intuition and your own gut about what is best to do for you. You know you better than anyone else can ever know you. 

  
  

  best of luck and remember you have a lot of strength in you no matter what happens.

  
  

  love phoeby

• broken_angel said on Jan 31, 2008....

  hehehe.. i think my mood swings are starting.. i had many outbursts now, and i have hurt a lot of people.. hehehe..or maybe it's because im stressed out.. :)
  well, honestly, this has been a really great attitude shift for me.. you see, i am very immature, and i dont really have my own say in my decisions.. i always consult a friend, things like that.. before, i was the type who always care on what other people think.. but right now, i dont care..
  coz honestly, they do not know what i am feeling.. they do not know what ive been going through.. all i know is that they only enjoy spreading gossips, coz they do not have anything else to do in life.. and they are shallow.. (sorry.. im just kinda frustrated)
  i have to be strong, not only for me, but also for my baby.. :)
  i dont care bout other people anymore.. at least, i am trying to.. coz i know my baby will get affected.. i know, that if i let my emotions get the better of me, it is not going to be me who will be affected the most, but this baby i am carrying..
  thanks for the enlightenment.. i really2 appreciate it..

• SikariChepiNashota said on Feb 05, 2008....

  "Whether you keep your child or not is no one else's business and other people sometimes have vested interests in pushing their views onto other people in vulnerable situations." --no offense phoebe, i see your point but, i don't know how this is going to be for anybody's advantage but for the person in need herself?  its still our responsibility to guide a person to do the right thing....not to tell someone that its up to them...

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