• lfbno7 said on Jan 26, 2008....

  I went on my first date when i was 13. She was the same age. We went to the movies. Then I took her home and saw her big sister on the living room couch with her boyfriend making out. I took my date into the kitchen and invited her to sit on my lap facing away from me. When she did, I slipped my hand inside her shirt and started playing with her chest. She seemed to like that for a while but then decided against it and stopped me. She was so nice and soft. I loved that. I was really happy as I left her and went home. I got to touch her titties. Yippee. That was the only thing on my mind. I couldn't care less about the girl, didn't care if I ever saw her again, but was so happy that I touched her titties. So that's what you're dealing with, generally. But that 12 year old boy who seemed needy, your daughter probably has the right instinct that he's not for her right now. The last thing you want is some big emotional connection between 12 year old babies.

• wakingharmony said on Jan 26, 2008....

  Lennie LOU!!! Im gonna spank you..
  Ginger ~ I understand And believe me Angela has broken more hearts than I care to say  since Kindergarden! she just doesn't get what the big deal..... well shes got something to be miss popular and Band sweetheart!!! Good luck sweetie......I end up feeling sorry for the poor guys ...thwere aRE A FEW THAT HAVE NEVER HAD ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND SINCE HER.  but they still ADORE HER!
  

• gingersoul said on Jan 26, 2008....

  Lenny.....you are so right.....i like to think she had her first emotional epiphany and decided for her own safety.....

  See, when it comes to understand the mind of a teen ager boy my only male example had been my brother and his group of friends...

  They were little pigs, let me tell you. If i tell you what they made me do......

  I am happy she has no older brother around her...honeslty....she will be spared a lot but at the same time she will not have anything real to compare to....

  Damn, i think i need to take some shooting lessons...

• gingersoul said on Jan 26, 2008....

  Margaret......wow.....good for her.....lol......my girl is very popular too and has a lot of boy as friends.....actually now she told me she thinks she prefers hanging out with them because some of  her girlfriends are too drama queen for her like....but no boyfriends, please...just friends....

  It makes my head spin...lol....

• wakingharmony said on Jan 26, 2008....

  Most all of Angela's friends are Boys sad Girls get jealous and insecure.... too fickle for her ...yet she consideres herself  bi ..... wow must be tough being wanted by both genders!  Talk about head spins hehe.... yes and the Drama is so  like last year to her..hehe

• Fallyn said on Jan 27, 2008....

  i think she's really a smart girl.
  
  she's handling it well too.....i really wouldn't worry about it so much..........
  she'll need this practice dating now...for when the real thing happens....then she'll be ready.
  
  i didn't have that....and it was so much harder and i ended up in lots of troubles.
  
  

• D6fer said on Jan 27, 2008....

  I don't think that kids should be alowed to date until they prove themselves responsible enough to do so...so the age will be different for each kid respectively....encourage her to enjoy her youth and  her friends....there is plenty of time for boys later.....also I don't think girls should be allowed to wear make up too early....the less attention brought to them, the better!

• sweet_cookie01 said on Jan 27, 2008....

  ginger.... when i read your post the hair on the back of my neck rised up... why? because my daughter... my only child is turning 12 this year. We do talk about crushes but so far nothing more seriuos than that like ... you know "dating". But if the time comes i myself would not know how to response.
   
  I dont want to be to laxed but not too strick either. I dont want her to end up hiding stuffs from me too....
   
  this is the kind of stuffs that i know would some come... i hope when the time comes i would be ready...
   
  i think i would be allowing her group dates only when she's 16... that is in my own opinion.

• silverwhisper said on Jan 27, 2008....

  when you write about your daughter, GS, i'm always struck by the idea that she seems like a pretty emotionally-healthy kid. :>
  
  obviously, i don't have to worry about this myself for some time, but i'm curious to see what the other parents on soulcast have to say. i call it research. :>
  
  ed

• quietone said on Jan 27, 2008....

  wow ginger, it seems to me even at 12 she has a good head on her shoulders.  She didn't get all dreamy eyed at the first "love letter" or the going out thing.  This is a good sign I say.  I say children learn what they live...and she has watched you and respects you a lot.  I say her own maturity will help you decide "when" is a good age.  Good luck......and the fun begins!

• rightwingwizard said on Jan 27, 2008....

  I started 'dating' when I was 12 as well.  They tended to be group events, meeting at the football game and hanging out or some such.

  I will admit although, that I did not want my daughter to ever date.  Its a father thing I suppose. 

  I told her that she could start dating at 35 or after I'm dead, whichever came first.  She is now 27 and I, so far as I know, am still among the living.  Therefore, she has eight more years to wait.  lol

  rww

   

   

• beyondtheveil said on Jan 27, 2008....

  ginsoul- I think the most important part of all is when you asked in the post "will I be able to set boundaries and make her respect them?" It isn't so much age as it is staying very close to her (mother daughter relationship) and keep her wanting to listen to you.
  
  Everyone sets boundaries, the trick is to keep kids listening, to you, not friends. When she gets a little rebellion in her (don't we all?) that closeness can come through for you when things like dating come up. I know, its easy to say, but this many times is the only saving grace between parents and children.
  
  Concerning an age, I agree with sweetcookie that about sixteen is a reasonable year to shoot for, and as she also said, groups is a good idea at first.
  

• minniemouse said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Wow, this is a subject that scares the crap out of me!  I have 2 little girls, my oldest being 8 1/2 and she commented the other day that some of her friends talk about having boyfriends....I tried to take this calmly...then at least she said "I think that is silly, we are too young!"  Shew!  At least for now!

  It sounds like your daughter has a great head on her shoulders...just like her mom!  I understand your fears about her dad maybe not being around...my father would scare all my dates away.  I had a LOT of first dates....

  :-)  Minnie

• Mr_Box said on Jan 27, 2008....

  My daughter is only 8 but she has a 'boyfriend'. He lives up the street from us. They play together every day after school and he always walks her home and makes sure she gets inside safe.

  It's cute. But it's also disturbing because she's 8 and he's 9.

  Of course having a 'boyfriend' at 8 isn't the same as having one at 16. To her it means they're best friends. He looks out for her, and they have fun together. And that's okay.

  But real honest to God dating? I'm setting a limit of high school. When she's in high school, she can date. And I have to approve what she's doing, where's she going, and who she's going with.

  I'm a little overprotective. But at the same time I want to give her some freedom. I went on my first real date to the movies when I was 14.

  But before that, there were girls who I considered girlfriends. And it meant just what you said it meant to your daughter. We'd eat lunch together and hold hands between classes. Nothing major.

  I'm not looking forward to the dating years at all. It's going to be tough. I was a teenage boy and I know what we thought about. And to know someone will be thinking that about my daughter makes me want to die.

  That's life, I guess.

   

• gingersoul said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Fallyn......you said something interesting..."She needs this practice".....ok, my first mommy- reaction has been .."Wait a sec..practice??"..

  But then i remember that i too didnt have that much practice in middle school...maybe 2 or 3 boys...one French kiss on the bus in a school trip while playing spin the bottle and thats' it.....Then...at  my first year in high school i fell in love head to toe with a boy one year older than me....we got so serious at one point that he asked me to marry him...

  Thank goodness, my reaction has been the same of my daughter and her football player..."Already?"...So i told him, no thanks.Then he cheated on me and naturally i dumped in......yes, better let her have some innocent practice....:-)

• gingersoul said on Jan 27, 2008....

  D6.......oh, make up......i think she is actually more into this than into boys ....lol....i allowed her only some mascara and a little bit of eyeliner. She loves foundation....just for the pleasure of opening that little case and put some podwer on...so i bought her the most neutral powder ever...you dont even see it on her skin but it gives her the illusion she is after ....She got a makeup kit at Xmas from some friend of her father......a whole beautycase packed of lipstick, eye shadows, everything.....naturally....i confiscated the majority of that stuff....

  Some of her friends though......they walk aroudn looking already like mini 18 ho.......that screams trouble with the capital letters.......

• gingersoul said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Cookie......dont you hate it wathicn them growing so fast in front of our eyes? Someone last day asled me 'Is she 15 already?" I said....back up, lady...she is only 12.....sigh.....

  I think i might allow her to go to group dating at 15......movies, trips to the mall, swimming at the lake.....i know i wil be a nerve wreck teh first times.....

  Why can't we implant under their skin some micro GPS so we will always know where to locate them? And, since we are in theme......also a mini video camera so we will see what they are doing.....

  Technology is too slow for me...hurry up, people....LOL...

• gingersoul said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Ed...... thank you.....i like when somebody else sees it in her....i sometimes wonder if its only my mother heart that can be blind...

  Research, you said?....uhmmmmm...:-) 

  Quiet.....i was very proud of her indeed....i thought she might start going goo-gaga already (like her mom did with her first boyfriend.....ahem ....) but she kept her cool and actually distanced herself very soon from any unwanted and unnecessary drama....if she only would keep this attitude forever.....lol...

  Right....lol.....how funny.......eight years still to live, eh?.......i told her that in my ideal world she should date when she finished her college...after her graduation and nothing too serious.....she looked at me like "Yeah, and which movie is this one?'"......LOL....

• lioneljay said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Ginger, I spent many years trying to find a Methodist convent for my daughter. I was hoping to enroll her at age 12 and then let her come back to the family when she was 25. She didn't like the idea very much and I never found such a place anyway. As I recall, we told her that she was free to go on boy and girl group outings as of seventh grade but that she was not going to be allowed to go on a one-on-one date until she was in high school. We also insisted on meeting everyone that she dated, even for just one time.
  
  Once her mother had some concerns about a relationship that she was in and I settled it with these words: "Whoever is in your heart will be in our hearts as well. So please use our hearts wisely and your own will always be full."
  
  She turned out just fine.
  

• gingersoul said on Jan 27, 2008....

  BeyBey......wise words.......communication is the key.....up to now i think we are building a great channel between us.....i will work hard to keep that channel open...and i can only hope she will feel my openess to her to the point to keep confiding me her life.....i never did it with my mother....never....

  She never asked me anything, i never asked her suggestions...i had to figure out everything in life all by myself....Myself my books and my friends...

  She has me too on top of this list......so i want to be optimistic...:-)

  Minnie....fathers are such an important figure in a teen ager girl .....i had always imagined her growing with a better father figure than mine...a father always present and smiling, careful, open to talk, a father who would have taught her how to fix a car, (i dont know how to change a tire for the sake of my life...), a father who would have told her how pretty she is and smart and helped me building up her self esteem.....stuff like this...

  Well, up to now....nothign of this is happening....actually, he is stiring a lot of emotional issues and doubts about herself .....thats why i wonder if i will be able to be all of this for her when she will need it...

  MrDaddyBox.....its going to  be tough, i agree....but, see, you will be there for her.....as i said to Minnie.....fathers have such a delicate role in this period of a girl life.....they need you to understand how a man mind works....they need you for assurance and guide....one can be the best mom in the world but a girl needs a father too.... just as a balance...

  She told me last day that she will be virgin until her marriage. I almost chocked....i kept it cool and i asked her "And what made you take this decision?'

  She said she was thinking about it by some time and the idea just appeals to her.  But she ddn't explain the concept too much..so i gently let the conversation go somewhere esle....she will talk about it some more when she will feel it..i will here waiting....;-)

• dailyachesandpains said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Gingie!!!  I said "AWE!" when I first started reading and then when it became time to dump the boy, it had me thinking that i could learn from this post when it comes time for Little D!
   
  I went to my first prom when I was 14 and my Dad was PISSED that my mother bought the dress and allowed me to go with a boy that was 16.  He was my first crush so I didn't care what Dad thought, lol!  Mom made the rules and she was the boss so Dad just had to sit back, lol.  I'm actually still friends with the boy.  He's married with two kids and lives close to me.  I just hope, like you, that Little Ginger can let him down easy and not totally crush him.  She may end up with a great friend for life.  Who knows, maybe someday she will end up with him when they get a little older! 
   
  In general though, I'm very glad to hear that boys and dating aren't taking over her life already.  If I knew then, what I know now...you know what I mean.  At least Little Ginger won't have to say that with the good path she's on.  Also, it doesn't sound like she needs any help from her Dad.  She's got you (an Italian Mother might just be a little more intimidating to a young boy, lol) and a good head on her shoulders. 
   
  {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
  Daily

• gingersoul said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Daily ......lol........well, in part you are right....Italian mothers are well known for their fierce defense of their brood....i might start telling her we have an uncle in the Mafia....Uncle Guido....so......donteventhiksaboutit......LOL....

  You have plenty of time before Lil Daily will start thinking about boys...so try to take in as much info as you can...i will keep you posted ...{hugs}

   

   

   

• vacantmind said on Jan 27, 2008....

  I hate to say the Pandora's box is opening. My girls are 15 and 16. The oldest goes on solo dates at this point but from 12 to 15 they were only allowed to do group dates or parental dating. Even in group dating things occur that gets out of hand but at least they have friends to back them up when they feel things have gone to far. They went to the movies quite a bit with a large group of friends. I didn't want the focus to be totally on them as a couple.

  At 12, I spent alot time talking about sex with them. Junior High really starts this topic. They are discussing it at school, who has and who hasn't. I just wanted to make sure they knew my views on it. I made it very clear that I wouldn't over react. I would always tell them the truth and be very blunt about it.

  It sounds like she is pretty open with you at this point. The trick is keeping the relationship that way. She seems to have a clear view on what she wants so if you can help her stay true to herself ,you will be in good shape.

• secretlife said on Jan 27, 2008....

  ginger:  ahh, i remember this well!  i think mostly girls at your daughter's age are curious and want to fit in with what's going on with their friends.
   
  i remember my oldest daughter coming home in 5th grade telling me about girls and boys 'dating'.  i also remember talking to some of the parents who would encourage their girls to 'date' at such a young age.
   
  my middle daughter was 12 when she was first 'asked out' by a boy.  i found out then, that 'dating' was mostly the two of them walking from class to class together when it fit with their schedules.  on occasion they would talk on the phone or text message.  she actually made it 'out' with him once - to the movies.  i drove them, and the rest of my family stayed at the theater and watched the same movie.  we didn't sit with them, but we were there too.
   
  personally i think 12-14 is too young for boys.  so between those ages, i was very careful.  my middle daughter had a boyfriend last summer when she turned 15.  they spend the vast majority of their 'dates' at my house.  they watched movies with the rest of us, went to the pool with us - that kind of thing.  after the summer was over, she too was 'tired' of the demands of a boyfriend, and has opted ever since to hang out with girlfriends.  my oldest you know all about.  as a freshman, she 'dated', but again, it was just a school and phone relationship.  they never actually went anywhere.  lol.
   
  i say this - just keep talking with her, and making it clear that she can confide in you.  and then let life happen.  don't try to worry ahead for what might happen.  instead, try to enjoy what is happening. 
   
   

• gingersoul said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Vacant.....i like the Pandora Vase comparison a lot....scaring, though..but true.... i do like the idea of group dating...but in small doses....lol....

  Yes, it wil be all played on the field of communications and trust.....openess and understanding...geez....worst than a job...... 

  Secret .....definetely she wants to fit in but she wants also detach herself and be unique....she seems not afraid to be different ...and i couldn't be happier for this ....i think she is already showing soem traits of independence from her friends...You are right...between 12 and 14-15 is the time where rules will need to be set and beahvior directed...teh rest will be life...in all ner drama and beauty...

  I am enjoying though...its really a pleasure to watch her growing .....:-)

• MrDarcy~RayUK said on Jan 27, 2008....

  My best pals daughter just turned 12 and is dating, it makes me feel very old!! I still remember her as being knee high to a grasshopper
  {grinning} 
  

• gingersoul said on Jan 27, 2008....

  MrDarcy.......thank you for stopping by.....i knwo...doesn't all this sprouting makes you feel like an old shoe?

  When i complain about this with my daughter she laugh and tells me. "Mom, my friends all think you must have had me when you were a teen ager'...

  I don't know if i am a good example for them, at this point...LOL...

• LolaM said on Jan 27, 2008....

  You just have to take your fathers place and behave like him. The girl has your genes trust her.

• skald said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Ginger. Having a girl, I only have boys and granddaughters and the oldest is 9. Oh boy, I wish I could say something. That 12 year old boy was sweet but older boys, no not yet. She is way too young. 

• wakingharmony said on Jan 27, 2008....

  I think you will make the best decision for your daughter at the right time. Angela Just recently  said Mom I really want to go to  this party with so & so .......I was and??? usual questions... and said well yes hon, I think you should go out more with your friends, she was always studying or friends coming here or a trip to Dairy Queen.... Her Jaw dropped and said really???? I said yes hon you are 17 and responsible why not? she said she never asked because she didn't think I'd let her go... lol  I said if she hasn't learned between right & wrong as of yet I don't think she will... she is doing great!  

• dailyachesandpains said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Gingie:  I CRACKED up at the Mafia comment!  I seriously almost rolled off my chair! You brought me back a funny memory.

  I believe I've told you about the little Italian friend I've had since I was 2 years old.  Well, we were in 6th grade (I'm pretty sure that was the year) and a report had to be done on our families.  She wrote (without her mother's knowledge) that her Uncle and Grandfather were part of (this is the funniest part) "The Mafia Club"  Like they were members of a country club, lol!  The story after being investigated was false!!!  My Mom still cries laughing over what she put her family through from one innocent little report!

  {{{HUGS}}}

  Daily

• satyr said on Jan 27, 2008....

  ginger, ginger, ginger .... ah, the life of a parent. I can't tell you when our girls started having "boyfriends" walk them to class, eat lunch together and such.  We let our girls go to school dances and the movies with a group when they were in middle school, but we didn't let them "date" (as in having a boy come by and pick them up) until they were 16.  We also met each of the young men who showed an interest in them.  They have turned out pretty swell, if I have to say so myself.

• gingersoul said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Lola..... thank you ....i do think she is more like me than her father....so i think i should be ok...:-)

  Skald....you still have to wait , you are right...she is way too young to tell her grandma about her "boyfriends"......but i know you will know what to say to her...

  Waking.......i think she felt you were trusting her completely...it paid off....you are you dong a great job with her....:-)

  Daily....LOL..yes, i remember now...The Mafia Club.....well...since i dont want go under any kind of investigation...lets say that Uncle Guido is a very far relative ....but he shows up always at the right moment.......lol...

  Satyr..yes, i agree,,, they have turned out very good....congratulation, indeed....can i borrow you once in a while as an additonal male figure? You never know..i take any help i can....:-)

  I actually recently adopted for he another uncle....but he lives far away unfortunately to grill any of her possible pretenders at the door....lol... ....

• crybabylu said on Jan 27, 2008....

  I'm just reading without commenting. I don't really know what to say. I have a 12 yr. old grandson, who is showing interest in the girls. My daughter is very protective, Some think she is overly protective, but I think that has to do with the particular parent and their child.  Everyone has to decide what is best for their child, and I doubt if he will get to date until he is 16 or 17.  I think that is what she told me once, but I am not sure.

• gingersoul said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Crybaby

• gingersoul said on Jan 27, 2008....

  Oops... let start again...:-)

  Crybaby.....i think that in this field boys are a lot easier to handle.....its the only thing i envy to a mom's boy .....girls can give you white hair too soon....lol.....

  My Italian sister-in-law has two boys....the 21 y-o has never had a boyfriend (he is gay) and the younger one who is 15 cares only about sport......what's not to envy?...lol...

• queenparanoia said on Jan 28, 2008....

  welll i dont hve a boyfriend yet so i dont know how to react to this... lol... altough my sister has a boyfriend nd she's 16. anyway, kids are different nowadays and let's just say that it's not the same 10 years ago that a kiss is a big deal back then.... my advice? it's okay for her to date just as long as not as 2 years older than her. believe me there's a big difference in that 2 years... =)

• Trinov said on Jan 28, 2008....

  Hi, Just stopped in, and while I am out of the loop, no kids, I was a teacher of kids from pre-kindergarten up to high school. And I think that the best advice --that was mentioned, was for you to keep everything open and honest between you and your daughter. If you show her that you respect her, she will respect you and your advice--- although every teenager goes through some kind of rebellion. But knowing who her friends are helps......But when I remember way back when, well group dating should not be something that parents assume is so innocent, and especially at a party at a home, some adult should be present, somewhere in the house.....I remember my father was always awake when I came home, even when I was in college, and he always engaged the guys I dated in some type of political discussion, and they forgot all about me and were very pleased to be taken seriously by an adult, and I thought my father was playing dirty!! (He was also a tough ex-master sergeant)....Or my kid brother was home and would invite the guy to help him finish off a new quart of ice cream... One of my friends made sure her girls were dressed dowdily until they were in college, --she 'married off ' three girls and has two to go. As to age, my first group date at 16 was a disaster-we got locked in the zoo-, my first real date was at 17 and was with a very mature 18 year old who just liked to talk.

• dailyachesandpains said on Jan 28, 2008....

  SOOOOOO...tell us Gingie!  Did she dump him during lunch?  Let him down easy?  Did you teach her the "It's not you, it's me" line? LOL!

Comment on "When dating is ok?"

Currently tagged	dating Age limits rules daughter parenting growing up (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment
	Comment Anonymously