I learn more and more everyday about people. People are ever changing, but some things seem to always be the same. People like to say things that sound good, but really don’t mean it. They like to tell you things you want to hear, but they will never follow through.

I one thing that seems to be a constant is, people love to say they are "there for you" or "will do anything to help out" if you are going through a hard time or if they believe you are going through a hard time.

I guess I released that most of the time, that is like human nature to say those things, but only a select few people and maybe no one in your life will really say that and truly mean it. ‘I will be there whenever you need me". Maybe it is just me, but I do not think I have met anyone that truly means this. Again, I guess it is easy to say and hard to do.

I think I can read people very well and usually am a good judge of people, but this aspect has me stumped. Who are the people that are your true friends/ family? Who can you trust to always be there? Who is genuine when they say that want to help you or will be there?

Maybe it is because I feel I have been betrayed by many, many people in my life. I think I have truly seen and heard it all. If one thing can be said, I know, I am a strong person b/c I have been let down so many times, but at least I know how to pick myself up.

Once you have been betrayed by a spouse, family, friends, best friends, & co workers, there is not many left to trust. One thing I do.. Do is give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I trust first and maybe this is no longer the approach. I would like to think that everyone can be trusted, it is just not the case.

So what do you do?? Who do you trust?? That is something you hope for, is that one person, but you have to keep your expectations in check.

Maybe there are people you can trust with only certain information. If this is the case, then you need to have people you can trust around you, just all on different levels. The tough part is, in order to share with others you need to find out the level of trust for each.

We all need someone. Or many someones. You need to be able to share your successes as well as your failures with someone. Even if this is not the same person. I wish I knew how to answer this for myself or anyone else for that matter.

Let’s start with family. You would think there is a unwritten law of trust here. In most cases this is true, but there are some boundaries. Family is great, but unless you are truly ready to tell all the good and the bad, you must be careful. Family is the one source you have that always looks fondly on you. Do you tell them your worst kept secrets. If you are close enough and you feel they can handle it, then yes!

Friends. There are many different categories of friends. Friends you tell everything and friends you hang out with or that only know you in certain settings, i.e. work or parties.

Real best friends are hard to come by. If you truly have one, work hard to make sure you never lose them. I have had best friends that have totally turned on me & will never forgive them, but this is b/c once that line is crossed, you can never go back. If you are betrayed so much, it can never be the same. A true best friend is really a friend forever. If you have one, consider yourself very lucky.

Casual friends are great and you can share info with them, but be very selective. These are the people that you really do not know their motive. They may tell you they want to help you, but then use this info for their own personal gain, or to just gossip. There are many people out there that are just nosey and like to know as much as they can about people and love to gossip. This helps them to not feel their life is bad. They have many people to talk about and this is what makes them happy. Stay away from them or just be very careful with what you share, if anything.

OK, now let’s talk about your significant other. This could be a boy/girlfriend, spouse or long term relationship. Everyone has been hurt at sometime in a relationship, but there is hurt, & then there is betrayal. You would like to think once you have found this someone that, you can tell them everything. You can share everything about yourself. You can be yourself with this person. You can let loose. You can tell your darkest secrets. This is usually the only that you believe, when they say they will do anything or be there forever or will do anything for you no matter what, that you will always believe.

Sad thing to say is people change. What they said then, they believe they meant, but they did not. They felt they were being honest at the time. This is what hurts most people. It is hard to understand why people change or How they change. Needless to say, yes I have been betrayed and it is one of those things that if you truly have that connection and it happens to you, you start to question a lot of things. You question, how you wasted so much of your time and energy in this person. You question how you could not see whatever this person did, coming. Why, Why, Why... There are so many questions, but never seem to be answers, or at least not answers that help. Now on to, how to you deal and how to you get over. What do you do next. Who do you trust next?

Well I guess this is going to be different for everyone. Most people will start by going back to family and establish that trust and everything again. Not that you lost it, but if you were that connected to your other, then this was lost a little with your family. You need to have them back on board with you, but be careful if there is a cost. Do not allow family to only be there for you at the time because they feel sorry for you. This wears off. They will say they will do this and that, but not always follow through. They have their own life and no matter how much they say they will be there, you need to use their help to get you back on your feet and independent, b/c they will not always be there for you.

Friends are another place to start to share again with, but they too will tend to wonder, "how you are doing" and worry that you are ok. And by "OK" I mean, they will feel so bad for you and at first will do anything to try to help and will say will always help, but again they have their own life and will not always be there and it really just sounds good to say, so they say it.

I am not bitter, nor do I think that is always the case, but I have seen it and even though I thought it could not be, it was and it did happen.

The best remedy has to be self help. You need to use all your resources to help you pull yourself up, but once you do, you need to feed off your hurt and turn the experience into a learning tool and grow from it. That seems so simple, yet also vague. What I mean is it is you, & only you that can make you better. You have to want to get over this betrayal and no longer have people feel sorry for you. Once they no longer feel sorry for you, that is when the ones that really were not there for you will disappear, but this is ok. At first this will hurt as well, but just deal with it. You are the person that can control your reaction here and only you. There will be times, when you will want to go off on people that let you down, but this is not always right. They still truly believe what they did for you truly helped and unless you are ready to lose them forever & or crush them, it is best to let them go on thinking this. This is something that everyone has to learn on their own. You have to let others go through this and hopefully not everyone does.

To be betrayed, is a hard pill to swallow and for some people maybe this does happen, but they choose to ignore.

I guess I better close up what I was really trying to say here. If you are going through a hard time or if you ever do, be careful and look out, b/c everyone seems to want to help or say they want to help, but that is not always the case. They will say what they will and many will do so, only because that seems to be the right thing to say, but they don’t expect you to ever take them up on this offer. This is very wrong, but that is how people are. My best advice is to work on making yourself better, for yourself. & no one else.

Once you get to the point where you trust yourself, respect yourself and believe in yourself, you will be able to move forward from the betrayal. To make sure it does not happen again, the only thing you can do, is be careful and don’t let yourself jump into trust with someone else right away. This is something that should be earned and this can only be earned with time.

You cannot always choose what happens to you, but you can choose what happens, "in you". Your attitude in circumstances beyond your control, can only hurt you, but your attitude in areas that you do control will be the difference maker & this is where your focus should remain.