Anger for me is cold. I mean true anger, not just frustration, or annoyance. My anger is endothermic. I noticed this some time ago. When ever I would get angry at my husband I would go cold and start shivering.

I also realized that I am not angry about any of the things my husband says or does any more. There is annoyance, there is frustration, there is dissapointment, but not out right anger. It's not worth it any more to be angry.

He's trying to push my buttons and I feel as if this is all a game to him to "win me back."

 

I don't know that I want to be won back. Right now I don't miss him. I don't miss the pressure to be and do and take care of him. I like the freedom to answer just to myself. What I eat, when I eat what I do etc. I'm wondering if it'll be like vacation though, You're all excited at first and there are all of these things you want to do, but towards the end you get bored and discontent and want to go back to the way things were.

 

I picked up the book "Too good to leave to bad to stay" from my mom last night. I hope it'll help me decide where I want to take my relationship.

 

The only time I care to work it out is when I talk to him and hear the pain in his voice. It makes me feel bad because I didn't want to hut him really. But all the other times I think about it, I want to move on and find my place in the cosmic scheme of things. I'm just tired of being angry at myself and him.