• RollingC said on Jan 23, 2008....

  You are right....Love shouldn't hurt but it does for a variety of reasons.  I wonder if anybody ever counted them?
  It shouldn't hurt but the ache that gets into our ' hearts ' when one is totally infatuated and every little thing that goes wrong makes for a hurting experience.
  Also when you're young and in love...just looking at the one you want to love makes your heart ache and that longing is as close to pain as you can get without really hurting yourself.
  But as we grow older....sometimes the bubble bursts...pops...or just transforms into a mellow glow that is also Love.
  There are many different shades in this thing called emotion.  ☺
  Rc
  

• lfbno7 said on Jan 23, 2008....

  I read the Marcel Proust book(s) Remembrance of Things Past. His main character, the one that is more or less autobiographical, realizes he's in "love" when he goes to meet his girlfriend, finds she is not there, looks all over town for her, and then suffers over her. He'd agree that love hurts. I think he'd say that you don't love until you hurt. It's not my opinion though. I think it's just a matter of defining what you mean by the word "love", and that it doesn't always have to mean a relationship that is hurtful. One thing love and pain have in common is intensity, so there's the connection between the two.

• Lioness said on Jan 23, 2008....

  I've heard somewhere that "when you love someone, you give that person the right to hurt you." Strange, but there seems to be some truth on this.
  
  Experience-wise, hurt came after the heavenly and blissful feeling have subsided. When the true colors emerged only to realize that we're not meant for each other.
  
  

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Jan 24, 2008....

  
  Perhaps I simplify it too much. . .
  
  I don´t think love should hurt; I think the thought of loss causes pain.  And this I feel, complicates love.
  
  It is a cliché but I believe in it. . .if you love someone set them free. . .
  
  Love should liberate not block.  Pain blocks.
  
  My thoughts ends there at this point. . .
  
  Warmest regards dear Secret,
  
  paper ~
  
  {tightest embrace}
  
  
  

• queenparanoia said on Jan 24, 2008....

  love hurts so bad that it feels actually good... do i make sense?

  but honestly love shouldn't hurt... it should feels right... =)

• quietone said on Jan 24, 2008....

  hey secret...I just posted this song myself on destinys blog a few days ago! how odd is that...being such an old song...but a good one.  No I don't think love should hurt.. If it is the right kind of love unconditionally...it should just feel good.

• secretlife said on Jan 24, 2008....

  RC:  you're right that there's so many different emotions, and for each many different 'shades'.  i think love is the most complicated one of all.
   
  so, did you say you were gonna be counting the ways that love can 'hurt'?
   
  i think fear of loss, as paper said, is a big reason.  another is disappointment.
  i bet there are hundreds, but you might be able to boil them down to a handful....
   
  i was just wondering if it was inevitable....
   
   
  ifbno7:  maybe it's how we define not just love, but hurt.  do you believe anyone can escape hurting when they love?  what about sickness, loss, abandonment....just to name a few?
   
  i think there is much truth in your quote lioness.  because if you love someone, and if you plan to spend your life with them, then you put faith and trust in them.  if one of you finds another love, that hurts.  if one of you gets hit by a bus ...that hurts.  and maybe it's true that when you say you love someone you're accepting the fact that pain is part of that.
   
  paper:  fear of loss, fear of disappointment, fear of .............
  i agree with you.
   
  so good to see you around here again!
   
  queenie:  ahhh, so bad it's good huh??? nice to see you too.
   
  quiet:  ok, how strange is that?  i watched this video last night and couldnt' stop laughing at the hair and those white suits!!!!
   
   
   
   
   
   

• Mamie said on Jan 24, 2008....

  I totally loved this LP when I was a teen, played it over and over...it made sense to me then. I remember my mom telling me how love changes over time and that it was all good, and I refused to accept that I would ever get out of the fairy tale mode. But as moms so often are: she was right.
  As I sit here thinking about it, I have to say that yes, love does hurt. That may be the beauty and the curse of it. Hand in hand, not one without the other....*sigh*, but we would never choose to forego the passion or glory of it would we?

• GracefullyGrowing said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Love is the most powerful force in our reality.  It dictates us, and we like it that way. 
   
  I think humans are consistently seeking perfection.  In a perfect world love would not hurt.  In the non-perfect world we create for ourselves, love does hurt.  When we are in that mode of "romance" we tend to reach for, and expect, that perfection.  When the reality of it all hits, we fall face first to the ground floor of reality and just . . . splat.  What I wonder is - WHY we blame "love" for this?  It was *us* who had unrealistic expectations!!
   
  In our reality, at this point, everything has it's positive pole and it's negative pole.  The crazy thing is, what is positive and what is negative is most certainly relative to each individual.  That's where the "rub" starts.  We don't like this rub.  It screws with our perfectionistic expectations - it screws with what we WANT. 
   
  Like everything else in this world, we humans HAVE to have the negative to even begin to appreciate the positive.  We opperate best when we have to put in the effort to create the perfection in our lives.  Why do we expect it to be different where love is concerned?  Humans love, and learn, best under pressure.  Learning to love is no different.
   
  ~Grace~

• GracefullyGrowing said on Jan 24, 2008....

  I meant to add this, and forgot.  (Duh!)
   
  This is my favorite quote about love .. . .
  
  Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.  ~~ Anais Nin
  
   
  ~Grace~

• Mamie said on Jan 24, 2008....

  oh i get it...so therefore, our true love never dies!

• GracefullyGrowing said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Mamie - if you were responding to me. . . . . that's not what I get out of the quote.  I get that we don't learn how to go to the source of love, draw from it (like a well) and then give it to others.  It's plagued with error, disease, fatigue, etc.  Human error, in other words.
   
  If you weren't responding to me. . . well, then you weren't.  LOL
   
  ~Grace~

• Mamie said on Jan 24, 2008....

  hi Grace, yes I was...I read it like this: love WILL NOT die a natural death, I thought this meant it will not die. Moreover, (I interpreted) that therefore it can only die an unnatural death fed by...all the things listed, which are human nature things...really a cool quote! I think it says that we don't know how to replenish its source...that only love begets love....

• GracefullyGrowing said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Mamie - now see, there's a PERFECT example of that individual relativity I spoke of above.  We both saw the quote from different poles. =)
   
  ~Grace~

• Mamie said on Jan 24, 2008....

  well since you are the only one here in their RIGHT mind, I curtsey and float around in my lala frame of mind regarding all things love.....*smile* have a good day!! M

• GracefullyGrowing said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Mamie - oh my.  I certainly can't claim I'm right, just see it how I see it.  I was glad your viewpoint balanced mine, and should have said so.  I didn't mean to imply you were wrong, at all. =)
   
  ~Grace~

• evil_twin said on Jan 24, 2008....

  I've experienced love that hurts before. I also think that when you open yourself up completely to another person, and give them your heart, you leave yourself vulnerable. So it's easy to be hurt by them. You trust them to take care of your heart, but people don't always handle that job with care.
  
  If you love someone with your whole heart, you have to be willing to get hurt. If you hold back and protect yourself, then you're not loving them fully. It's a risk. But I think it can definitely be worth it.
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• polarheart said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Here on earth I believe love will always hurt, even if you are married to the "perfect" person.  Why?  Because nobody is perfect, that's why we have forgiveness. 
   
  I agree with Twinny's explanation about making yourself vulnerable.  When that happens you are bound to feel the sting of love at some or other point.
   
  If love did not have the ability to hurt it would mean nothing. . .it would cost you nothing at all.  That pain in we feel in our hearts is the evidence that love exists!

• lioneljay said on Jan 24, 2008....

  SL, I don't believe that love hurts. Love is a positive force and its presence, by itself, does not hurt. It heals hurt.
  
  What hurts is separation from love. Note that I did not say loss of love. this is because I believe that we generally retain some love for someone even after we lose them - even if we lose them to our best friend and swear that we'll never speak to either one again. But when we are separated from the one we love - that's when the hurt comes on hard.
  
  Like a freight train it hurts deep into the night.
  
  
  

• beyondtheveil said on Jan 24, 2008....

  secret- Love is our strongest and most desired emotion and consequently is the one that can bring the most hurt. But love is also finicky, it requires a lot of care and devotion to be kept healthy. It needs to be fed and nurtured constantly.
  
  Love and hurt live alongside each other like joy and sadness, repairing here, growing there. True love is like a good dinner that never ends, but always has to be fed. Hurt is when its not fed, and perhaps wasn't meant to be.
  

• wombat said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Nothing deep from me here--just wanted to say this was mine and an ex's song.  I remember waiting for him to show up while it was playing on the radio, and then he drove up with the same station on blasting the song.  He said he was thinking of me while it played and couldn't wait to get there.  Obviously, it didn't work out in the end....we hurt each other alot, but I still have a soft place in my heart for his crazy life-style and the sexy way he called me "Hon."  I smile when I hear it and hope he's doing well.

• Racerboy said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Well love certianly has always hurt for me, never had a relationship that didn't end that way?

• Alyss said on Jan 24, 2008....

  LJ said what I'd have said.
  
  
  

• satyr said on Jan 24, 2008....

  SL, love is opening yourself to another, making yourself vulnerable.  Love doesn't hurt, the person one loves hurts them by being human - being selfish and uncaring and not understanding from time to time.  So far I haven't found an answer to this problem - LOL. 

• lioneljay said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Satyr, the very obvious answer to this problem is to find love with an inanimate object. They can never disappoint us because they promise nothing. Buy a blow-up doll and never, ever know the pain of lost love again. Unless, of course, someone you love meets up with the wrong end of a sharp object. ;)

• skald said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Sometimes love hurts but is it maybe when we are thinking about our selfs and not the partner ?  I wonder. Yes that song brings memories and I felt like you when I was a teenager too. 

• secretlife said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Mamie:  you know, I remember my mom telling me the same things you're mom told you about love.  and guess what?  i didn't believe her....and guess what again?  she was right!  why are moms sooooo smart???
   
  maybe it just takes us a while to appreciate their wisdom?
   
  oh and no, i'd never forego love or the chance to love.  because if you ask me, that's really what it's all about....
   
  Grace:  you know, I read your comments earlier and have been mulling them over for some time now. 
  i wasn't just thinking about romantic love when i posted this.  And I think what you wrote about seeking or expecting perfection has alot of truth to it.
   
  There are so many types of love-  and so many ways to be hurt.
  For me, expectations not met (disappointments) are one way to be hurt.  Loss, whether by separation or death,  is another hurt.  And then there is the pain of seeing someone you love suffering....and suffering because they hurt.  There are hurtful words spoken that can't be taken back and selfish actions that cause pain....and i'm sure the list goes on and on.
   
  I was thinking of the love of my husband, the love of my children, the love of my parents and siblings, and then just love i have for other special people in my life.  sometimes it hurts just to love someone.....and you don't want to stop loving them just because it hurts.  but it makes you wonder why this emotion, which sounds so simple --- this one syllable word --- is so complex!
   
   

• mobil said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Hey SL, love has to hurt, if it doesn't hurt, it's not love. That's not to say it hurts all the time, if it hurts always, there is something radically wrong. I assume we are only talking about the type of love between two adults, the sexual and the caring, sharing kind of love.
   
  Love carries with it one hell of allot of emotion, if their love is deep between the man and woman it carries every emotion known to mankind. Even hate at times, hate and love are so close together on the ring of life they are almost touching. Insecurity, self esteem, dependence, co-dependence. Love's a big bucket of soup eaten with two spoons SL, if their love is deep and real, there's gonna be pain.
   
  When two who love are separated, buy time and distance, their love is proven by the pain and hurt they feel. Love is fantastic, no one should go through life having never drank from it's bowl. But it can be painful and it will hurt, otherwise, it's not love. Nice post SL.
   
   
   

• anonymous said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Love without madness
  
  
  
  ..........................is hardly love at all
  

• GracefullyGrowing said on Jan 24, 2008....

  Anonymous - May I quote you on that?  =)

  ~Grace~

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