I said I would let everyone know what Natalie's parents thought about our big news, so here goes. She ended up getting a call from her father because apparently her sister told him there was something he needed to know. But she wouldn't tell him what it was. She just told him to call Natalie ASAP. So he did.
He was concerned at first. Especially since when he asked if it was about the wedding, and she said yes, he assumed that I'd run off and left her and he was going to have to track me down and kill me. He was in fighting mode. But when she told him I hadn't run away, and that we'd actually eloped, he was confused. Not mad though. He just didn't understand why Natalie didn't want the wedding. In his mind, every girl dreams of horse drawn carriages and fifty foot trains and white doves perched on her shoulder.
But once he absorbed the news, he congratulated her. He was happy. But he wanted to talk to me too. And then he was a little less happy for a minute. He asked me if this was my ridiculous idea and did I talk her into it. But the truth is, it was both our ideas. I suggested it, but she wanted to do it. No one got talked into anything. Then he told me I messed things up because he had a speech prepared to give me before I was allowed to marry her. And now it was too late.
So I told him to go ahead and give me the speech. It might be too late, but it still mattered. Of course, I caught him off guard and he said he didn't remember everything he wanted to say. But mostly he just wanted to make sure I took good care of her. And that I understood her. And that I'd always be good to her. But I have all of those things covered. He doesn't need to worry. So all in all, it wasn't so bad telling him. He was supportive, even if he didn't quite understand it.
Her mother on the other hand was not quite as nice. Natalie finally called her because her dad said she had to. And she freaked out a little and refused to accept it. She said it didn't matter because we could still have the wedding. But Natalie and I both agreed it would be pointless to do that. For starters, we didn't want to do the wedding at all. If we did, we would have just waited and done it. Why bother to run off secretly if you're just going to do the very thing you were escaping?
And secondly, it's a lot of money (some of it ours) and there's no reason to spend it on something that doesn't count. We're already married. So it would just be a really expensive party with no real purpose. I'd rather save our money for a house instead. And if her parents really want to shell out the cash, I'd prefer they just give it to us and we'll use that for our future. That makes more sense to me.
She didn't like any of this. And she said that it was my crazy influence that caused this to happen. Natalie wanted the wedding until I said I didn't like crowds, and suddenly we eloped. But this is not true. At all. I guess she needed me to be the bad guy though.
Eventually she calmed down though. She said she was happy for us, but she was upset about the canceled ceremony. She was looking forward to it. She'd already told all her friends. And now what was she going to say to them?
*sigh*
I think she just needs more time to absorb it all. She likes me, even if she thinks I'm nuts. But her daughter is nuts too! We both made this choice. So hopefully she'll calm down and realize that. It did give me a headache dealing with her. I wanted her to just be happy so Natalie wouldn't feel bad. But we both knew that was a long shot.
This wedding was mostly her idea anyway, so she feels slighted that we chucked it out the window without telling her. But she'll get over it. If she wants a big wedding so badly, she'll just have to find someone to marry herself. Right? Right.
So that's how it went. It could have been better, but we survived. And now all the important people know our secret. It feels good. And I still have no regrets at all. I'm happy!
evil_twin posted on Jan 23, 2008
| views: 388
Comments
-
GracefullyGrowing said on Jan 23, 2008....
~!Whew!~
Bet ya'll are glad that's over!
~Grace~
-
Mamie said on Jan 23, 2008....
phew! that was a tough one! Thanks God that is over with. I am glad you had the conversation and parents always think of how it affects them first. Oh and also my inlaws blamed everything on me b/c its convenient, but my husband is no idiot. They don't understand that when they say you talked the other INTO something, they are actually dissing their own kid. They don't mean it, it is just human nature, I think, to think it is all about them. Good for you and your bride! xxoo -
botoni said on Jan 23, 2008....
Great for you guys. That bit is done with. I have to admit I m a touch disappointed. I anticipated a little more drama but I m glad it went as well as it did. When did you say you plan on having a baby?.....hehehe...I know I m evil too. -
CreativeWoman said on Jan 23, 2008....
I was expecting a little more drama, but I'm glad it worked out ok. It must be obvious to everyone around you how happy the two of you are together anyway. :-) I also had to grin when you said they thought you were a bad influence. That seems highly unlikely.
Now you two can get busy on "happily ever after". :-D
CW
-
nursecutie said on Jan 23, 2008....
I don't really care what my mom thinks. Of course I would like for her to be cool and happy but she's sooooo self absorbed! The only thing she kept worrying about was what her friends would say about it. Grrrr....argh.....who cares???
And no you did not talk me into anything! I am stubborn actually.......LOL If I don't want to do something, I won't do it. Which is exactly why we eloped!! I did not want the fancy wedding so I didn't do it......LOL
I know my mom gave you a headache :( But you are stuck with her now! LOL And me too...... ;)
xxoo natalie xxoo
-
evil_twin said on Jan 23, 2008....
grace--I am glad it's over!
mamie--I have a feeling that I'll be labeled the crazy one forever now. But you're right. Every time they say I talked her into it, they're implying she can't think for herself. And that's definitely NOT the case!
botoni--It might have been more dramatic if we were there in person! I only heard part of the conversation. I have a feeling when I see her next, it could be interesting! As for the baby part.....someday!
CW--It is funny to think of me as the bad influence isn't it? But I guess someone had to be. It definitely could have been more dramatic, but like I told Botoni, I only heard part of it! I'm kind of glad it wasn't worse though :-P
Mrs. Twin-- You are quite stubborn aren't you? I don't think I could ever talk you into anything you didn't want to do. I don't mind being stuck with you :-D I like that part!
-
minniemouse said on Jan 23, 2008....
This did go a lot easier than I expected....didn't you say Nat's sister eloped too? I think I remember you saying that and I thought that since you guys did the same that her mother would have a coronary.....I can see how she would be disapointed. I have 2 girls and I hope one day to see them get married. Doesn't have to be a big ceremony. BUT I would be happy and respect whatever they decided. Its a shame that your mother in law (how does THAT sound??? lol) is more concerned about what her friends think. If she is worried about what to tell her friends it should be that her beautiful daughter found a wonderful man and got married and are very, very happy.
:-) Minnie
-
the_infernal_optimist said on Jan 23, 2008....
Oh wow. At least you kind of figured on that sort of reception! Besides, if everyone was perfectly cool about everything all the time, life would get boring. :-D
~Infernal
-
evil_twin said on Jan 23, 2008....
minnie--It was a lot easier than I expected too! But I was just glad it was over the phone and not in person. And yes, her sister did elope too. Believe me, she was mad. But she does like me, despite my apparent craziness, so I think she couldn't get as upset as she wanted to. But she is pretty concerned what her friends will say. But that's not our problem! :-P
infernal--I guess it would be boring if everyone was cool all the time. But I'm just glad this didn't turn out worse than it did!
-
MissMimi said on Jan 23, 2008....
Well, I'm glad everybody knows, and you're right, Kyle, MrsTwin's mom will get over it. In defense of mama dearest, I have to say that I understand her disappointment. Frankly mothers of daughters dream about the day that they'll get to be mother of the bride and watch their baby girl walk down the aisle. Selfish? Yeah, I guess a little. Now, having said that, the most important thing is that you and Nat did it the way you wanted to and that you love each other madly.
This is none of my business, but I'm curious -- how much of the wedding was actually planned and had to be cancelled? April's not all that far away.
-
evil_twin said on Jan 23, 2008....
mimi--That's a good question. How much did we have to cancel? Not as much as you'd think. We reserved the location, but we had 6 weeks advance notice to cancel that and get our deposit back. So I took care of that. We had invitations which we won't be able to do anything about though. We never sent them out. Natalie never got a dress, we looked at cakes, but didn't place an order. All the food was included with the wedding location, and so was the music. So basically, it was easy to cancel! And yes, I know her mom had a reason to be disappointed. And if Natalie had wanted to do it, we would have. But I'm just glad she didn't freak out too badly! -
cindylu said on Jan 23, 2008....
glad it all worked out. -
lfbno7 said on Jan 24, 2008....
One thing is good about not doing what parents want. They get the message that they can't always have their way. That's a good thing. Independence. Some (most?) parents can get pretty bossy and demanding. Now they know better. You let them know who decides what.
I remember one time I was driving to a restaurant, and my father in law was in the back seat. He was complaining the whole way. He always had a really big mouth and was always complaining to his daughter about every little thing. So he started with me. Why did I turn here? Why didn't I turn there? It was all pretty senseless because all the ways were pretty much the same. I got tired of it and I turned the car around and drove him home, so he didn't eat with us that day. It didn't matter. We got along great after that. He just never did that to me anymore, that's all. I really liked him. -
queenparanoia said on Jan 24, 2008....
thank goodness tehy accepted it!! although i agree i think natalie's mom what this wedding for herself... find her a husband!!! lol... =) -
merlin said on Jan 24, 2008....
Im glad everytng worked out for you guys,congratulations again. Im so glad u guys had the wedding that u wantd -
Actorguy said on Jan 24, 2008....
I don't know whether I told you this, but my niece/daughter Sara eloped and we were very disappointed. She just had her 10th anniversary and we've almost gotten over it hehe! But seriously, we soon figured out that we were the ones who wanted the big wedding and they didn't. Natalie's mom will soon figure that out too. -
polarheart said on Jan 24, 2008....
Twinny and Nursie, you did the right thing and you know it; and everyone else WILL survive and that's the end of that! LOL -
silverwhisper said on Jan 24, 2008....
i was thinking about how your MIL was going to take the news and as i thought about it, i figured it would go something like that, but based on what you've said, it could have gone a lot worse, kyle. i'm really glad that it didn't, though.
however, you might want to consider having a small party just for you and your families. that might help somewhat in mollifying her, and giving her some pictures she can show her friends.
just a thought. :>
ed -
polarheart said on Jan 24, 2008....
That's a good suggestion, Ed! -
Mr_Box said on Jan 24, 2008....
Well that didn't go so bad. You knew they'd be disappointed, but at least no one hung up the phone and disowned you guys.
I completely understand the disappointment factor though. I was looking forward to the wedding too. But just knowing that you guys weren't, and you're the guests of honor, makes me glad you didn't do it.
Everyone does things differently. And I'm glad you guys did what you wanted. Everyone else will just have to deal.
-
evil_twin said on Jan 24, 2008....
cindylu--I'm glad too!
lfbno--I think it is important not to cower completely to your parents and in laws when you're an adult. You do need to show them you can make your own decisions. I think we did that now!
queen--We do need to find her a husband :-P
merlin--Thank you :-)
Actorguy--We probably brought back memories of disappointment huh? Sorry! Us kids just have crazy ideas sometimes. But I'm glad you're almost over it ten years later :-P
polar--They will survive. I'm sure they'll get over it fast too.
silver--We actually were thinking of having a party. We just haven't planned anything yet. Big surprise. We aren't big planners! But it is something we want to do, to give everyone a chance to celebrate with us. We just need to figure it out still.
Mr. Box--I know you were disappointed too, but I'm glad you understand. It's funny to me that a wedding that is supposed to be between two people, becomes everyone else's party. But that's the whole entire reason we didn't want to do it that way.
-
nytquill17 said on Jan 24, 2008....
Parents, especially parents of the bride, can go pretty nutso about the wedding itself. Large chunks of a traditional ceremony are really for the mother and father of the bride. Add into that the tendency of some parents to live vicariously through their kids - she thought Natalie wanted a big wedding but she was really just projecting herself!
I had a friend, when I was growing up - she was 2nd oldest in a family of 7 kids. Her brother eloped, and her mom was really upset. So then when it was my friend's turn to get married and she had the actual church wedding, mom went mom-zilla because she was not only marrying off her oldest daughter but making up for missing the wedding of her son! The wedding was gorgeous but the planning was a nightmare!
Everyone is a little disappointed when people elope, because we do look forward to the party! But most people are rational enough to remember that it's not their party, and that the people actually getting married have the right to do it their way. And I think it's no good starting off a marriage bending over backwards to please everybody else. I mean, the whole point of a marriage is that you are becoming an independent couple, a family of your own, and no longer the children of your parents, right?
I remember how nervous I was when I finally told my family I got married - on our first anniversary! So I'm glad for you that it's over with because I know the nerves are no fun to deal with. And I'm glad it went pretty smoothly. It sounds like both you and Natalie and both sets of parents (maybe with the exception of your MIL but sounds like she'll come around!) are handling this very responsibly :)
-
evil_twin said on Jan 24, 2008....
nytquill--I liked what you said about how marriage is sign to show that we're an independent couple and not the children of our parents anymore. That's exactly how I see it too. But I do understand the disappointment. Natalie's sister eloped too, so both of their daughters didn't give them a wedding to attend. But if we had gone through with this just for them, it wouldn't have felt right to us. Maybe they'll be satisfied with a party after the fact? Hopefully! -
wombat said on Jan 24, 2008....
Silverwhisper stole my idea...great minds think alike. (Yea right!) But that was what I was going to suggest. Some sort of get-together where you could have your marriage toasted and maybe a couple of small speeches--especially the one from your new FIL who was busting a gut to get that out. Ha. The important thing is that you both are happy, and I agree that weddings are nice, but the money could be better spent for your future. And hey, Valentine's Day is coming up. Maybe you two could go have a nice little "honeymoon" for a night or two! Ahh... young love..... -
uniquely-ironic said on Jan 24, 2008....
I think I can understand how they felt. In their minds, this was the last big gift or event in raising their daughter. They probably felt as if they had somehow been shut down on that. Now that doesn't mean that what you two did was wrong in any way, but I can understand their confusion.If Nat's mom really wants some sort of celebration event for her daughter's marriage why doesn't she throw her a wedding shower? It's usually done before a wedding, but why not have a few of her closest friends over and have a little fun. This lets everyone win and the hard feelings are soothed. -
quietone said on Jan 24, 2008....
I think also that nats parents feel they missed out on "giving the bride away" sort of tradition thing... you know the father walking the bride down the isle and all the glitz and glimmer, tears etc.. I also think if they were so upset, maybe they should throw a reception type party for you two and still give celebration to the newlyweds. Of course, maybe you 2 were trying to avoid that seene too. (after the christmas episode, I can see maybe why) I think all in all, you did what the 2 of you wanted, and that is ALL that matters! :)
-
travelr712 said on Jan 24, 2008....
i'm glad, for your sakes, that it's finally all done and over with. congratulations again, my friends. -
Battycat said on Jan 24, 2008....
She'll get over it, at least the worst is over and they know now :-) -
FutureGoddess said on Jan 24, 2008....
I am so glad that you have all the people who need to know in the know, ET & Nursecutie. Life is way too short not to be happy and hopefully they understand that after the initial shock wears off.
Congrats again!
-
evil_twin said on Jan 24, 2008....
wombat--The party/reception idea is a good one! It was actually something we thought about suggesting to lessen the disappointment for everyone. I guess we just need to do something about it now. I'm thinking simple is best! Valentine's Day should be a really good one this year! Maybe we will go someplace?
uniquely--I like the idea of the wedding shower. Maybe they could do something like that? And I totally understand that we crushed everyone's dreams with this elopement :-( But it was so much fun and so right for us.....we'll try and smooth things over with a party though. Hopefully that'll work!
quietone--I think we will go the party/reception route. That should help make people a little happier. But even if we hurt some feelings, I still think we did the right thing for us too :-)
trav--Thanks for stopping in to comment! I'm glad it's all over and done with too. Thanks!
batty--Yes, I'm just glad everyone knows now!
futuregoddess--Thank you! Life is too short, so we just seized the moment! :-D
-
allswell said on Jan 27, 2008....
I'm glad everything overall turned out good, once they get over the shock they will be just as happy...i mean how can they not....you love each other and just did what your heart told you should do...and i am very happy for the two of you!!
alls:)
-
evil_twin said on Jan 27, 2008....
alls--Thank you! It did all turn out well in the end :-) -
blastfromthepast said on Jan 29, 2008....
So Mr. and Mrs. Twin: When one of my boys decides to get married, can I send him to you for a chat? I would be ecstatic if my kids eloped! -
katiabachko said on May 01, 2008....
Hello, I'm a reporter writing about elopements and I'd love to talk to you about yours. Can you drop me a line at katiabachko (at) gmail (dot) come so we can set up a quick interview? Best, Katia
Comment on "The in-laws..."
Related Posts:
cntlvmenuf
posted 6 days ago
| views: 53
|
The last of my older childless and single cousin bites the dust, now am next on line....... read entire post
Hegemone
posted 5 days ago
| views: 45
|
I dunno ... just talking about some stuff ...... read entire post
dazed_and_confused
posted 6 days ago
| views: 33
|
First theory for the year:Complications are just a state of mind. {{Still trying to convince myself}}... read entire post
Hegemone
posted about 4 hours ago
| views: 8
|
My takes on a few things central to me ...... read entire post
9Terrier20
posted 6 days ago
| views: 12
|
I don't know if I "believe" in New Year's resolutions in general. But given that all this drama has been occurring the concepts presents an opportunity to reevaluate and assess the way I react to situations. I have always been very sarcastic... read entire post