my head is clear, and fuzzy at the same time.
clear to think about, clear emotionally
but when i try to put it into words or describe it.....it all goes fuzzy.
so much has happened.
and it's on the inside even more than on the outside.
i'm more responsible.
i'm stronger.
like WAY stronger.
my emotions don't seem to rule me.
i'm not so needy.
i don't know......
i guess that's the other thing that's changed.
the need to bare my soul to everyone who will listen is gone.
i'm so sick of the drama.
i just want to lead a quiet life and be happy.
contentment is what i seek.
and that's never really been the case before.
sure i'm still me....and strange and a little off.....
i'm just not the same.
the guy......we broke up.
and i'm swearing off relationship stuff for a six month hiatus.
we're still friends. both of us just want someone to hang out with.....
it's the drama.
both of us are so sick to DEATH of the drama.
it's a good feeling.
relaxed and comfortable.
i don't really know what else to say.
but for the first time ever......i don't feel i need to be connected to other people 24/7.
it's nice.
relaxed.
don't get me wrong.....life is crazy.
kids.
they're slowly adjusting.....each of them are having problems in their own way.
but we're figuring it out.
they're starting to drive me insane again. *grin* so ....at least i know i'm a mom again.
that feels good.
so...too all my friends here at soulcast.
i'm not gone.
just....busy.
and a whole lot saner.
and comfortable.
i don't need you all so much as i did.
*HUGS all around*
this is a good thing. .....and thankyou all so much for helping me.
this isn't goodbye.
not by a long shot.
but don't worry about me if i'm not around for a week at a time......
life is happening to me....and i'm no longer an observer.
i'm a participator.
i'm not stuck in my own thoughts and emotions anymore.
and it's good.
not perfect, not a dream come true.
but reality.........reality and i didn't used to get along.....and now.....
now we're learning to live under the same roof without one of us ending up in a straight jacket.
anyway....i love you all.......feel free to drop me a line any time. i will respond eventually.........thankyou all so very very much.
Fallyn posted on Jan 23, 2008
| views: 379
Comments
-
moyz said on Jan 23, 2008....
((((((((hugs and warm wishes)))))))) enjoy being a mom or else you'll be back complaining when the kisds are all grown up and have moved out on their own...be good and enjoy life....
i wish you all the good things in life...be blessed!
-
Mamie said on Jan 23, 2008....
ah, such wisdom in your words. You have transformed and all your dreams begin to come true now...open your arms for all the miracles with your name on them...happy for you! Enjoy!! mamie -
the_infernal_optimist said on Jan 23, 2008....
I'm sorry you and your guy broke it off, but I understand why you'd need a break from all the drama for sure! I'm glad things are going well enough in your life that you're more self-reliant when it comes to finding your inner peace. :)
((hugs))
~Infernal
-
queenparanoia said on Jan 23, 2008....
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}i'm happy you feel like a mom again... =) -
travelr712 said on Jan 23, 2008....
i'm proud of you :-) -
Sunshine_Mariah said on Jan 23, 2008....
I'm very happy to hear things are going so well in your life. Best of luck to you and your family! :-) Enjoy yourself *hugs*Hi trav *waves* -
pickersplock said on Jan 23, 2008....
I'm glad you're doing well! -
skald said on Jan 23, 2008....
I am happy for you. You seem to feel much better now. I know there is much to do with the kids but that is another thing. (((((((((Hugs))))))))))) -
vacantmind said on Jan 23, 2008....
Fallyn... go live your life. I am glad that things are more comfortable for you and that you don't need us they way you did. You have grown stronger...it shows in your post. -
hinana said on Jan 23, 2008....
yay fallyn im so happy for you. i hope you have awesome times. -
polarheart said on Jan 23, 2008....
Wonderful news, hun, I like that you are now a partaker in life and not just a spectator!! You go girl!! -
Eilan said on Jan 23, 2008....
I'm glad you're doing well, Fallyn. I've been wondering about you. -
quietone said on Jan 23, 2008....
Oh this IS good news fallyn...I am so happy for you! I had been thinking about you too recently. -
Fallyn said on Jan 23, 2008....
i've just been thinking of all of you........
i hope you are all doing well.
*HUGS*
-
cindylu said on Jan 23, 2008....
contentment is a wonderful feeling. -
wyndhover said on Jan 24, 2008....
((fist in the air!)) -
Fallyn said on Jan 24, 2008....
*laughing* wynd, exactly. *grin* -
moyz said on Jan 25, 2008....
there's that grin now...lol...**wink wink**
Comment on "the core of my being."
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