I'm really ill and barely able to sit up right now. I'm also pissed. This is my 7th day without real food. I've had soymilk thanks to the local Adult Protective Services worker, but issues with the privately contracted agency with the State of Oklahoma are not resolved. Not only are they trying to starve me to death, but last week they elected to allow four live lobsters and 18 live female blue crabs die a horrible death in my living room. It didn't happen because I pulled it together enough to give them at least quick and painless deaths. At the same time, I'm out four months of my budgetary allowance for protein (and probably several other things). I'm pissed. That was cruel and vicious. Forget me. I can fight back and bitch. They were helpless in shipping containers. Every goddamn living thing has an awareness!
It's not that I'm "choosing" not to eat. It's that I cannot right now without help. And that help is not an IV or food tube. It is proper nutrition. The seafood I bought was a desperate attempt to get the vitamins and nutrients my body needs. I was assigned a new agency. So far from that agency I have seen three employees who have "drama queen attitude" and obviously other very dangerous issues. I have locked my doors from the possibility of encountering them again.
You want to know what death by starvation feels like? Read below. I doubt you would choose it either ...
As dehydration begins, there is extreme thirst, dry mouth and thick
saliva. The patient becomes dizzy, faint and unable to stand or sit;
has severe cramping in the arms and legs as the sodium and potassium
concentrations in the body goes up as fluids go down. In misery, the
patient tries to cry but there are no tears. The patient experiences
severe abdominal cramps, nausea and dry-heaving as the stomach and
intestines dry out.
By now the skin and lips are cracking and the tongue is swollen. The nose may bleed as the mucous membranes dry out and break down. The skin loses elasticity, thins and wrinkles. The hands and feet become cold as the remaining fluids in the circulatory system are shunted to the vital organs in an attempt to stay alive. The person stops urinating and has severe headaches as their brain shrinks from lack of fluids. The patient becomes anxious but then gets progressively more lethargic.
Some patients have hallucinations and seizures as their body chemistry becomes even more imbalanced. This proceeds to coma before death occurs. The final event as the blood pressure becomes almost undetectable is a major heart arrhythmia that stops the heart from pumping.
By now the skin and lips are cracking and the tongue is swollen. The nose may bleed as the mucous membranes dry out and break down. The skin loses elasticity, thins and wrinkles. The hands and feet become cold as the remaining fluids in the circulatory system are shunted to the vital organs in an attempt to stay alive. The person stops urinating and has severe headaches as their brain shrinks from lack of fluids. The patient becomes anxious but then gets progressively more lethargic.
Some patients have hallucinations and seizures as their body chemistry becomes even more imbalanced. This proceeds to coma before death occurs. The final event as the blood pressure becomes almost undetectable is a major heart arrhythmia that stops the heart from pumping.
So, back in December when the nursing home refused to deliver my meals, I enjoyed the "severe cramping," the "crying without tears," and the "abdominal cramps, nausea and dry-heaving as the stomach and intestines dry out," As a matter of fact friends in a disabled chatroom sat up with me many nights as I went through the pain of it. Believe me, it is agonizing.
When Adult Protective Services came on December 31st, fired the old case manager and hired a new one, I thought the agony was over. Big mistake. <snipped personal expletives that may be found later>.
Actually, the only people in all of this I don't have issue with are the State's local APS office (adult protective services). They make sure I have food (when I can eat it), and are trying to make these PRIVATE FOR PROFIT agencies do their job.
However, the State of Oklahoma has made it clear (as have many other states) they would prefer to have the disabled die rather than take responsibility to make sure they receive the basic necessities they are entitled to. In fact, I pay for the majority of my own assistive devices, and ended up on this State program only because I couldn't find local people to assist me. I'd prefer to pay an aide a decent wage (not much because I don't need much) than have them allow aides to come in and steal from me and destroy expensive equipment I paid for out of my own funds.
I've been telling these people in real life that there is real live networking going on through the internet. Maybe I'm wrong. I've been on the side of making a phone call or two about causes I had issues with. I have repeatedly threatened I would publish the names and phone numbers of the public agencies and employees several times. I'm tempted tonight. Really tempted. These people are paid by the state. Most of them can be found online in the first place by doing basic searches.
What holds me back? Other disabled. A barrage can shut down a switchboard and someone who really needs help won't get it. That defeats my purpose. But should it protect them and the abuse they use against vulnerable people?
I don't know.
Give me some feedback. I'm listening. Currently I appear to be going semi-conscious every 4-5 hours. The door to my home will stay locked. I'm gonna fucking fight back. No one should be allowed to torture any living creature and get by with it!
aeschylus
