I know I've written a few blogs about my brother since I've started SC, I wonder if I somehow knew something was wrong.  Well something's very wrong.  It all started a few days ago when my sister in law called me and she said if I had my mom's number.  My mom is in Mexico right now and is hard to get a hold of.  I said I didn't and she said it was pretty important and about my brother, and she didn't want him to know she was doing this.  I gave her the numbers to my mom's sister's phone's down there and that I'd try to ask my cousin online.  I found my cousin online and asked if she could ask her mom to call her sister to find my mom.  Somehow that worked and my mom called me.  I told her what my sister in law said and we set up a time for when my sister in law could call her at her sister's.  A few minutes after that time, my sister in law called me and said to buy my mom a plane ticket for Nevada when she gets back from Mexico. 

    That's when I knew it was bad.  My mom doesn't spend money lightly and has been avoiding going to Nevada for awhile.  My sister in law didn't say what was going on, and I was so hoping it was about money or anything else then what it is.  Later that night my sister in law called and said if I hadn't already bought the ticket for my mom I shouldn't.  She sounded happier and I talked to my brother who said I should come up for this weekend.  I was quite relieved it seemed like whatever it was, was no big deal anymore. 

    So I came up last night and when I see my brother I'm worried.  He look's kind of bad, usually he's kind of vain and always has his hair nice and dresses nice, but his hair was a mess and he looked really tired and pale, maybe a bit skinnier.  We went out to dinner when I got there and my sister in law seemed extra nice to him, he seemed to be smoking way more then usual too.  Later that night she asked if I could hid some old credit cards I had on my desk and where she should hide her check books.  Then later on she asked if my mom had told me what was happening, I said no and she told me.  She said "Ninja, it's bad, he's back to his old ways again.  I'm taking him to counseling and he's on this medication that's suppose to help him not have withdrawals so much and if he does do it it won't do much for him."  I am shocked and she continued.  "He just has to do this and he has to keep his job because in May I need to get open heart surgery, so he really needs to keep his job.  He doesn't want you to know, but you should probably hide your wallet tonight." 

     Oh man I still can't believe it.  I thought he was doing so well.  When I was 11 years old or so, my brother went through a really bad time, he was on drugs, the really worst kind.  He went in and out of rehab centers and when we all thought he was finally honest about getting better, he did something else to make it worse.  He took money from my parents any way he could, after that wouldn't work, he'd take things to get them pawned.  I'm still mad at myself when I saw him take his saxophone to the car when my dad wasn't looking.  I told him I saw him take his saxophone and he somehow convinced me not to say anything.  I remember going to some AA or NA meetings and seeing how sad some of the people looked and I just wanted to cry for them, they looked so very sad.  I remember when we dropped him off at a veterans hospital for rehab and walking down the street and seeing a needle on the ground.  I remember a call from him from jail.  I remember when my mom listened in on a phone call of his and I was in the room listening too, then I never heard her yell like that to anyone before.  I remember lots of bad things and a year or two ago he claimed to remember none of it.     

    So today he seemed a little better.  Then this afternoon my sister in law took a nap and he left.  When she woke up she called him and he called her back.  She was really mad and said to send her a picture of where he was.  He said he was at a meeting.  When he got home they seemed ok, but my sister in law said "Ok new rule, if you have to go somewhere you tell me and I'll take you, even if I'm asleep."  I went to my room after that.  I could hear them argueing about money and I heard something about how my sister in law doesn't get to buy herself anything new anymore.  Then how she shouldn't go to school because it would be to expensive.  My sister in law then said something very profound and blunt, that right when I heard it cut me too, I've tried to put in here, but it's hard to do. 

    What kind of scares me more this time is that I think one thing that helped him last time was that he had met my sister in law around then or soon after he got clean.  I don't know what will pull him out now.  If there was something I could do, something I could say to help I would.  How can I do nothing this time?  I don't know what to do though.  For now things are calm, they were even laughing at something on tv.  I know we all have problems and issues, I just can't believe how desprite he can be and how we've all just never noticed.  He was always the happy kid too, I don't know how it got this bad.  I hope I can figure out what to do.