Lets get to the dirty truth....so far in 22 years of dating, all men want is sex...some form or another....blowjob, hand job, a fuck, whatever...it's what they want.

 

Sad truth, girls from homes of abuse, neglect, or other issues....usually turn to sex to get attention, because basically they know that even if for just a few minutes, someone is holding them and telling them whatever they want to hear.

 

It's what they need to hear. They lack something in the home. They have turmoil inside and just want held. So, sex is the solution. I just wonder how many girls have turned to this to somehow "solve" their problems, only years later to find themselves even more alone and dealing with natural consequences also.

 

I learned at a young age I was above average looking. When I realized my home life was the shittiest of most, all I wanted was someone to hold me. I had seen the way my aunt operated, she would fuck men and that got her attention. I learned a man will do most anything for a pretty girl to fuck him.

 

I could of bought so many houses with the money spent on me to fuck them. Drinks, rings, trips, dinners, dresses, catalogs thrown at me shop with their credit cards, bills paid to fuck them, the list goes on.

 

Where did this all start, back at the home front.

 

Nobody cared. The first time I was forceably raped, I went to my mother....she wasn't there....

 

The next time.......it was my fault, even though it was years later and at this point I still hadn't learned that sex was all men thought, I was still a young girl in complete shock.

 

I learned.

 

If mom doesn't give a flying fuck, these men, even though I had not wanted it....were paying attention to me. This led to dieting insanely, and unhealthy eating habits, and expensive clothes...I had to be the prettiest of anyone to get whoever I chose to fuck me that night.

 

22 years later.......seriously it took 22 years for me to finally realize, my parents never will love me, or accept me...they never did, or ever will.....I still don't know why. As far as kids go....I was, like, the best....straight A student, loved tennis, cheerleader, involved in several church activities.....but yet, nothing I did was right...ever...so I turned.

 

I realized my looking for love had led to an unhealthy addiction. I found help in a blog.

 

This time, a few months later....a guy I actually knew wanted sex...and he didn't get any, and when he left I cried...it all hit me.

I had substituted a parents love I should of recieved with sex from strangers. 22 fucking years later I understand it.....

 

I have so much college trying to figure it out, so many counseling sessions trying to figure out what was wrong with me that my parents lied about me and quit loving me....so much...

 

What I realized is they never did. I never did anything wrong. I do not even know why they had children. It has led to a lifetime of hell that I am slowly digging myself out of.