Last night I was finally done being mad at my dad for giving my brother some family heirlooms (in the form of rifles) and nothing for either myself or my sister. I finally was going to call him on his favoritism. I also wanted to clear up the issue of the fiddle and who was going to get it after him. There were rumors that my brothers son would get it.
I know, logically, that my dad can give what he wants to who he wants. I get that. What I don't get is how he rationalizes giving these things away to a son who barely gives him the time of day. Last time I talked to my brother he was less than enthusiastic about getting to know our dad. Both my sister and I have done much more in the way of connecting with him and trying to give family a try. I shouldn't have to mention the time, energy and money I recently lost fetching stuff that would have been scattered to the winds if left uncollected from my gramma.
So, I pick up the phone when he called and he unloaded another bomb on me before I could bring up the subject that was bothering me. He's changed his mind about coming to my wedding. Despite the fact that he told me last week that if he was going to choose, he'd pick the wedding over the funeral for gramma. Now it appears he's flip flopped. He is also using his wife's health to justify not making both trips. He excused himself from any fall out from his announcement saying that he had to end the call to go to bed.
I have had it with him! He has let me down, again. I'm raging with anger and not all of it is directed at him. I am angry with myself for believing he was finally maturing into an adult, being a parent. I'm mad at that whole side of the family for being such a shitty family. I know I shouldn't need family this much at my age, but I do.
I'm hating life today.
