SchizophreniaBlog1's tags:
SchizophreniaBlog1 reads (1):
Who's reading SchizophreniaBlog1 (2):
Hi you all.

I have battling my illness for 15 years. Recently I have lost the last job I will have ever.

That is a tough one.. I am so sick most days or different hours that no job will take me.

Unfortunately, because over the 15 years I was beating myself up about stuff, i lost the last of any self worth or self esteem I had with my job.

My illness makes it impossible to achieve any goal.. Even a goal like,, "I will go into the kitchen at 9am".. Long story,, If anyone wants to dive in deep I will explain.

In the meantime.. I need a way of pumping myself up without goals.  I can achieve nothing physical or anything outside of my head.

I get no praise from loved ones or friends or aquaintences or people I bump into.

So it has to come from inside of me and inside of my head. that is the only place where I can achieve goals.

Any ideas you all.. I need this fast as I cry at the drop of a hat because I am so low without my self esteem.. 

I want self esteem because it is easier to blow off others who are mean when you feel good about yourself.. At least for me.

HELP ME PLEASE.. I'm so going into the tank

del.icio.us Digg reddit StumbleUpon

Comments

  • moonriver said on Jan 16, 2008....
    i read your blog right now. i replied to your comment on my multiple personalities blog, where i promised i'd get back to you in 24 hrs. hang in there. i want to help.

  • moonriver said on Jan 17, 2008....
    schiz -- first things first. i need to know some more details about you if i'm going to have a minimum level of confidence and effectiveness in helping you handle your situation better.

    so, if it isn't too much of a bother to you, maybe you should post a series of blogs that explain...

    * what was your last job?
    * are you able to talk to your friends, loved ones about these problems?
    * are you seeing a doctor? what medication are you taking now?

    sometimes, writing down past events that had a strong impact on you already helps greatly in your trying to unravel your own present problems. write them down here. i'm willing to read, and comment, and give advice as much as i can.

  • SchizophreniaBlog1 said on Jan 17, 2008....
    Dear Moonriver:

    My last job ended in October. I was doing the very thing I loved for 14 years and now it is gone. I am too sick from hour to hour to even think about getting a job that is not from home,, etc..

    No -- My friends and loved ones give me advice on how to cure my incurable illness. If the doctors have no cure since the 1600's, I don't see why they don't take no for an answer. I am being blamed by my husband and relatives for not being cured.

    Yes I am seeing a doctor and I am on meds.

    I wrote a whole book and am selling it for 5 bucks. You don't need to buy it. but I vented and vented and vented. Mostly in a medium to nice way throughout the book. Alot of it was yelling at God, talking about what my family thinks of me, talking about what I thought of me, and talking about my feelings about it all.


  • SchizophreniaBlog1 said on Jan 17, 2008....
    Also Moonriver.

    I know all about engrams.  I believe Dianetics will not cure me. But I have not tried it, so what do I know?  My brother and I practiced dianetics for like 6 months when I was younger.

    Also, goals do not help. I need to find my rock of stability from inside.. At least this is my belief with all that I have tried so far.

    My illness takes all goals from me. As most goals have goals you must achieve. My illness makes sure that they don't get achieved.

    I feel like a paralilzed person physically, but mentally I can gather strength in some way.. My illness can not control my thoughts.  My head can give me thoughts and blank me out, but I can think too. And I can think stuff to get me strong. With your help maybe?
  • SchizophreniaBlog1 said on Jan 17, 2008....
    And I used to study Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar and the like and was very successful at having a positive attitude no matter what happened to me. But somehow I have lost that.

    My husband is a troubleshooter so he points out about 20 times a day what I am doing wrong etc..

    I don't know if that has anything to do with it?
  • SchizophreniaBlog1 said on Jan 17, 2008....
    The only past event I can think of that might have had an impact was my rape in my teens.

    I was held captive in a room for 3 months by a muscular 280 pound man who had no fat on him.  He physically would not let me leave and I had to have sex with him.

    Finally I decided to pretend that I lilked him and he became more lenient. Then I ran and never looked back.. Except that I was depressed for 8 years because of it.

Comment on "Help me please!"

not working life (Click to add tags below)

(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Comment Anonymously

some things i realized yesterday when i was in the beach...

pics included... ;-)...
It's just a few minutes past midnight here in Ohio, in the US. I've wiped away the tears that always seem to want to be shed at the start of the new year....
my corner of the world.......
I am taking a little poll. I know I am not your typical Soul Cast pollster, but I have been reading deeper into people's real-life-stories lately. So, I would like to ask this little online community to share some personal stories from your...
soulcast is like a website without its members...


inspired by grape's post......

Subscribe to the SoulCast Newsletter To Receive the Best Uncensored Blogs About Love, Sex, Relationships, God, Politics, and More.


Ever wonder what people really think and how they really live?

Read about the real lives of regular people like you whose powerful moving blogs will make you smile, cry, emotional, and warm inside.

Your FREE SoulCast newsletter is just moments away. Receive your first feel-good blog by entering your email address below.

First Name:
Your Email:


You can unsubscribe at any time with one click. We NEVER sell or share your email address with anyone. Period. close