• moonriver said on Jan 16, 2008....

  i read your blog right now. i replied to your comment on my multiple personalities blog, where i promised i'd get back to you in 24 hrs. hang in there. i want to help.
  
  

• moonriver said on Jan 17, 2008....

  schiz -- first things first. i need to know some more details about you if i'm going to have a minimum level of confidence and effectiveness in helping you handle your situation better.
  
  so, if it isn't too much of a bother to you, maybe you should post a series of blogs that explain...
  
  * what was your last job?
  * are you able to talk to your friends, loved ones about these problems?
  * are you seeing a doctor? what medication are you taking now?
  
  sometimes, writing down past events that had a strong impact on you already helps greatly in your trying to unravel your own present problems. write them down here. i'm willing to read, and comment, and give advice as much as i can.
  
  

• SchizophreniaBlog1 said on Jan 17, 2008....

  Dear Moonriver:
  
  My last job ended in October. I was doing the very thing I loved for 14 years and now it is gone. I am too sick from hour to hour to even think about getting a job that is not from home,, etc..
  
  No -- My friends and loved ones give me advice on how to cure my incurable illness. If the doctors have no cure since the 1600's, I don't see why they don't take no for an answer. I am being blamed by my husband and relatives for not being cured.
  
  Yes I am seeing a doctor and I am on meds.
  
  I wrote a whole book and am selling it for 5 bucks. You don't need to buy it. but I vented and vented and vented. Mostly in a medium to nice way throughout the book. Alot of it was yelling at God, talking about what my family thinks of me, talking about what I thought of me, and talking about my feelings about it all.
  
  
  

• SchizophreniaBlog1 said on Jan 17, 2008....

  Also Moonriver.
  
  I know all about engrams.  I believe Dianetics will not cure me. But I have not tried it, so what do I know?  My brother and I practiced dianetics for like 6 months when I was younger.
  
  Also, goals do not help. I need to find my rock of stability from inside.. At least this is my belief with all that I have tried so far.
  
  My illness takes all goals from me. As most goals have goals you must achieve. My illness makes sure that they don't get achieved.
  
  I feel like a paralilzed person physically, but mentally I can gather strength in some way.. My illness can not control my thoughts.  My head can give me thoughts and blank me out, but I can think too. And I can think stuff to get me strong. With your help maybe?
  

• SchizophreniaBlog1 said on Jan 17, 2008....

  And I used to study Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar and the like and was very successful at having a positive attitude no matter what happened to me. But somehow I have lost that.
  
  My husband is a troubleshooter so he points out about 20 times a day what I am doing wrong etc..
  
  I don't know if that has anything to do with it?
  

• SchizophreniaBlog1 said on Jan 17, 2008....

  The only past event I can think of that might have had an impact was my rape in my teens.
  
  I was held captive in a room for 3 months by a muscular 280 pound man who had no fat on him.  He physically would not let me leave and I had to have sex with him.
  
  Finally I decided to pretend that I lilked him and he became more lenient. Then I ran and never looked back.. Except that I was depressed for 8 years because of it.
  

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