I was in the gym today at the clubhouse, where I go everyday to work out and there are a bunch of old people sitting around the table in the main room and some really old guy lifting weights. Now, when I say he is old I mean, easily in his 70's, grey hair, skin drooping but he is very skinny and curling (I later would find out when I adjusted the weight) 20 lbs. So, I started my daily routine as I always do by going on the treadmill and walking until I am in the right mindset to start jogging and then eventually running full speed, but today, I was distracted. As I am about to start my workout playlist with candy shop by 50 cent, I hear this noise....Now, I have probably heard this noise about 15,000 times on the computer, but only once in real life when it wasn't coming from someone I was with and that was when my roomate was railing some girl with big teeth. This dude was making HARDCORE sex noises while curling. I mean, if I had to give an accurate depiction it would be like this: Old guy: ohhhhhhhhhh 1, uhhhhh yesssss, 2. (deep breath) ohhhhhhhh 3, yeaaaaaaa 4...and so on. I started walking at a treadmill rate of 4.0 so I could laugh while listening to this guy (by then I had paused my ipod). The noises were so intense, I was tempted to take out my cellphone and just start recording a voice memo, but instead use it to record this guy making horrific sex noises....it was awesome...and awkward. So about three days ago, I was the man. I mean, really, I was THE MAN. I have no idea if this happens to other guys, hermaphrodites, old men, young men, little kids, or what but I have small days and I have big days. Now, I am sure guys think they might know what I am hinting at and girls have no idea (unless you read the description) so I will explain. Some days, and I don't have to be in a pool to experience it, I really feel like I am just pathetically endowed. It is not because I am (it is more the size of small intestines), it is just mentally I feel like a toddler. Those are my small days, where I am like, well maybe if I pull on it, I'll look like ron jeremy naked. I mean I feel like if you put an earthworm in my pants you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. But then there are other days....the better days...three days ago. These are big days. I mean, Hulk Hogan meets Jay Leno's chin, meets Bevon Young meets DINT! Huge days, where I will pull down my pants and stab someone across the street. These days are great because I tend to do masculine things like look at porn (so I can admire myself) shower (so I can admire myself) and flex in front of the mirror (so the mirror can admire myself.) Days like these i just whip it out and then I need a belt and a gun and I am a sheriff cause baby, I got the nightstick all ready. Jamal must roid up sometimes when I am not looking. Days like those rather than picture pushing my entire body against a girl to make her say "ohhh we started?" I feel like I can sit down and have her get fucked right under the ceiling. I mean, my dick can be a limbo stick for the east coast....I love big days. My voice gets all deep(er), I watch BET, I try to eat chicken, when I get tired I usually lean forward to rest my regular legs. Anyway, now you have all been indulged in what is a big day and what is a small day.