I don't know how to begin.

CJ broke up with me after 6 years. He said that he just didn't love me anymore and that he couldn't see moving on with our relationship.

Now every time that someone tells me "I love you" all I hear is his voice saying "I don't love you anymore." My mind keeps replaying the moment over and over again and I can't concentrate on anything anymore.

I am past the shock and now I'm feeling abandoned and confused. I know that I won't get any answers right now, and I probably will never get any, but I hurt so badly.

I am having trouble sleeping, and I'm not hungry. I have already called and made an appointment with a doctor about possible going to therapy to help me get through this.

I'm definitely not looking forward to our 8AM class together, I'm just glad that it's an auditorium and not a small class.

I feel so bad because I know that I needed him more than he needed me, and he didn't want to have to put any more effort into our relationship. I find myself crying at the most random times because I hear "I don't love you anymore" in my head and I see him sitting there emotionless and then him telling me "I didn't know you were going to take it like this". How am I supposed to take that? Just be accepting of it and move on like 6 years of love and affection never happened and I'm supposed to be okay with it?

I find myself thinking about him changing his mind and that he just needed a break and put it the wrong way, but I'm hoping for too much and setting myself up for more trouble in the end.

I know that I need to keep myself busy and keep up with my school work, but it's so hard when you can't concentrate on anything but figuring out the whys.

This is going to be a long and hard process, but I know that I'll be okay.

I need some space and I don't need anymore advice right now. I wish people would stop telling me I love you because it just upsets me more and I know that they love me and I know that they want to help me, but they can't and I have to do this. If I need help then I will ask for it, but until then, please don't force your company."

 

She listened to me.  I'm please and surprised.  I'm tired, so very tired.  I know she is too.  She looked like hell tonight and that hurts me too because she is such a pretty young lady.  It's all I can do to keep from busting out crying.  I am going to have to work hard to keep myself from telling her I love you so much.

Somehow, someway we are going to get through this.