Its strange. I feel like... I don't have to ask any questions. Its a bit wonderful, really.

Oh. This is my first post, so I think I should introduce myself. I'm a highschooler, and I'm considering not writing the paper due tomorrow for English. Yeah, I had 4 weeks of winter break to do it, but I swear I did not know it was an assignment till 2 days ago. Teachers shouldn't assign home work on WINTER BREAK. Its cruel. Tomorrow I have to go back to school... its 10:57 Hawaii time. Blagger farts.
Ahem ahem. *clears throat*

Well, that initial happiness has subsided. But I don't feel like shouldering stresses, and worries, and regrets, again.  I don't feel like worrying about  the opinions and thoughts of people I don't know,  of memories,  of ghosts. It's no use regretting something that I will not change, or that I cannot, or that never was. So what if I have hairy legs? I'm not hurting anybody. Yet, I constantly suppress myself. I believe that others would expect me to have cleanly shaven, apple scented, baby-bottom soft legs. Should I just go along with the flow? Then I go to thinking that my friends wouldn't care. I'm just scared. I'm scared of my potential. I'm scared of not being accepted. I think... I'm scared of change.

I think I should be feeling happy. After all, I don't have the responsibilities of an adult, right? No bills, no kids, just the fucking worries of school, moral code, and mystery. I live in a country without war, at least not on our front. It is neither the age ago, when there wasn't internet or our transportation. I could fly to New York in 8 hours. That's across an ocean and a continent.  Neither it is the future age, where the global warming issue will (as I'm told) cause more frequent natural disasters, and some of our natural resources will be in jeopardy. I don't have incurable health issues. I have a large family: 2 sisters, 3 brothers, and both parents. Living. But, I still want to complain. Then I start to think I shouldn't. All I have can be changed in an instant. Or in the amount of an year. Or never, if I... well, life goes on, so many things are bound to change, just not the way I want them to, if I stand still.

I treasure the moments when I feel the way I did when first starting this. But I weigh myself down. When reading about an artist, Leonardo da Vinci, I came across a sentence that went like, "the greater you are, the greater your capacity for suffering". I want to be great. In whose eyes? I don't know. But, I thought, if I felt happy for apparently no reason, or just for becoming aware that the CEO/co-founder of Apple, and founder of Pixar, companies  I find very creative  and so very advanced,  did not know what he wanted to do with his life,  and did not graduate from college... I thought he gave very good advice in his speech. http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

Thank you, anybody who took the time to read this. And I'm sorry that I don't have answers. At least I provided a link though. :D

Off to sleep!

~M