What a day. Normally I'm a pretty laid back person but today had me craving a cigarette something fierce. Which means yes, I stuck to the plan of quitting. It's been 9 days.
But I slipped up. Damn my lack of willpower. But listen to the day I had. You'll understand.
My daughter was supposed to have a doctors appointment this afternoon. It was at a new place we'd never been to and it was kind of far away. So I wanted to make sure I gave myself enough time to find it.
The appointment was at 3. So I left my house at 1:45. I went to the school to pick her up. But there was a problem because I'd gotten there at recess time.
So I had to fill out a name badge and go trudging through the wasteland of the playground and go searching for her. It took me forever to find her. There are a lot of little girls with long brown hair running around.
Finally I found her but it was getting late. But we set off on our journey to the doctor. She never ever stops talking. Ever. Not even to breathe.
And that's cute sometimes but not when I'm trying to concentrate on driving to a place I have no idea where it is. She was making me crazy. And I got stuck on this road behind a highway patrol officer, so I had to drive good.
Turns out that it didn't matter how good I drove. I followed him forever and then he abruptly pulls over, so I pass him, and then he gets behind me and turns his lights on.
Fuck.
I had no idea what I'd done either. And we were already running late. And I had no idea where we were either. I was pissed. And my daughter is laughing and saying, 'daddy's in trouble!!' like it was a big joke.
Not the time for a joke. I was stressing out. But the cop comes up to me and tells me I was following him too closely. WTF? I was?
Now, I'm not saying I've never done that before. But this was a cop. Why the hell would I tailgate a cop? I'm not brain dead.
I had no choice but to kiss his ass and tell him I was sorry. I still don't think I did anything wrong, but it's best to lie and pretend you suck when speaking to a police officer.
After about ten minutes of lecturing he let me go with a warning. That means there is a God and he doesn't hate me.
But then I was forced to drive like an old lady and stay ten car lengths away from everyone else because I was paranoid.
It kept getting later. Then I turned down the wrong street and ended up going the wrong direction. I came to a dead end that would force me onto the freeway going back towards home.
So I attempted to turn around in an alley, but I couldn't do it. And then someone almost hit me because they weren't looking for a dipshit stuck halfway in traffic and half in an alley.
I finally got turned around after doing a twenty point turn. But I had no idea where I was or how to get out.
Eventually I found the main street again. We were good to go. But this was like a journey through hell town. Buildings were falling apart. The road was totally demolished and down to one lane.
The traffic was beyond comprehension.
Finally we found the street we wanted. But I didn't know if I needed to go left or right. I chose left. Of course I wanted right. I couldn't find the building at all. So I figured I'd gone the wrong way.
I turned around once again. Went down the other block, but couldn't see any address numbers. So I found a building that said in huge letters PEDIATRICS. Perfect. That must be what I want.
I try to turn in there, but I went into the wrong parking lot. Turned around for the five thousandth time. Went into the right lot. Turns out it wasn't the right building after all. Wrong doctor.
I turned around again (are you guys dizzy yet?) and I saw the doctor name across the street.
I pulled in there, scraped the bottom of my car on the steep incline, and announced our arrival 10 minutes late.
I hate being late. But it was out of my hands. I can't drive and my sense of direction is useless.
Then we sat and waited for 45 minutes before the doctor could see us. Keep in mind my daughter never stopped talking during any of this time. Ever. Not even once.
We got called back, the doctor spent 5 minutes with us, and we were sent on our way.
5 fucking minutes. I drove through hell, got pulled over, got lost, scraped my car, waited 45 minutes in a stinky waiting room that smelled like mildew, for 5 minutes.
But she got a lollypop so she said it was worth it. I didn't get one though. I should have asked for one. Maybe then I wouldn't want to smoke?
Nah. Unless I could light the stick on fire and toke up the Tootsie Pop end, it wouldn't have helped.
I was going to be strong though until I got lost again leaving the place. I ended up on the freeway headed for the Grapevine. Not where I wanted to go.
I shouldn't be allowed to drive anywhere further than 5 miles from my house. When I finally made it home, I went to the gas station and I bought a pack of cigarrettes.
Sue me. I can't help it. I'm weak. But that doesn't mean I'm starting up again. I had two. And now I can quit again. Right?
