I'm really not trying to complain.  I just need to write some things down before they get too crowded in my head.  Which hurts.  Badly.  This is the second week in a row that I have a migraine.  Ugh.

The holidays are always busy and hectic.  I know that.  It's a time to be with family and friends.  I just wish my 'family' weren't so obnoxious and disfunctional.  I suppose it's a small consolation that they are all in-laws, as I have not heard from my own family in ages...

The holidays are a time to be happy and spread joy.  A time to be with loved ones.  Only, I couldn't be with the one I truly love and want to be with.  Again.  And I know the whole situation could be different if not for the lack of monies right now.  Not to mention I still have not yet been able to find a one-bedroom apartment in a decent area.  I am frustrated beyond words right now.  And I know my soulmate is hurting as a result of all the waiting...

Christmas Eve was spent with my in-laws at their annual gathering.  I had a full blown migraine and tried to stay at the edges of everything as not to spoil the night for anyone else.  My cousin-in-law(?) chatted with me a little bit about her photography classes and showed me some of her work, as she was also trying to stay at the edges of the gathering herself.  Unfortunately, she is also young, thin, moderately attractive, and earned me venomous glares from my wife all night long.  Fun night. 

Christmas morning was quiet.  The dogs were all excited, as they got to open their stockings full of treats.  (Yes, the dogs and the cat all get stockings.)  My little dog was sitting next to the fireplace eagerly waiting, wagging his tail, pretending he was good all year (when we all knew he wasn't), and the big boys paced around the room waiting thier turn.  The cat watched from her perch on the couch.  It really was a cute scene, and I wish I would have been able to get a picture of it all before they all decided to move again. 

But this year was more than a bit sad...  Last year we lost our oldest cat and missed her terribly at the holidays.  During this past year, we lost our youngest cat and our oldest dog.  It really sank in when we were unwrapping the presents.  My oldest dog used to love helping open the wrappings.  I sat there with a gift in my lap, and the tears just started to fall uncontrollably...  My wife sat there in her own sorrow, not needing to ask what was wrong; she felt it too.  But thankfully, much to her credit, she didn't have a total meltdown.  We just pushed on, trying to make the best of it all.  More tears came when we opened the cat's stocking, remembering our fuzzy talker, missing how he used to poke his head into the stocking to look for anything we might have missed... 

My mother-in-law and her husband came over early to spend the day with us.  Despite my migraine and poor mood, I cooked Christmas dinner, spending my time in the kitchen the rest of the day.  Dinner was nice enough, and we exchanged gifts with them before sitting back and catching up on things for a while.  I felt like I was miles away though.  I suppose I was, because I was thinking of my soulmate the whole time...

What with all the doctor's bills for my wife and the new car I had to get the week before Christmas (the SUV's transmission was too expensive to repair, so it got traded in) and trying to save money for a place of my own, it was a rather meager Christmas.  I got an incredible deal on ebay for the digital SLR camera body my wife has been wanting, so she was happy.  I got more tools (the same thing I got last year, and the year before) and some anime dvds.  

And here I am at work again.  I would have written this out yesterday, but I was coping with deadlines and my migraine.  Today I decided to get all of this out before my head exploded.  And I am dealing with more server issues as I write, so please forgive me if my post seems choppy...

Time to get back to work though.  Server to reboot, deadlines to meet, coworkers to annoy...