I have never blogged before. I really never thought about doing this but I need to make major changes in my life. Please understand that I have been saying this almost every year for over 20 years; making the same damn New Year's Resolutions, etc., but now its "do or die". No, not literally; just that I have to either make the changes I think I want or I have to find a way to love myself just the way I am. However, the problem has been that I have never had to be accountable to anyone but myself and I haven't felt the push to do the work necessary to change. So, I ask you, the reading public, to be the people to whom I have to be accountable.
Please, I ask this humbly, if you do decide to post a response that while you are honest, you are also kind. Understand that this is going to be one of the more interesting and difficult "experiments" that I have ever conducted. And since this is completely annonymous, I am going to be truly honest with you, but more importantly, with me.
So, where to begin? I guess I have to start by telling you a bit about myself and the changes I want to make.
About me: I am 40 years old, single, female who is currently about 35 lbs over weight, out of shape, unemployed, over-educated, pack to a pack & a half a day smoker, coming out of a true depression which has lasted eight months, more than $35,000.00 in debt and finally ready to turn this all around.
The changes: Well, since I finally feel like I am coming out of the dark of this depression the very first thing is to find a new career. I also want to get into the best shape of my life, meet Mr. Right, and get out of debt. I want to be a non-smoker.
Seems like a tall order, eh? I guess it is, but like I said - I either have to make the changes or accept myself as I am, and the latter is not an option at this time because, honestly, I don't like myself the way I am. I am not a bad person - in fact, I have a really great group of friends, but none of them are aware that the person they see outside is not the same person on the inside.
Everyone sees an extremely self-confident, intelligent, "with-it" woman. Inside, I am a bit of a mess. I do have to say that the inside has come closer to the outside over the years, but it's time they matched. I truly want to become the extremely self-confident, intelligent, sexy woman people see and know its true.
