I haven't been around in awhile, I miss it here! It sucks not having internet at my mom's place. Right now I am at a resturant with free wi fi, thank goodness for free internet in random places. I've felt like blogging about so many things and haven't had the chance, but now I finally can. Most important thing that is bugging me is school, not being able to chat with my friends online and my mean bad friend, yep I think in that order.
Here is what happened with school. I failed my two really hard classes, flat out F's. Never ever got an F before. I was to scared to look at my grades and then the people who are at my exchange school called me and told me the news, I appreciate it. Then to make it worse they said they were probably going to kick me out and were waiting on one last grade to come in to see. The lady kept talking and I couldn't get one word in on the phone, when I finally just interrupted her and said something like "so if I can't go there anymore I can't make up those grades right?" She said that is probably right. I had explained to them how I was doing badly in these classes weeks ago, that I might fail them and that I was trying. They just said "Oh thats to bad, they do sound hard, keep trying." Whatever, that didn't matter now that the inveitable happened, apparently it's all my fault, so kick me while I'm down and make me keep the bad gpa and F's. Ok I'll admit I gave up quite a bit in the middle of the quarter, but it was because I was trying and still not doing well. Anywayz, I was very upset, mostly that it seemed like I'd just screwed over my entire college transcript and wouldn't be able to fix it. However, my brother talked to her and I don't know how he does it, but he told me she might work with me. Wtf?! Why can't I do that, I'm a little upset that I can't take care of my own crap. So after a few days waiting on my brother to tell me what to say to her, I get his email that is very embarassing to send to her. It pretty much consisted of how I've never been on my own before and how hard it all was for me and that I need counseling, build my self-esteem, all the things I don't want most people to know about me, but I sent it, thinking it wouldn't work anyway. Well it did! She wrote me today and said that I can stay on some conditions and blah blah blah. I'm glad I can stay and that I have a chance to fix this now, but I don't know if I want to. They put all the blame on me and she even said how she was happy I was taking responsiblity for it. Grr! The circumstances I was dealt with were not fair, I've complained about that enough in other blogs, but I don't think it's allll my fault. Anywayz, soon after reading her email I got one from the exchange people at my regular school, and it said they talked to the Dean and he's willing to work with me and let me repeat the classes there. So nice of them! I have not said a word to them with all of this yet, and they took it upon themselves to help me, very nice. I may just do that then, but I don't know, I still have a lot to think about. It's very very nice and I'm happy that I have options to fix this now, I know I'll regret not fixing it.
On to other news my mean bad friend is in my life again. After I got myself to email him a second time, and a rather iffy phone call, a friend of mine helped me figure out a plan for me to catch him. I was going to see my mom anyway and he's an hour out of the way, so my friend just said to say I'll be going through where he lives and to see if he'd like to have some lunch. I called him and he answered, which surprised me cause he never answers, but I asked and he seemed pretty happy about it and then we talked for 40 minutes and it was pretty nice. He made me laugh more and I felt comfortable almost, which is weird, then I said I should go, and he said he'd go on our game more and keep an eye out for me. I had him right where I wanted him, communication and even a normal outing with him. However, the next night he was on our game and said hi. We got to chatting and he started being an ass again. Then he seemed to be fed up with himself and just flat out said that he's being this way because he thinks with his...welll what most guys think with, and that it makes him pissed off if he doesn't get any and if he does he'll find something else to be mad about. He said not to stop by, he knew it was out of my way, even after I denied it, saying I was taking the scenic route, which is what my friend had suggested, play games and what not. I was soo upset. I thought it was all over, even after our happy phone conversation. Then a very good friend of mine, sniff, wanted to see me on the way to my mom's and she was so nice to distract me and take me around where she lives! I feel so happy to have such a nice friend, she knows who she is! It was a very good distraction! Anywayz, after I was with my mom for a few days, in her weird little world that she's made here and no internet, my mind starts thinking the worst and I was so sad. I finally calmed myself down somehow, and noticed for once how stupid I was being and why not just ask him whats going on. Very good thing I don't have the internet then, I would have made a fool out of myself, but I'm so happy I noticed this time and I'm gonna be myself from now on. I emailed him when I had the chance and knew what to say, and he emailed me right back and said he was sorry for being mean he was just trying to be honest (wow!) and that he'd like to be friends, it's just complicated cause of our past. He's totally right and now I am so releaved, but no idea what I should say to him and he wrote me almost a week ago, ahhh!
On to my family. I live in a van down by the river, or thats how I feel right now. Well I've gotten used to where my mom lives, but it was strange when I first got there. It's a trailer for crying out loud! Not used to that. Ok maybe I'm spoiled, but I don't want her to live in a trailer, even if it's a nicer one. It's a trailer park for older people, so it's pretty clean and quiet and most the trailers seem kind of fancy even. What makes it weirder is that its a block from where we used to live, section 8 apartments I think, when my family was pretty poor and my brother had to eat government cheese. The other day I saw a guy walking out of one of the apartments coughing a lot and the smoke smelled kind of strange...hmmm...yeah I bet I know what he was up to. I hardly remember that place, since we moved when i was 4, but still I'd like more for her. She's introduced me to her friends there, they seem really nice actually, I'm glad they were there for her when she first got there. I'm ok with staying there now, but I'll admit I wasn't to fond of it when I first got there. I'm not sure what to think though, she has friends here, she never did where her house is, so maybe she should stay. I don't know though, lots to think about there too. Then yesterday one of our cats is missing. Oh I am so worried, he is such a cute cat, he has a grumpy face and he's poofy. I sure hope my brother and sister in law find him, hopefully I can go help them look soon too. Sigh, everything is so strange lately, this doesn't help. I hope he's ok. My mom kept saying how when we were there last he looked sad, she's kinda right unfortuently. For some reason I just figured he'd be fine though and didn't really say bye to him when I left. Anyway, I'd love to write more, but must get going with no internet.
