• Alyss said on Dec 20, 2007....

  Dearest CW, Blaming yourself for something you had no control over seems like uncalled for punishment to me.
  
  I understand loss and how difficult it can be to come to terms with, especially when it is our health that has been affected but if you can try to be hopeful about the future I am sure that will help in those moments in the shower and the other times that it creeps up and catches you.  But remember it is perfectly alright to be angry about it too. {hugs}
  
  
  
  

• CreativeWoman said on Dec 20, 2007....

  Thank you, Alyss.  It is hard some days.
  
  CW
  

• Mamie said on Dec 20, 2007....

  we may have diabetes, but diabetes does not HAVE us. simple like that. It is way too soon for the grieving part to be over....let yourself rest, dearie and time will heal you body and spirit! mamie

• CreativeWoman said on Dec 20, 2007....

  Mamie,
  I won't let it win.  I promise.
  
  CW
  

• kelly said on Dec 20, 2007....

  I was just thinking I'm glad that's all the disease took away.  I'm happy that you have your foot and your ankle and your leg.  I'm happy you're alive to be thinking even these thoughts.
  
  
  I can understand that pang of regret, but you're punishing yourself for something that crappy mother nature did, not you.  Hindsight is awful in that we think we should have somehow been able to prevent our misfortunes even if there was no way we could have known.
  
  
  You couldn't have known.

• ALIENated said on Dec 21, 2007....

  I think about your situation often. How rotten it must be that you lost a toe
  in such a weird way. I know, it could have been worse. You could have lost
  yadda yadda yadda, but crap. Losing a toe is a big deal. I would hate it, but
  obviously you can do nothing about it. All you can do is make sure you do not
  lose anything else. I do not think you are doing anything any of us would not
  do. I guarantee you I would lament the loss of a body part every single day.
  I am not sure that is something you can get used to, but you just learn to
  live with it. I have heard about people losing a thumb and having it replaced
  by their big toe. My god, how would you make that decision? This may sound
  like a stupid question, but is it possible to get a toe from a donor, like people
  get a heart or liver?
  

• lfbno7 said on Dec 21, 2007....

  A co-worker of mine was missing a part of her finger. She was a very pretty girl, and I don't think it mattered at all to anyone except her that she had this finger problem. Then she bought a prosthetic that replaced the missing part of her finger and she was happy to put it on. I think to everyone else it made no difference at all, but she felt bad about not showing a complete finger. What is it about missing your toe that bothers you the most? Is it the appearance, the sense of imperfection, or something else?

• Me-Myself&I said on Dec 21, 2007....

  ((((hug))))  just checking in....know i care and still am listening!!!

• Racerboy said on Dec 21, 2007....

  CW,
  Don't blame yourself!  There are all sorts of choices we make and some of them aren't pretty, but we learn from them and try to move on.  Try not to let it get you down.  Look at it this way, we might not have met except for the diabetes? 
  I have a friend who lost a couple toes in a motorcycle accident, and he can still run faster than I can.

• CreativeWoman said on Dec 21, 2007....

  kelly,
  Thank you. I know it could have been much worse.  I try to remind myself of that when I'm getting down about it.  I just wonder if I could have done one little thing that might have changed things.
  
  ALIEN,
  I don't know if that could be done or not.  The doctors tell me to be worried about wounds on my feet.  Attaching something would be a surgery which could increase my risk for infection and more trouble.  The high blood sugar feeds the infection and the infection feeds the high blood sugar.  It's hard to fight it.  That's why I lost my toe. At least, that is how I understand it.
  
  Thanks for your kind words.
  
  lfb,
  I can truly understand why it bothered her.    My missing toe bothers me for several reasons.  I can't stand to look at where it was but I have to because I want to make sure no problems develop.  It is extremely tender.  I sort of panic when it starts hurting. I walk slowly.  I get stared at a lot.  I feel less of a person.  I'm seriously flawed now. People constantly ask about it and I hate that it draws attention like that.  I'm really sad that it's gone.  I know it's just a toe, but it's supposed to be there.
  
  MMI,
  Thank you.
  
  Racerboy,
  I remember you telling me about your friend.  Meeting you was a positive thing.  :-)  Thanks for being there for me.
  
  CW
  

• kelly said on Dec 22, 2007....

  My point was not that it could have been much worse.  I actually hate that line of thinking because it fails the empathy test.  My point was simply that I am very glad it wasn't any worse than it was.

• CreativeWoman said on Dec 22, 2007....

  kelly,
  Thank You.  I'm sorry I misunderstood your point.
  
  CW
  

• woman said on May 11, 2008....

  Thank you for writing about your feelings concerning diabetes. That monster has been chasing me for over 30 years and I am always looking over my shoulder to see if I have gained a distance between us or if it is hot on my heels. I hate it. It is something that people can not understand unless they are also engaged in this battle. I wish you well in your struggle. Don't let it win. Don't let it define your life. And laugh. It hates to have us rise above it's power and celebrate the joy in our lives. I laugh often.

• CreativeWoman said on May 11, 2008....

  woman,
  Thank you.  I'm doing my best to defeat it.  Since I wrote this post I've started another blog about my journey with diabetes.  My hope is that it will help others in the same boat.  It is here if you are interested.
  
  CW
  

• CreativeWoman said on May 11, 2008....

  That link doesn't work.  I'll try again.  My diabetic blog is here.
  
  CW
  

• woman said on May 12, 2008....

  CW Thank you for your response. Have a good day and be strong. Perhaps we can inspire each other! Woman

• CreativeWoman said on May 12, 2008....

  woman,
  I hope so.  Diabetes really is a constant fight for a lot people, myself included.
  
  CW
  

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