Well it has happened to me once again. Pickle has ended our relationship. I am, without better words, devastated. I will no longer be able to see her face and hear her giggle. Smell her skin or feel her hair. She was the air that I breathed and now it is gone. I still am in the dark as to exactly why she is gone but it is true. I am not looking for sympathy or anything like that. I just wanted everyone to know why I was not going to be around. I love this place and the people here but my pain is deep and will start to eat at me. I am not going to be a very nice person until I can get past this and that is going to take me a great amount of time. I gave her my entire heart and it is going to take time to find it again, and sometimes I think it might be a better idea to just leave it lost. Ok I am starting to ramble it is time to go. Good bye my Soulcast friends!!
genalonewolf posted on Dec 17, 2007
| views: 531
Comments
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uniquely-ironic said on Dec 17, 2007....
I'm sorry.I hope you find your way back to this place again down the road. -
travelr712 said on Dec 17, 2007....
i hate to see you go gina, and i will say, of all the ways of suffering, doing it alone is the absolute WORST choice! please consider staying where your friends can give you help and encouragement? -
GracefullyGrowing said on Dec 17, 2007....
Take care.~Grace~ -
the_infernal_optimist said on Dec 17, 2007....
((hugs))
I tend to agree with trav, but you have to do what seems right for you at the time. I'm sorry you're hurting, wolfie.
~Infernal
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queenparanoia said on Dec 17, 2007....
why???? i thought everything was okay now... well i hope you find yourself... gena... -
rupert7 said on Dec 17, 2007....
nothing is so broke it can't be fixed,hope all ends well for you! -
skald said on Dec 18, 2007....
Sorry Genalonewolf. -
skald said on Dec 18, 2007....
Sorry Genalonewolf. -
Mamie said on Dec 18, 2007....
awwww, rats! Please hang in there with us, you KNOW that talking it out is the best solution! Keep writing if you can! hugs....mamie -
Battycat said on Dec 18, 2007....
So sorry. {{HUG}} -
crybabylu said on Dec 18, 2007....
I truly hate to see you go. Only you know what is right for you, but if you change your mind...we will be here ready to welcome you back with open arms and open hearts............dee -
fearing said on Dec 18, 2007....
As long as it is only temporary. You can't go for good - we like you too much Gen. Be well. -
CreativeWoman said on Dec 18, 2007....
I'm so sorry. I hope you'll reconsider and stay. Your friends here will listen because they care. My best to you.
CW
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PassionTraveler said on Dec 18, 2007....
Genalone, I came to SC after the loss of Steven. It was therapy for me. I think it would have been much harder for me without SC and everyone here. But I do know that it took time to heal before I could start writing about my pain, Ironically.
At first, I sat down to write so many times and just couldn't. The pain was too great. It took a full three months after he died before I wrote the first word about it. But eventually, I did. I found SC and I bared my soul. It was the best therapy for me.
So take the time you need. We'll understand, and when you are ready, we'll welcome your posts, grief-stricken, pained, and sad, until you reach a point where it's not so bad any more and we'll cheer you on, and lift you up and take you into our warm, comforting bosom as long as you need us.
PT
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genalonewolf said on Dec 19, 2007....
I can't eat and I rarely sleep anymore. All I can do is think of her. I am a total mess. I can't do anything right anymore and sometimes I wonder why I even try. I have fought my entire life to find love and keep it and it seems that I am not destined to have it. Maybe that is the despare talking I don't know. Everything is a blur past my nose. I have to cry myself to sleep just to get any. I can't live this way it is going to kill me. -
Zayda said on Dec 19, 2007....
Gena--I so very sorry to hear that your heart hurts so. I know what that feels like. I've been there before. Remember my post "Let Me Go Easy"? And I am here to tell you that you can live through this.
I know, that right now, it all seems impossible and that you seem to be wading through a blackness that will never end. But it will.
There are people here that love you as a friend. We want you here, sharing your pain and your questions with us.
We are here for your to lean on when it seems you can't stand on your own. We are here to hold out a hand and give you strength. We are here to offer you words of empathy, sympathy, and love.
Grieve in whatever way you need to. Get angry. Rant. Curse. Stomp your feet if you want to.
And by all means cry.
But don't you give up. -
silverwhisper said on Dec 19, 2007....
gen: i got a call from a friend who suggested i take a look at this. and she was right to do so.
there is no pain like the one you're in. there just isn't. anyone who says differently hasn't really been in love. while i don't know why this has happened, i do know that you're left with the pieces.
z is absolutely right that you need to express what you're feeling. please do so. you may need a while and if you didn't, i think i'd be shocked. but she's also right that you shouldn't give up.
i know life feels like so much sand slipping through your fingers as you stand under the noonday sun in the middle of the sahara. but it is also true that this will some day no longer be true.
i know "some day" sounds like an eternity. but it isn't. you will smile again. you will, in what now seems like an eternity away, laugh again.
i know that anything anybody says to you right now is cold comfort. i know you want to be by turns depressed and angry. and i know you're probably feeling slightly embarrassed at the responses you're seeing to this.
well, stop it. right now. b/c we give a damn what happens to you. and we most especially do if you do not. if you disappear off SC, a lot of us are going to wonder what happened. please pop back and us know how you're doing: whether angry, depressed, what have you?
can i tell you something i learned once upon a time? i learned that just about any burden becomes lighter when it's shared with friends. a time like this is absolutely when you should, IMX.
and since z is too modest to link it herself, this is the blog entry to which she referred. you might find it helpful reading.
btw: you have a PM.
ed -
wombat said on Dec 19, 2007....
I don't know you too well at all, but have read some of your posts and now this one. I just wanted to say that I hope you will stay with SC and let all your friends here be there for you. I will be thinking of you, also, and hope you will find some answers and some peace with the pain you are going through. I know it is hard--have been there myself at times, but it has seemed that no matter how bad things were at the time, things always had a way of working out one way or another. I am sure it will for you too, in time. In the meantime (what an appropriate word!) I hope you will keep in touch with the people here who care about you and want to see you through this rough period.{{{{hugs}}}}wombat -
rupert7 said on Dec 19, 2007....
wolfie......I guess everything sounds like inane platitudes,pointless drivel at the moment, yes? And it probably will for some time to come! Ya know, when I was in my early thirties I had the most important person to me EVER die. I am pushing 60 now,did i get over that?...no. I think about her every day BUT it is possible to move on. I have also been through a divorce,did i get over that? Yep! I am married again,I will never stop missing my soul mate,never stop thinking about her,nothing will ever be the same again. But I have adjusted and moved on....kind of. Does time heal all wounds...maybe but always a scar remains. Pain will come welling back into the soul,thats a fact but we can deal with it,we ..you can! Get over it? some can. Deal with it?....we all can! I don't know what happened in your relationship, a little time may fix it. In the meantime please accept all the perceived "pointless drivel" you are bound to receive in the spirit it is rendered and hang in there wolfie!! -
Mamie said on Dec 19, 2007....
hey gena...I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time. Trust me when I tell you that it does get better...hang in there. Let the pain come..out! mamie -
genalonewolf said on Dec 19, 2007....
My pain is not something that I can really put into words. I just know that the effects of that pain tends to deminish my mood and effect my @&*$%@# spelling. I am not embarrased by any of these comments at all. In fact they turned three Miserable days and nights into a tolerable day and I must admit that after reading all the pm's i smiled. I don't think that I would still be here at all if it were'nt for all these comments.
Thank all of you and I will be posting later when I can see clearer through my tears.
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botoni said on Dec 19, 2007....
Gena! My friend, I m so sad that this has happened to you. I know how real the pain is. I ve been there and felt it. The time when the tears well up no matter where you are or who you re with is horrible. The ability to even think about anything else is wiped away. Concentrating on anything is maddeningly impossible. I can only say what others have so wiesely already said. Hang in, you will heal, you will find life and happiness again even though it is impossible to believe right now. Hold on by your fingernails till you get your breath and come up for air. We care! -
fearing said on Dec 19, 2007....
Keep you chin up sweety and hang in there. We are here for you!
Cry till you can't cry any more and then sleep. When you are done with that - a gallon of some sinfully delicious ice cream will be good medicine.
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crybabylu said on Dec 23, 2007....
It's been four days since you posted this. How are you now?